"..I can't take the time until the next time I see you smile"

Now that I got this blog neatly arranged, think I'll write some nice things here.

*saturday night*

Last night was Jaya's farewell @ Bangun's. Jaya really is going to Malaysia tomorrow, and not just for a holiday. He's going to study there :(

I thought last night was gonna be the usual stoned-fest with the usual crowd. It turned out there were more guys than usual. Ebonk was there, and Ocha (my long lost brother :P) was there, and there were some guys from high-school, Bangun's full-time-stoner friends, and..there was him.

Nothing significant though, but still, I was enjoying myself watching him doing...whatever he was doing. Talking animatedly with the guys (his laugh..? smile-inducing!), fiddling with Bangun's stuffed koala, playing guitar (although I wasn't close enough to hear what he was playing), and even when he was playing playstation where I can only watched his back. Comfortable, and as always, I didn't want the night to end.

However, thank God, thank Jaya, thank everyone who made him come to Bangun's and made it possible for me to come (thanks Ped ;p). Oyeah, this is sooo nothing, but I managed to get "ati2 ya" out of my mouth when I found out that he went home by himself. Shucks, how lame could I get?? But I always had a difficult time in producing a sound everytime he was around, so, being able to say something I really mean to say to him is definitely something for me (are you still following? xp)

*sunday*

Bangun, Jaya and Ebonk came by my house this noon and woke me & Pedhe from our slumber (Pedhe stayed over). We were actually doing nothing (well except for Jaya and his friendster), but it was nice having them around. Everyone needs their friends, right? Tomorrow the bunch and I are going to the airport with Jaya *sob*. Hoo-hoo, there goes another great friend…

*current song quote*

IRIS [goo goo dolls]

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll
ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd
understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

note for sindrow

droow, maap2 neh, bukannya gak menghargai. i guess i forgot to mention kalo gua mau nyoba benerin nih blog. jadinya bukannya gua gak menghargai komen baru yg lo kasih. tapi gua prefer yg lama, krn udah ada pesen2 kan didalemnya.

aaaand, guess what, gua nemu caranya biar comment system yg lama bisa nongol lagi. dan gua nemu caranya biar judul entry bisa nongol juga. gua ulang sluruh templatenya from scratch. ee-hee. dan skrg blog gua udah kurang lebih lengkap lah...

heheh, maap yah comment system barunya gua apus.

is it here? is it visible?

Saw his car today @ PIM parking lot...Didn't see him, though. That's okay. But now he's whirling inside my head. Heheh, nothing bad though. *nyanyi dulu, ndro* "it's no good, i want you in my room all day instead in my mind".

Anywayys...I can't switch on my cell phone!!! Argh, it's frustrating! What can I say, I'm a 21st century metropolitan girl. I need my cellphone. Sure, mom'll have it repair by tomorrow and I know I still have the guarantee card--so it'll cost nothing (hopefully)..But still...It kinda freaks me out thinking about all my pictures, all the text messages, and what might happen to them.

One more thing, why can't I show my title here?? Where is it?? Sindrooo, mulai frustrasi gua benerin ni blog!! Gimana doooong?? Trus sama commentnya kok systemnya lagi down mulu. Kapan gak downnya dooonnnng?? Anyone who knows how to deal with the entry title and the comment system, please do leave a message. Oops, no you can't, bcos the comment system is down!! Well, if you know how, email me: runi_indrani@hotmail.com.

Time to stop. Is it?

Stop thinking about him, Run. Stop getting all curious and finding out things about him & his girlfriend. Stop trying your ass off to have an accidental meeting with him. Sure, you’ll meet him sometime and you’ll go giddy; but that’s it. Stop dreaming the impossible. Stop waiting. Stop thinking that you have all the time in the world and it doesn’t matter if you wait for him forever. Because you don’t, okay? And it does matter. So just stop. Stop.

Confession of a selfish mind.

I want to feel happy and calm everyday. Knowing everything is in the right place. Knowing my friends are alright. Knowing that I have nothing to worry about.

