Wonderland

a movie script ending

2011-12-30T14:38:00.001+07:00

The great 2011 is almost over, so let's take a walk back to see what I've gone through this year.

1. Office trips
This includes Luwuk-Central Sulawesi, remote areas in Kalimantan, Palangkaraya, Makassar. Perks: seeing the rain from up in the air, getting to know Mr. Ignas Kleden.

2. Bali vacation with Nandia, Ovi, Dini, Yos
Sunrise with dolphins, swimming in underwears, beautiful beaches, the usual fun in the sun.

3. Quitting my job as researcher/consultant/slave for a writing job in HighEnd magazine. Yes, that's the name. Seriously.

4. High school reunion

5. PedNgun's wedding
Planning the hen night, looking for the gifts, sticking around through the festivity and happy tears. Best wedding of the year. True story.

6. Quick trip with Mr. Pirate
After I quit my job and just before I started the new job, I and Gem were off to Bandung for a night, and then continued to Ciwidey for another night. We went to see the Kawah Putih and... that's it. Not much to see, but still a great getaway.

7. Gigs (not in chronological order)
This year's list is interestingly varied. I watched the hipster's poster boys: Whitest Boy Alive and MGMT at Bengkel Night Park, and Tahiti 80 in Bandung. I watched classic stuff like Masataka Goto's piano recital and Twilite Youth Orchestra. I watched bands that I actually listen to like Incubus and Naif. I even watched the best of hasbeens from the 90s: Kenny G and Richard Marx.

Best gig? Naif, hands down.

8. My birthday
Which was on the best--but overshared--date of the year: 11.11.11. Two days prior, I flew to Thailand for work. Well, that is if you can call driving around Chiang Rai in all-new Ford Ranger work. Lucky me, I was in Thailand during the Loi Krathong week. The night before the 11th, I was at this outdoor dinner hosted by the Ford people. And I could see floating lanterns all over, it looked like moving stars. At one point, two other journalists and I sneaked out from the dinner party and tried to find the spot from which most lanterns came. We did. Downtown Chiang Rai, instant amusement park, stalls which sold everything from weird snacks to tacky clothing to fish to be released in the river, and people. People playing with sparklers, people lighting fireworks, people floating lanterns, people floating Loi Krathong flowery rafts, people! It was fun! For a moment, I was feeling a bit blue, because everyone I love was miles away. But hey, if you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with. So I told the two others that I was about to turn 27, and they--in a way--cheered and asked me to float a lantern with them. Took the infamous tuktuk back to the hotel. All's good.

During breakfast the next morning, I was chatting with few other journalists when the restaurant guys suddenly showed up bringing a slice of cake, singing happy birthday. People stood up and joined the fanfare. Birthday surprise from strangers. Aw fest!

Still on the 11th, we left Chiang Rai and Bangkok to head back to Jakarta. Gema picked me up at the airport, and we went home to my family who were planning a surprise party (but failed, but still funny), and had late dinner.

All in all it was good. What's even better is, for dear boyfriend, my birthday lasted all the way until Christmas. So I still received wishes, birthday kisses, and gifts even after the 11th. Tee-hee.

9. Bits and pieces
There were also random trivial 1st times, such as riding on the back of a Harley, going to Ayer island, trying out the banana boat, meeting Joe Jackson (as in the father of the late Michael Jackson), picnicking at Taman Mini, interviewing four ambassadors (and counting, I hope), aaaand... Did I leave anything out?

See you in 2012!

obsessions in my head don't connect with my intellect

2011-10-20T17:45:00.000+07:00

This may seem far-fetched, but humor me. Fangirl alter ego is back.

So it was only a couple days ago I suddenly missed playing with a film camera. But I don't have a non-toy film camera. That was when I decided to browse around for the real thing. No I don't plan to buy one anytime soon, I can't afford it, but I can dream. And my dream is Leica M7.

Today, I stumbled upon an old interview of Coldplay's Guy Berryman. Here's the excerpt:

What sort of camera do you use?
A Leica M7. It's a film camera.

Old school!
Absolutely. You can't beat it.

Do you wait until you get home to process the films?
Yeah, I generally shoot all the way through the tour, then when we get back I'll drop all the films at the lab.

Must be quite exciting when you pick up a batch.
It is! It's like Christmas morning.

Why have you stuck with film and not moved over to digital?
Just because I believe that with digital photography you take too many shit pictures that you put no thought or effort into taking. Plus, everyone takes pictures on digital these days, so it's hard to take pictures which stand out as being different.

Am I crazy to think that we're totally made for each other? I mean, come on! I'm speechless, I just want to say "+1,000,000!"

Here's a bit more of the interview:

Will you have time for a look around?
Well, we're leaving at 2 o'clock tomorrow afternoon to go to Vienna, so I'm going to have the morning to hit some antique shops and some book shops and pick up as much clutter as I possibly can.

Is that your standard plan when you're on tour?
It is. I bought a gramophone in Prague earlier today, as well as some photograph books by some Czech photographers. I like to try and find things that you can't get in England.

Gramophone, antique shops, film camera, books. He likes rustic things! That's.. That's just... *passes out*

On another note, will I ever have US$ 4,995 to buy that Leica?

she was tired of sleeping

2011-10-20T13:37:00.000+07:00

I think Fight Club (the movie) is brilliant, and yes I recently bought Invisible Monsters, but I never really read a Palahniuk before. However, thanks to Twitter and its quote-happy inhabitants, I found a good quote from Palahniuk's Haunted:

“What matters,” Sister Vigilante says, “is, people need a monster they can believe in.”
A true and horrible enemy. A demon to define themselves against. Otherwise, it’s just us versus us.

So it is okay to have demons in my head. Because otherwise, I'd just be battling myself :)

a maze of thousand rainy days

2011-10-04T17:05:00.000+07:00

My best friend, the Topan to my Lesus, the Beavis to my Butthead, the Disco Superfly to my Disco Lemonade, Pedhe, is getting married. As the Mate of Honor, I believe I have done most of my tasks. Choosing the brocade color, check. Designing the invitation, check (with the help of Sindro and Hilman). Hen night, in progress. And other tiny details, in progress. Playing a pre-marital shrink for the Bridezilla, CHECK like you've never checked before :D

Anyway. I have to give a standing ovation for her. Being her friend for the last ten years, I know her like the back of my hand. Just like me, she wants many things and she usually gets it. But she's not kicking and screaming to get it, she works for it. I admire her toughness and perseverance. And with the whole wedding brouhaha thing (or Wouhaha, as I like to call it), I also see how persistent she can be, standing up for her principles. Just like most girls, she has her dream wedding sketched up already, and she's breaking bones to achieve it. Standing applause, everyone.

Now let's move on to me. Do I have a dream wedding sketched up already? Hazily. The dream changes from year to year. From the most unrealistic ones (disposable cameras for guests, and butterflies-releasing ceremony), to the slightly realistic ones (in a building, with hundreds of people you don't know). I said 'slightly' because although it's the default template for most people in Jakarta, I don't know if I will ever be able to afford it. Mahal ya bok, nikah. I'd rather save the money for after the wedding.

But beyond it all, I do want to go home everyday to someone who feels like a missing puzzle piece, I do want to grow old together but stay young inside forever, I want to be Carl and Ellie, I want millions of fights and double for the make-up make-out sessions, I do not want what my mom and my dad had.

So where am I right now? I'm in the phase where I'm working to earn and save to get what I want. Maybe I'm not working hard enough, but hey, those few pennies will get the piggy-bank-for-dreams project started. I believe the significant other is in the same, but harder, phase, since he has to juggle more things. And yeah.

Now, above all the things I want, I hope our busy-ness will not wear us out. I hope neither of us will get so caught up in the battle that we forget what the war is for.

And in time, I will probably go "what the--" on this melodramatic post, and probably blame the "that time of the month". But hey, it's a post. It's a tad better than nothing.

Toodles pretty people,
-R

2011-08-25T10:41:00.000+07:00

I've heard about work places banning its browsers from opening certain websites before. But I never had that problem in the past, because I worked for a spy agent (public affair consultant, same difference), and I had to be able to access every dark corner there was in the internet.

Now, I work for a magazine, where we need to be on top of the latest everything. But it's here in this office that I experience websites banning. And not just Facebook, Twitter, or the likes, but also travel websites, and other informative sites that I actually need for my articles.

Of course thanks to a dear friend of mine, I know that all I have to do is add 's' to the 'http' and all is well. But it's still nerve-racking! Don't they know that even with the whole internet banned, we can still find many ways to magabut?

Okay. End rant. Thank you.

2011-08-10T16:38:00.000+07:00

Ow shoot, I skipped July.

So what is up is that I have a new job now. I am now a writer (some debate that I'm a Senior Writer--which feels weird considering I've only been here for a month or so) for a high-end magazine in Jakarta. The name of the magazine? Hint: I've mentioned it already.

So far, it's been nice. Meaning, it's waaaaay more laid back than my previous gig as a spy. The money is slightly below my previous salary, but it's relatively big for this kind of job. Perks? Free meals at fancy restaurants for the culinary-related articles, free passes to see a piano recital, a youth orchestra, and best of all, Incubus :D

What I like most about this new job is probably the fact that I get to write again. Even better, in English! English! No more dreadful, obligatory teenage lingo in Bahasa such as "gokil, sob" like what I had to write weekly on my first job. It's a monthly magazine, so deadlines are a bit friendly here.

When I get the hang of the job, I think I'll do some side jobs like translation works, or freelance writing. You know where I can get one of those?

...My God, this post is boring. And I don't know why I bore you with this.

I'll be back. Consider this an obligatory post after I missed July.

that movie kiss

2011-06-13T16:13:00.000+07:00

Today, I rediscovered Her Space Holiday's song, Tech Romance. Sindro introduced me to the song back in college days. While it is a sad song, and my sad days are over, the second part of the song is actually sweet (if you cut it short on all the right places). Here goes.

"You can show up at my house
Completely unannounced
We'll have that movie kiss we talked about
Where there are no words
Just a soft and gentle score
Our ears will ring from all the strings

We'll let the screen go black
And watch the credits run
And see the names of everyone
Who we ever met
And who we ever missed
Each one had a role in this"

And here is the complete (and sad) version of the song:

i'm sure you've been misled before, how ones you trusted slammed the door

2011-06-13T15:05:00.000+07:00

There was once a little girl who didn't know what a father was. Because she spent her early days learning about her mother, her sister, her grandmother, her grandfather, her uncles, her aunties, but she didn't know what a father was.

Then she grew a bit older, and she learned what a father was when hers visited her. She kind of liked this man that was her father. He was nice, he showered her with love and affection, and he taught her a thing or two about life--such as, how to clip her nails clean, how she should appreciate her napping time because when she got older she wouldn't get much napping time... And how family meetings were unimportant, it's not about the quantity, it's the quality. A father was a blast, for the whole 3-4 hours a month when she was with him.

Then the girl grew into twice as big and twice as old as she was before. 3-4 hours a month was now 3-4 hours in six months or so. She learned why the father didn't come into her life on time. She learned that he should have been on time. She learned that not all fathers were heroes to look up to like what she had learned from movies.

Now the girl was a little bit more mature. She was ready to let go of her selfish resentment over the father. Because these days, she had to learn that people changed--for the better, she had hoped. That the father had his second chance with another family. That all she could do was wish that the father would do better this time around. But then she learned that the father hadn't exactly changed. It was a little mistake, not as big as the one in the past, but it broke her heart. Because she discovered that her father still couldn't be the one to look up to.

Now all the girl can do is hope that she can love someone that loves her as much, that hearts won't get broken, and that trusts won't be taken for granted. Now she goes around loathing any kind of infidelity. She can't see why anyone would do something that can hurt the loved ones. So, if you have a straying heart and you see this girl, don't blame her if she has no respect for you.

get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute

2011-06-09T15:05:00.001+07:00

So this is the story that I said I'd save for another time on my last post.

I'm quitting my job. I've submitted my resignation letter last week. I've signed the working contract at the new place, also last week. I'm not going to write the details here. Instead, I'm going to list things that I will actually miss from my current office:

1. Free, home-cooked lunch
Although the menu starts to repeat itself after few days and it can get really boring, free lunch is actually helpful when I'm short on dough.

2. Wednesday morning aerobic
Let's face it, without a trainer to whip me off my ass and make me exercise, I'm an invertebrate. And I can't afford a personal trainer. So yes, I will miss the Wednesday morning aerobic and yoga. I surely will miss my so-called deep pink yoga mat, which is actually pieces of foam puzzle mat put into one.

3. Working with Pak Ignas
He's this laid back VIP who--surprisingly for me--is very nice to work with.

4. Nap time during office hours
So this isn't exactly recommended, but it isn't frowned upon in my office, as long as I can manage to wake up and pretend to type and be busy in a snap when I hear my boss's footsteps.

Aaaand... that's about it. I guess.

and amidst all the to and fro, someone can say hello, here we go

2011-05-31T16:34:00.001+07:00

So last week I had a trip back to Luwuk again, but this time I stopped by Makassar before heading back to Jakarta. This is my first time in Makassar, and I think it was pleasant. On some spots, it felt like Jakarta. And God knows I can live anywhere that feels like Jakarta :D I need lights, noises, and crowds. I stayed at the Pantai Gapura Hotel, which I think was nice, but Laila thinks it's Putri Duyung Cottage circa 80s (which is kinda true, too). Ate a whole Kerapu by myself at this place called Kayangan, and it was good. Ate grilled Konro at this place called Karebosi and was disappointed. Took a walk around Fort Rotterdam, and you know how I have soft spots for old buildings--and this one is well-taken care of.

Another thing that was new on the trip was this time I had to accompany Mr. Ignas Kleden. I used to think that he was just a colleague of my boss, but then again I'm ignorant like that. Turns out, he's pretty much a big deal. I thought he'd be this old stuck-up academician, but he was far from it. He was laid back, undoubtedly smart and open-minded, and funny. He reads poems, he speaks Latin and Germany, he plays church organ, and he had his fair share of seeing the world! Sounds like I'm having a crush, huh? Well I am, I want to be his daughter!

With Pak Ignas Kleden in front of Fort Rotterdam

I should've had around 6 more trips with Mr. Kleden, but it turns out, looks like I only have room for one more. Maybe working with him will be one of the few things I'm gonna miss from my job. ...Gasp, right? But that's another story for another time.

Another highlight from my trip with Mr. Kleden was he introduced me to the wonderful world of poetry by Rabindranath Tagore (I know, I know, where have I been. Please don't be a snob and yawn). So to wrap up my brief post, I'm going to quote several lines that have already become my favorite from Mr. Tagore,

"It is a game of giving and withholding, revealing and screening again; some smiles and some little shyness, and some sweet useless struggles.

This love between you and me is simple as a song."

if you're fond of sand dunes and salty air

2011-05-02T23:51:00.000+07:00

You know what good life is? For me, this is the good life:

I was supposed to do my work this time around. But. The internet contains too many distractions! Then I remember about the heaven where there was no internet, and no work. Just endless blue skies and blue ocean.

Dear God, can I call dibs on the good life, blue skies and blue ocean?

This is not drunk blogging. This is depressed blogging.

you're going to reap just what you sow

2011-05-02T15:18:00.000+07:00

I've done this before, and I'm going to do it again. This post is a rant-fest, so if you're not into the whole preachy biyotch thing, just skip this. This actually doesn't concern me, it's about someone I know. But I still have to let this out. Since I can never say this to his/her face, so here it is.

Dear you,
So some girl had come and somewhat ruined your family, do you really have to go out and somewhat ruin someone else's family? And don't ever, ever give me the "what you don't know won't hurt you" crap. Because if you really love someone, you won't ever do things that can hurt him/her, even though he/she will never find out. And I really think, even if the family doesn't know, you're still ruining a family. Do you want to be labeled as a homewrecker, when I know you used to hate (at least) one of those?

Remember, you're going to reap just what you sow. I hope you know better.

we should all be alive! exist all in love, in life!

2011-04-12T16:19:00.000+07:00

Gah. I skipped February. Why is it so hard to blog these days? Okay, here's my obligatory April post.

Island Hopping
Lately I've been hopping from one island to another. It started in late January, when my boss found out that I was no longer weak from any illness and asked me to go to Luwuk with her. Luwuk? I heard you ask. Luwuk is this little coastal town in Central Sulawesi with the clear and calm sea, bright blue skies, and coconut trees here and there.. It was a nice trip, because the job wasn't too time-consuming, and mostly because Luwuk is beautiful! I didn't get around much, but I did go to the traditional market in a village nearby, and it was clean. By clean I mean gak becek--even at the fish & meat section. And there was this guy selling medicinal plants, going non-stop on the microphone "Ya Ibu-Ibu, yang teteknya suka sakit daun blabla ini hanya tinggal direbus dan diusapkan saja ya. Kalau ini untuk yang suaminya burungnya lemes..." I can tell from the housewives surrounding him, that selling medicinal plants was one lucrative business there. Entertaining.

Luwuk, Central Sulawesi

Another highlight of Luwuk was, this restaurant called "Bukit Inspirasi". I know right. But it was a nice restaurant up the hill where you can see the whole town (and sea) from above. I went there for dinner, so I couldn't really see the sea, but I did get a beautiful view of city lights :) The dish? They serve seafood dishes, and they were all delicious, I'm tellin' ya. I guess when you eat seafood in a coastal town, you're bound to get the freshest.

But that was 2 months ago, and I can't be bothered to remember the other details.

Then in early February, my boss took me along on another trip to remote areas in Kalimantan. In order to reach these places, the best way was to go by chopper from Balikpapan. So I flew there, and stayed for a night at Grand Senyiur Hotel. Fancy old hotel. Little did I know that I was heading to shady hotels with tiny bathrooms. The next day, I went on a chopper ride to Muara Tuhup. The ride was fun if it wasn't for the head-wrenching tight earmuffs.

Muara Teweh dock

Tempat orang pacaran dan mas-mas berenang di Puruk Cahu

From Muara Tuhup then off to Muara Teweh on a speedboat along the... Barito (I think) river. I got to see an eagle or two flew by. You can't get this in Jakarta. I stayed for 3 days or so in Teweh and then off again to Puruk Cahu by boat again. No details necessary. Because both towns were nyeh. However, I did get to see the rain from hundreds of meters above the ground. And I think it's cool.

rain from above

Then I went home. All geared up for some a quickie vacay! Yay!

Mid-March, along with Nandia, Ovi, Dini and Yos, I went to Bali. Yesssh. Bali. Some love it, some hate it, some think it's overrated. Me? I think I can always find something nice about Bali. Itinerary included Antonio Blanco museum, Padang Padang beach, Kecak dance in Uluwatu, Dolphins in Lovina, Beratan Lake in Bedugul, Tegal Wangi beach, Rock Bar, and Karma Kandara. Man, it was jam-packed three days, but it was fantastic.

Beratan lake, Bedugul

Quick comments on the places:

- Antonio Blanco: I have a new found respect for the artist, because he was so cheeky on erotic subjects.
- Padang Padang: Beautiful and serene (meaning no big, scary waves). Guess who swam in their underwear for the first time?

Padang Padang

- Kecak dance in Uluwatu: Watching a dance show AND the sun setting in one venue? Priceless.
- Lovina: Dolphins and sunrise. Enough said.

Sunrise at Lovina Beach, waiting for the dolphins

- Rock Bar: Expensive place where the doorman let those who look like power get in first. But yeah, the scenery and ambiance totally made up for it.
- Karma Kandara: Puji Tuhaaaan. They should put this place in the dictionary, under "Beautiful". Karma Kandara is actually the name of the resort (I think), and I don't know what the beach is called. Hm. Anyway. If you don't stay at the resort, you have to pay IDR 250,000 to get an access to the beach. So we did pay. Call me anything you want, it was totally worth it. Pretty. And again, I can't be bothered with the details. Go google it. But please don't go there and bring the trash (literally and figuratively). We don't want another Kuta, do we?

A little view of Karma Kandara

In short, it was a much needed vaycay. I also got to see the gigantic Supermoon setting, right before the sun was about to rise. Noice times three.

Last and least, I recently went to Palu, Central Sulawesi and then to Luwuk again. I don't wanna talk about it. Aside from the views, I ain't feeling the trip. So. Moving on.

3rd Kisseversary
Mr. Pirate and I have been going out for three years! And counting! Yaaay! The ride has been and will be stormy, but it'll be quite an adventure :)

Weddings
Two of my best friends are getting married soon. Well, not soon enough, but soon. Judging from the preparation stories, preparing a wedding is no picnic in the park. Well I think it should be. I've had the talk, several times. And while it's not my time yet, let's just hope that when the time has come, it will be a picnic in the park. With butterflies.

Okay. Turns out I'm too tired from all the Island Hopping section, I can't think of anything else to write. Soooo, until later!

*And Robert Smith sang "until later doesn't always come".

