longing

My sister got married yesterday. It was interesting, tiring, in some way tacky, and I'm glad it's over. The girls came and we took pictures of us in kebaya. The last time we wore kebaya altogether was about 2 years ago, graduation day. We looked cute and all back then, and damn we looked beyond beautiful in yesterday's pics x)

Dad and Riri were there although my witchy-bitchy stepmom wasn't--which is good. I wouldn't normally do this, but my stepsister and I, we were kinda bonding. Well, I mean we talked about everything and we hung out together. I don't know if it'll last, but it was kinda fun. It was definitely something new. Anyway, before the reception started, when everyone was stressed over nothing, mom snapped at me for replying her bitching. And I was so upset I was on the verge of crying. Then suddenly my dad showed up in front of me, and when he saw me lips all trembling with glassy eyes, he gave me that soothing and calming look. And right then, I missed him so much! I mean, wouldn't it be great if he was around? I'd have someone else to turn to, mom wouldn't be alone, and lots of other possibilities. Oh well.

Anyhoo, here's an irrelevant side note: I just chatted with Agay on the MSN not too long ago. He said that some guys ("around 20", so I quote) were gathering in Bulungan on the 24th. When I asked who, he mentioned some names and then he forgot the rest and then he said he wanted to go offline. Shucks. No one significant was there, right? ...Right?

picture time!


need i say more?




dad and me




everyone, meet my younger sister

surrealm

This episode, on Days of My Life: Someone I know decides to move on, people in my house are moving out, I decide I don't want to deal with who-used-to-be the most dealable (shut up, that's a new word, I created it) person in my campus, I had a...well, nice dream about him last night and there's still that "nothing" that I keep dreading about. Here goes...

First one, someone I know is moving on (for this person, I wish you all the luck, hon). Then last friday (what was supposed to be Bat's birthday), no one gathered around in our old high school anymore. Point is, maybe everything about my oh-so-precious past is just merely...old high school memories. They're in the past now. I just have to deal with the fact that everything won't ever be the same again like the old time. They have to change, and maybe I have to try to...well, go out and explore the rest of the world more. Can't live in memories and dreams forever, right? Yea, anyway, that's just a brief thought.

Next, Tante Rika was getting married again last week and she moves out to her new house with his husband. Fine by me. But Khesia and Archie have to go with her too. Well, they haven't moved out yet, but they have to soon. My sister is getting married in 2 days and soon she'll be out of the house too. And then Tante Danti is moving out to her new apartment sometime after Lebaran. Let's discuss the predicted aftermath. No more Khesia and Archie means no more switching-swapping-lending-and-borrowing clothes. It also means no more people to talk to, to joke around with, to diss parents with, and plainly no more good distraction. Next one, without my sister around, that means it's up to me to take care of Brownie. And as much as I love dogs, as I love mine, I don't do good in taking care of pets for a long-term. I can always ask mbak Iim for help, but I can't bear Brownie's sad eyes when no one is around to play with him. Lastly, with tante Danti out, then no more single woman staying at home accompanying another single woman--my mom. Mom would probably make it hard for me to go out often when the house is practically empty. Damn. Wasn't I the one who want to get out from here since the elementary school? Now I'm the one who's still here. ...Damn.

About that person whom I fought with not too long ago. I know she said sorry, and she claimed her outburst was just a temporary-insanity thingy, and all. But I don't wanna handle any situation like that anymore. I'm not the forgive-and-forget type of person. Hate you once, and I'll feel weird with you forever. I happen to know that she feels lonely, and I happen to know all about being lonely. But I guess she just has to deal with it, bcos I can't deal with her anymore. Could you be more unforgiving, Run?

Finally, about the guy. One of you may already know that I feel nothing the last time I saw him (how you can guess, I still don't know). I'm still curious about this "nothing". Is it really nothing? Will it last? Is it good or not? Should I be glad? Bcos it's really a drastic change in just what, a few weeks? What used to be the head-over-heels giddy, now is just a-lil-giddy-that's-over-once-I-don't-see-him giddy. What used to be a blind rage of jealousy, now is just plainly "ow, lucky her" brief state of mind. Isn't that weird? All these months, tears, smiles, and all for nothing? Pedhe said I should wait til the next time I see him. And I thought I would (see him, that is) sometime on the 24th of September; but no, I didn't. Curious, curious, curious. What does this mean?!