Well, I can't, can I? I'm far away from that so-called utopia of my own, right? Right.

I want to complain like, a lot. But I know I'm being selfish. I'm not even sure if I deserve to complain.

It's just that, in this life, I feel like, for every 1-2 days of pure happiness, there are like 2-3 months of misery. And...I dunno.

Seriously, I lose the mood to write. See you all sometime, then.

Hahah.

Dear God, show me that rainbow, will you?

And oh yeah,

Ped, I recommend you to listen to this song instead of your coldplay collection. There's a reason why they don't have tour date for this year you know....to give our brains and ears a-year-long rest.

Besides this song is kinda....upbeat-y without being lame.

Heheh, just a suggestion.

Bleach.

So you're sad
And you're right
Kill yourself
If you like

Cos it sucks
So do I
See your day
Crawling by

And you know
When you're just
Hanging on
That's enough

And if it helps
Carry on
Be content
You don't belong

Oh I know...

You make me want to drink bleach
You make me want to bite stars
Though you're losing yourself
Still I know who you are

It's a beautiful pain
As the sun in my eyes
And I want to drink bleach
To let me feel I'm alive

I'm so sorry
Little one
You know I said
I'd protect you from

The evil world
That you despise
Cos it sucks
So do I

And you know
When you're just
Hanging on
That's enough

And if it helps
Carry on
Be content
You don't belong

So how does it feel
To choke on happy
Drown in joy

Choke on happy
Drown in...
Oh and I want to drink bleach
[easyworld]

This is my favorite song of the moment. I know it's not new, but I've been listening to it over and over lately. And I like it very much. Tho' I don't know what 'bleach' means in this song. I mean, what's the meaning of "...make me wanna drink bleach"? And "...make me wanna bite stars"? What's it all about? If anyone of you readers know something, please do tell.

Jealousy is one nerve-wrecking, mood-draining, pity-inducing feeling.

oooowwmaaaaygooood....

Nothing to write...I'm bored. I'm actually at my campus' warnet right now (did I hear you gasp, Ped? ;p). But I'm here becos my computer is one step away from crashing down. Heheh.

After cruising down the oh-so-mainstream friendster.com, I have nothing to do. And I don't have any intention in seperating my ass from this chair I'm sitting on.

...Aaaand...the point of this entry is...
NOTHING.

And now...Bune & Syarif are here. *Yaaay*...I'm not alone anymore.

Okay, that's it from me now...

Another song quote.

I said, "I've gotta be honest.
I've been waiting for you all my life.
For so long I thought I wasn't gonna settle down,
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
The feel of you here makes me sane.
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my sight."

You've got wits, you've got looks, you've got passion,
But are you brave enough to leave with me tonight
Tonight, tonight
You've got me
[dasahboard confessional]

Again, nothing.

Droji, bcos of browsing your blog for so many times (though you dont update it that often), I'm starting to like she will be loved.

Mmm, what's new, eh?

People, my phonology quiz got 46/50. Wee-hoo! Thank GOD...Really made my day. I've to be thankful for little things nowadays.

Because those little things are the ones which fill my empty days. Right, people?

"I dont mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain..."
[maroon 5]

*dro, dro, judul blog lo tu ndroo (ala dono-kasino-indro)*

Clarity

and i will wake to find
if this will last forever
and i will wake to find
that it wont and it wont...
[john mayer]

How sweet having an eye-candy can be.

Hihi, hari ini lagi suka ngliat D**o lagi. Heheh. Sometimes when I saw him I was like, ih banyak gaya + berasa cakep ya. Like this afternoon, in my mythology class. But when I saw his eyes and that stupid-ish smile, hihihi *phoebe's blush+giggle*...I like, I like, I like! And of course, he was wearing a nice pair of jeans. And a nice pair of..something. :$

I like to like him. Felt great.

Until of course, the rain, and the song.

Dazing day.