Toodles,
-R.

first they came

2011-03-08T11:09:00.000+07:00

"First they came for the communists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak out for me."

-German Pastor Martin Niemoller, 1946.

cause i'm writing to reach you now but i might never reach you

2011-01-03T22:30:00.000+07:00

One of the significant highlights early this year for me is finding my childhood collection of cutesy stationery. Makes me wonder, does anyone miss the romanticism of postal letters? I also wonder if many postmen had lost their jobs since keeping in touch became so easy.

When I was little, I used to write letters to my cousin--who is practically a stranger these days. Sometime after I graduated from junior high school, I kept in touch with one of my classmates through written letters, sealed, stamped, and delivered by mr. postman himself. And sometime during my college years, I stayed in touch with one of my best friends from junior high through letters that were distributed by her boyfriend--who coincidentally went to the same faculty as me. And who can forget all those greeting cards for Eid Mubarak day.

Don't you miss the personal touch of when you write your own notes beneath the default printed words on those cards? Don't you miss the excitement of seeing the postman handed you envelopes with your name written on them?

I understand that we have to move on with the time. Besides why would anyone waste money on stamps, and wait for 2-3 days for their messages to be delivered? We have emails now. You go online, type, and click send. Voila.

But ask yourself this, do you still write emails? Doubt it. Why write long emails describing about what you've been up to, how you're doing, how's that new job working out for you, etc, when you tweet about it every minute. You eat, tweet about it. You get a raise, tweet about it. You get into a quarrel... Tweet. About. It.

I bet many people don't even text anymore. Why waste Rp 350 out of your phone credit, when you can share mushy, sickening, or even gory details with all of your followers?

And when Eid Mubarak comes, or even your birthday, you can always post one of those tacky pictures of mosque or birthday cake on all/any of your Facebook friends' walls.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame anyone for choosing the easy way out. Just don't lose the warmth of a personal touch, of your signature, of inside jokes... The romanticism.

Me? The last time I wrote a letter was sometime last year, or two years ago to my boyfriend. Yes, I occassionally (rarely, more like it) write my boyfriend letters which I slipped in the book I gave him for birthday, or his hand (and begged him not to read it until he got home). I know right, I'm cheesy like that. And the last time I felt the excitement of receiving something from the postal service was when Ayu sent me a postcard from Thailand about a month ago. So yeah, I'm also writing this post for myself, to remind myself not to turn into an internet bot.

So there you go. A piece of my mind. Anyone interested in writing a letter on a piece of paper that later you will neatly fold, and put in an envelope? Well you can write to me. My address? I'll DM you, or better yet, post it on your wall ;)

It's good to know that you are home for Christmas
It's good to know that you are doing well
It's good to know that you all know I'm hurting
It's good to know I'm feeling not so well
[Travis]

we are the ever-living ghost of what once was

2011-01-03T11:58:00.000+07:00

1st post in 2011.

Yes, it's 2011 already! I wanted to do 2010 year in review, but come to think of it, there isn't actually any highlight of the year. It's been good, yes, but could've been better. I had high hopes for 2010. I started the year with the exhausting but best trip to Yogyakarta. But for the following 12 months I didn't do much traveling. Well, there was that Singapore trip, but you know, I still hold grudges because The Killers canceled out on me.

Speaking of concerts, let's list the gigs I watched in 2010:
1. Kings of Convenience
2. Imogen Heap
3. Belle and Sebastian
4. Kula Shaker and Ian Brown
5. Smashing Pumpkins, Stereophonics, The Wolfmother, and the likes at Java Rockin' Land

The best gig: Stereophonics, with Kula Shaker not far behind.

Let's go back to talking about how the year ended and began again. I spent the new year's eve at this place called Lumbung Padi to watch Gema rocking out some tunes. Turned out, it was somewhat a private get-together, so it was intimate--for him, because it was filled with his friends. Then I got emotional, maybe because I missed people that have been absent from my new year's eves for a while now. Maybe because I desperately wanted to feel so buzzed with the noise, the booze, the air just so I could forget about being emotional. Or maybe, I don't know. For other maybes, you can check Ped's blog--what she wrote is exactly how I felt. So on new year's eve, I was practically a walking, emotional wreck. Gema must have thought I was a nutcase, but well he signed up for it :D

Anyway. So I rocked the early of 2011 by... painting. On canvas. Fancy. This might be another hobby for me, so stick around.

Now I'm back at the office, with the ever-so-slow internet connection. Blah.

1st post in 2011 and I can't even compose it right.

Okay, let's talk about 2011:

Things to look forward to in 2011:
1. Bali trip *amiiiin*
2. Ped's & Bangun's wedding
3. ...er, anyone else wanna get married this year? *winkwinknudgenudge*

Things to do in 2011:
1. Get a better job!
2. Exerciseeee! (Sureeee)

Gah. I'm bored, Imma do something else. But before I go, here's to a lively, exciting, adventurous 2011! *cheers*

waste bin full of paper, clever rhymes, see you later!

2010-12-14T17:33:00.003+07:00

I've spent years of my younger phase thinking that I wanted to be a writer. I like to read, I like to write, and I intend to keep doing both for the rest of my life. There were times when I also wanted to be a journalist, because writing fictions seemed too... naive. Then came a day when I realized that I wasn't cut out to be a journalist, I'm just not that... driven. So I settled on writing fictions, and compilation of pretty words people call poems, but I don't think mine are sophisticated enough to be called as "poems".

Anyway! Back to writing fictions, one day, my friends and I decided to compile our short stories and publish them as a book. We registered for ISBN, we had talks with the distributor, we had our book launching brouhaha... And, now I have an "author profile" on my Goodreads.com page instead of the regular profile. A small gesture of acknowledgment that is kind of a big deal for me.

However, since then, I haven't written much anymore. In fact, I wrote tens of unfinished stories, and only finished about... one. Then Twitter spoiled me rotten. I wrote pieces that I call twitteratures. Literature in 140 characters or less. Big time cheat. These days, I don't even write those anymore, until today. I squeezed my brain out, and only managed to write three twitteratures. Neat.

Okay. So I intended to keep writing, but I'm a little behind on it. What about reading? Well, basically the same thing. I still read books, but less than what I expected. Meanwhile, my friend can finish 20-30ish books in a year (*cough*Ayu*cough*). Another never let a day go by without reading a book (*cough*Nilam*cough).

Then it hit me. I don't deserve the author profile page on Goodreads. Because I don't write anymore. Hell, maybe I don't even deserve a regular profile on Goodreads, because I don't even read anymore.

In the end, it's not that I stop trying altogether. I still read whenever I can, and I still try to write. It just makes me wonder, am I just not cut out for writing in general? Or is it just that I'm not trying enough?

have yourself another dream, tonight, maybe we can start again

2010-11-16T16:05:00.003+07:00

Gone are the days of being a 25 year-old. I don't want to talk about it. Probably because I don't have much to talk about. And I don't want to talk about how I feel like I don't have much to talk about. Or the fact that this is probably the 1st birthday where I had a breakdown because I felt old and lost.

I have to find my way, soon.

Because. Don't you wanna be a hero, at the very least for yourself?

Runi, out.

we dressed the same ways, only our accents change, so have a nice day

2010-10-14T17:17:00.004+07:00

So. Anyone catch the Java Rocking Land 2010 last weekend? Well I did, for the whole three days. But I wasn't a devout visitor though, I just watched what I wanted to watch, and one or two more. And I only stayed for the international bands. Because if it's one of ours, then heck, I can catch that anytime. These are the very few bands that I saw:

1. Smashing Pumpkins
Anti climactic. They performed many new songs, or old songs that were either too rockin' or too dreadfully dragging, and they didn't come out for the encore. And there was supposed to be an encore! Boo, Billy Corgan, I know you're like, a god, but you can't do that to your fans. And you know, why don't you just please the crowd? For a not-yet-hardcore fan like me, the holy trinity of 1979, Perfect and Try Try Try would've been good. I would've asked for the less-known The Boy, Thirty Three, Meladori Magpie or a bit of cover job like Landslide, but that would be too much. And you know, the Pumpkins isn't quite the Pumpkins without Iha and D'arcy. The only things that saved Mr. Corgan were Tonight, Tonight--which was beyond! And well, the fact that he had me at "Time is never time at all".

2. Arkarna
I've seen them live on their heyday and it was super, so I didn't actually want to see them last Saturday, because I don't want to ruin it. But I was waiting for Stereophonics and had nothing to do, so. Ollie the lead man is the only remaining original member of the band. That kinda takes away the charm a bit. Again, I don't know most of the songs, although they did perform Future's Overrated, Eat Me and of course, So Little Time. Ollie pathetically missed few notes. All in all, it was like, wrap it up, wrap it up, boy.

3. Stereophonics!!!
Exclamation marks!!! To be honest, it wasn't the Pumpkins that made me hurry up and buy the tickets, but listening to Dakota while driving one morning made me do so. And boy oh boy, was I right or what? Stereophonics was perfect. No, I'm not exaggerating. They are perfect. Kelly Jones's voice is the talk of the day. That, and the band's overall performance never missed a beat. And they performed 90% of the songs that I expected them to perform. Dude. This might be the best gig I've seen this year.

4. The Wolfmother
If you're young, and you're hip, chances are you have them in your IPod. Well, I'm bordering on ancient, so I never really listened to these guys from down under. But Gema was really psyched on this one, so I stayed a while for these hairy dudes. They're pretty good. You know, rock and rollin. Good performance too, no off-key moment, and the lead vocalist sounded Robert Plant-ish, which was very cool for a young dude like him. But I feel like I would've appreciated them more if I had listened to some of their songs beforehand.

5. Mutemath
I wasn't planning to catch this one--I had never listened to them before--but I did. My comment? Interesting. Their sound was so eclectic. I couldn't get used to them, because one song sounded very different from the next. But that's not a bad thing. At one point, one song (I know none of the titles) sounded like Sting's. At another, it sounded like an edgier Coldplay. What really caught my attention was their performance. It was, festive, if I may say so. The interesting-looking vocalist liked to dance around geekily, and he played the keyboard with his legs flailing up in the air. He sort of cartwheeled over his keyboard, he took a set of drumsticks and start banging on his keyboard, the mic stand, the additional drums. In fact, at some point, there were three people from the band banging three sets of drumsticks on things. Wild.

Aaaand, that's it. That's all I saw. I was planning to see The Vines, but I came so late, they were just wrapping up the last song when I got there. But that's ok. Stereophonics tops my chart this year, even more than Kula Shaker. It just what I needed after starting the year with the good-but-mundane Kings of Convenience and Belle and Sebastian.

Yeahhhhh, Jakarta, let's bring more acts here!

well you can't get what you want, but you can get me

2010-10-05T10:05:00.010+07:00

Let's talk about expensive stuff, shall we? Since I want so many things but my money seems to dissolve in the rain lately, why don't I just post them here. That way I can be reminded to save more money to buy them, and you can be reminded that my birthday is in a month. Just sayin'.

1. The Art of Tim Burton

The book contains artworks of Tim Burton--if you can't tell that already. With personal text contributions from Johnny Depp, Martin Landau, Danny Elfman, Winona Ryder! It costs USD 69.99 for the standard edition, and USD 299.99 for the deluxe edition! Muy expensivo. But one can't put a price on one's holy bible, right?

2. Flash for Diana

It amazes me when people can take pictures without any flash. I can't. What's the point of having the oh-so-fun-and-so-easy-to-carry Mini Diana if I can only use it outdoor, on bright daylight? It's USD 60.58, but I think you can get it for IDR 500,000 here. Same difference, I know.

3. Lomo Spinner 360

This is like, the coolest of the uber cool in toy camera world. This camera takes panoramic picture to a whole new level by enabling you to capture 360 degree view! I don't know if they have it here, but you can always purchase it online for only USD 145.66!

4. Polaroid SX70 Original

I've always wanted an instant polaroid camera. But then they stopped producing the camera and the film altogether. You can still get the secondhand, warranty-less camera here for about IDR 400,000, but it'll be a pain in the ass trying to find the film. However, The Impossible Project decides to reproduce the camera and the film. And I want this one, the SX70, which costs USD 332. The compatible film will cost you USD 10 up to USD 44.

5. The Raveonettes and Flaming Lips live in Singapore

Okay, so I just found out about this from Twitter. The Raveonettes will visit Singapore, Jakarta and Hong Kong. So why did I choose the one in Singapore for this wishlist? Because Jakarta is the only city where The Raveonettes will perform without Flaming Lips. Uncool. Plus, the one in Singapore is on November 11th! My birthday (there goes the 2nd reminder in the post)! It would be so cool to turn 26 while watching The Raveonettes and Flaming Lips.

That's it for now. Looking back, three out of five are camera-related. And none of it is professional stuff. Oh well *shrug*

Happy shopping, fellows!

2010-09-27T08:15:00.004+07:00

Okay, now to the fun, don't-deserve-to-be-in-the-same-post-below, post. My best friend got married yesterday! She's the first of the gang to get hitched. And I wish for no less than infinite happiness for her and the hubby. Because if anyone deserves a great, great, great love, then she's it. So, you might not read this blog, but,

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Rozelle and Yudho, have a superduper fantastic lifelong journey! *cheers*
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so you lost your trust and you never should have

2010-09-27T08:02:00.003+07:00

Warning, readers! I'm going to rant a little, and most likely, it's not what you think it's about, so you might as well just skip this.

You! Sometimes I wonder if it's a mistake to have faith in you. More often than not, your words sound far-fetched for me. But I've always given you the benefit of the doubt. Unlike the words from the song, I never lost my trust when I really should have. But now it's getting tiresome, and I'm really mad at you, but I know I won't be able to say anything to your face--or these days, by phone. So I'm gonna keep quiet.

And questioning myself, is it a dumb mistake to have faith in you?

arrest this girl, her hitler hairdo is making me feel ill

2010-08-16T13:07:00.003+07:00

If I can live under one roof with my Christian sister, and join the merriment of setting up a tiny Christmas tree for my nephew,

If my sister can still participate in the sungkeman part of Ied holiday,

If my once Christian, now Muslim cousins can contribute joy to their aunties' Christmas celebration

If my Christian best friends can wish me a merry Ied, and I can wish them a merry Christmas,

And if we can do all of those with ease and sincerity, then why can't some people? Why am I still reading about Islamic group stopping (even harassing) Christian congregation from holding their Sunday mass? Why am I still hearing rumors about some extreme Christian group that tries to provoke religious conflicts in Jakarta?

Doesn't it make you wonder, how stupid and how crooked can the police, the government and (most of) the people be to let a group of people get beaten up with sticks simply because they tried to pray to their God.

In case you didn't know yet, I am enraged by the news about the congregation of Batak Christian Protestant Church that were allegedly chased out of their Sunday mass. And don't get me started on how Ahmadiyah followers are treated like pariahs. Those followers include children, one of which got bullied and had rocks thrown at him by his friends just because he is an Ahmadiyah follower.

For weeks, or months now, I've been asking myself, what can I do about it. I really don't know, but I really wish I do.

What can you do about it?

let them know you realize that life goes fast

2010-07-07T17:22:00.003+07:00

Have you ever been forgotten? A friend forgot to text and ask you to go on a group get-together, just because he lost count of the people in the group. Or a mom forgot to ask what kind of cookies you wanted, while she already baked walnut cookies--your sister's favorite.

Or on a slightly more serious note, a friend forgot to maintain your friendship that eventually led to friends drifting apart. And you ask yourself, why should you be the one that call first, give hangout invitation first, text first, ask 'how you doing' first. Then somewhere, you finally gave up and drifted apart.

Yes, I think I've been forgotten on a level like the above-mentioned cases. Sometimes it pissed me off, sometimes I just went on a idontreallycare mode and moved on.

But then, last Sunday, I went to see my one and only almost-89-year old grandma. She was checked in to a hospital, because there was a slight problem with her heart--which my mom said was normal considering her age. Aside from muscle pain, she was pretty okay. She talked, and laughed, and reminisced the old days.

But she couldn't tell who I was. And it took her a while to put two and two together. She confused me for my sister, for my sister's child, for my mom's grandchild, before she finally settled with "Prie's daughter". And I don't think she called me by my name that night.

And then I couldn't help but thinking, why didn't I call before, why didn't I visit more often, why didn't I ask how she was doing before. Why wasn't I be the one that maintain the relationship after all? Because if I had kept in touch better, then maybe she would remember me. She would remember me like she remembered her youth, or like the nice times she used to spend hanging out with my late grandma.

At that moment, I just fully appreciated the times when I came over to her house and she would greet me by calling my name and said "most beloved granddaughter" in Dutch. Yep, pardon the cliche but, penyesalan selalu datang belakangan kan? And all I can do now is do this keeping-in-touch thing better than before.

So. The moral of the story is--if there's any--life's too short to drift apart. Maybe it's time you take up on those offers to grab coffee, or a movie, or just to hang out, with your friends, or boytoys, or Dads.

On a note that is probably wrong on some level, I wonder if my gram remembers my younger step sister better than she remembers me...

i'm the goodness in the bad

2010-06-29T10:56:00.004+07:00

This post comes from some random wondering.

I was reminiscing about the good old days, when I realized that I was evil. E. Vil. I didn't say hi if I didn't feel like it. I would snap and scream at my friends, and bite their heads off if I felt like it. I would make sarcastic remarks even when I knew it was uncalled for and it would be harsh enough to hurt some feelings. I did think I was the queen of the world who should be able to get away with everything.

But, then as I get older, I become, well, nicer. Haha, yes, I said that. I do think I'm nicer. But sometimes, just sometimes, when I see a feisty person, can't help but miss the intense cruelty that used to be in me.

Which leads me to this random wondering, if I lose the evil-me... By evil-me, I mean the one that makes fun of people's fashion (or personality) faux pas, that makes racist jokes (even about my own race), that gossips about people, that is so cynical sometimes she wouldn't give anyone any benefit of the doubt.

If I lose it all, would anyone miss it?

i don't know what i can save you from

2010-04-19T13:31:00.006+07:00

Well, hello blog, hello readers (you guys still there, right?). Let's talk about where my moolah went lately.

Well, the 1st one actually didn't cost a thing. But sometime around the end of March, there was the 1st Indonesia Hot Air Balloon Festival in Sentul. I know, right? Dream come true. And in my head were sun-kissed photographic images of balloons, kites, kids running around, picnics, people laying on the green lush grass. Yeah. In reality, there was no green lush grass, no picnics... There were balloons, and the long line of angry and dissatisfied mob. The management was bad, many people couldn't get on the balloons. Can't say I wasn't disappointed for not being able to get close to the balloons. So, sun-kissed images? Poof. The balloons were still pretty though.

No picnic on the green grass

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Next day, there was the King of Convenience concert. Fell in love with them during their previous visit to Indonesia, I decided to break the piggy bank and go. Turned out, KoC weren't alone. The gig was opened by this new local band called the Hollywood Nobody--if I'm not mistaken. Maybe I was just jaded, but yeah, I wasn't impressed. At best, I think they're going to be just another stack of CDs on Aksara's shelves. And the lead vocal's shameless plug of her wardrobe and make-up. Puh-leez. It wasn't the red carpet.

Next there was White Shoes and the Couples Company. One of the bands that we--Indonesians--can be proud of (hello, Minty Fresh Record, that's uber cool). Frankly, I never really listened to their music, but it was entertaining (although my music critic of a boyfriend would beg to differ). But. Entertaining or not, it felt too long and I was getting really antsy waiting for KoC.

Then there was Jens Lekman. An artist that--it seems like--every cool hipster in town has to know. But I never listened to his music before the gig. Yes, it's because I'm that uncool. Mr. Lekman was good, he was quirky and talkative. And he had me (and Nandia, I believe) at doing-the-airplane-gesture.

And finally. KoC. They showed up, still as adorable as when I first saw them in 2006. But, Eirik was sick. And they ended up performing for about 1 hour only. What the. They didn't perform Know How and I was disappointed. There was one cool point of the night though, when Erlend Oye sang WSTCC's Bersandar. Cute.

Mr. Erlend and Mr. Eirik

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Three days after, there was the Imogen Heap concert. To be honest, I never really listened to her either. Yes again, I am that uncool. I was only familiar with Good Night and Go which annoyed me big time, and Hide and Seek (and I couldn't see what the big deal was with that song). Turned out, Imogen Heap was the thing that did not disappoint this year (after The Killers, Alice, Balloons, and KoC). The stage was supercool, the effects, her music, the opening acts. Tsk. I can't believe I never listened to her before.

Blurry Imogen Heap (silently points to Nandia, the photog)

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Fast forward to recently. Last Thursday, to be exact, I went to see the Disney on Ice show! Another thing that did not disappoint! I've always loved Disney on Ice. And this time the theme was Disneyland Adventure. So pretty much I was getting a mini, make-believe simulation of the happiest place on earth. During the opening number I was so happy and excited I wanted to cry. Hahaha. High points were Alice, Pirates of the Carribean and Disney's Haunted Mansion (or was it Haunted House?). I wasn't crazy about The Incredibles and Stitch (from Lilo and Stitch).