Speaking of the guy, I had a dream about him last night. It was interesting and nice all the way...I mean, altogether. Heheh. Yep, suddenly when I'm swarming with nothing, bang, he popped up. Well, that's just a tad newsflash bcos let me tell you, this dream is fuckin' interesting! Hell yeah. The nothing is still nothing, but there's a brand new sense of lust here xp

There you go...a bit of the everything-and-nothing of me lately.

"Guess I'm stuck in a dream
Surrounded by colored leaves on the ground
As I stare at the trees I see one fall down in my hand
As I start to explore I can't ignore a man
He turns his head around
His face was all worn by the sun

I'm going out for a while
So I can get high with my friends, I will
I'm going out for a while
Don't wait up cause I won't be home
Today...

Drifting down a road
Losing myself in a dream
Feel my hands getting cold
Sat in a boat on a lake

Climbing up trying my best
As I sink
Climbing up trying my best
As I sink again

Lying back on the floor
Reaching up high into space
See myself in a glass
I'm counting the lines on my face
Again
I'm counting the lines on my face
Again..."
[feeder]

quick note

New address, people. Um, what people? There's only like, one person who reads this. Long story made short: Sindro went ballistic over my little confession about the last saturday night. Not wanting to deal with objected people, I changed the address. Now she's shutting down her blog too, saying sorry and stuff. Whatthehell...

Anyway, maybe there's more to write here, but not tonight. Tomorrow maybe. Or even, when this September finally ends. Au revoir!

I envy people who smoke. They have something to suck when they feel like sucking. When I suck, I just suck.

ditch my work? sounds like F-U-N!

o1. IKMI's gathering ~ check
o2. Rika's wedding ~ uncheck
o3. Riva's wedding ~ uncheck

I finally went to puncak for the gathering--or rather, initation--from friday until yesterday. I took a ride in Monik's car with Memmy and Yasmine. As soon as we got there, well, you know the story...Oblivious freshemen got yelled, usually-nice seniors went bad (hellow, Nand and Mon :p), and me? I still felt stupid trying to yell uncontrollably to those freshmen.

It wasn't that bad actually if it wasn't for this nagging, tears-inducing feeling like I didn't belong. Yep, I got homesick very, very frequently. And that was only the 1st day. I didn't get to sleep until like, 2 am, sunday morning and I had to wake up at 3 or so. It was so FUCKIN' cold, I wore 2-3 jackets at once. I had to sleep on the floor with this torn our carpet. I had people asking me to go downstairs 2 secs before I fell asleep upstairs, and when I got downstairs, this girl with her annoying voice kept telling me to sleep upstairs bcos of this and that. It was FRUSTRATING! I ended up crying myself to my barely-2-hour-long sleep. There goes my confession of the week.

By the 2nd day, Pedhe, Bangun, Bune and Syarif came by to visit. I wanted to go with them so much, I lied and ditched the initiation. I felt bad, I really did. But hey, it's over anyway, right? Well, for those of you who kept asking me where I had been saturday night, here goes...

We went to KFC near the villa, and then to Taman Safari. We took the night safari. I had been wanting to do that since forever, and we finally did! It had been ages since the last I went there, so I got very excited like a 5-year old. I think Pedhe & Bune did too. We were taking stupid pics and laughing our asses off. It was definitely fun! When we took the safari bus, we were actually psyched seeing those animals upclose. Those tigers are cute! Then, when we almost got out of the jungle, the bus driver suddenly went mad with his driving. He turned left and right due to the curvy road in a crazy speed, in the dark, with this animal-and bomb sounds playing. It was lame, but it was hilarious!

