Pretty is a Privilege

Below are things that have been said verbally or written to me (the latter usually on online platforms where tons of other people can read too):

• Is that an upper arm or a bolster? (Facebook)
• Those are huge thighs. (Instagram)
• Looks like that tummy gets a little flabby. (Facebook)
• Were you really ever that skinny? (Verbally, upon seeing an old photograph)
• (Usually followed by) What happened?
• You looked skinny on your picture. (Verbally)
• You have a lot of gray hair (Instagram and verbally)
• (Usually followed by) Don’t you want to get that coloured?
• The photographer must’ve been really skilled. (Upon seeing a good photograph of me)
• Wow, your skin is so dark. (Verbally, in a derogatory tone)
• Did the tub break? (Instagram, upon a photo of me in a cedar hot tub)
• You’re going to try biking? Aren’t you scared your thighs will get bigger? (Verbally)
• Where did your boobs go? (Instagram and verbally)
• When did your boobs become this big? (Verbally, while grabbing my tummy)
• Are you really her cousin? But she’s pretty. (Verbally)
• So how far along are you in your pregnancy? (Verbally)
• Who’s the flat chest? (This one is actually said by a friend of a friend to the latter upon seeing a picture of me)
• If you're looking for a husband, you should post this picture of you instead. It's a really good picture. (Verbally, implying that the reality doesn't match the picture)
• Cap sandal jepit. (Which basically means rejects. The context was a comparison to the popular, pretty girls in school)

That’s about it. Or at least those are the ones that I haven’t successfully shrugged off.

Never mind that I went to a good school, never mind that I have been doing a great job doing what I do, and earning a pretty decent living out of it, never mind that I have developed (or at least I thought I did) an interesting – if not tolerable – personality, and most importantly,

Never mind that I have refrained myself from – no, scratch that. Never mind that I didn’t even think to point out the physical qualities of these people that I thought might also be the source of their insecurities – especially on a public domain where other people can see too.

And the sentences listed up there, those are actually normal banters. “I was just joking”, “You don’t have to take it personally”, and oh, my favourite, “I’m just saying it for your own good”.

Probably they are (normal banters). But there’s another thing I haven’t been able to shrug off. I keep wondering, okay, let’s take a hypothetical scenario where there’s a photo of your friend on Facebook in which she looks okay enough but there’s a zit on her face. I keep wondering, what drives anyone to think, Okay, that’s a big zit. I should point that out in case she didn’t notice. Yeah. I’ll just type it in on the comment bar, so other people can discuss the matter too.

What makes anyone think it’s okay to poke your tummy and say “This protrudes further than your boobs”?

Just answer me that. What were they thinking? And why?

"Wanting to kiss you? No... It's sort of always there. Like... White noise, or the secret service or the threat of nuclear war, for that matter. Just something you get used to."

-Pacey Witter, because I did watch "Dawson's Creek"

So this conversation happened one afternoon,

M: What are three things that you must have in your life?
R: Love, health, and money--or wealth.
M: Which one is your priority? Which one that you need right now?
R: Money.
M: Why?
R: It's the safest bet among the three.

And I stand my ground. Money doesn't give you unwanted surprises and money doesn't suddenly change its mind.

Here's to hoping.

So The Internet today is filled with sad believers, mourning over the separation of Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow. There are theories, the touching letter, the mourners, the haters, and there is the interview Gwyn did last year:

"I asked my dad once, 'How did you and Mom stay married for 33 years?' And he said, 'Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.' I think that's what happens. When two people throw in the towel at the same time, then you break up, but if one person's saying, 'Come on, we can do this,' you carry on."

Isn't it sad though that the odds lean towards people throwing the towel at the same time? And I think sometimes even if one is saying "Come on, we can do this", both still don't get to carry on.

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful and don't forget to make some art - write or draw or sing or live as only you can.

And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."

- Neil Gaiman.

I've just attempted suicide by being optimistic.

"I want to fall asleep. So I don't have to remember."

I understand your sentiment, Yuna, I really do. *bury self under the covers*

Sometimes you need a friend who just listens. Some other times one who smirks knowingly and subtly lays it down for you. And the rest of the times one who tells it like it really is. Luckily I have all three.

And maybe more.

He doesn't even have to think I'm the best person in the world. That kind of devotion is overrated.

Just hang out and sex. I'll live.

Sir, yes, Samantha Sir!

"This is all we need. A couple of smokes, a cup of coffee, and a little bit of conversation. You and me and five bucks." 