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Yeah there you go. My entertainment for lately. I was planning to write some more about me, but even I don't feel like it right now. Soooo. Until next time.

why is a raven like a writing desk?

2010-03-08T13:32:00.004+07:00

After waiting for more than a year, it's finally here. Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. Naturally, I immediately watched it the 1st weekend after it opened. Because of this and that, I watched it twice, two days in a row. First in 3D, and then in the usual 2D.

I'm having mixed feelings on the movie, but I'm so not in the mood to write a decently-composed review. So, I'm gonna do pros and cons.

WARNING: The pro-con list might CONTAIN SPOILERS

Here goes.

Pros
1. The cool visuals, especially in 3D. When Alice first entered the Wonderland, the creatures, the colors, and the fireflies! Beautiful. Of course there's the dependable Burton's haunting swirls on the trees.

2. Burton's version of the characters. Ultra cool make-up (Red Queen, Mad Hatter), and fluorescently cool CGI (Hookah-smoking Caterpillar, Chesire Cat). The Nigella Lawson-inspired White Queen. And Alan Rickman as the Caterpillar! The Chesire Cat is charming too.

3. Mad Hatter. This character needs a special mention. He's the life of every tea party in all of us. Burton's Hatter is also mad, but in a darker, schizo way. People say that there are better days for Johnny Depp, but I actually like him as the Mad Hatter because there's a sad, lonely, Edward Scissorhands quality to it. I definitely like Depp as Hatter better than as Willy Wonka (not crazy about it).

4. No unnecessary romancing. I know the now-grown-up Alice shows a sparkly chemistry with the Hatter in this movie. But I praise the lord so much I sing gospel, for not making the two characters kiss, or show any obvious romancing. Because it would be beyond lame. And I would sue.

Cons
1. The CGI. I did say it's cool. However, I miss the vintage Burton. I want to see the Wonderland done in real life set. I don't care if it looks unreal, it'd still be more original, yet fairytale-esque than CGI. I do admit the magic of CGI is pretty sophisticated, but it's boriiiiing.

2. The plot. So this new Alice movie takes place 13 years after the original Alice. While I appreciate the effort to expand the story, but, come on. Never try to improve on perfection. True, the new one is more understandable and less quirky. But if I want to see something understandable, I'll go watch Shrek. Just like my friend Sisie said, "Why would i wanna watch Alice and felt that i was watching Narnia?"

3. This is Tim Burton we're talking about. Then how come I didn't feel enough haunting quality watching his Alice? The score and the cinematography were too epic, too Hollywood summer movies for me. Especially when Alice was about to slay the Jabberwocky.

4. The scene where Mad Hatter do the futterwacking dance. Totally jump the shark plus nuke the fridge for me. Overdone. The unnecessary effect, trying-to-be-funny music. Earlier in the movie, when the March Hare shows a bit of what futterwacking is all about, I thought it must be cool when Hatter does the jig. Not so.

5. The soundtrack at the end of the movie. Godawful. Come on! We're talking about Alice. And Tim Burton! Haunting, quirky music is needed. Not Avril Lavigne's angsty voice blaring from the speakers.

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So all in all, I feel like Tim Burton is compromising by being more current. For a movie, I'd say Alice in Wonderland is good and entertaining. For an Alice and Tim Burton movie, it's disappointing. Of course that's just me. I better go now, because

"I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!"

2010-02-12T13:50:00.003+07:00

I have always liked the butterflies that constantly flutter around outside my office. They are the prettiest (if not the only) sight for sore eyes here. But my mom always said, "di mana banyak kupu-kupu, di situ banyak ulet."

I have found four so far. And I can only shudder imagining how many there are that my eyes missed.

Here's the little guy that proves that beautiful creatures can come from an icky, wiggly, yellow lumps.

now the sky could be blue, i don't mind, without you it's a waste of time

2010-02-10T12:19:00.007+07:00

So today, I decided to open the shade of the window right in front of my desk, here at my office. I decided to live brighter. Since it's a narrow window, the only thing I see is 40x40 blue skies, a green mush of tree top on the bottom right corner, and a chihuahua-like cloud on the top right corner of the square.

Oh. Wait, the chihuahua is floating to the center. Oh wait, to the left. Yep, the chihuahua is running, because it's being chased by a flea-like cloud! Oh. Now the clouds are gone...

But hey! There's you, on Miss Earheart's plane waving at me. Oh, now there's you! On a hot-air balloon dancing away (or swatting away) with the magpies. And there's the rest of you guys, floating around with umbrellas Miss Poppins-style!

Oh! Now the butterflies are knocking on the window, inviting me to join the fun! I gotta run!

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My name is Runi and yes, I'm one of those cubicle rats who daydream about the world outside. This is the 1st of my 12-step program. Blogging about it.

a moment, a love, a dream aloud, a kiss, a cry, our rights, our wrongs

2010-02-09T10:40:00.003+07:00

A bit late to go over this, but I went to Singapore around 2 weeks ago. I thought I could start the great 2010 by seeing one of my favorite bands playing live right before my eyes, but turned out, The Killers ain't feeling my vibe. They canceled the gig. Sure, the promotor promised refunds and the band promised to reschedule. Yeah sure. Like I can pull plane tickets and hotel out of my ear anytime.

Anyway, since plane tickets had been bought and hotel had been paid for, Pedhe, Bangun and I went anyway. We totally pulled off the cliche epitome of tourists. Do things that I don't think locals want to do. We went up to see the whole town from the Singapore Flyer, went sightseeing on land AND water with the expensive/tacky/cool Duck Tour, and went wild...life, that is, on a Night Safari trip. Shopped a little between this and that. Well, you know, a getaway always feels nice.

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On to lately. New lives are in the horizon for some friends. Some are facing (hopefully good) separations, some are facing (hopefully great) matrimonies. Which brings me to,

One of my dearest, best, besties is getting married! Just like Hector, the first of the gang! Feeling very excited, and well, a bit surreal.

Thanks to her plan, the gang was reunited last Saturday at my place. We spent a few hours catching up. Not too long, because that's what you get when you grow up--a timed friendship. However, it was still endearing. I missed the feeling so much.

Anyway, the rest of us were blasting this friend of mine with questions about wedding and stuff. At some point, Ped and I were giddily browsing through a throng of bridesmaid dresses on the web.

And man, have we grown up or what.

We've traded choosing prom dresses for bridesmaid dresses. Surreal. I feel happy, excited, and a slight pang. Will we ever count points for yellow cars again? Will we ever squeeze ourselves into a little booth and take pictures again--ones that perhaps will last longer than habits. Will we ever count down for the new years and awkwardly hug it out afterward?

But other than that, I've found the fabulous design for my dress. Yayy!

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The nitbits of lately would involve:

- Me, being able to say, "I'm with the band". Seriously. My musically-gifted friends, Ingga, Bangun, Ebonk and Bapet are forming a band. We... well, THEY, have practiced twice so far. Heheh. Me? Ped and I are looking closely for any crack to squeeze ourselves in. I want to sing and keyboarding--but I think the guys ain't feeling my vibe. So for now, I'm the self-proclaimed photographer of the band. Tee-hee.

- I wrote something a while ago, lyrics, if you may. And a dear friend of mine has composed a cool song out of it. I really want to post the song and the name of my friend, but she's shy (yeaaah, right).

- Working on doodles to illustrate a friend's work. Really excited, but very uninspired. I've been browsing through some illustrators' websites these few days for inspiration. But maaan, I feel small. I still have a lot of learning to do! And while I really, really want to spend hours and hours sketching and erasing and crumpling papers til I get it right, I can't afford to do so. Mwew.

- I finally bought a TLR camera I had always wanted. Secondhand, from Sophan. Still haven't got the hang of it, though. But, yeah, again, excited!

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I wrote many "excited" in the post, but somehow I feel bottled up. I better go and open the shade of my window,

Toodles,
-R.

i'll stop the world and melt with you, you've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time

2010-01-04T09:41:00.012+07:00

Time for 2009 year in review!

- Got into a quarrel with someone significant. It was prolly my lowest low of 2009. But then things were patched up, and we're still learning to make it work. It's all about making it work.

- Several Kota Toea trips in 2009. Let's recap. First one was when Ima was in town. Took pictures, rode old bikes, and wasted money on the pretentious Kafe Batavia. Second one was the night tour with Gem, Imel and Achel. Visited old buildings and had some late afternoon tea on the rooftop of Bank Mandiri museum, overlooking the giant-jukebox-like Stasiun Kota. Third one was the bike tour. This one was held during a hot, sunny day, but it was less tiring because we were on bikes. And the last one was the rijstaffel thing. Dinner and watching fireworks from the rooftop. Super nice.

- Concerts of 2009: Jason Mraz at the Java Jazz Festival. Good, but pretty forgettable. And I still can't say that I've found a soft spot for Java Jazz. Then there was Coldplay in Hongkong. This one was one of the highest highs of 2009! Beautiful, beautiful night! Next was Jamiroquai at Sentul...something. Pretty good, but still so-so. Last ones were Mew and Third Eye Blind at the Javarockinland Festival. Mew was mesmerizing. Stephen Jenkins was kinda idiotic, but he had me at "I'm packed and I'm holding" so I was smitten.

- Nilam gave birth to the mischievous-looking Eijaz!

- Organizing a welcome-back, mustache-themed hoopla for Sindro!

- JW Marriott and Ritz Carlton bombings in July. Very uncalled for. One of the lows of 2009. I had to give up my long weekend to work 8 days straight! Juggling journalists, policemen, and one evil boss.

- The Department of Foreign Affairs recruitment. I flunked the 1st test. But Imel passed all tests! Hooray! I'm so going to make her save a spot for me there! Hahaha.

- The Kampung Utan clan tradition of pesta liburan on the 3rd day of lebaran.

- Cooking and baking and concocting a Monas picnic for Gem's birthday. Fun!

- Turning 25. What the...

- Reuni geng komplit. Twice. For 5-45 minutes at people's weddings.

- I need one more reconfirmation, but according to one doctor, I am cured from that... lung-infecting disease. Yay!

- Watched Teater Sastra UI performed Macbeth at Taman Ismail Marzuki. One of the longest 4 hours in my life. Thank god, meeting some people made it worth the while.

- Watched the oriental circus at Margonda! Happy pills in the middle of the week.

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Overall, 2009 was full with ups and downs. I had some highlights but can't help feeling like I haven't done enough. Howeverrrrr. I did have the best closure for 2009 and a good start for 2010.

I spent last week backpacking to this beach in West Java called Ujung Genteng, then off to Jogjakarta. To be honest, I also brought a quite large travel bag aside from my backpack. But still.

There were obstacles, like people cancelling on us and trying to get a permission from mom. But eventually, on Tuesday, Gema and I ditched this tired town and off we went.

We took a bus to Sukabumi from Lebak Bulus, but we got off in Cibadak, because supposedly it was easier to get a bus to Surade. See, Surade is the closest thing you get to civilization around Ujung Genteng. The bus to Surade showed up about an hour after we got to Cibadak. But it was lunch time anyway, so we knew what to do to kill time. The bus to Surade was AC-less, and jampacked. We had to sit on a cushion, on the floor. Yep. Just cushion. On the floor. For four hours. Fortunately, I still had some energy and excitement to get me through the ride. The rollercoaster-like ride, if I might add.

When we got to Surade, it was already late in the afternoon, and the minibus to Ujung Genteng was nowhere to be found. Soooo, ojek was our chariot to get to Ujung Genteng. I never thought I'd say this, but turned out, traveling more or less 20 km on a motorcycle with the wind and subtle drizzle on your face, with no dust and no exhaust from metro minis, plus the promise of a beach not far ahead, felt really liberating.

We finally got to the hotel, Pondok Hexa, and checked in to the cheapest room we could get. It was Rp 200,000/night, peak season. To tell you the truth, it was crappy. No blankets, there was only one light in the room--which was dimmer than a candle, I think, no trash can, and the bathroom was... meh. But I had expected the worst and I was pretty gutsy then, so it was the Bahamas Hilton for me.

A little tip, don't eat at the hotel's restaurant. We spent Rp 60,000 on too-sweet fried rice, fried noodle and very weird-tasting calamari dish. From that moment on, we chose to eat at some warung across the street from the hotel. It cost us Rp 13,000-22,000 for tasty homecooked meals.

There were many offers from the local guides-slash-tukang ojek to go to the near tourist spots. But since we were on a budget, and there was no ATM around, we had to carefully picked our destinations.

Confused from figuring out how to spend our money, we took a walk on the beach. And man, a very long walk it was! The beach was very serene and the water was very clean. You can see small fish swimming below the surface! Prettyyy.

Later that day, after my constant nagging, Gem and I almost agreed to watch a turtle laying an egg that night. You see there was a turtle park not far from my hotel. But then, our plan changed when we learned that aside from watching turtles laying eggs, we could also release turtle babies to the ocean that afternoon. So we opted for the latter.

And maaan, are turtle babies cute or what. I've grown attached to my turtle baby during the 3 minutes I held it--and the name is Kuri, by the way.

The next day, already we should pack up to hit the road once more. But first we made a quick stop at the Cikaso waterfalls. That was my 1st time seeing actual waterfalls, so I was totally in awe. It was like a vast wonder! Now waterfalls enthusiasts kinda make sense for me.

To get to the waterfalls, we needed to take a 5-min boat ride through this wide river with nothing but trees and highlands around it. Again, serene and very relaxing. And there were butterflies! They practically fluttering around everywhere. Very, very nice.

Afterwards, it was back on the road again. Motorbikes, busses... Sucky schedules and timing, sucky busses and ugly traffic made us go to Bogor-Jakarta-Magelang, and everything in between before we finally reached Jogjakarta the next day. My uncle and his family were there, so they took us in their hotel rooms. Yay, free accommodation!

However, our time in Jogja was very limited. So we had dinner at this warung oseng-oseng mercon (good food on a budget). And afterwards, we went sightseeing around on a becak and finally settled on the Vredenberg fortress. Too bad it was closed already. Luckily, there was this Jogja Biannale thing. So we got to see some art installation here and there. There were also street shows! God, I love the atmosphere.

On the last day, we only had time to go to this silver shop with the nicest shopkeepers. And. Thanks to Gema's Jogja-based friends, Ahmad and his girlfriend, we got to see the Prambanan temple! Beautiful and again, a real wonder. Seeing the temples, thinking about the myth behind it and imagining its haydays were magical.

Anyways. Time to go home. This time, we booked a travel minibus, thinking the driver would deliver us back to my home. Not so. There were a problem with the car, and we had to take more bus rides.

What I conclude from the holiday is, after 5 days--including more or less 36 hours on the road, 7 bus rides, 2 distant ojek rides, and 2 minibus rides, my mood was still much, much better than after my daily 45-min comfortable car ride home from the office. Go figure.

As for the last minutes of 2009, I spent it on a bus to Jogja, half asleep.

*20 minutes to midnight*
Me: Is it new year yet?
Gem: In 20 minutes.
*Back to sleep*

*10 minutes to midnight*
Me: Is it new year yet?
Gem: In 10 minutes.
*Back to sleep*

Finally,
Me, awake once more: Is it new year yet?
Gem, looked at the time: It's 12.10, happy new year.
Me: Happy new year.
*And we went back to sleep*

...

But still. Couldn't be happier =)

Here's to the fabulous 2010 to come! *cheers*

maybe this mattress will spin on its axis and find me on yours

2009-12-04T15:47:00.003+07:00

New blog template! Mwew!

Look forward to a change of the picture and wallpaper.

On to my life. The kinds of entertainment I've had lately:

- Macbeth at Taman Ismail Marzuki. Should I be honest or be nice? Can't do both. Let's just say, the highlight was meeting some friends and old faces from college days.

- Twilight saga marathon. It's so bad it's funny.

- 100 Kata book launching. Won myself two 100 Kata mugs. Yay!

- And... Circus! I watched the Oriental Circus in Depok last night! And while it wasn't some fancy schmancy cirque du soleil, it was the best happy pill ever! I was really amused by the animals and acrobats and things. Will post pictures if they come out right.

Mkay, I really can't compose a decent writing right now. So,

See you later! Smooches.

both under influence, we had divine scent

2009-11-19T09:32:00.003+07:00

Good morning.

I'm 25 now. Well, I have been so for a week now. 25 doesn't have a fun ring to it, does it? Like this is it, *put on scary voice* Welcome to the crappy world of money management hassles, of early bedtime, of stiff bones and muscles, of secretly envying the 19-21 years old.

But at least, it's not 40.

No hoopla this year. Kinda short on cash. But I had a nice joint-celebration dinner with Imel (and her good news to celebrate), Nandia and Nilam. And Eijaz plus Mbak Bar too. Seriously, you can never have too much of girl-talk moments. It's therapeutic. Let's have more of those, girls.

Another highlight of turning 25 is, Gem's gift. He gave me an old fairytale book! Printed in 1985. Just when I discovered my infatuation for old children books. Speaking of which, I found the Me Too Iguana book out of the Sweet Pickles Series at the book fair a few weeks ago. Treasure alert. I used to read the book when I was in elementary school. And you know me, and nostalgic feeling.

-----

Aaand. Feeling a little bummed, full of expectation and kinda anxious. To make story short, I thought yesterday would be the last time I visited the hospital to have my neck groped. Not so. Took the USG thingy this morning. And... let's just wait for the result. Everybody, please do pray =S I'm tired of going to that cold, sterile-yet-virus-prone place.

-----

Aand... Speechless. Anybody up for some poems? Or some sort?

A shorty:

dancing on a trampoline
magpies have got to fold
substituting caffeine
stories waiting to be told

And something that I co-wrote with the talented Ms. Sindro:

kerlip

adalah pendar tutur lagumu
yang kuikuti diam-diam
seperti kepik merah totol hitam
berhinggapan dari bunga melati
kuning labu dan matahari

adalah pendar tutur dongengmu
yang kukagumi diam-diam
seperti kunang-kunang kemerlip
mengedip genit memberi asa
pada malam berdegup resah

lihat, berkilauan air danau
tersiram bulan waktu malam
menari-nari gemintangan
mengikuti lagumu yang terdengar
jauh, jauh sampai hatiku berdebar

adalah itu dan semuanya
menggelembungi kau dan aku
terduduk manis terlibat embun pagi
kembali menanti kepik merah totol hitam
berhinggapan pada bunga melati

Enjoy! And remember, make today good. Make today legendary. Or like Barney from How I Met Your Mother always says, make today legend--wait for it--DARY!

Toodles,
-R.

you can plan a pretty picnic but you can't predict the weather

2009-10-29T16:08:00.004+07:00

Okay, guilty as charged. I've been abandoning the blog. But it's only because I find it difficult to compose words these days. Wonder why.

Anyway. Quick recap.

Department of Foreign Affairs admission test? Flunked it.

In between then and now there was Lebaran, and the oh-so-short holiday my office gave me. But it was still fun. Spending QT with my family, my cousins staying over, my outta-town-for-college cousins coming home... And one would think that my family couldn't get any less traditional on Lebaran in the past. Well, this year we kinda outdid ourselves.

No visit to any relative. No visit to predecessors' graves. I did visit the mall, though. Let's see, 1st day, shopped for jeans and had a Ben and Jerry's galore at Grand Indonesia. 2nd day, shopped for foods and drinks, then went to Grand Indonesia again to tag along with Om Ato, Tante Rika and their Von-Trapp-like kids on their anniversary at Duck King, and had drinks at the pricey and pretentious place that had the prettiest view of Bunderan HI, Social House. Told you, the only thing that was somehow traditional was the lontong. And gulai.

3rd day, after two years, my cousins and I threw our (supposedly) routine Pesta Liburan, which basically is a garden party with snacks and drinks concocted by yours truly and two others, served in the festively-decorated gazebo. Fun!

-----

Then there was Rijstaffel--one of the many events of Jakarta's old city. Where we sat and dined in a way the Dutch used to do it... when they were taking over our country. Anyway. It was still fun, but a bit too crowded. The quickie highlight might have been watching the fireworks from Museum Bank Mandiri rooftop. Niceee.

-----

Next, there was me. Cooking. Hahah. Gema's birthday was last week. And not having any idea for gifts and any time to buy it, I cooked. Well, maybe not cook. I concoct things. But I did managed to make Sindro's picnic roll, Nigella's baked macaroni, Nigella's altered marinated chicken and cheese cake. And then I made a kind-of-suprise picnic at the Monas park. Tee hee.

It was a little nerve-racking that day, because it was raining continuously from early in the morning. However, the rain stopped, just few minutes before we got to Monas. Good thing is, it made the air cool. And I never knew Monas park could be that serene. All in all it was nice.