After the safari ride, we went to the theme park and tried some of the rides there. The coaster, the not-so-crazy "crazy plane", the ferris wheel. Lame, lame, lame, but it was definitely more fun than staying in the villa. Oyeah, Ped & I took a short ride on the camel. Hahah, we were so scared we looked like a couple of morons. Lastly, there were this baby tiger (2 months old, I think) and an orangutan. They were so tamed and cute, we all had our pictures taken with them. Love 'em!!! x)

As it was getting late, we were getting hungry. So up we went to one of those warungs in Puncak Pas. It was cold also, but at least I got to eat Poffertjes and drink something aside from water and hot tea (no offense people :p). Afterwards, despite Sind's texts (sorry, Sind), I agreed to go to history dept's initiation. I only knew Baralig, Gibond, and Dion there. But it was still comfy. The longer I stayed there, the more I wanted to stay. Besides the usual coffee-and-tea, they served chocolate milk! That wasn't all, there was also booze. For guests! Though I didn't touch them, inspite of me trying to cut down my dose of booze. However, there were spliffs of weed. Finally! I was hoping Bangun'd bring them (which he didn't), who knew Gibond had some with him?

However, a while after midnight, I had to go back to the english' villa. I hate the way I had to drag PedBunBangSyar along to "another planet" so Bangun called. The thing I hate most, when I came back to the villa, no one actually needed me. No one asked me to do something. I think they need me bcos they always panicked whenever they felt short-handed. Except for looking for the emergency lamp, I wasn't doing anything productive. I was practically sleeping unaffected by the noise all through the trial (don't blame me, the weeds are good). I just went here and there during the brainwash session. I just tried to hold back the freshmen when they were rebelling. And yet, the show went on succesfully, just like what everyone hoped for. Come to think of it, I should've agreed when Bune advised me to stay at the sejarah's initiation.

Well, every good thing must come to an end, right? On the bright side, I have a ride home by sunday ;)

[Few messages for people]
Pedhe, Bune, Bangun, Syarif: Super duper thanks times thousands for taking me away in an unconventional saturday night. And thanks for the company and the ride home.
English 2oo2 class: I apologize for ditching you guys, but I'm not sorry.
Yos: I hate you, bitch, bitch, bitch! I know I'm not in the place to say this, but you are useless, even more than I am. I never saw you keeping your promises or even helping me with stuff up there!

[Picture Time!!]

one of the stupid pics we took


notice Pedhe's too-tight grip to my neck?


he couldn't keep still, but he still the cutest thing alive!


macannnn! ;)

stupid, happy and numb

Here it is...Fifth semester. So far so good, and I hope it'll stay that way. Here's a bit recap;

Let's talk about academic stuff, shall we? Because of one thing and another, I can't take Spanish this term. There goes my excitement for this semester out of the window. However I take French. Despite the hard-to-pronounce words and me keep forgetting what means what, I think it'll be a fun class. I haven't learned much yet. So far it's still about bonjour, commentallez-vous, and vous appelez-vous?. Yea, wait for more mind-boggling french words here, people. I also take Romantic and Gothic Lit class this term. It's an interesting class, but it's kinda ahead of my year. So I'm afraid I'll be like, the stupid donkey in this class. Yknow, the one who don't have anything to say bcos I haven't figured out just yet what this class is all about. Enough about classes, considering I can't find another exciting one to tell.

About life, lately

On monday I saw this guy I know. And for the next few hours, I kept thinking about him. Not that I like him or something. I just did. Ugh, I don't know, I can't explain it now bcos I cant even remember what I felt. Hahahah, sooo stupid. And for a while, I was afraid of the possibility of me liking this guy. Well, yea, there's always that possibility with me and any guy. I mean, no more liking the guy that I don't wanna like. I don't want any more "lupakan dong, itu kesalahan. knapa gua bisa suka dia dulu??" to my friends, and some sort. However, I don't need to worry about that anymore. I saw that guy again today, and I was like...what the hell was I thinking?? And no zsa zsa zsu whatsoever (not that I had zsa zsa zsu when I saw him on monday), no nothing. Okay, Run, no more coffee on the 1st day of school and right before seeing some familiar face (I'm a sucker for familiarity).

Moving on. Just when I thought I couldn't hate my campus more...Now it's overloaded with people. The number of freshmen is beyond massive. When they said "sea of people" I think they had my campus on their mind. Empty table in the caf is almost impossible, people are everywhere, standing in the way & crowding every space they can find, holy bananas, it SUCKS! So, on the lunchbreak today, Nandia had enough and asked us to go to another cafetaria with her. When I asked which one, she said Teknik. As always, there I was, torn between 'to go or 'not to'. But this time I didn't have any time to hesitate bcos Nandia, Imel and Tisam were already walking to Nand's car; so I followed them, still with no mind made up. Before I knew it, we already parked on FT's parking lot. Owkay, what do I have to lose, besides being in a place that I never feel comfy at, right?