-Troy, Reality Bites.

Naive.

2013 has been made out of these:

- Jogja trip

- Getting promoted

- Gigs: John Legend, Snoop Dogg, BRMC, Flight Facilities, and of course, Blur

- Beaches: Balangan, Blue Lagoon at Padang Bai, Pandawa, Blue Point

- Break up

- First elephant ride

- Alcohol
- Newfound love for going dancing

- Secret rendezvous and trying new things

- Nusa Lembongan trip

- First snorkeling

- Tattoo

- And the same old, same old, depressing last day of the year

See you in 2014.

You know what, here's to curling up in bed, under the cover, all day, and not caring if you miss out on everything that occurs out there.

this miracle is of ecstatic fright

Been here for a year and seven months and five days. Been one hell of a roller coaster ride--with exciting loops and terrifying plunges.

And it's funny--I really mean funny--how things change in the last 584 days.


Here's to more free falling.
-R.

pine for higher ceilings and bourgeois happy feelings

Hi there. Dear blog. Should I introduce myself again? Should we start over?

It's been so long, I feel awkward (like I always do, actually).


Anyway. My (previous) Managing Editor has left his post to take another offer in Jakarta. Which got me automatically promoted. Thank you, thank you *bow while waiting for the applause to die down* No? Okay.

Somebody said those words when he congratulated me, "automatically promoted", which kind of dimmed my glittery 15 minutes of fame a bit. But what the hey, right? I feel like I'm going (hopefully) somewhere. Although I must admit that from the day the previous ME told me he was resigning until the day the guy from HR officially announced my promotion, I had been busy making a to-do list--or a to-dread list, to be more accurate.

- Look for ideas everywhere, all the time
- I have to know those who matter
- Those who matter have to know me
- Get to know the contributors
- Be nice to get what I want from them
- Be firm to get what I want from them

The list goes on and on, and all the points lead to this: I have to get out of my comfort zone. And it scared the bejesus out of me.

But then yesterday, I left the list for a bit to set up my emails, files, archives and whatnot on the new computer. I can't explain it, but dealing with my old computer is a hassle. It always has a way to not do what I need it to do. Seriously. Even certified IT guys and one Mac geek failed to do something as simple as moving old email archives to the new one. BUT. After picking my own Jello-like brain and some tweaking, I managed to do it. Insignificant triumph, I know, but I feel like if I can successfully do that without whining too much and losing my head in the process, then I can get whatever mess that comes my way neatly on track.

I think I can do this.



Can I get an amen?

what would liz lemon do?

I just realized that for any question you have in this life, you can always go to Liz Lemon--the woman who wanted to have it all, and who is finally having it all--for the answer. Here are some examples.

Question (Q): Who are the worst people?

Liz Lemon's Answer (LLA): Graduate students are the worst.

Q: What's the best comfort snack food or ice cream flavor?

LLA: Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. Aaaaack!

Q: What is the best response when someone asks you to go to some gig of a band you never heard of at an abandoned loft or some ruined backyard with artsy names?

LLA: Nope, hipster nonsense. I'm out.

Q: How to get out of responsibilities?

LLA: I don't really think it's fair for me to be on a jury because I can read thoughts.

Q: Which party is the best party?

LLA: There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party, 'cos a Liz Lemon party is mandatory.

And on to the subject of how to dance, I'll let these videos teach you how.

As a bonus, here's a tip from Cerie on the appropriate response when someone is being disrespectful to you.

Cerie: Did he just talk to me like I'm ugly?

Bye, 30 Rock :)

random musing #4

What if I'm a better editor than I am a writer? Does that make sense? And then I'll be spending my future editing some on-the-rise writers' to-be-best-selling books, while I'm stuck writing short, sad stories that go nowhere during my spare time :|

random musing #3

If I (ever) be as skinny as I was in high school, I probably will sport a pixie cut.



...unless there's an important wedding coming up, and I have to wear kebaya.

Gema flew back to Jakarta this morning. Hello, empty room.

how come it's just around the bend?

Last day of 2012.

This December has been fun. Nilam and Arris were here last week. And Gema is still here. I wish they all could stay as long as I'm here. Sindro is in the capital right now. I wish I could go to the capital right now. Ped has gone back to Balikpapan. I wish I could gather them all in one place and just stay there. Among the familiar ones.

December 31 has always been emotional for me, and I can't pinpoint exactly why. Butterflies are restless. But anyway, here's to tomorrow that even Mayans couldn't predict, and to the next time I see you all again :)