-----

Been trying to write some more. Even if it's as short as a single tweet. I have a plan--a dream, depends on how soon it will be realized--with Sindro to do compilation of poems. Or some sort. Amen.

-----

Just got back from a pempek break. Now I'm super full and can't think. I guess that's it for now. A little reminder, my birthday is in 13 days. Time to go gift-shopping, people!

Toodles,
-R.

...when i'm with you i feel like i could die and that would be alright

2009-08-10T09:51:00.005+07:00

Boo hoo. My Twitter is suspended (I hope temporarily). And I had been so hooked up on it, I've been like this --> =| ever since. So, since I can't write several irrelevant sentences in several tweets, back to blogger.com it is.

I just had a supernice weekend. It started on Saturday, the day of Sindro's welcome hoopla. I started the day quite early--though I still arrived late, by picking Sindro's up and meeting Bhumi for the first time. Bhumi is a real-life flubber. Aaa aum! I have the urge to take a bite out of those cheeks.

Anyway. Sind and I went to the campus to meet Imel, Nandia, Nissa, Sophan and Yasmin. We had a picnic at one of the mozaic spots near the lake. Not so much a picnic as it was a sit-around-drinking-boxed/bottled-drinks.

After a while, we headed to Loca! for the hoopla. The guests turned out to be less than I expected, but that's okay (is it, Sind?). By the by, boo you who did not come (Ayu, Ovi, Nilam, Andrei) and double boo you who could not even be contacted (ahem, Monikk).

There were the anak-anak Inggris, Sind's Al-Izhar friends, Nisaa Belanda and Gema. We all had to wear fake moustaches that Sind made. Coolness. After some snacks and drinks and games (big, big, massive thank you Nandia & Imel to come up with the games), off we went to Nav Karaoke at D'best, naturally. Then the last destination was Nasi Uduk Mang Dikun (?) at Fatmawati.

It was always fun hanging out with them, and I hope I've lived up to my Project Officer title that Sind appointed me with =D

Moving on to Sunday, there was the Java Rockin' Land festival at Ancol. I had my heart set for Mew and Third Eye Blind. Mew was cool, but I only knew like 1/3 out of the playlist. So. But the visuals on their backdrop were awesome though. And of course, the reason why I like Mew in the first place, Comforting Sound. Beautiful. Pity they didn't perform She Came Home For Christmas and Symmetry. I like the songs, especially the first one.

Then after about an hour, along came Third Eye Blind. My oh my. My love for them had just been rekindled. I must say, they were more my thing than Mew, since I used to play and rewind the first sides of two of their cassettes over and over until the sound was nothing more than a hum. Yes, they performed the charmed Semi Charmed Life, How's It Going To Be, Never Let You Go, Graduate, Jumper... What else? Some new songs, some old songs that I didn't recognize (must be on the side of the cassette that I fastforwarded), and The Jackson Five's I Want You Back. Uber coolness. Boo for not performing 10 Days Late, Deep Inside of You, 1000 Julys, and I Want You. But what do you expect from a one-hour-fifteen time slot. Stephen Jenkins was still the love of the youth inside of me--as old and chubby as he became.

Cherry on top, near the end of their performance, there were fireworks shooting above our heads and confettis being catapulted all over the audience. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. That was also the first time I watched a concert with Gema, so it was nice.

A good trip back to 90s, indeed. Speaking of the era, I also caught The Flowers' performance. Unfamiliar? The Flowers was 90s rock band with their hit Tolong Bu Dokter contributed to the local alternative scene back in the days. Hahahaa. Although I was only familiar with one of their songs, it was still cool watching them. Old hasbeens rocking the stage after 10 years of absence.

To sum up, thumbs up for the event. Thank you whoever that was who suggested, "hey, let's bring in Third Eye Blind". I hope the next Java Rockin' Land will be even better with even cooler performers.

Now I'm back at the office, and I'm more depressed than ever. I've had enough of policemen giving statements, I've had enough of health NGOs, I've had enough of any pricing regulation, I've had enough of anything political, I've had enough of newspapers, I've had enough of the sight and the sound of my boss. I've had enough of this place.

...blech.

Grateful & depressed,
-R.

i believe in the sand beneath my toes
the beach gives a feeling, an earthy feeling
i believe in the faith that grows
and the four right chords can make me cry...

here i am with all the pleasures of the first world laid out before me who am i to breakdown?

2009-08-05T14:05:00.003+07:00

Okay, so after some mental pushing and shoving, I'm going to write some updates. Thing is, as I get older, I am reluctant to write good things that I hope for, because I don't want to jinx it. And writing bad things is so 2003. Anyway. I'll give it a try!

So, there were more bombings in Jakarta on 17 July. About 9 people died, and godknowshowmany others were injured. The Manchester United cancelled their visit to the town because of it. Blue Bird Taxi would not take any call to public places. As for me? I lost my long weekend. My saturday, my sunday and my national-holiday monday! So my boss had this brilliant idea to open a media crisis center near the ground zero, and I had to work 8 days straight (the previous 5 regular workdays not included). It might sound interesting to be involved in the issue. But not really. I still haven't seen the ground zero until this second. And I'm still coughing cats and dogs right now.

Anyway. That was an ugly memory. I have to get the hell out of this place. Which leads to me applying to this... department, having to compete with thousands others... (I'm not being too subtle, am I?). Yeah, anyway, I'm crossing fingers like I do to other things. So, let's pray together people.

Anyhoo. My highlights of the week include Sindro's coming home. As a matter of fact, I think she's on the plane as I write this. I'm planning a get-together to welcome her on Saturday. So, something to look forward to.

Another thing to look forward to. Java Rocking Land on Sunday. Third Eye Blind are scheduled to perform, and OMG! OMG! OMG! *fangirlsqueal* I'm going to meet Mr.Jenkins! Hooray!

Aside from the above, what's been filling my days lately is Kisah Hidup Paman Gober. Or known as the original title, Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck. It's.. It's.. It's brilliant! As you can tell from the title, it tells stories about Paman Gober's adventures when he was younger. In the 2nd book, he visits Indonesia! To provide cows for the "karapan sapi" at "Madoeras". Coolness or what?

Well, anyway, that's life lately. And oh yeah, begundals were reunited last Sunday. Uber coolness of silver lining or what?

Toodles!

...would do most anything to get you back by my side.

2009-05-06T13:07:00.004+07:00

I'm a bit obsessed with memorabilias.

I have the urge to keep movie stubs. Godawful keychain an old crush gave, a pebble from the hajj simulation back in high school, a stolen toilet paper roll, an apology coupon, a pencil I used for SPMB, notes, journals, text messages, pictures, perfume bottles (yes, I keep scents too).

The list could go on and on. And I know they're more like well, junk. But, people are bound to forget, so unless someone creates a time machine or a time tv (Oh how this world would be a better place with Doraemon around), those stuff are great to remind you that the past do exist.

And just this morning I was reminded about another, um, memento--if you will, from the yesteryears. Lunchies Blog!!! See, Lunchies was one of my genggongs back on the early years of college. It was better than reading my own journals, because there are like, 8 PoVs there. Shout out to Sindro, Nilam (better known as "Unie" back then =D), Nissa, Nandia, Ima, Imel, Pani!

It was funny to see how young we all were. Arguing about friendship, who was "replaced" by who (that's me by Imel apparently--in terms of who was closer to Sind. Really? Like OMG, totally =D). Unloading about crushes, kolor ijo myth (or should I say the the myth?), ditching classes for cyber cafes...

And there was this time when everyone seemed to be having problems of their own. What problems could we possibly have? We got our youth, and more importantly we got each other for almost everyday!

*Sigh* I love stumbling over reminiscing materials. However, the thing with memorabilias is, you can only go so far.

So to sum up this post, I just want to say to "Lunchies", contrary to how I used to act around them, I heart you guys. Can't wait to see you at some lunch time.

missjudged your limits
pushed you too far
took you for granted
i thought you needed me more
now i...
[the cure]

you gotta be stronger than the stories

2009-04-19T20:31:00.003+07:00

What? There hasn't been any post in 2009? And it's April already. Tsk tsk, shame on me. Okay. So what I'm going to do is write a brief-but-long-overdue review on 2008, aaaand... well, things I want to talk about in 2009. Here goes!

Highs and lows in 2008
1. Taman Safari trip with 2A kids. That was fun.
2. Incubus concert. It was short, but Mr. Boyd was still fuckalicious.
3. Dreading about Sindro's leaving town.
4. Plan to publish a book. With Surils.
5. Batu Karas with Bangun, Ebonk, Pedhe. Had the best 'shrooms delusion ever.
6. First kiss at the wee hours beneath the city lights.
7. Papua trip
8. Bloodspot in my eye, that made me go geeky with that goggle I call glasses for about a week.
9. The long awaited ajakan kabur. Which I refused.
10. Got promoted. Nice paycheck, not so nice tasks.
11. Kalimantan trip. Which includes first time chopper ride.
12. Diagnosed with lung-infecting disease. Which leads to me:
13. Smoking no more.
14. And home-officed (is there an actual term for working from home?) for about 2 months. Yaaay. Those good times...
15. Penggambar Mimpi. All printed out and published! Independently. But still. Something to tell my grandkids someday.
16. One and (I think) only bgundal meeting at Bune's.
17. 24th birthday. A nice dinner with my family and Gema, and a half-baked karaoke session a few days later.
18. Nilam and Memmy (separately) getting hitched.
19. Second Batu Karas trip of the year.
20. New year's eve.

There you go. 2008. Like a wine expert, I'll say that it's a good year. Then came 2009. And here are the highlights:

1. Got very excited and made about 80 paper storks and a hula skirt for a CANCELLED baby shower. Yes, I'm still bitter about it. I don't care. Because I want to make "stop caring" as my belated 2009 resolution. Anyone can have the hula skirt, but I'm going to keep these storks as if they're my own babies. I wrote this point as the first one in the list because I think it's an achievement. Yes I do. Yes it is.

2. Ditched work for a day to go with Imel, Nandia, Pani, Nissa, Ima and Sophan to Kota Tua. It was fuuuuun. We picked up Andrei later on, went to Gadis' office to see Nilam and Tisam, and visited Kansas to do a little reminiscing.

3. Be a concert whore for the last two months. First, Jason Mraz at the Java Jazz Festival. Third, Jamiroquai at Sentul. And in between, there was the oh-so-perfect Coldplay concert, which I watched. LIVE. IN HONG. KONG. As a result, I've gotten myself two first-times for 2009 already. Watch Coldplay and go to Hongkong.

4. Nilam's having a healthy and (people said) very cute baby boy. Congratulation, darling. All my best wishes for you and Eijaz. Really.

Okay, so that's 2009 so far. I'm planning to make my very own Bucket List. I'll make the long term one--where "go to the hot-air balloon festival in France" will go. And the short-term one, to put all the things I want to do before 2009 ends. So far, I've only had the confidence to put "go to Jogja" in it, and "make/buy a pinhole camera". I do hope the list will get longer, and I will have bigger guts to do everything in it. Because I really, really want to be a Yes Man--but maybe not Jim Carrey extreme.

To sum up, a note for myself.

Stop caring so much about the nitbits and just

LIVE.

Yoi! How you doing?

don't you think we should've learned somehow

2009-02-23T23:01:00.003+07:00

I know what John meant.

This is not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.

I think, dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room.

love's an excuse to get hurt and to hurt

2008-12-17T16:44:00.002+07:00

As I was browsing through some mailing list, I found these adorable takes on love, by little kids. I only copied the ones I like best though.

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."

Karen - age 7

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8

And I really love this one,

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4

So. You adults, who probably can't even remember your own real take on love, tell me, what do you think love is?

it's my party and i cry if i want to

2008-11-16T16:27:00.004+07:00

Been 24 for 5 days now. Yes, yours truly turned 24 on the 11th. It was great, just like most of my birthdays before. You know, the day when I really count even the littlest of my blessings. The text messages, the messages on my wall (oh, do you even remember life before Facebook, people?), the call from dad, the wishes from my best friends (Nilam, you are so grounded for the 1-day tardiness), the gifts. Made my day. And the little get-together with my family and Gema was a great cherry on top too.

Can birthday charm stay forever?

Things kinda rolled downhill from there. My work, my mood, and... That's it actually. My work has been getting out of hand. And I don't even have the will and the urge to do it decently. And my mood has been... Peachy. Maybe it's because of the work load (come on, at least I don't blame hormonal cycle like every female of the species this time), or maybe it's something else. But, hey, what can anyone do about it?

The bright silver lining would be the birthday karaoke session last night. Beer? Check. Boyfriend? Check. Besties? 90% check. Or was it more like 45% check with all the AWOLness? But still, grateful for the efforts made.

So these are my birthday wishes, not necessarily in order,

+ Sindro to come home.
+ Dreams to not be forgotten (write some more rookie books, travel, travel, travel, carpe diem!)
+ Someone to get a move on his ass and get his life in shape.
+ Someone to get some senses in her head and to friggin' understand that I need her, and, and... I don't know. Just be here now. Not just in concept, because concepts are CRAP unless you make them come true. @#&*@(&#@*(&*(!#*(@&#!!!
+ Everyone to get along for everyone's happiness, no more hunger, no more racism, no more religious conflict, and world peace.

Smooches.

i somehow see what's beautiful in things that are ephemeral

2008-10-29T15:07:00.003+07:00

What?! A whole September passed by without me posting anything? Crazy. I guess I have to spit some current nitbits here. Here goes.

- I've been going out with Mr. Poet for a few months now.

...I guess now that he's officially my boyf, I should start writing his name, huh? So, it's been a few months with Gema. And what started as a not-so-conventional rollercoaster ride, has lived up to its initial trigger. Ups and downs. If it's not one thing, it must be the other. But in a nutshell, I'm having fun. So. Be. It.

- Since Almost Famous, I've been in love with Zooey Deschanel. She's one of the prettiest girls, with the prettiest eyes, with the quirkiest style (in a good way), and the coolest name ever. Too bad, her following movies aren't worth-watching. However, now that Sind introduced me to She & Him, I'm kepincut all over again. The music is old-fashioned but I love it. And puh-leezzeee, to all of you yesterday kids, Zooey is not a Katy Perry's lookalike. Really, Katy has nothing on her.

- After quite a hiatus, Bgundal reunited last Saturday night. We didn't go out looking fabulous for the world too see, we were just hanging around and snorting over stupid things. But that's got to be the best two hours for me this year.

- Friends on their way to getting hitched. All I can say is, I had a good time brocade-shopping for the kebaya.

- I think I haven't been carpe dieming for a while. Uh-oh. Any suggestion what to seize next before the year of the rat is over?

...

Holy bananas. I don't think I have anything else to write here. Ped's right. When you're in love, your writing ability is out of the window. Aaaakyukuwwww. Can I use that excuse for every writer's block I have?

"come down now", but we'll stay

2008-08-29T11:54:00.000+07:00

Okay, here's my take on updates.

After trotting the East side of Indonesia, a couple weeks ago I got another chance to test myself in another barbarous area. Well, not barbarous. But any place that doesn't have a five stars hotel, or a mall, or a TV that has more than 4 channels available, is definitely barbarous in my dictionary.

Yea, so I had to go to the island of Borneo 2 weeks ago. First, I flew to Balikpapan. And I had always known that Balikpapan is nice. The place has Nav Karaoke Lounge, for god's sake! That's what I call a civilized city. I also got to stay at the Novotel, which was not too shabby at all.

A day after my arrival in Balikpapan, I had to go to this slightly remote area called Puruk Cahu. First, I had to fly by a chopper to a place called Muara Tuhup, and then ride a so-called speedboat to Puruk Cahu.

It was nice, actually. Because I can add "naik helikopter" to my 1st-time list this year. And to loll around on a small boat, zigzagging one of Kalimantan's rivers (I think it's called Barito. Maybe), overlooking the deep bushy forest, was actually soothing. But that's about it.

What was I doing flying (and boating) there? Well, I felt like I was in some kind of training to be "the new Emily" for my Miranda-Priestly-like boss. Yeah, that was exactly it. Except that in my office, an excellent fashion sense won't do anyone any good without a smart, robotic brain inside of your head.

Anyway.

So, after 4-5 days of the small town excitement and many delays on my flight, I finally got home to this crappy town I love so much. You think I could just throw my head back and relax?

Noooo. See, I had to go back and forth to a doctor, because I couldn't stop coughing. After 2 dreadful shots (!!!), the doctor concluded that no, I don't have malaria. But yes, I do have this lung-infecting disease. Fortunately, it can be cured. Unfortunately, I have to be on drugs for the next 9 months or so.

Anyhoo, the silver lining of it all is, when I told people at my office about me not being well, they showed some concern about my (or their?) health. Whichever, what mattered is, they sent me hoooome. I get to work from home for the next few weeks. Yeew-hooww!

More good news:

- This isn't that fresh from the oven, but Sind's in town! Wee-hoow. Please don't go back to SF, Sind, please.

- Penggambar Mimpi is out in stores. Though it might be a tad difficult to find it among other piling titles, but it's there. Haw. Another day is seized. Thank God.

- Speaking of which, book launching Sunday, August 31, 2008! Click here for infos.

...I feel like I have other things to say here, but I can't pinpoint about what. Darn. Owell, until another post! *don't hold your breath* xD

nothing is real and nothing to get hung about

2008-07-22T15:35:00.005+07:00

Okay, so Sind did it. My turn, now.

People, here it goes, another shameless plug.

Penggambar Mimpi
E. Nandiasari, Nilam Suri, Runi Indrani, Nurkastelia A.

The book consists of 12 various short stories. They're fun, light, and hopefully relatable. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to enjoy it. A nice companion between buses, between appointments, between classes, between convos, and such. In local book stores near you, sometime around this week. So, come on, people, support your local dreamers!

More on Penggambar Mimpi click here and for updates click here.

here is the church and here is the steeple, we sure are cute for two ugly people

2008-06-24T20:19:00.005+07:00

Lord. I've been nagging everyone to post updates, and lookie here, it's been an eternity since I last wrote.

So. What's new (or not so new) with me?

Well, for starters, as Ingga said, I'm offically the first of the gang (in this case, whichever gang) who's ever been to Papua. Yieep. I went on a 5-day trip to Mimika, Papua sometime around a month ago. All I can say is, thank god for Sheraton and this interesting souvenir shop. I really wanted to check out the infamous mining site there. But due to this and that, I couldn't. Well I actually could, but I just didn't have the time. Bummer.

I didn't try the local traditional foods either. And I didn't witness any tribal war. So. I think I have to go back there one day.

Another something new with me is.

I'm in an official something with this someone. Yep, I'm t-t-t... take... taken =p For the past two months, it's been a roller coaster ride with this guy. And I tell you, it's no ordinary roller coaster. Weird. However, I'm still figuring things out, and we'll see.

On not-so-lighter note--work-related, that is.

I just got promoted. It's nothing major, but still. I don't think I've ever been promoted before. But, Ped's moving in two days. Boo-hoo. I'll have no ally to mock people at the office with. Boo.

think of me when you close your eyes, but don't look back when you break all ties

2008-05-08T12:15:00.006+07:00

You know how I've constantly wanted to run away? To leave things behind? Not forever, because I've always thought that no one can afford forever. You know how I've always wanted to see what's outside this bubble of mine? To add more pictures to my scrapbook. To ditch everything just to crave over coming back.

And then along the way, I've fallen in love with Doves' Pounding. Because I still can't believe a song can fit the state I'm in that well. I even wondered along the way, if Jimi Goodwin (Doves' lead vocal) could take me away, just like in the song. Or maybe someone else would. Ask me to leave at sunrise, and live by the ocean, you know?

And I always thought, when someone did, I'd go. I'd leave in a second. I can always come back, can't I? I'm aware I have too much to leave behind. But I always thought they'd understand, because I know they know I'd come back. It's just something I have to do, to get over with.

Yeah. Running away. Running away to come back. That's like the mount Everest of my carpe-diem resolution. I should reach it when I have the chance, and that's it. I'm on top of myself. I can get it out of my system...

So, why? Why when there really was a midnight call--from someone who's getting to know me too well--asking me to run away, leave the world we know behind, and see the world ahead, I chickened out? Why?

Maybe because of my 'too much to leave behind'. I have my job, my mom, my friends. Having said that, I can find another job. Don't I hate doing this already? Reckless, but that's just me and my 'live for today' madness. My mom would have a hard time trying to understand. But come to think of it, I really think she'd understand. My friends? Ditto. Besides, with some of them (and counting) I already have a platonic fship anyway. What difference would it make?

So, why?

Hggh. Can't help feeling like the carpe diem's out of the window. Did I just miss my now-or-never moment?

And to think I might lose more than just a roadtrip by saying 'I can't'...

ps. On a positive note, here's the space I've been nagging Mr. Midnightcaller for.