Whoa, turned out, that caf was just as crowded as mine. We were lucky we found an empty table in the center section of the caf. We usually chose the back one, near the lake, but the tables were all taken. There I was, glancing to every direction, barely concentrating on what my friends were saying. But I didn't see him. That is, until Imel was back from the musholla and I had to slide slightly on my seat so that Imel could sit. That's when I glanced forward, and there he was. A nice, familiar face among the sea of irritating-looking strangers. He was metres away, but I could see him clearly. I couldn't get close to talk to him bcos his table was the one on the back. I had no reason to go there unless I was running some fashion show where I could walk back and forth without any clear point in doing so. That's okay tho...because as unusual as it was for me, I actually feel...content. It felt comfy this afternoon, gazing at him from that distance without any evil butterflies telling me nasty paranoia-inducing stuff. I'm glad :)

"And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you but I don't know how"
[oasis]

"..we were sure we'd never see an end to it all.."

Another new layout. I hope Kopral won't ever come across this blog and recognize his own face behind the question mark. Heheh. This blog thingy is getting fun. Just yesterday I participated in making Ped's new layout. It turned out really great!

NEWSFLASH: School in 2 days, people! Blaaaah! Sucks! Dear people, my heart is in a great pain thinking this is the end of this holiday xP I just wish this is an easy semester. Like the third one. No? Okay...

Spent this last holiday night at Rosel's with Pedhe. Too bad Bune didn't come, she wasn't feeling very well and she refused to come home later than 10.00 pm. Yeaa, rrighht. Anyhoo, we were watching the Indonesian Idol final on TV and just laying around in mas Ramon's room. I like it, I always felt comfy everytime we had that--sort of--"girl's night in". Later on, Pedhe craved the delicious mussel gratin at Dixie; so, off we went. Again, too bad Rosel couldn't come. She has to wake up in about an hour from now. For what, people? For that ospek thingy. Makes me hate my uni more and more.

So there we were, just me & Pedhe, at Dixie, kemang. I don't know where the hell everyone was. Well, I know actually. Maria, Ebonk, Tesar, and some other people I know went to see a movie at Taman Ismail Marzuki. Maria asked us surely, but the meeting time was 05.00 pm. Of course we passed up. Angga had this premiere for Utopia at his house. Bangun...I think he's already in bandung now. Yea, point is, it was kinda quiet. However, there was Oho coming into Dixie. But he brought his girl friend, so I thought there'd be only a small chat with him and he'd sat on another table. Turned out, they were joining us. Oho is always a pleasant company, but a stranger? Awkward attack xP Well, you know the rest...Ho-hum.

That's about it for my saturday night. As soon as I got home, I had another late-night-narcissistic-picture-taking; haven't done that for a while. And now I'm back in front of my computer, bcos I don't want to get some sleep. I'm trying to--in a way--postpone the arrival of the end of this holiday. Yea, I know it's impossible. I don't want sunday to come. Again, I know it's here already.

That, however, brings me to another wondering of mine: What's with sunday? I mean, I hate it. I know some people who hate it. There's just this bad aura with sundays. It's like, I don't know, it's hard to explain. Sunday just screams jaded. Why is that, people? Anyone of you feel the same? Do you know why?

That's it from moi. Good night, people. And goodbye, holiday.

"take me back to the other place
take me back when im alone
i can see all the little things that once could make me whole"
[longwave]

sunday night b i t t e r n e s s

Last night I & Pedhe went to citos to meet Angga and Oho. Turned out, there were also Ebonk, Tesar and Reno. So we all went to Brew and Co. for some drinks. Not too long afterwards, we were just getting comfy with our asses on the sofa, when suddenly the lights went off and the waiter said that we had to go bcos they were closing. Too bad. It's been a while since I sat over some drinks with people other than BangunEbonkAngga (if you ever come across this, no offense, guys! x)). And last night, Tesar and Reno were at their best selves. They actually produced some words, and one in particular even said 'hi' first--to each of us. Big progress, boys! xD However, yeah, the night didn't last long. Everyone was heading home.