Today, I felt like throwing a punch (or more) to someone's face. One of my classmate (name is confidential. hint: starts with J and ends with K, with AC in between).

I didn't get much sleep last night, and with the hot air today, I just couldn't concentrate. So I dazed off more in my classes today. Ofcourse just my luck, in two of my classes, the lecturers gave me questions. Coincidence, coincidence, they both asked "whatsyouropinion" questions. What's my opinion about what??!! I didn't give the slightest fuck on what they said. And then, Jack--being an over-energetic pain in the ass today--kept on teasing, knowing that I couldn't answer those questions. Trus mas Yudi juga gak oke responsnya pas tau gua gak bisa jawab. Fuck, I'm not in the mood for sarcastic remarks.

Argh! I feel like exploding. I only wanted 2 things:
[a] Coffee. Lotsa and lotsa.
[b] A bullet through my head.

Nothing.

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight
[blink 182]

I know, I know, Blink182??!! What was I thinking, right? Not.

I kinda like this song.

Feeling like killing.

"You're talking like you have a death-wish. Well you're lucky cos I have a murder-wish."

Forget everything...

What the hell am I doing? Always rambling in this blog??

Everyone, forget everything that I've said!!

And then...

I hate her. And oh, how I want to hate the guy soooo much. I do. Sometimes. But the other times he pops into my mind and...I dunno, just swirls in there.

And today, I accidentally saw a glimpse of a printed image of him, and not-accidentally saw a glimpse of the moving image of him. Seeing his face, I was like thinking, I hate him (for I don't know what)...but at the same time I couldn't help smiling. I hate that.

Stop messing with my head. Please1000x...

I hate him for making me somehow subtly chaotic. Bcos of him (doing nothing) I become this stupid mess. And again, DOES HE EVEN KNOW?!

I hate him & his stupid girl. Screw them!! Go!!! Go somewhere far!! Far enough for me to forget about them!!

Blog is a stupid idea.

Argh! Where are my entries??!! @ the deadjournal I can see my entry after I just a few secs after I post it. Now, here @ this stupid blog, I wrote an entry, post it...and now, it's been days...and...NOPE...NADA...NONE...

Anyfuckinway...
I'm bored.

I'm fuckin bored.
*sorry, if my cursing is too...not-nicey2 for anyone of you out there*

Jaded. Perhaps that's the right word? Long time no fuckin see, Jaded. Nothing is that wrong to make me feel bad, but I've no reason to feel good either.

Bitter, huh? PMS-y moment... x(

Playing interview.

I copy this from Ayu's blog. From Q mag or some sort.

What were you like at school?
I dunno, not exactly the quite one and not exactly the loud one. Not the smart one and not the troublemaker one. I was one of those "somewhereinbetween" ones, I think.
What's your most treasured possession?
My three best friends.
When did you last cry and why?
Last wednesday. Bcos I saw the most unpleasant sight ever.
What's your poison?
3C's=Coffee, Coke, Cognac. :p
Pick five words to describe yourself.
Different, interesting, complicated, fun, & stupid. Haha, seriously, I dunno.
What's in your pocket right now?
Nothing.
Who was the last person you punched?
Didit. Maaf ya diit...Tadi gua lagi kesel, dan tnyata tangan lo kuat sampe gak kerasa ya pukulan gua...Jadilah gua tinju2in tu tangan.
What was the last record you bought?
...Lupa loh. Udah lama bgt ya gak beli apa2...
What's your most unpleasant characteristic?
Selfish?
What's your greatest fear?
Future & loneliness.
What's the greatest film ever made?
Film animasi boneka2nya Pedhe, arahan sutradara Runi Indrani dan Putri Prameshwari. xD
Can you recite a line of poetry?
It feels like...Nothing. Numb. Hahaha, buatan sendiri tuh. Abis gak pernah baca puisi2an.
What turns you on?
Guys. Certain guys. A certain guy?
Happiness is ...
Something that I'm dying to find.
Where are you going now?
To bed in few minutes.