"you turn around
and life's passed you by
you look to ones you love
to ask them 'why?'
you look to those you love
to justify
you turned around
and life's passed you by
passed you by, again"
[Doves]

and with heart-shaped bruises, and late-night kisses, divine

2008-04-07T21:20:00.007+07:00

Two weeks ago, on the long weekend, I went on a trip to Batu Karas with geng ngong. That's Pedhe, Bangun, Ebonk, fyi. It started out roughly. I mean really rough. What with a dog being hurt, Ped's car being dented here and there, and the ghostly, eerie aura along the way that got us lost. We spent 12 hours from Jakarta to Batu Karas. That's... that's just wrong. The cherry on top? The hotel we were supposed to stay in, was replaced by this ruin caused by the tsunami. All the decent hotels were fully booked.

However, as time went by, things started to look up again. We got a better hotel, with the nicest service (hello, Mbak Itaa! *never mind the intern joke, here*). We had the time of our lives, just lazing and lounging around here and there. The best part for me had to be the mushroom trip. CRAZY. It was a lovechild of Alice's wonderland with Tinkerbell and her pixie dusts on kaleidoscope. I got more than what I bargained for. Yaiyalah ya, what I bargained for was a cheap crap. Hahah.

-----

About 12 hours after I got back from Batu Karas, I noticed that there's something in my right eye. A red spot. It looked like when you have a piece of chili stuck on your teeth. I tried to brush it off, but nothing happened. So then I realized, it wasn't a piece of chili at all obviously. It was blood. IN my eye.

I felt like fainting right there and then.

Anyway, I had it checked. And the doctor said it was nothing fatal. It was actually pretty common... for someone who just did bungee jumping, just delivered a baby, has a chronic non-stop coughing, or has constipation. None of those fit me at that moment. Weird.

For a while, I couldn't wear my contact lenses. So, tadaaa, I had to walk around with these big, thick glasses. Here's what I looked like:

I made looking dorky work, didn't I? =D

-----

On to lately. I have a terrible, yet exciting secret. You know how people always want to make their dreams come true? Well, now let me ask you, how do you make your dream stay... well, a dream? What would you do if it starts to crawl out of your head and into your skin, and feels too real to handle?

Hahah. Visualizing Freddy Krueger, aren't you?

Well, this is more like, Peter Pan. Sneaking out in the middle of the night, going "second to the right and straight on til morning", and on to Neverland. Nice, but still... If Wendy has to go home, I have to wake up.

But anyway. On the bright side, I've beaten Ms. Jossie G. by a year or so! Yeah!!! Shout out to fellow geeks everywhere! Dorks rock! xD

-----

I've been reckless, aren't I? Mushroom-tripping, Peter Pan toying... Well, apparently my boss doesn't think so. Because she chose me to do this spy job. Hahaha. "Spy job", I made that sound cooler than it really is. Point is, I think it's pretty important. Sure beats my current job at the Stationery Station (again, never mind the intern joke).

Anyway. I'm dead scared, because I will be sent to a place where people still carry traditional weaponry, and tribal wars and alcohol-induced crimes are prime-time TV. But I'm also excited about this. So, please, please, please, pray for my safety sometime around next month, okay? Good.

oh i'll be the one who'll break my heart

2008-03-13T14:45:00.003+07:00

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

As some of you know, my job as a secret agent requires me to read gazillions newspapers every single day. Sounds like a party, right? However, I have my silver lining against the cloudy inky printing of the papers. At first, it was only the Garfield comic strip on Jakarta Post. However as time went by, I'm falling for the Dilbert strip on Kompas. It's about some disfunctional office and it has the quirky, sometime-out-of-the-world dry humour quality to it. If you like The Office (Steve Carrell?) with a cat named Catbert as the Human Resource guy, then you'll like this.

Anyway, I was browsing its website when I found this e-cards section. Then I stumbled upon one that--in my opinion--fits me the best. Click here to see it. Of course I don't do my job in the bathroom. But still, I'm beyond ecstatic to know that Wally (one of the characters)--just like me--understands that it pays to read.

When you relate to a cartoon character, and it makes you ecstatic, is it time to mingle with real people?

seize the time, cause it's now or never, baby.

2008-03-12T11:44:00.005+07:00

I've realized, I've always been a big complainer. However, in the process I'd like to call "growing up", I also realized that I had to eliminate that bad habit. And I find it refreshing, in a way. You know, trying hard to hold back and swallow the rants and trying so hard not to whine...

But then. Did you notice something? Notice how my blog has been noticeably vacant these days?

Does that mean, when I'm not whining, I don't have anything to say?

Hahah. Just a thought.

Instead of some more rants, let's just recap on lately.

1. About my work. It's been borrrriiiiinnnggg! *So much for not whining* It's really okay actually, because I know it could've been worse. And seriously, I really can't complain. Because this job is what's been paying all my shopping sprees and my night outs. But I need to see what's out there.

Need. To. See. World.

But not from grainy papers that leave ink on my fingertips.

2. About my 2008 resolution. The one with me seizing the day? Carpe diem-ing? Well, I'm all set to do that. To grab the moment, or whatever there is in front of me. But I can't help feeling there's nothing up for grab.

Or maybe, maybee, it has something to do with my being lazy?

Whatever it is, I keep feeling like U-turning.

3. About social life. Or lackthereof. Nandia just had her birthday party Thursday (06) night at Kekun (not sure how it's spelled). It was super nice. Aside from me running late, me trying to drive as fast as I could while fighting the sleep out of my eyes, and that darn corrupted cop milking me for my very last Rp.20000, it was very fun. Seeing people from English dept. 2002 again. Talking, nasty-joking, and laughing with them (highlight: the very jayus Imel and sarcastic Sophan)non-stop until midnight was what I needed these days.

4. Speaking of anak-anak Inggris, Sindro is going awaaaay! Well, not now. But pretty soon. And like I said to you, Sind, I've always known that you were destined to see the world. To stay anywhere but this dreary town.

But. But now that it's happening, I feel weird. How it's going to be without you around? It means for the next more-or-less three years, no self-pirated DVDs, no one to whip my ass to do something, no hanging out in your blackhole-like room, no snacking at Megamendung 11...

Oh my god! I haven't even tried your swimming pool!!! And now I'm too big-boned to wear any kind of bathing suit.

Pesanku, Sind, oleh-oleh. And while you're there, look for some publisher that might be interested in publishing our Balloons. Therefore, don't forget to bring a copy of it (do you still have one?). Heheh, who knoooowwwss kaan?

5. I can't think of anything else now. In the meantime, anyone care to join me for a mental afternoon margaritas and dancing?

Let's leave at sunrise
Let's live by the ocean
I don't mind
If we never come home at all
Steal the morning
So set in motion
In and out of love
And institutions
Cause I know
This can't last for long
[Doves]

i thought how nice it'd be to follow the sweat down your spine

2008-03-06T14:58:00.005+07:00

Last night I watched the Incubus concert. On a work night! Wild. =D

I know when you're 23 and practically have all the freedom in your hand, it's not exactly as exciting as going for booze and weeds on a school night. But still. I'm glad I still can be one of those people who work and go out for some music or such--on work nights!!!

Anyway. About the concert. You know how I always get smitten after watching concerts? Well, this time I was beyond smitten. Mr. Boyd. His hypnotizing moves. Barechested. Pelvic bones. And of course seeing the tsk-tsk-tsk-ahhh part of Are You In live. Tsk, the concert was a total mindfuck! Literally.

And I'm screwed real good.

photo courtesy of PM from rileks.com

i'm in love with something that i can't see

2008-01-22T13:18:00.000+07:00

This is a bit late, but,

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!

Please note that this is the year of the rat. And I was born under the sign. A friend once said that when it's our year, we have to take every chance that we got. Because the result will most likely be good. Therefore, my sort-of new year's resolution is... to take more chance, to try more things, to live more. Wait, that's three.

Anyway. The point is, I'm going to seize the day more. Carpe diem. That's sort of thing. Although it'll be a tad difficult, considering my laziness. But I'm going to try anyway.

-----

For the new year's eve itself, I spent it in Bandung. With Ped and Ngong. We had our countdown moment in a karaoke lounge. 100% alcohol free, for the first time in... what, 5 years? Then we reviewed 2007 over martabak manis and martabak telor, made wishes for 2008, and hoped that we'll spend the next new year's eve together, and maybe with more people.

-----

Last but not least. My habit of reviewing the previous year. Let's take a walk back to 2007, shall we? I'll make it short this time.

1. The whole I-want-to-sleep-next-to-him butterflies. Hahah. It must've been the lonely air of the holiday season.
2. The whole ship-that-supposedly-can't-sink issue. Still haven't got that sorted out yet.
3. Got a job in a local tabloid, Wanita Indonesia. Got myself some great friends, who taught me a thing or two about life. Like what it's like to be old like them. Teehee.
4. My article about suicide had actually stopped some reader from doing so. Nice, eh? The most rewarding thing so far.
5. Quitted my job. Had two months of a beautiful slacker's life.
6. Got another job as a secret agent.

Quiet year, huh? Well, here's to a more exciting 366 days of 2008. Cheers!

the wheel is reeling
but such a waste
for i keep u-turning.

she'll let you deep inside, but there's a secret garden she hides

2008-01-07T11:57:00.000+07:00

=========================================================

The Rules:
1. Each blogger must post these rules
2. Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves
3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight
things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose
eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and
to read ur blog.

==========================================================
Here goes. Eight secret (or not) doors opened.

1. I hate people easily. I fall for people easily. And I fall out of love easily too. Generally. So, If you're afraid that I might hate you, don't fret. And if you know that I have a crush on you or some sort, don't be flattered just yet. I do that to everybody else.

2. I have an eternal inner 5-year-old in me. I still watch cartoons, create imaginary friends, adore santa, and go crazy over balloons. I try my best to be mature when needed, but I don't think anyone should let their inner child disappear.

3. I'm a big dreamer/daydreamer. I often take my dreams seriously. And I sometimes can't tell the dreams apart from reality.

4. However, I find it hard to believe in things like happily ever after, marriage, honesty, loyalty, and all the muluk-muluk things. But, I'm willing (if not, dying) to be proven wrong.

5. I believe that we have our options. And I always think that, kalo bisa gampang kenapa mesti dibuat susah. So, I always try my best to avoid difficult, uncomfortable, inconvenient situation. For example, I refuse to take a bus, if I have enough money to pay a cab instead. People often take me for some kind of spoiled brat. Well maybe I am. But I think I'm just living out my options.

6. I don't like people that much. I think some of them are just bad to the bone, and the rest are plainly disappointing. However, I've made some limited exception. There are people I actually care about, no matter what they do.

7. I LOATHE icky bathrooms.

8. I love ice cream. Especially Ben and Jerry's Half Baked Brownies and Cookie Dough!

The next victims are......

1. Pedhe
2. Andrei
3. ...
4. ...
5. ...
6. ...
7. ...
8. ... Told you, I don't like people that much. Whoever want to try this thing, knock yourself out!

take a seat, take your life, plot it out in black and white

2007-12-07T21:30:00.000+07:00

It's friday night! Rah-rah!

And yet, I'm not out living the life of gadis metropolitan. This moment is too precious to NOT spend it resting at home. Yes, I'm very much an anti-social slave nowadays. I have no social life whatsoever. And of course, when I have no time for living, I have no time for primping.

So, as I constantly read articles about how three morning star flags were found at Abepura's prison on my Everest-like newspaper pile, I have my very own three morning stars on my forehead known as zits.

Bleurgh.

Well, at least I get paid good. And when I finally have an Everest-like moolah pile instead, I'll buy myself some social life and flawless skin.

On a lighter note, christmas is coming up.

you hate us 'cos we're beautiful, well we don't like you either, we're cheerleaders!

2007-11-20T20:15:00.000+07:00

You know, in a typical teen flick, there's always this stereotype towards cheerleaders? That they're popular--on the upside. But on the downside, they're stupid, fake, slutty, shallow... What else, you mention.

See, I myself joined the cheerleader squad back in high school. And generally, the above mentioned assumption wouldn't upset me. Because I know better. What sets cheerleaders apart from... people, is they dance. They do awesome acrobatic maneuvers (not me, though I wish I could).

Generally.

But of course, there are exceptional moments. Like now, when I've just watched a few episodes of Popular, and make myself wonder, why Sam "Spam" McPherson and her pathetic group of friends (excluding Carmen) can be so mean towards the idea of cheerleading--for (sometimes) very irrelevant reasons.

But no perverted act of typecasting has upset me more than what my friend did. See, there was this girl I knew back in college days. She's smart, witty, and unique. Well, at least, she always spoke her--supposedly--unique mind. Of course, to me, she's as unique as someone who tries to be--which is everyone.

Anyvaaaay. Quite many months ago, this girl posted one of those questionnaires in a public posting site. When asked which she would prefer to do, marching band or cheerleading, she answered the first one. Why? Because, she won't have "to act like some slutty idiotic bunnies".

I wish she had said that to my face, just so I could shove her smart-ass brain into her mouth.

Tsk. It furiates me so much to see how a supposedly smart person can be so narrow-minded and rude. Let me ask you all, do you have anything against cheerleaders? If yes, why? Please, take your time in thinking over the answer, before submitting it to ms. Crankypants here.

wake up, kids, we got the dreamers disease

2007-10-28T00:46:00.000+07:00

I just saw Peter Pan, the 2003 movie version, yesterday. And here's a quote from it:

"Forget them all. Come with me where you'll never, never have to worry about
grown up things again." -Peter.

While I agree with Wendy who says that 'never' is an awfully long time, but come oooon! Is Peter the man--I mean boy--of my dreams or what? Besides the fact that I've dreamt about flying with him, literally, he also lives in Neverland! And he can teach you to fly, and he promises grown-up-worries-free adventures!

Darn. Why oh why can't he be for real?

when did your heart go missing?

2007-10-23T00:17:00.000+07:00

I was talking with my aunt and uncle this afternoon, when I mentioned something about how my gram, mom, and another aunt were so good in berbasa-basi, and au contraire in my case. Then my uncle and aunt said that, actually, when I was younger, I was very good at berbasa-basi. They said, I used to say hi first to everyone, I couldn't stop talking in my waking hours, I got along well with new people...

In their word, I was so--prepare to look up your Javanese dictionary--"sumeh".

Wow. I guess none of you readers ever knew that part of me, huh? Heheh. Even I almost forgot that that Runi existed at some point.

Let's review a bit of lately. I--along with some friend(s?)--are said to be "gampang benci orang", there have been complains about me never saying hi first (wink-wink, Sind), and I'm not that excited about new people...

Well, at least, I'm still talkative, right? Every once in a while...

Right?

-----

This just in: Mr. Dogol, single?

falling about, i took a left off last laugh lane

2007-10-10T12:56:00.000+07:00

Wee-hoo. It's a few days away from lebaran. While I don't actually like the D-day, au contraire with the few days before. Indra has come home, Khesia and Archie constantly have sleepovers...

With my cousins all around, I have shopping-slash-driving-mindlessly-around-town partners in daytime. And at nights, it's like having my own insomniac club here. Now in the wee hours, I don't have to blind myself out staring at the TV or my PC monitor. I can act retarded, play let's-visit-engkoh-the-fortune-teller, and dance like there's no tomorrow to the 80s songs in the dimmed red light with them, while waiting for the sahur time.

Nice. Being locked in neverland once again.

-----

From lately.

There are bits and pieces. Like an insignificant (but still butterflies-worthy) reference of my name, a stupefying dream, a brief (but still nice) blast from the past, and...

O yeah, I'll be having a job, two weeks from now... *crossing fingers*

falling slowly. sing your melody. i'll sing along.

2007-09-19T20:37:00.000+07:00

These are the things I've spent this entire day for:

- Unsuccesfully tried to write and doodle, and had the results of these half-baked amateur works.
- Demolished my Mt.Everest-like comic/book/mag/note-pile in mom's room.
- Took a shower with mom's scrub salts.
- Succesfully read the first 10 pages out of Lolita. Of course, the story begins from page 7.
- Finished the second disc of the first season of That 70s Show.
- Watched Ugly Betty.
- Painted my toenails pink. And now they look pretty, if I might add.

Phew. Big day.

it's nice not to be so alone, but i hold onto secrets in white houses

2007-09-13T02:00:00.000+07:00

The butterflies I felt about 2 weeks ago are no longer here. "What was I thinking" had even crossed my mind.

So, what am I doing now? Two a.m. in the wee time, involved in another conversation with the same person I had a convo with two weeks ago. Listening to him unmercifully unload about everything, when I could've watched Ugly Betty rerun or even better, slept?

It's not a crush, and the butterflies aren't coming back. And no, I'm not in denial. In fact, I know exactly why I'm here.

Because I'm a sucker for this. Yes, I'm a sucker for people unloading to me. Listening to people's deepest secrets, fears, and hopes is somewhat... empowering. Dear lord, I'm a trash bin by choice...

i'd tell you sad stories about my childhood. i don't know why i trusted you, but i know that i could

2007-09-03T20:39:00.000+07:00

Updates from this past few weeks.

I've left my job, on August 24th, to be exact. It wasn't as liberating as the time I quitted my teaching job. Tears and fears came pouring down. But hey, I think I'm moving on. In fact, I've moved on. It's not like I'm losing my friends there. I still got to see them, especially when I was paying the meals.

Case in point, last Friday, at my supposedly-farewell-dinner. I rounded up the PLUS* guys at Dimsum Festival Kemang. Seeing them turned out to be very, very exciting and overwhelming. Butterflies went wild and they didn't even stop for awhile to catch some air.

Anyway. I actually don't know if the butterflies were there for the little reunion, or for something else...

Moving on to the next subject.

Have you ever had one of those long talks, that stay all through the wee hours? I bet you have. But have you had one that makes you feel... comfortable and a bit giddy, maybe, at the same time? Like you could get lost in the convo right there, right then? And then the butterflies from it actually stay for a few days?!!

Like I've asked a few of my friends before, I'll ask again, what was that? If I feel like the mentioned above, does that necessarily mean, I have a crush on the convo-partner? Nuh, right? Well, whatever that was, my feelings are back to normal now. So, I think it was just some case of momentarily lapse for being an infatuation-prone, right? Rrrrigghht. Inputs are welcome, though.

Okie. I think that's it from moi. I've lost my mood to ramble some more.
See you soon!

seven years disappear below my feet

2007-09-01T13:06:00.000+07:00

This is from having too much time in my hand.

7 YEARS AGO

1) How old were you?
* 15-16

2) Where did you go to school?
* SMA 70

3) Where did you work?
* Wherever people needed some pompoms to be waved.

4) Where did you live?
* Jakarta

5) Where did you hang out?
* Blok M Plaza kalo pulang sekolah. Dan mall-mall lainnya.

6) Did you wear glasses?
* I started wearing contacts this time around.

7) Who was your friend(s)?
* Bune, I think. And people from my class.

8) How many piercings did you have?
* None.

9) What car did you drive?
* Couldn't drive at all. hahah.

10) Had you been to a real party?
* Define real party.

12) Had your heart broken?
* Yah, namanya juga anak muda. Dikit-dikit brokenhearted.

13) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced?
* Single

2 YEARS AGO.

1) How old were you?
* 20

2) Where did you go to school?
* English lit, UI

3) Where did you work?
* Chrysolit English Course

4) Where did you live?
* Jakarta

5) Where did you hang out?
* Kansas, and still, malls all around south jakarta

6) Did you wear glasses?
* Still wearing contact lenses

7) Who were your friends?
* Pedbunros, and I think by this time, I had softened up a bit towards people in my campus, and I found a whole new fship in people, especially Sinnilnan.

8) Who was your crush?
* I think this forgetful boy--or should I say Boi. Who was--according to my own words back then--"hard to like, but hard to hate".

9) How many tattoos did you have?
* None

10) How many piercings did you have?
* Six

11) What car did you drive?
* I don't think I could drive back then. But I remember taking sind's car for a few rounds around the campus.

12) Had your heart broken?
* Yaah, I don't know. But I think I learned some time then, that heartbroken is just a state of mind.

13) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced?
* Single

NOW, 2007.

1) How old are you?
* 22

2) Where do you work?
* Actually, I just quitted my job at Tabloid Wanita Indonesia last week.

3) Where do you live?
* Jakarta

4) Do you wear glasses?
* Still on the lenses

5) Who are your friends?
* Pedbunros, thankfully Sinnilnan are still around. And few others whom I hope will stay around.

6) Do you talk to your old friends?
* Which old friends?

7) How many piercings do you have?
* Still 6

8) How many tattoos?
* Still none

9) What kind of car do you have?
* Honda City. Well, it's mom's actually. but I drive it now!

10) Has your heart been broken?
* I hope I'm way smarter now to ever feel brokenhearted anymore.

11) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced?:
* Single. Ahuihuii.

12) Where did you go to school?
* What? "Did"? Didn't I mention that already?