Fortunately, the 'home' i was heading to is Ped's. Yep, I stayed over from friday until this afternoon. Big thanks Ped, for letting me stay over. Really, thanks. It was nice to have a company 24/7. Well, not 24/7 exactly...More like 24/3 or 24/2,5...Yea, whichever, yknow what I mean.

Yeah, and surely, like every other good thing, it ends. Here I am, alone in front of this stupid computer, writing a bunch of lonely words, hoping to get at least a little bit sleepy. Unable to explain why, I'm not feeling my best right now. If only I know who's to blame besides the quiet and cold night air. And then with school coming up in a week. It means no more waking up at o1oo pm, no more laying around all day, no more mall-hopping (yea, I'm a mall hopper, so what?)...Au contraire, it means hello dirty campus, hello nerve-breaking assignment, hello people telling me what to do, and hello annoying. Frustrating.

Well well, lookie, I thought I'd put an interesting, long entry tonight. Guess not. Things never feel right when you're left alone, right?

party/sex

Hellow, I just got home from Dinda's bash at the Little Bagdhad. It was fun seeing high school seniors in a sweet-17 party. Reminded me of those high school days. Yea, yea, yea, by now, you must be beyond bored with my fascination toward my high school times. Anyways, the fab four was in a full formation, plus there were Ebonk, Kacank, Bangun, Angga, and Oho. So, it was nice, considering usually I had to choose between the girls, or the guys. Oyeah, there was Hilman...and someone was reminded of certain someonee. Cute! Then of course I could never say no to shisha. I enjoy getting my brain turned into smoke and feeling all light-headed. Hahah. Oyeaah, there were balloons!! I and the girls brought our own balloons to the party. Hahah, we're at least 3 years older than the other kids, yet we were the only ones whose wrists had baloons tied up to them. Aaaand, of course we tried the helium trick. It's not as easy as I thought. It was like, 5 balloons for every 5 or 6 squeaky words. Surely, when we did manage to produce the chipmunk's voice, it was hilarious!! Yeah, all in all, it was nice. So girlsss, start thinking about our birthday plan! If it's not this year, well then, next year x)

[curiousity]
Not too long ago, there was 40 Days and 40 Nights on starmovies. And I watched it for like, the gazillionth time. Crappy, I know. But hey, Mr.Hartnett...Should I say more? Besides, I love the scene with the orchids. I think it's beautiful, in a way. Then it gets me thinking...When you're with this relatively "the right person" and add a little imagination, can this person gets you off without touching you and with a stem of orchids instead?? Cool. Then, there's another curiosity I get after seeing the movie. How many times a day do guys need to walk their dogs? I mean, in average. Does everyone I know do that in a daily basis? Even those guys who seem to be a holier-than-thou goody-goody virgin? Hahahah, some of you might be making weird faces right now, thinking, can't this girl find a more intellect topic to be curious about? Well, not now. Oyeah, this is irrelevant to Mr.Hartnett sex-related movie, but while we're on the subject, I'm also wondering, can people really get the big 'O' in their dreams? Heheheh.

However, people, don't bother yourself with this curiousity of mine. I just have the urge to share this with the whole world. Now, it's time to get lost in your mind...and here's a perfect song to go with it,

"two-minute hailstorm then melts into rain
sing me a rainbow it's sunny again
swallows overhead while the traffic snarls below
could I, could I keep dreaming for a little while longer

hope I'll never wake
when I'm thinking about you
so that you know - I never want to wake
cos now I'm thinking about you "
[the sundays]

Life, lately...

Urgh, my comp is getting more and more unbelievable each time. So, since only god knows when my computer is going to crash (which most likely is soon) and I may not be able to update this blog in a while, I think I'll write something here while I can.

Went to campus on wednesday and thursday for...I don't know, really. Still, I haven't liked the atmosphere of it. Thankgod for Bune; practically everyone knows that I always steal her away from her friends and her works just so that she can accompany me. Heheh. Anyhoo, the class registration thingy's coming up. So, expect some whiny rants about how hectic it will be for me next week. By the way, I think I'll take Spanish class this semester. Should be interesting, I just hope my lazy ass won't get in the way.

[today's dose of stupidity]
Have you ever had so many secrets that even your journals and your closest friends aren't enough to keep it? Let's say, that your secret is...acting beyond stupid and then dissing people with some names-mentioning. And than not being able to keep it to yourself (or your posse), you have to tape it with a DV. Yup, I've done that. Lotsa times, in fact, knowing that no one can get their hands on those tapes. Well, shit happens. Long-story-made-short: one of those filled-with-sides-of-me-that-people-don't-know-yet tapes is somewhere across the sea at this very moment. Hahahahah, I thought things like this could only happen in the movie. Not too long ago, I panicked like hell. However, a few things have been done, and if everything works well, that tape is on the way to Jakarta tomorrow. Amen. Still, I can't sit still.

Mmm, okay, what else...what else..
Oyeah, I'm going to someone's sweet 17 party tomorrow. Should be fun, since I can never go back to mine. Heheh.

Owkay, that's about it. No more materials for the updating. Sooo, see yaa! x)


"listen to the waves..
everything communicates..
will it ever be anything more than
wishful thinking"
[duncan sheik]

Perrrfect

Last night, Pedhe & Bune came over and rescued me from a boring family event. And then we went to Rosel's.

My point is...I met him yesterday. And at night, I met all PedBunRoz. Thankyouuuuu God!! What a fine way to spend a saturday....May there be more days like yesterday x)

The not-yet-5th-semester breakdown

I woke up at 6 today, after sleeping for like 3 hours or less. And I went to campus for the english gathering thingy. Like I predicted, it took a long time to get started and even with a longer lunch break. Being there felt like an eternity in hell! Then I was chosen to be one of the PJs as in 'Penanggung Jawab' for one of the events. And people told me that it was just a piece of cake, but still, don't they know that me and responsible don't go well together. Good idea in choosing me, guys!! x6 And people know I hate responsibility. I hate that pressure you know, okay Run, you're a blahblahblah, and your job is blahblahblah. Creeping me out!! Not to mention tomorrow I've to wake up as early as today, and then go all the way to depok again to hear people debating one another and talking the same stuff over and over and over again.

However, things weren't that bad today. I mean I got to see some friends (a very few, yeah people, force me to come, while yourself manage to find reasons not to come). But still, I got that I-wanna-go-home feeling. I wasn't feeling comfortable staying that long in campus and talking to people. My gooood, I could just breakdown and scream or cry or whatever right there! No offense people, I still feel like I don't belong. And I don't feel like going back to campus right now..

Huhuh, I know I'm complaining here...And god knows I hate myself when complaining. But I just need to get this crap out. That's okay, right?

Here's a taste of an amateur blogger.

New layout, people. Spent so many wee hours to find a skin that won't clash with the fuckin ad-banner. Found one, and I changed the image into my own personal (I know it's just a bunch of words, but still..give me a li'l credit here). And I know it's getting harder to read my entries; yknow, with the itsy-bitsy font size and blurry words on the background, not to mention the 'get high. dream. fuck' ones that aren't blurry. But you readers (a very few of you), stay loyal! I'll change the layout as soon as I find a better one. Remember, comments are always appreciated... ;)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna sleep and make up for these past few days.

Li'l lesson from Mr.Mayer

"When you first meet somebody, you find out they like you first of all. A friend of a friend of theirs says he/she really really likes you and it floors you, kills you, sends you to the ground. You gotta pick yourself up off the ground and then you get their phone number and you call them up right and you say, "Yeah that was a great conversation, can I see you sometime?" And then they say this, they say, "I'd like that" And "I'd like that" makes you fall on the floor again. Your heart is about to stop because of "I'd like that". Nothing feels better than "I'd like that". So now,your blood pressure's goin'. You're six feet off the ground. You can't sleep because of "I'd like that". So then you hang out for a while and you call and you talk on the phone all the time and then you drop the bomb or what feels like the bomb.You say, "You know what? I've been thinkin about you a lot". And she goes "Haaaaugh!" And you go "What happened?" and she goes "I'm sorry. I just. I just. I just. That's...I've been thinking about you too". BAM! Higher into the sky. But now, "I'd like that"? Done! Now you're up to "I'm thinking about you".