13) Where did you hang out?
* Duh, where there are foods, drinks, my friends and a smoking area.

oh and i'll laugh all the way to hell

2007-08-20T13:15:00.000+07:00

Turns out, there are other applicants. And I took part in interviewing them last Thursday.

The first one was blah. All I remember from interviewing her was that I said "standar" to my boss when she left the room, and nothing else.

The second one, in my opinion, is the best candidate so far. She used to write for Hai's suplementary Koran SMA. And god knows how my boss is head over heels in love with Hai. She's easy, in terms of, she doesn't mind leaving her classes for work, nor does she mind coming in on weekend to work.

The third girl was... Well, I don't think she can be called a girl. She's about 27, and she already has one child. I think she was too loud, and her appearance was way too tacky for an interview. She might be good in getting the dirt from the local artists, though.

The last one, had the most attractive appearance. By attractive, I mean, she would fit right in among those ABG-ABG PIM. Music and fashion wise, I got the impression that she was an up-to-date person. Not forward, but enough. But she had a difficult time in finishing a sentence. Very, very lenjeh. Ketiup-angin-langsung-terbang kind of girl.

So there you go. Which one do you think is the right one for my replacement? Of course, they're no me...

...Oh, just humor me. I'm about to lose my job.

-----

About lately.

- I can't believe it's easier to see people from out of town, than people who live 10-30 minutes away from me...

- Try wearing kebaya and kain--with a supertight bustier that only enables you to sit in one position, straight up--and try driving as fast as you can through saturday night's traffic. I did. And I must say, as a woman, I never felt so empowered before.

- Currently trying to compile some of my doodlings for the book plan. Crossing fingers, amen, amen, amen!

-Talking about plans, I'll be an unemployment in about 2 days or so. I need to have some plans! Anybody knows where I can rent a decent car with the lowest price?

- Anybody knows where I can get some info about master degree scholarship in New York?

- And FYI, I'll be as easy as cheap hookers soon. So, anyone wants to get together (to hang out, of course), call me. And if anyone has any job offering (aside from hookering, that is), call me.

pretty eyed, pirate smile, i'll marry a music man

2007-08-18T12:56:00.000+07:00

Just like my friends before me, I'm back to filling this sort of thing.

Name your 15 favorite songs and then answer the questions below.
1. Tonight Tonight - Smashing Pumpkins
2. Shiver - Coldplay
3. Ordinary World - Duran Duran
4. Strange And Beautiful - Aqualung
5. Warning Sign - Coldplay
6. I'll Stop The World And Melt With You - The Cure
7. The Middle - Jimmy Eat World
8. When I'm Thinking About You - The Sundays
9. Read My Mind - The Killers
10. Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
11. On Your Own - The Verve
12. Ocean's Breathes Salty - Modest Mouse
13. Let Down - Radiohead
14. Cut Here - The Cure
15. Tiny Dancer - Elton John

*Where's the first time you hear the song number 9?
I think in Ped's car, since she has the CD.

*What do you feel when you hear song number 4?
Heartbroken.

*You'll give number 14 for?
Old friends I run into.

*You'll hear number 10 when you feel so........Melancholily bottled up. "fade into you, i think it's strange you never knew".

*Do you like the singer number 2?
I like the bass player even better!

*Who will you dance with while you hear number 3?
Young John Taylor. Hahah, with semi-mullet, ruffled collar and shoulder pads. That or someone who knows or is able to sing the song ;)

*Your fav lyrics of song number 1?
"Believe in me as I believe in you tonight"

*Do you listen song number 7 when you're broken heart?
No. But maybe when I'm in need of some mood-boosting.

*Miss number 5?
No, 'cos "the truth is I miss YOU".

*Who will you remember if you hear number 8?
You, naturally. Since I'm thinking about you.

*What's the unique side of number 12?
Its lyrics. I don't really get it, it might be about some afterlife (or the lack of it). But listen to the words, and tell me it's not magical and beautiful.

*If someone sings number 15 to you?
If this someone is Billy Crudup or Dave Grohl, well then, hello! But if the someone is Elton John himself, then, thanks but no thanks.

*Number 6 makes you happy?
Sometimes. Because the song is kinda upbeat. It actually makes me go aww.

*Why'd you love number 13?
Because it's Thom Yorke singing genuine Radiohead's mournful tunes about "the emptiest of feelings" and "disappointed people" called Let Down. I mean, you can't get any more depressive than this. Nice.

*If a street musician sings number 11?
Wondering why he/she still stays on the street.

when i say out loud i want to get out of this, i wonder, is there anything i'm going to miss

2007-08-02T13:29:00.000+07:00

Yesterday, I saw a girl. About my age. Nothing unusual, jeans, tee, and cardi if I'm not mistaken. And aside from her bag, the only thing she carried was a big brown envelope. She was passing me, S, and another guy from the artistic on her way in. She had that fearful-slash-jittery look. You know, like she couldn't bring herself to look directly at us, so instead she tried her best to nail her eyes to her shoes. She went in for like 30 seconds, came back out again, and the envelope had gone.

S and I looked and smirked at each other. And almost simultaneously said "my (/your) replacement". And sighed.

My prejudgement about the girl? As Phoebe Buffay might say, I think she's "vanilla". I wonder what the other applicants look like. I wonder if there's any other applicant.

i think that i'm throwing, but i'm thrown

2007-07-26T16:19:00.000+07:00

So, there you go, bandages have been ripped off. One went well, and will stay well (hopefully).

The other...

Well, it's about me resigning. Mini boss took it well (he's a zen kind of person), than I imagined. But I think--and this will sound very egotistical of me--I THINK, he was this close to crying. His eyes were glassy and all. Hahah.

I shouldn't laugh, though. Because lately, I've been living in a near-tears state. I don't know if it's because my works keep piling up, and I loathe them. Or my 5-or-so months crying-celibacy has finally ran out its route. Or maybe because no matter what, it's still kinda hard to part with this place.

And of course. Now that I've said, this is it, I'm really quitting, the good things are coming back to the surface. Just two days ago, mini boss, S (big-bully-like artistic guy/occasional big brother figure), and I went to get late night ice cream. And as always, they were acting embarassingly stupid on our way there and back. That was kind of fun. It's been a while since we did that. And after few incomplete meetings, yesterday, all of us were there. That was also fun...

I'm still leaving. But somehow it feels as hard as staying.

Unexpectedly, my inside was really squeezed last night. When I saw S doing layouts and putting this ad: PLUS* Wanted, Jadi Reporter Yuk! I know, I know I shouldn't complain. I was the one who ask mini boss to go look for my sub. But it just felt so... final.

Well, I'm still leaving. And if I change my mind, I know I'll regret it. So, bye-bye.

Darn, this one bandage is ripping itself off oh-so-slowly.

sometimes you just have to walk away, wishing today was yesterday

2007-07-19T00:27:00.000+07:00

Random. Random. Random.

- Saw KT Tunstall's old vid--Other Side Of The World--yesterday. The guy in the video is zsazsazsu-inducing. And I still don't know who that is. Anybody knows?

- Anyone knows where to get a heart-shaped glasses? And I'm not talking about Marilyn Manson new single. I literally mean, sunglasses with heart-shaped frames. Me wanna very much. Please suggest something cheaper than Topshop's Rp. 239000 one, or Mango Rp. 299000 one. Much much cheaper.

- Isn't Shirley Manson just gorgeous in Garbage's Tell Me Where It Hurts video? Red head and all.

- Current favorite catchy song: Rooney's When Did Your Heart Go Missing. Basically, it sounds the same like their other songs, but something about this one that sticks more. I dig the end part, when the vocalist starts to converse the words rather than sing them? And the lines are: "I don't know where your heart went/ It was here just the other day/ Now it's gone/ I'm gonna call the police/ Call the investigator, the heart investigator". Muwahahah. It's so tacky, it's gooood!

- I like Badly Drawn Boy's new video, Promises. It looks like a lamp shop. You know, similar to KoC's Cayman Island. And just like I love balloons, I love lamps.

- Have you been through this: You have to have a serious talk with someone (/people). And you rehearse it in your mind over and over. You even prepare some worst-case scenario. But when it's getting closer to that talk, you're afraid everything you've prepared to say, won't make any sense at all. Either today or tomorrow, I have to tell my midget boss that I won't renew my working contract next month. Scary. And I have to have the "we need to talk" kind of talk, with people I never thought I would have one with. *sigh*

- I'm hungry.

not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me

2007-07-10T22:28:00.000+07:00

Has anyone listened to Justin Timberlake's I Think She Knows/Love Stoned? Not my favorite, but maaan, I love the end part. When the music suddenly gets very serene? Enticing.

And aside from that, I have nothing to tell here.

Except that I miss some people, some moments in time, some conversations,

Somewhere.

shoot me in the head

2007-06-28T14:35:00.000+07:00

Come to think of it, I've always wanted to be a journalist because I like to write. But interviewing people? That's another story. Well, I actually don't mind interviewing people. But interviewing local artists that I've never heard before and I don't care anything about... There's something about it that I loathe. Yes, LOATHE.

And what I loathe more than interviewing them?

Having to interview them with my mini boss around. Ugh. Why doesn't he let me patronize these wannabes by myself???

Iwantout. Iwantout. Iwantout. Bwaaaahhhh!!! x'0

can we start this again?

2007-06-22T22:32:00.000+07:00

I've been trying to be optimistic for quite a while. But the feeling is phasing out. And it's just like we are, from where I'm standing right now.

So, tell me you're not phasing us out.

Please.
-----

Someone turn me around
Can I start this again?
Now someone turn us around
Can we start this again?

We've all been changed
From what we were
Our broken parts
Left smashed off the floor

I can't believe you
If I can't hear you
I can't believe you
If I can't hear you
[Editors]

killmenow. killmenow. killmenow.

2007-06-05T18:03:00.000+07:00

I bought a bottle of Nu Green Tea one day, and noticed that they (whatever company that produces the drink) gave away prizes depending on what was written on the inside of the bottle cap.

So I opened the bottle, and took a look. There it was, written in the same shade of orange as the bottle cap...

BELUM BERUNTUNG

Of course.

Now, the bottle-opening scene and the image of that bottle cap always haunt me everytime things don't go my way.

Yes, belum beruntung, indeed.

i can't be losing sleep over this

2007-05-25T17:51:00.000+07:00

So, so far I've been working in this place I'd like to call the sinking ship office for 3 months and 4 days...

3 months!!! I thought I had went through 3 lifetimes here. I still have some more 3 months to go before my contract expires.

And just like normal people, I'm starting to loathe my job. No more eager, idealistic, optimistic fool. I've come to realize that my job is not well paid, nor it has the professional working ethics. This is a joke.

And I hate my boss, because he's stupid. He always insists on giving teenagers the coolest and hippest pieces. When really, aside from his girlfriend, he's even further from the word 'teenagers' than I am. And seriously, he's not cool and definitely not hip.

I don't know if I'm telling the exact facts or if it's just some 3-months-crisis talking.

Point is, I have to get out of here. But there's always that dreadful point of getting started. In this case, getting started to quit.

hold on to this kite, just don't let me down

2007-05-06T16:07:00.000+07:00

Bits And Pieces.

- I'm gonna be an aunt. Tee-hee. Yes, my sister's a pregger. That is nice and exciting. On the other hand, the pregnancy justifies my sister's being a big spoiled brat for about 9 months. Okay, take a deep breath...

- Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger are so last year. Blake Lewis and Chris Richardson (from AI) make the cutest couple ever. Heheh. No, they aren't going out or something. But I see they have become best friends... And best friends that look good always score high in my book. Too bad, Chris is going home. Maybe he doesn't sing well, but he's easy on the eyes.
*Ps. Blake looks even better with the dark hair!

- Another good-looking besties are Peter Parker and Harry Osborne. Have you watched Spiderman 3? This couple, however, are more likely to pull a Brokeback Mountain routine. I mean with all the Hallmark-channel-material scenes and all. But the movie was entertaining, still.

- Speaking of which, I watched the movie yesterday, with Ing, Bunsya and Pedngun. After I went sushi-ing with Ingga and before we all went karaoke-ing at Inul Vista (my 1st time there!). What a fulfilling day. I mean, first, sushi. Second, a movie with Tobey Maguire, James Franco and Kirsten Dunst in it (I know, I'm such a star-crazed pre-teen). Third, karaoke-ing somewhere new. Inul's was niceee, it has a disco ball and a tambourine that lights up. Of course, being with the most best friends you can scrape together from your life, beat it all.

- Girl friends vs boyfriends. It'd make an interesting topic for the inside us column on my tabloid, wouldn't it? It just that, it seems to be the universal theme of the moment. What to do, what to do? And I can keep being the optimistic fool and thinking to myself, "it shouldn't be this hard with us, and whatever this is, it'll phase out". But the reality is, it is this hard with us now, and I haven't seen any way out.

-----
New York, New York
And I almost dance in the middle
Of shopping housewives and
Snobbish perfume-sales ladies
And I know it's raining outside
But still, I celebrate
For I will be seeing you
And you, and you
And you, and you
But still,

I wish I'd be seeing you too.

you don't have to worry, 'cause there ain't no need to hurry.

2007-05-03T14:42:00.000+07:00

5-ish. Try driving across (well not exactly 'across') Jakarta, see people start their day as you end yours, while listening to the hypnotizing tunes. I did. I was on my way home, the moon was full and shining brightly and at the same time, I saw the sun rising.

Surreal.

Now the sun is up, and the strangeness I call my moment on the daybreak has gone.

Alright. Time to butcher the keyboard with my teens'-lingo-filled writings I call work.

i never really gave up on breaking out of this 2-star town

2007-04-18T23:40:00.000+07:00

I'm still at my office. With nothing to do. Just waiting for one of the drivers in my office to take me home. Well, compared to last week, this is nothing. Then, I actually stayed at the office until 7 am the next day, and the internet connection was cut off in the wee hours--just when I wanted to rant in my blog.

And now, is one of those nights when I feel so hollow, and yet my head is heavy from I dontknowwhat. The idleness, perhaps. I could've been home by now. Wrong day to decide not to bring my own car.

Maybe I've been smiling too much these days and I'm tired. I want to stop acting all nicey-nicey. I want to pass people by and give them the cold shoulder. I want to shrug ignorantly when they ask stupid questions. Blaaaah. I need my used-to-be-frequent libur semester.

Yes. I know the word 'semester' is no longer in my vocabulary.

I wish I could channel this... what, angst? into writings, or something. But I can't even pretend to be creative right now. All out of cigarettes, and I only have my half-empty carton of teh botol to fiddle.

Like that girl Juliette Binoche played in Chocolat, I want to leave everything behind. And go somewhere else. Or like always, I just want to hide behind those--whom I consider the best people alive.

Is it time to run?

woke up and wished that i was dead

2007-03-25T15:05:00.000+07:00

Bits and pieces of lately,

I've let go the possibility of a better job with better paycheck. Which left me with no more option to run to.

Lately, people told me their secrets. And I feel like my hair is getting bigger from keeping and digesting all of those.

Been missing geng, ngong, and suril like crazy. However, time isn't exactly on my side these days.

Those and little things, that somehow lead to...

Can't help feeling scared. For I don't know what. Maybe for entering the grown-up world. I don't think I've ever been this scared. I don't think I've ever wanted to cry this bad. Wait, yes, I have, but that's another story. But I don't think I've ever held my tears inside this long. I wish I could just hide behind my friends, and stay in the moment for a while or ever. Yes, I want to mematung, again. That, or run.

Mygod. I'm terrified.

je ne veux pas travailler

2007-03-18T23:52:00.000+07:00

I'm in need of major mood lifter and some big-time ego booster.

Please gimme some. I'll pay you back someday, when I am rich and can afford to be reckless.

je veux seulement l'oublier, et puis je fume

2007-03-07T19:37:00.000+07:00

I wonder, would people in my office know if I smoked weeds secretly?

Oh how I want to. Badly.

a million ancient bees began to sting our knees

2007-02-22T12:45:00.000+07:00

Told you I'll be back.

When it rains, it really does pour huh? Aside from the flood issue lately, it's raining job offers for me. The IT thing, then I heard MRA has an opening for a copywriter position, HiScope called me back (yeah, like I would go back teaching toddlers), Ditie called me and said there's an opening in Maverick the comicbook publisher or something, and Tisam just called me to offer a job--something to do with event organizing.

Except for Tisam's offering, none of them is a sure thing. But it would be fun to try, right?

My lorrrd! Omaygad, idle fingers are typing prone but I have nothing to type! I'll be back to smoking one of these days.

Bleuwgh.

this is how it works, you're young until you're not

2007-02-22T11:55:00.000+07:00

Just three hours ago I signed my working contract with Wanita Indonesia. Yes, the tabloid I mentioned in my last entry. My tummy's churned, I'm committed.

Just three days ago I was sitting in an IT company's meeting room--up there on the 7th floor, with a big window and tall buildings as its view. And I was thinking about giving up my idealistic dream of working in a media, learning my brain out about IT and eLearning and such, and becoming a power-suit-wearing corporate slave. IF, they want to hire me.

However, that's bye-bye now. At least for the next 6 months.

I really hope this will go well. The last 2 days has been a nervous-fest for me. I have to socialize, and so far so good in that department. I work with an all-boys team, that's a plus. But there's this girl who looks like she won't look at my direction and I'm afraid she hates me. And another girl who looked at me funny when I said I wanted to make a cup of coffee just minutes ago. What?

O my. I start thinking too much.

My boss isn't here yet and it's almost lunch time now and I don't have anything to do. Crap. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the lazy days, if only I had someone to talk to. AND if only those girls I mentioned above didn't keep passing me by on their way to the kitchen.

*major sigh*

Maybe I'll be back in an hour or so.

i hear in my mind all this music and it breaks my heart

2007-02-15T20:04:00.000+07:00

Happy belated Valentine's Day!

By the way, I spent the 14th with my ex. Hahahah. He invited me to go play at his house. And yes, like Nilam said, how very anak SD of him, ngajaknya main. It wasn't bad though, we talked, he curhat-ed about people and I gossiped about people, and I got to draw creatures and he said he'd put it on his wall... It wasn't bad, but it was somewhat weird and I kept on feeling like bolting out of there ASAP and seeing my friends.

Which I did. See my friends, I mean. Geng Suril plus Tisam and Nand's boyf got together for a while at Kansas. Too bad Nandia didn't stay that long because, I'm not sure, either a plan with her mom or a Valentine's day plan with boyfriend. But that's ok, namanya juga lagi anget-angetnya, ya gak? Anyway, I, NilSindTis went karaoke-ing later on. I've always thought karaokeing is fun, but what's even more fun is dancing the songs away! Eheheh.

So, yesterday was OK and yet, tiring.

As for today, I had to wake up early because I had this writing test and an interview for one of the local tabloids. This certain tabloid isn't really my thing, but I really have to have a job (let's not ever go back to those last seven words again) and I have to start somewhere. I hope I did well on the test and I hope I've dazzled the interviewer with my charm. Ahahah.

On my way home, the cab driver kept on making conversation that sometimes felt like a debate session and asking me questions about education, journalism, job fields, economy, local policemen, and our country basically, that required me twisting my brain out so that I could give the whatsoundedlike-best answers. Weird. And tiring. It felt like I was being interviewed twice today.

As for the random stuff:

Back then when the movie Moonlight Mile was playing on theaters, there was this song that was played during its trailer, and I never knew what song it was. I had checked the movie soundtracks and listened to each song, but I couldn't find it. One day, it was played at the Starbucks and I even pushed myself to ask the mas-mas Starbucks what song that was. But of course the stupid mas-mas didn't know. Anyvaaaay. Now, years later, I found out what song that was. It was Elton John's Someone Saved Me Tonight. Now that I've heard the whole song, I don't even like it that much, I just like the ending (the part they played for the movie trailer). But mygod, it's so satisfying to finally find out something like this. Next task, that "superglue" song, Dro.

Random things #2. I had a... sort of came-too-late crush. Ahah. See, there's this guy I know from campus. Back in the college days, I had noticed him, but there was always someone I liked better. So he was kind of forgotten. But lately I've been reminded of him again because of small stuff. Few days ago, when I was drowned in the word heartbroken, I checked out his friendster profile and found this on one of his who-I-want-to-meet list--more or less:

kamu yang hatinya patah dan gak tau mau dilem pake apa

Haw. Don't I just want to raise my hand.

Anywho. I've graduated, so has he, and it's a bit too late to even like this guy. So there'll be nothing out of this. Barely a crush.