Then, however number of months pass, it makes you feel comfortable saying it, you say "I gotta tell you something". They go "What?". You go, "I'm in love with you". And nothing in the world sounds better than "I'm in love with you". And then maybe she starts crying or maybe she goes "Huuuugh!" And then all of a sudden you're like, "I'm in". But now, what doesn't work? "I'd like that" and "I've been thinking about you". Now we're at "I'm in love with you". Then maybe someday we move up to "I love you". Fastforward, now you're like "I love you a lot. I love you more than anything in life". Now "I love you" doesn't work. It's a threshold. It keeps moving up.

Fastforward like six months, six weeks, whatever the case may be. Now you're on like, "I wanna marry you. I wanna impregnate you with my love. I wanna- I wanna just send my love to you. Damnit! Words don't work anymore!" And then you say this line and you know- you know you've used this line before. "I just wish they'd put a new word in the dictionary bigger than love, cos love just doesn't describe what I feel". And so then, now he or she starts asking "Do you love me?" And you start going, "Of course I love you". Well say it!" And then it becomes "Say it twice" and they go "Say it three times". And then, you cross a really interesting point, where all of a sudden it becomes "I hate you. I hate you". And you go "Oh my God, she hates me". And now it's "I hate you more than anything!" And then it's like "We're over!" And they're like "No, we're not!" And you go "Yes we are!"

And now the words completely do not work at all. You're left with nothing. You're throwing punches under water. You're done! You know what the moral lesson of this story is--if there is one?

Never ever, ever, ever underestimate the power of "I'd like that.""

[John. Taken from Any Given Thursday concert]

Mengejar Matahari? I already have three of them here xD

Persahabatan adalah setiap detik yang dilalui
adalah hidup...adalah berlari...
..mengejar matahari..

Hahahah. I just watch the movie with the girls. Mengejar Matahari, yknow. Yes, so I went with my 3 best friends to watch some local movie about friendship between four guys. So sue us for being corny. The movie was good! I mean, finally, a local movie with some quality. And the fact that two of the actors are good-looking gives a plus point ;) I and the girls went ga-ga over those guys. Okay, I hate to admit that I go crazy over some local stars; but Fedi Nuril is cute. And Fauzi Baadilla is just an epitome of a manly man...Heheh. We were being kinda noisy back in the cinema, gushing over the guys, and of course, crying our eyes out! xD Rosel didn't cry at all though, she already knew how the ending would be. Rosel and...wait, only Rosel who didn't cry. Hahah, do the math, people!! ;D The movie has a good story, yknow, friendship and all. You'll be surprised at how much we can relate to the movie. Some things remind me of my own friendship, right, girls? ;p Well, thank god we live a better life than those guys. I'm glad we're all still alive today and none of us is going to jail for killing someone. I still want the four of us to hang out together for a long, long time.

By the way, you know when was the last time I went to watch a movie before this with the girls? All three of them?? December 2nd 2002!! Sick. However, it was nice going to a movie with them again. Definitely should do this more often, girls! Come on, when you all have become succesful, you'll be too busy to go on our supposedly-biweekly gathering. Okay, so none of you will be stabbed by some preman and none of you will be arrested for shooting people in the head. But maybe, some of you will be busy with your book's deadline, your multi-millionaire company, or maybe, some of you will be busy walking around in Amsterdam. Sooo, why don't we see each other as often as we can now...while we can. Seriously, I love each time spent with you girls! We rule, you know xD Yeah, keep on babbling about this friendship thing, Run. No one read this except maybe for pig #2 xp

*From another note: Remember the rainbow I keep looking for (or waiting for)? Well, it's just a beautiful thing with its beautiful colours that I can't guarantee to stick around infinitely. So, all I'm saying is, thank god I already have the sun here with me...times three x)

Hahah, that friggin movie has managed to bring out the corny side of me!

..us, aug 2nd '04..

"..i would drop my life to take her place.."

Hellow, readers! Relax, no heavy stuff for tonight. Just wanna write something...

Lessee, I just bought new pair of glasses today. Everyone, say hello to the queen of geeks! 8-)
I don't know if I'll wear it in public. Maybe I will. Maybe it'll be fun to go outside the house looking like a...well, geek. Maybe these glasses can hide me from the world...apaaaa siiiih, Ruuun. Well you know, at times when you don't want to deal with anything, when you just wanna hide those eyes from being read. Or when they get teary. Or maybe when you just wanna hide them bcos no one is around to look into them anyway...Well, you know.