Okie. Runi, out.

can you hear me? are you listening? this is the sound of my heart breaking

2007-02-09T21:04:00.000+07:00

Here are some random thoughts:

- It's February already. Time flies, eh? There goes the 1/12 of this year already.
- Therefore, I'm going to stop lazing around. Yes, that's right. Right after writing this.
- I'm in love with Al Pacino's mugshot.
- Current top 3 favorite ice cream: Sushi Tei's, Ben and Jerry's, and Cold Rocks'. Me really wanna right now.
- Sasquatch is a funny word. I like it.
- It's that time of the month. When I want to rant, or cry, or wallow in something. And just like other females of the species I blamed PMS for it; but PMS stands for Pre-Menstruation Syndrome which should've been over once the menstruation started. And it didn't.
- And at time like this, there's nothing I want more than to put the puzzle pieces together and I don't know, recollect my soul? But recollecting the puzzle pieces together is haaarrrd. And it's sad. It shouldn't be this hard. Not with us. But it is. Ugh.
- Speaking of sad, did you watch--I believe his name is--Sherman Poe on the American Idol audition? The old guy who sang You Belong To Me? Touching, touching, touching. Gimme my very own Sherman Poe!

Nyeh. Contrary to what I wrote in my curriculum vitae, I can't compose a distinctive piece of writing.

Toodles.

is it glue that you're offering
or maybe the beat of your drum
i'll take it, i'll take it all
save me from feeling numb

the world got smashed into pieces and put back together the wrong way

2007-01-21T16:44:00.000+07:00

This day two years ago, I was missing my long hair like crazy. Now here I am, feeling almost the same like I was that day. I miss my long hair among other things. It's not as dreadful as it used to be, though. My hair now is okay.

Anyway. About the "other things", here goes,

I miss having more cousins/aunts in the house, I miss the canceled TV series Wonderfalls, I miss going swimming, I miss going to the beach, I miss my thinner figure (although I prefer my butt now. Haha), I miss wearing my now-broken-sunglasses, I miss Dermaga Foodcourt, I miss doing choreographed dances (yuh-huh, I was a cheerleader, sue me) and I miss getting paid for it, I miss hosting new year's eve's get-togethers (although I don't know how I could pull off the hosting-thing back then without being all high-strung like Ross did when he found out about Rachel and Joey), I miss PE class, I miss having to wake up unreasonably early in the morning to go to school/campus (nyeh, the last two fall under BENCI TAPI RINDU category), I miss when days like these were called "libur", I miss seeing people whom I used to see often, and I very much miss one of them, one third of the best of all.

Something can be fixed by washing your hair every single day, and another is just plainly heartbreaking.

for the love you bring won't mean a thing, unless you sing, sing, sing

2007-01-13T15:26:00.000+07:00

Answer the questions using lines from songs you know. the song themes and the questions don't have to match, what's important are the words in the lines you write. don't forget to mention the song and the singer in your answers.

1. How's your take on life?
"The more we move ahead, the more we're stuck in rewind. Well, I don't mind, I don't mind. How the hell could I mind"
[Ocean Breathes Salty - Modest Mouse]

2. Tell us your first love.
"To me, you're strange and you're beautiful"
[Strange And Beautiful - Aqualung]
*By 'strange' here I mean foreign, berhubung kepincut sama bule xD

3. What were you like when you were in elementary school?
"Thought there was love in everything and everyone, oh you're so naive"
[Get Me Away I'm Dying - Belle & Sebastian]

4. in junior high?
"We were all in love and we all got hurt"
[White Houses - Vanessa Carlton]

5. in highschool?
"I'm so happy I could scream. And there's nowhere else in the world i'd rather be"
[Mint Car - The Cure]

6. in college/university/whatever?
"I feel so stupid, happy, and numb"
[Local God - Everclear]

7. what do you think about love?
"Oh such grace, oh such beauty, so precious, suspicious, and charming and vicious"
[A Million Ways - OK Go]

8. anything you wanna say to a particular crush?
Don't think there's any particular crush at the moment. But well, here's for whichever,
"Please be my next morning flower, but don't be there all the time. Leave me a couple of hours, then bring me food and wine."
[The Cynic - Kashmir/Bowie]

9. anything you wanna say to a particular past-crush?
"I'm far too shy to speak to you at school. You leave me numb and I'm not sure why"
[Spitting Games - Snow Patrol]

10. how about to an ex?
"Circles and triangles, and now we're hanging out with your new girlfriend"
[Cool - Gwen Stefani]
*Tapi ini lebih pas dinyanyiin pas jamannya masih ada NugeNisa. Hahah xD

11. how about your family?
"We've come too far to turn back, we're just too close to quit. We're learning the hard way"
[Learning The Hard Way - Gin Blossoms]

12. what are you feeling right now?
"Open the window, let some air in. I feel so old"
[Left Behind - Aqualung]

13. what kind of night/day is it?
"The sun was high, up above"
[Walking Barefoot - Ash]

14. what's your new year resolution?
I didn't make any. But if I had, it would've gone something like,
"I would stop drinking, stop feeling breakdown, and start believing you might change your mind. Well I don't know"
[Tell Me What To Say - Black Lab]

15. what about your bestfriend(s).
"Look at us we're beautiful, all the people push and pull but they'll never get inside, we got too much to hide"
[Beautiful - Moby]

16. describe your partner(s) in crime.
"We do what we want, we do what we want"
[Local God - Everclear]

17. anything you wanna say to Bush?
"I used to be sad, now I'm just bored with you"
[Burning Photograph - Ryan Adams]

18. your childhood. tell us about it.
Because I think I was even more delusional back then,
"If the land of make believe is inside your heart, it will never leave. There's a golden gate where the fairies all wait and dancing moons"
[Dear Jessie - Madonna]

19. how did the last book that you read go?
"I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend"
[Jumper - Third Eye Blind]

20. an easy one: the lyrics to the last song you sang for someone. who?
"Suka-sukaa, mandi di pinggir kali"
[My own version of Yang Penting Hepi - Jamal Mirdad. To Bune yesterday]

21. current obsession?
"And now I wish I was in love"
[I Wish I Was In Love - Lightning Seeds]

22. what was today like?
"Woke up and wished that I was dead, with an aching in my head, I lay motionless in bed. The night is here and the day is gone, and the world spins madly on"
[World Spins Madly On - The Weepies]

23. how about yesterday?
"Another day, just believe. Another day, just breathe"
[Breathe - Telepopmusik]

24. your P.o.V on kids?
"I don't trust myself for loving you"
[John Mayer]

25. any question you felt have never been answered?
"Why aren't you here with me tonight?"
[Someday We'll Know - New Radicals]

26. the most romantic place you've heard of so far?
"If you come back, I'll take you to the garden, we'll dance to the orchestra on the lawn and we'll roll in the foggy dew and dance with the ghosts upon the dawn"
[To You I Bestow - Mundy]

27. Any instrumental songs you need to enlist here? describe why.
Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness [Smashing Pumpkins]
Because it's touching and just because.

before you go, can you read my mind?

2007-01-05T14:23:00.000+07:00

Highs, lows, and inbetweens of 2006

1. Kings of Convenience's showcase in Bandung.
2. Meeting Erland Oye in some random warung that same night.
3. Bandung tektok trip with geng and ngong to see Ingga. Jackpot, huh?
4. A childhood sweetheart came and went. Twice.
5. Had a bried but dreadful dilemma about graduating.
6. Rozelle went official with Yudo. This girl really lives in a fast lane soap opera, I tell you.
7. Batu Karas trip with Ped, Ngun, Ngga.
8. Long awaited Pesta Liburan with my cousins.
9. Midyear holiday, when I got to see Ocha and Yoyok and people.
10. Submitted an application to be one of the 5 Takes' five TJs, and ended up feeling too lazy to submit the second video application.
11. Got Shan Michael Evans to make an illustration for my writing.
12. Getting better in turning lights off, therefore the case of missing zsazsazsu often occured.
13. Enrolled in some driving school.
14. Driver's lisence.
15. Missed Coldplay's gig in Singapore.
16. Went to Bandung alone for the first time.
17. Went to Seaworld after years and years. Then watched INXS at the Soundrenaline.
18. Graduating from English Lit. UI.
19. Graduation party at my house.
20. Tagged along the Dutch kids to their 2006 initiation.
21. Went to Disney's Lantern Fantasy with Chici.
22. Resigned from my job at Chrysolit.
23. Formed a geng jualan with Bun, Ped, Ngun. Plus jualan 2 hari di bazar Warung Baba.
24. Reunion with kids from 2A.
25. Had my long hair cut into a short bob.
26. Birthday season with the 11th of November as the cherry on top.
27. Singapore-Malaysia trip with Ped and her family. The beginning of my bankruptcy.
28. Petang Kreatif 2006. Maybe my last planned-visit to campus.
29. Had a brief reunion with Ardini, a friend from junior high.
30. Got interviewed for a reporter job in Media Indonesia. Still crossing fingers and toes.
31. One temukangen, one Nandia's farewell dinner, and one pre-Christmas dinner with people from English dept 2002.
32. Drove alone to Citos for the first time.
33. Applied to Music City FM as the on-air staff only to be called back to try out for the announcer job. Lost cause from the beginning.

...I can't think of anything else. Nyeh, quiet and numbing year.

As for closure, I had a quiet but nice NY's eve at Ped's with Bun and Sya. Watching Star Wars episode III, eating like there's no tomorrow, playing with the sparklers and fireworks... Rozelle stopped by for a few blinks of an eye. So, tears from the NYE before didn't come back. But something has been nagging me since though. Let's just say, I'm pulling a Joey to someone's Ross and Emily.

The great thing this time is, I had a second new year's celebration. Ped, Bun, Sya and I went to Bandung on the 2nd, stayed at this nice hotel called Puri Larasati for two nights, and spent some QT with Ingga and Ebonk. Aside from my feeling like death was the next thing for me, it was fun. I didn't want to go home.

However, I'm home now. And I just want to say, I love my friends (they're the only ones that keep my inside reeling besides shopping these days). And I hope they'll always be around for the next new year and new years to come. As for the rest of the world,

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007!!!

i watch the stars from my window sill, the whole world is moving and i'm standing still

2006-12-10T16:12:00.000+07:00

Two days ago was this year's Petang Kreatif. I came and watched (not all, but enough). It was nice, English 2006 had something to be proud of (they're the runner-up), nice performances from some departments... But one of the them was so dull, it wasn't even funny and I pity them, I realy do (A***o guys, can't you do anything right?).

Aside from the PK, I got to see some people I know. Friends, love/lust interests, annoying people and all. Nice. And I think that was my last planned-visit to campus. I may come back sometime (still waiting for the nyanset date, suril), but still can't help thinking that was the last one, the closure (ooh, there goes the word again). And god, there really is no good time for anyone to leave, is there? Hard to explain but *sigh*.

-----

On a very different note, they already put the giant christmas tree in the middle of Citos!!! Love it! Stare deep into it, pretend the raindrops outside are actually snowflakes, listen to the choir singing christmas songs (if they're not there yet, listen to the ones inside your head), then you'll get my version of Christmas at the Rockefeller Center.

However. I know it's early, but happy holiday people, hope you'll have a great christmas shopping or time with your loved ones! Cheers.

all that we needed tonight are people who love us and life

2006-12-05T17:44:00.000+07:00

Blah. I'm bored. But I'm too broke to go out. And I'll pretend not to hear anyone who screams "get a job", not because I won't but I just can't be rushed.

BLAAAAHH. I can't even write anything. Personal rants, fiction, poem, writing sample for my future... I feel so uninspired.

I want to go out, and waste my non-existent money, and party, and have fun, and feel good, and be mesmerized by bands playing beautiful songs, and be surrounded by my loved ones so that I could hide behind them when the big bad world is closing in, and sing my lungs out, and dance the night away, and go nuts, and see people, and ignore people, and have my inside beat so fast for something trivial and not be able to sit still because of it or maybe just because of the expensive coffee they sell on Starbucks, and see and/or feel fireworks, and feel alive, and be inspired.

Help?

Anyway. I feel so *blah* I read my old journals from 7-9 years ago although usually reading my junior-high-self made me cringe. I still cringed this time. Conclusions made from reading it: I was so naive back then but I've been building my personal electric fence since then and big massive thank god, as I've grown older, I've gained more guts, confidence, self-respect and such. Thank god for self-evolution. Oyeah, and I was so in love with the guy whom I made run recently (or was that vice versa?). I've also loved drama since back then: making a used-to-be-best-friend's life a hell, playing 'pingpong' with a best friend/love interest/admirer/enemy xD, basking in a spider web of enmity and then taking sides...

Not so naive after all, huh? But compared to now, I was stupidly green. Again, thank god I trust myself now.

Enough with my self-introspect moment. People, let's have a christmas party! I'm not supposed to celebrate it, but it's december already and with all the christmas trees and lights at the malls and such and the cold air and the butterflies inside... I can hear Chris Martin's voice inside singing, "it felt like christmas time".

So, anyone?

Open to everything happy and sad
Seeing the good when it's all going bad
Seeing the sun when I can't really see
Hoping the sun will at least look at me

Focus on everything better today
All that I needed I never could say
Hold on to people they're slipping away
Hold on to this while it's slipping away
[moby]

the growing pains dissolve in lemonade

2006-11-16T15:58:00.000+07:00

I turned 22 last saturday. I had a joint party along with Ped's and Bangun's birthdays celebration at this seafood restaurant in Ancol, Bandar Djakarta. Aside from the house band singing "happy birthday" and the kelapa ulangtaun with sparklers on it, it was more like an intimate dinner rather than a "party". But my loved ones were all there. I didn't have to choose, I could have my cake and eat it too. The girls were there, and the guys were also there. Ingga and Ebonk even drove all the way from Bandung to Jakarta and back to Bandung afterwards for this. Touching.

And what's a night out with a bunch of best friends without hitting the karaoke lounge? Yesss, we sang our lungs out @ Nav as always. Too bad we forgot to sing 22nd birthday theme song, "Ratu Oke".

All in all, despite some unspoken tension in the air, it was comfortable. Aw, big giant pile of fluffy pillows! And I notice, when I'm happy, I'm lacking the ability to compile words and make some decent entry about it. So maybe pictures will describe it better.

this year's birthday sparks

ladies and gentlemen, your hosts for tonight

my most prized treasure

the girls and some Modjo Jojo-like apparition of Ancol

There it goes, the end of birthday season for 2006. I hope the festivity will last the whole year round.

wait, don't go so fast. i'm missing the moments as they passed

2006-09-06T23:09:00.001+07:00

Graduation.

The highlight of me lately.

It was on Saturday the 2nd at Balairung UI. Slightly touching but that was it. I didn't cry for the obvious reason. I did cry, however, after I refused to be stuck in a stupid traffic jam inside my campus area, ditched my parents in the car, took a long walk to FIB through the forest, under the blazing sun, in high-heels. Aside from that, it was okay. Both mom and dad came, my kebaya and hairdo came out how I wanted them to be, I got to see my friends and take pictures and all.

Nice.

Cherry on top, in the evening I invited few close friends to my house to have dinner and... just hang. I was so nervous-slash-anxious at first... You know, the pressure of entertaining =p However, it was great. My "orang-orang terkasihi" were all there. The girls, Ngong, Ingga, Ocha... Even Oho turned up after he said he couldn't. There was even this guy whom I've adored from time to time. Tee-hee. The get-together was super-super nice, it kept my inside beating.

Another highlight, teeny weeny one: I have a driver lisence now. And yesterday, I drove myself to work! With my driver right next to me of course. But still.

Speaking of work, I'm resigning. By the end of this month, to be exact. What's next for me, I often ask myself, I don't know. I'll figure it out. Soon, I hope. But right now I really want to travel, be with my friends, be in love, do stupid things mindlessly, feel like my inside is squeezed because it beats so fast, soak in the word "holiday" so much I'd tan myself... I don't know. It's one of those "ingin mematung" moments.

Haw. It's always harder to explain my nocturne thoughts.

Wish we'll stay like this
And we will reminisce
Our vanished nights
Our mockery fights

Because soon is the dawn
And promises will be gone
Before we all say goodbye
Here's iloveyou to get by

instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know you realize that life goes fast...

2006-08-18T22:28:00.000+07:00

I thought I couldn't run from my days in college any more faster. Godknows (and maybe so does everyone else) I kept a safe distance from people in my campus. By not getting too attached, I've saved myself from missing anyone when we graduate. I've missed high school longer than high school itself, I don't want any similar case to occur again. And I did a good job, I'm sure.

When Nissa had her "oo, jadi kita temenan cuma 4 taun nih, cuma sampe lulus" issue, I was thinking, hello, with all the drama, thank god kita cuma temenan 4 taun. And just about two weeks ago, when Bune said that she just got hit by a realization that she'd miss the campus and everything, I didn't empathize. I said that I didn't think I'd miss it that much, I said that it wouldn't be long before it's over and I couldn't wait until we all get out of here.

Then tonight, out of boredom and solitariness, I read Sindro's old blog entries from about a year ago. I can still say I want to get over this ASAP, but maybe there are few things I'll miss. Here goes.

1. My friends. Yes, I don't loathe you that much, only on hot days =p You know who you are, suril, gerwani, lunchies plusplus, and some others.

2. Kansas. The most tolerable icky place that I've ever known. I'll miss all those times I stayed way until magrib there, just because I didn't have anywhere better to go. I'll miss the way I took the long way to buy drinks just to check someone out on the other side of the caf. I'll miss that time when Nand suddenly whispered to me as we were walking by meja ijo area, "Run, all eyes on you" (okay, I think the last one is ego-talking =p).

3. Of course surreal times with the easygoing geng suril (aka gampangan, ke sini hayok, ke sana hayok). Waiting for magrib to come with you three, smoking our allowance out, asking what the real quintessence of smoking is, and just hanging out when everyone else was nowhere to be found are the best.

4. Weird and quirky qualities in anak-anak sastra that made me feel comfortable in asking stupid and weird questions. Out of the Qs, interesting convos often followed. Questions about deepest fears or about things in general. I'm surely going to miss that. The best companions for the questions are of course Sind, Nil, Nand, but the others are always a nice addition.

5. Being this (sok) idealist college student, dreaming about publishing a book filled with absurd short stories and poems, while trying to finish Penpop assignment on time. Soon, I'll have no time for being that anymore. I actually have to make it happen. I can't suck anymore. I have to get the equivalent of Mr.Ismail's three dots in the real life! Oh my.

6. Going to campus wearing ripped jeans, the laid back classes, the laid back system, the music events, the plays, the bazaar, the used-book bazaar, and things like those. Maybe some of us look like the crazy/hippie/poet type for people out there, but I don't care. I had never been in a such... creative environment before FIB UI.

7. Having crushes on mediocre (and sometimes below) guys just because they were the best ones around. Seriously, sastra guys establish the saying 'love is blind'. Haha. No offense. That, and regretting it sometime later.

8. Seeing Bune 5 days a week more or less. And dragging her away from her friends everytime I needed her.

I guess I'll miss more than what I planned to miss. And maybe there are more, but those are the only ones that come across my mind right now.

Well.
"...it's hard to make the good things last."

let's waste time. chasing cars around our heads.

2006-08-16T21:30:00.001+07:00

Random things:

Besides cancer, war and racism, there are few things I'd really like to make disappear. Lessee.

When I'm shopping @ Citos' wednesday Bazaar:
1. Annoying little kids running around.
2. Fat ladies who won't budge even after I practically scream "permisi" on their ears.
3. Ibu-ibu sok muda yang memonopoli space di depan rak baju karena mereka takut keabisan barang-barang yang bagus. Hello, don't they believe in "aging gracefully"? Um, I believe the older section is somewhere around here, right inside my ass!

When I'm learning to drive (and hopefully, when I'm driving, period):
1. Jaywalkers who take such a sweet time crossing the road. On my driving lesson today, I was seriously thinking of running over one of those. How cruel am I?
2. Motorcycles.
3.Angkot and Metro Mini. Enough said.

----------

Currently in love with Gary Lightbody from Snow Patrol. Listen to "Chasing Cars", it's heart-wrenching. And at the same time, in lust with him everytime I listen to the band's version of Beyonce's "Crazy in Love". Hahaha. A weird turn-on.

----------

Only two weeks (and a few days) left to graduation. Sigh.

----------

I need a new pair of shoes. Or more. There are days when I need at least one of my besties, there are days when I need to cry without any reason, there are days when I need to "diam dan mematung". Well. These are the days when I have a massive urge to buy shoes.

and I can tell you my love for you will still be strong after the boys of summer have gone

2006-08-05T19:52:00.000+07:00

Be still.
For one flutter,
I'd expect and hope.
My suicide rope.

Ssh, be still.
For just one flap,
It'd all fall apart.
My heart.

----------
Recaps on lately:

[Jul 27th]
Thursday. I had an unpredictable, almost 2-month-long awaited rapatgeng. At first PedNgun asked me to go to Gaikindo Motor Show or some sort with them. Being easy as always, I agreed. I asked Bune to come although I knew it'd be the last thing on her things-I'm-interested-in list. She had this stupid reason of "males keramas", but I made her wash her hair and come anyway. Long story made short, we were too late for Gaikindo and we managed to drag Rozelle out of her castle, and voila, we were off to Cafe Shisha or whatever it's called. Later on, Oho joined us. So there it was, rapatgeng plus two.

Maybe you just can't plan this thing anymore, you just have to wait and stumble upon it. The element of surprise intensifies the fun anyway, so that's okie *senyum simpul*. Besides, Oho came and brought stories and gossips that weren't that big of a deal except for the way he delivered them. Incomprehensibly not in order and his usage of words like "ngesek" or "ojosan". Hilarious. That and his stories after watching Coldplay in Singapore. Ugh, sour subject. Moving on.

----------

[Jul 28th]
Friday, went night-karaokeing with Pedhe, Bangun, Ocha and Oho. We got in at about 11.15 pm and it was 45 minutes to Oho's turning 22. In a way, it was a karaoke birthday party for Oho. At midnight he sang "Ratu Oke", please note the first two lines: "namaku si Ratu Oke, umurku dua-dua". Then we all sang "Happy Birthday" to him. Singing the conventional Happy Birtday song in a karaoke lounge, how extravagant were we? It was always fun karaokeing with Oho because it always involved dancing, and well, actually standing up. And with him, you can't just belt out the tunes, you have to sing the songs with emotions, body language and all as if deep in your soul you really meant it. Teehee. Exhaustingly fun, despite Ocha's choice of an old Ebiet G. Ade's song.

----------

[Jul 29th]
Saturday night, strolled around Makro. How old-housewives could I get? Anyway, PedNgun convinced me to go there, buy lounging chairs and create some kind of patio on the garden next to my room. So I bought four of these chairs, grabbed unused cracked coffee table in my gazebo, voila, my very own secret garden. Ocha came by later on bringing cheap wine. A little patio-launching party.

----------

[Jul 30th]
Sunday. Oho invited me and else to a birthday brunch @ Dixie Rasuna. Of course, remembering he invited "anak-anak Batalyon", brunch was at 4 pm. There were only about 15-16 people of us, but it was nice. Foods and drinks and laughter kept rolling in for about five hours.

Kesan dan pesan? Chances are, I fall, fell, whatever, for someone so boring I don't think he ordered any food at his friend's birthday party--which was practically an all-you-can-eat one--and I think he only ordered ice lemon tea when the rest of us were ordering drinks with exotic names and funny colors. Tsk, tsk, I had my butterflies set on someone whom reality shows' judges might call "too safe".

----------

[Jul 31st]
Monday. Missed a deadline, and altogether missed a chance to be the next 5 Takes TJ (hosting job for this Discovery Travel and Living channel's show). I know life's too short to miss an opportunity like that, but life's also too short for any regret. Besides, it was too hazy to think about deadlines.

----------

[Aug 2nd]
Wednesday, had a little taste of the vain-but-oh-so-fabulous world of fashion. Bune and I got a one-time job as ushers for Biyan's fashion show. Fancy, huh? It was practically a MAGABU kind of job. Decent amount of money for telling famous people where to sit and watching my first fashion show. Mahvelous, dahling, mahvelous.

Newest ambition: to be one of those VVIPs whose names are written on the front row seats.

----------

[Aug 4th]
Friday, as in yesterday. Went to Bandung with this Jakarta-Bandung shuttle called XTRANS. Alone. Wee-hee. I got giddily proud of being able to go to Bandung alone for the first time. Geng ngong picked me up when I got there, and then we went shopping at Gedebage. Also my first time. I had my doubts at first since Ped's first review about the place wasn't too convincing (if not, at all), and whose review is better to believe than your own mirror image, right? Well, turned out, I was still a pro-shopper, judging from all the dresses that I bought. That, or I was so gelap mata, judging from the oversized man's sweater that I bought.

Anyway. It was fun. Meeting my almost-forgotten friend (guess who), and shopping. Despite I did it in a crowded and humid "PASAR", shopping was still therapeutic. Quoting from I-can't-remember-who,

"whoever says money can't buy happiness simply doesn't know where to shop."

----------

So. Holiday butterflies paid off. Not quite with what (/who?) I had in mind, but who can complain, right?

Pictures may come later.

"A little voice Inside my head said,
'Don't look back. You can never look back.'
I thought I knew what love was
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but--"
[Don Henley/The Ataris]

it gets the better of me sometimes when you and i collide

2006-07-31T12:02:00.000+07:00

Let's take a little walk back to the 90's music scene and raise your voice if you know this one.

SWAY
(Bic Runga)

Don't stray, don't ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes, when you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time
Don't let me drown, let me down
I say it's all because of you

And here I go, losing my control
I'm practising your name so I can say it to your face
It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed it's time to tell you why
I say it's infintely true

Say you'll stay,
Don't come and go, like you do
Sway my way,
Yeah I need to know all about you

And there's no cure, and no way to be sure
Why everything's turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired - I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon

It's all because of you
It's all because of you

----------

I feel like posting that song here, since I've heard it twice within the last 24 hours.

Updates about lately may come sometime later.

I hear the melodious beat somewhere
that I secretly hope you could hear,
and while you're standing there--oblivious,
I have butterflies coming out of my bellybutton one by one.

it's time i got back to the good life

2006-07-16T01:00:00.000+07:00

I've always said that my prized possessions are my best friends and money. Now I have one more: my health. No one could ever know how much I'm grateful for it. Seriously.

What brought this on?

Thirty hours of high fever, plus another thirty-nine hours of...ahem, bowel problems, and the total of more or less three days being a tired, sluggish, helpless gag-prone. Oyeah, don't forget BORED from all the laying down and not being able to go out. I lost sleeps because I kept waking up from the illness; that led to me begging Andrei to get me some Prozac. I lost my appetite and at the same time I knew I had to eat in order to take medicine and get well. Yet, everytime I ate something, my tummy churned and seriously, the food wouldn't stay in that long. I knew I should've seen a doctor but for all I know that'd be a fate worse than death for me. I felt like dying ='(

Anyway. I've been feeling well for nine hours and it's a MAJOR progress. I finished my meal at dinner time, and the food stays in. I don't mind eating some more. So I really do hope it'll last *crossing fingers and hope to God*

How did I get better? I don't know, maybe God showed some mercy for me. That, or one of these things I did when getting better: listening to songs from Weezer's old albums in a row (this might be it), reading old journals (or this? hmm), or aksi ngambek sama Bune (no this can't be it).

Well, now I have my health *crossing fingers again and hope to God*, my holiday-mood is back! I really have to see more people. That's what holiday is all about, right? Ocha, check. Yoyok, check. Anybody else who's been hiding under a rock, come out, come out. We'll play.

By the by, boo hoo, Mr.Bora's leaving for somewhere in Europe tomorrow.

something ignites in my vein and i pray it never fades

2006-07-09T15:51:00.000+07:00

Just a few days ago I was sulking for idontknowwhat, and then I went re-reading some old testimonials in order to feel better and companioned, only to question, where are these people now in the end.

Then, TADA! The afternoon after, Ocha called me and asked the "geng begundal" to get together with him. He's interning in some law firm in town. I easily agreed like usual, so did Ped, but Roz and Bune had their reasons as always. However, Ocha managed to talk Rozelle into it, so she was in.

Seeing Ocha was nice. I almost forgot how nice it was to spend a QT with him; it was comforting. I felt like we were all his little sisters (ahem, no pun intended) with him asking about our lives, giving advices and all. Hahah. Of course the low point of the night was his disappointed expression after seeing me smoking.

All in all, it was great catching up with him. Then, the next morning, I mean afternoon, I learned that Yoyok's here! Well, in Bandung actually. But still. And he's supposed to go back to Jakarta today...

Ahh! People seem to pop out of the thin air. It's like an answer to my question when I re-read the testimonials a few nights ago. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get to see more of them. Anyone. Again, even Bune would be nice.

Holiday butterflies are up.

it's the curse of being a girl, tonight you can hardly make a change

2006-07-06T22:07:00.000+07:00

Taken from Ayu's

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Ask Rian, my classmate back in high school senior year. Actually it's gone now, but it's the only scar for which I could keep blaming Rian for about 3 years.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Pinkman, letters of the alphabet, what-supposed-to-be cannabis leaves that looks like Adidas old school logo, Purple Doraemon with green face reminding me to eat, a turtle, a guy with freakish crapping dog or some sort, a sabda from a cat head known as the Ratu Kucing... Painted by of me, my cousins, and my best friends.

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
Nokia 6600. All chipped off but I love it anyway.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
Wrist-slitting tunes? More painful the better. But besides that, I have a lot of guilty pleasures lurking behind my interest.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
11 pm. And the cool thing is, I was also born on the eleventh of November.

6.WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
To have about Rp.25.000.000,- grow on one of the trees in my front yard. So I can pay Bune to ditch her work, buy three round tickets to Singapore, buy four Coldplay tickets, meet Roz in Singapore, splurge a bit at the Singapore Great Sale, and have the long-awaited liburanbersamageng while watching Chris Martin and his bandmates belting out their magic.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Being a teenager. Please keep in mind that although I feel young, there is no "teen" in twentyone. And maybe soon, I'll miss having the word "student" on my Friendster's profile's occupation section.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
What can bring happiness. My best friends. And money.

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
Food. Coffee. My room after my friends came and smoked in there. My perfumes.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Yes, sometimes.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Rarely.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Secret Fantasy by Anna Sui and Stella (Mc.Cartney).

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Yang biasa aja. Tousled is nice when it's not purposely so.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
Tiffany's? Just like Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Coffee.

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Cheese, assorted meats and sausages, and mushrooms. But cheese and mushroom would do.

18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I can't eat anything right now, I feel bloated. But otherwise, I'll have sushi or kambing guling.

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
I can't remember.

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
Yes.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)?
I can't quite remember. Either an over-sized tee or a teddy bear.

WAIT HANG ON A MINUTE WHAT HAPPENED TO 22-27?
How should I know. And seriously, I demand my 6 missing questions!

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
That would be stupid. But that's the whole point of falling in love, innit? Anyway, I'd like to say I wouldn't, but with me, stupidity happens all the time.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
I don't know. You tell me.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
99.

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
On who? For guys I prefer brunette.

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
My mom's.

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Little things thought at night time.

33. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF [your country]?
Yeah, once. When I crap money, I'd definitely do it more and take my friends along with me.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
I let small things get through me.

37. FIRST JOB?
A part-time teacher. Wait, come to think of it, the first time I earned money was when I was wearing a short purple-red skirt and waving my pom-poms. Yeah, I was a cheerleader.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Hahah. Sure. One of the best things of being young and stupid.

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
Watching Rockstar Supernova.

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A bit of lipo and breast implant. Hello, the new ANTM. Hahahah.

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
To practice answering questions for my magazine-interview-filled future. That, and I don't have anything to do.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
Being me. How cocky is that?

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Buy a whole lot of them before they become illegal and keep a lifetime supply in a secret bunker.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A kiss from Guy Berryman.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
One or two. Three at the most.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My cousin.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
No. I wish on everything.

48. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE FINGER?
Index finger. Not really, I don't know. I mean, on what base do you tell which your fave finger is?

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Really cry? A few weeks ago, when I decided--for a brief moment in time--not to graduate this year.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Sometimes.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Every meat.

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Procastinating.

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
All-4-One from back when I was still in 6th grade.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Definitely.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Yes.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Call someone. Or cry. But the best way is shopping.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
For this time being, I'm practically homeless, second-home-wise.

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
No.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Um, the usual. Lego, Barbie, Play Doh...

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
A lot. And really, I don't mean anything bad by it.

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
Define mosh pit. If it involves people violently banging their heads, crashing to one another, then no.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
I don't know. I'll know it when I find it.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Runi, Mony, Rong, Rone.

68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
No.

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Ben and Jerry's half-baked brownies and chocolate chip cookie dough.

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
Rainbow.

73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
What's a wisdom teeth?

74. WHO DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
Some people I haven't seen in a while. Even Bune.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Everyone who? But yeah, that'd be nice.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Silences. I'm using mom's speaker-less PC.

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
Trattoria's Creme Brulee.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Pedhe.

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Could be anything.

80. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Jakarta.

81. SCARIEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
I don't know.

82. FAVORITE DRINK?
Cold ones.

83. FAVORITE JOKE?
I don't know. Sometimes jokes are seriously like disposable panties. Once you wear them, you should never see (or hear) them again.

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
Mall-hopping.

85. HAIR COLOR?
Black.

86. EYE COLOR?
Somewhere between black or really, really dark brown.

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
Only when I stay in. And only at nights.

88. SIBLINGS?
An older sister and a younger step sister.

89. FAVORITE MONTH?
November for the obvious reason.

90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Yes.

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
Rockstar Supernova.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
My birthday.

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Maybe. Not as much shy as tengsin though.

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer. No winter around here.

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Both?

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE-NIGHT STANDS
Ask again later.

97. WHO DO YOU SECRETLY LOVE?
Secretly? If I wrote it here, it wouldn't be a secret, huh?

98. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU MACKED IT WITH IN THE PAST YEAR?
What's "macked it with"?

99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
Ped's Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar.

100. WHERE DO YOU WORK?
Serpong, this place called Chrysolit.

the highs would make you fly, and the lows make you want to die

2006-06-22T19:40:00.000+07:00

I had my first period about 9 years ago, and still, the sight of blood dripping out of me always sends me to a certain nauseating dizziness and a near-passing-out experience. Not to mention since I got out of high school and stopped exercising weekly, I constantly have this gut-wrenching pain in my tummy everytime I have my so-called "little friend". URGH. Why do we females have to put up with this thing?

And I'd really like to destroy the belief that females have bad tantrums when they have their period. I managed to do that earlier today. Went to campus, got my Multiculturalism final paper (marked A-), saw my friends again, saw Mr.Bora the Sexplorer (haha, pardon the icky nick name), went to PIM a while... Everything was a-OK.

Then there was that phonecall I made to Ebonk. UGH. Long story made short: he won't come to Batu Karas. After his mockery prediction of me not going, which was so irritating, turns out he's the one who doesn't go. I was so afraid something might come up that could make me not go and make me become the butt of Ebonk's joke. I was really dreading about that. Now that I know for sure I'll go, now that I'm getting all psyched up about the trip, now that Rozelle and Ingga agree to come, he can't go! I'm not even sure I'm making a point here. But this really upsets me. Not to mention how he used "kapan gue mau lulus kalo gak SP?" reason. Wasn't he the one who made me rethink about graduating so soon so hard I almost lost my head? I know I'm definitely not making a point here, but, it's just that, I loathe how the things he said always got the best of me. Ugh.

Owell. He's still my best friend, and I can't blame him anyway.

ARGH! Darnitt!!

This must be the blood-dripping bitch talking.

*Taking a deep breath* You know what, never mind. My mood has just been lifted up again thanks to a newly-received testimonial from the mentioned Mr.Bora. Heheh. Ms.Goodmood is baaack.

fast as you can, baby, run! free yourself of me of me fast as you can

2006-06-19T21:16:00.001+07:00

Pieces of lately:

About a week ago a blast from the past suddenly burst out of thin air and was being a "pain in the arse" (as I quoted him calling me). It was kinda funny, actually, how stupid he was. And maybe he didn't mean anything serious by all the SMS he sent me last week, but I just had to drive him away. I admit that. It's not like when I gave lollypop to my senior and unintentionally had him kicked out from the no-food-no-drink room. No, this time I deliberately made him run. I had an outburst. A drama queen's sulking to be exact, just because he said those "nasty words" (as I quoted from me). So he said he wouldn't bother me again. Teehee.

I hope this quirk of making-people-run-before-I-do-it-myself won't be a continuing bad habit for me.

On a far-better note: Roja went official with some guy. I don't know the guy yet, so personal review may come later on. Woo-hoo for that, but boo-hoo for my plan of rematchmaking her with another best friend. But still, happy for her.

About what I've been doing lately:
First, trying to compose application letter, just in case everything goes well. Amen. Second, been writing a story for a while until I met an absolut writer's block. Haven't wrote again since. Third, submitting as many answers (to why I'm Coldplay's biggest fan and how their music changed my life) as I can, just in case Lady Fortune loves me. Double amen. And lastly, for the last two days, I've been hooked on Text Twist--this geeky game for geeks like moi. Usually I gave up easily, and only managed to get 100000-ish score at the most. But right now, I have reached 772400 and still going, hopefully *geek mode: ON*

I should really get a job or something.

Long holiday is right in front of me and...woo-hoo!!! Aside from my dreadful waiting for GPA transcript, I'm finally able to kick back and relax. Who knows, maybe there won't be any long holiday again for me this time around next year... Maybe. Plans so far: Batu Karas with geng ngong and hopefully Rozelle *crossing fingers* next week and Bali I-don't-know-when with English dept 2002. I hope everything will be a big wee-hoo before I don't know what. Seriously.

"Sometimes my mind don't shake and shift
But most of the time, it does
And I get to the place where I'm begging for a lift
Or I'll drown in the wonders and the was"
[Fiona Apple]

we'll go, we'll go just where we want to. we won't let the others bleed us dry

2006-06-10T21:34:00.000+07:00

I had my last exam for this semester yesterday, so now I can breathe and stop thinking for a while. In a few months I could be facing a new world of the so-called real life in front of me, or I could be vomiting from hearing and typing the words feminism, identity, multiculturalism, or naturalism all over again. Both are disturbing, but I'll still have to choose. I've thought and gone cuckoo about it, and I've decided that I won't think anymore of it for at least a week or two. I'm putting my mind in a hiatus.

Anyway. The best way to celebrate the unshackling of my brain? By going on a road trip with both my gengs. Yes, I went to Bandung yesterday with the genggong and the geng-ngong. See, Ingga invited me to come to this jazz event that he masterminded. I thought, why not. I asked the most aksi girls in the gang (ahem, B and R). Surprise, surprise, they actually agreed. Bune even sort of rescheduled her get-together with her friends. That's rare.

So, off we went in Bangun's Kijang. Me, Bune, Pedhe, Rozelle, Bangun, and Ebonk. When was the last time of that, I can't even remember. The trip was fun! I mean, with anybody else, it would be a literally pain-in-the-ass two hours ride. But I was with them and the stupid stuff (people-shuffling in the car in the middle of Bangun's speeding on the highway, formed a girlband and had an interview...), so it was all woo-hoo.

Let's say I won big on a jackpot machine for being with BunPedRozBangBonk at the same time, I won a bigger jackpot by seeing Ingga. A rendevouz with the long-missed Kacank and Ari didn't hurt either. Seriously, it was worth the jazz music my ears failed to comprehend. By the by, seeing one of my friends reuniting with her ex last night was aww-inducing. I couldn't help thinking that they belong together (I know, such a hallmark thing to say) nor could I help giving the evil eye to anyone who stood in the way. Heheh. Anywho, what's a night out without a karaoke session, right? So we visited Nav Plaza Dago or something and sang our asses off. Too bad Ingga, our #1 Batak artist, couldn't come.

Finally, at 3 am in the night... morning... wee hours... whatever, we all went home. Safe and sound. And very tired. I didn't want the night to end, it was like a gigantic fluffy pillow. Comfortable. But well, yeah, it did.

Well, that's about it for my feel-good report, until next time.

blah.

2006-06-04T19:03:00.000+07:00

I feel like pulling a Chandler Bing right now.

Could this last week of college be any longer?

There. Now if I could only go mati suri until next week...

train this chaos turn it into light, i've gotta see you one last night

2006-05-19T23:54:00.000+07:00

Been 24-25 days since the last post and nothing has changed that much. However, between then and now there have been Brontok virus attack, my all-cleaned-from-Brontok PC, a brief dilemma about graduating this year, mournful visit to Rosel's, 3 novels with Estha, Dean Moriarty and Mr.Darcy in them, me almost going cuckoo juggling them, a presentation on Shakespeare's As You Like It, a big pile of Penpop assignment thanks to my procastinating habit, a dream about being back to where I can never go back to, a dream about Chris Martin, daydreams, balloons blown and popped, new words from Text Twist, infatuation with Snow Patrol's frontman (still nothing compared to Mr.Berryman), a brief crush on some younger guys (Bune's and Baralig's juniors with the same initial), gossips, lack of sleeps, dark halos under my eyes, mood swings, business meetings with Gerwani @Kansas mostly, Campina's banana split from my campus' koperasi pegawai, 5000perak bag and some old dresses from Passer Baroe this afternoon, sweet and sour crabs from Balikpapan, a full moon, and another tons of nothings.

Those are pretty much my pieces of puzzle. Put them together and all you'll see is a chaotic void. Thank god tomorrow I'll arrange my other pieces of puzzle with more beautiful result, the girls.

Ahahahay.
---------

Inevitably counting in silent, secretly
The sixth moon's might as well an eternity
Keep going til the twelfth, what I ask for
And hopefully, maybe, I'll count no more