Yea, anyway...*I have no idea what I'm talking about*

Last night I & Pedhe went to Bangun's. There was Hilman and he was hilarious. I don't know...He has this dorky stupidity in him. It's nice when you have an amusement like him around, yknow. Bangun's wasn't as crowded as usual, though. In fact, it wasn't crowded at all...it was...quiet. Calming, peaceful, but not yet comforting. It was nice having weeds practically coming out of my ears though. Wish I could smoke weeds like, everyday and then just easily go to sleep. O yeah, speaking of which (of what, actually :p), you know what I miss? I miss being drunk and the stupidity of it...yknow, being a handful 5-year-old to people. Like the 1st time I touched booze, or when I was being an ass to my classmates in Puncak, or those NY's eves. I miss me running around, jumping around and just being overly active. Hahah, can't wait for the next NY's eve, I guess.

Anyways, tomorrow I'll catch some movie with the girls. Wee-hoo! x) Of course, after Bune's back from her course, and Rozelle from her short-semester classes, and Pedhe from her campus. Eeeek, I'm the only loser who'll still be sleeping at 12 pm tomorrow! xD Hahah, guess the hols is almost over, huh. It's obviously over if you look at my contact list on msn, there are only 2 people who are online! Lany and Dita. Yeah, like I have something to talk about with them.

Okay, I run out of craps to say. If there's some more, I'll be back!

"For when you find yourself
Pinned under her demands
I am still an option that you have

So carry me around
Like a picture in your purse
Pull me out when things are at their worst

You can show up at my house
Completely unannounced
We'll have that movie kiss we talked about

Where there are no words
Just a soft and gentle score
Our ears will ring from all the strings

We'll let the screen go black
And watch the credits run
And see the names of everyone

Who we ever met
And who we ever missed
Each one had a role in this

It's just another film that won't get made
I'm sick of seeing you cry"
[her space holiday]

Love this song. Sindrow just sent it to me tonight...Already, I love it. I didn't write all the lyrics down though. By the way, can I rephrase the last sentence into 'wanting to' instead of 'seeing you'?

..i thought that you'd be here by now..

"wont you, take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
i don't know who you are
but i'm with you..."
[lavigne]

missing yesterday much?

Not-so-new newsflash: Archie and Indra got in to 70!! Yeah!!

Moving on..
Yesterday, @ Ped's I listened to Wilco's Heavy Metal Drummer and a few other "senior year songs" while looking at the graduation picture of me & the girls. Uh-oh, flashback attacked. That Wilco's song had always reminded me of one certain brief moment back in senior year. And yesterday, it still did.

Yesterday, when the flash of that 'she-fell-in-love-with-the-drummer' thingy in that narrow hallway came back to me...Oh, how I miss high school so much! I miss those days...when a moment like that was already the most dreadful one you can find. When some guy was just another so-called "high-school crush" from the class across the hallway. When I could see all of PedBun&Roz at least 6 days a week. When the only thing that I required to do to see him was standing up from my chair, and there he was, always laughing at godknowswhat with his friends.

I MISS THOSE DAYS!!!

Everyday I'd come to my class, the infamous 3IPS1, and put my bag and my oversized binder on my desk. And when I came a bit late, I would have to fight for my territory either with Ocha, or Yoyo, or Oho, or practically anyone. All day long, all I did was either:
*taking care of our "pojok tenang" scrapdoor (by 'our' I mean me & the girls),
*cooling myself (or sleeping) beneath the fan,
*going for a drink at the cafetaria and never going back to the class,
*sitting in the hallway and singing our ass off,
*and practically everything!
I (& *ahem* some people) would go out to the hallway and we (yes, we! ;p) would gush about some guys for the obvious reason. And my classmates who knew about this 'crush' thingy would tease us about it. Sometimes Ingga would play guitar, and I along with a bunch of people would sing from one song to lotsa others, off-key of course. And Isya would sing either green-day's songs or dangdut xD Rian would get on my nerve and we would fight like always. Nisye and Yoyok would constantly fight. Basically people would do their own not-so-ordinary things.

Later on, I & the girls would skip the extra classes. When we skip class, you most likely would find us at the Lamandau (eating Pak Jun's satay, or buying Quickly, or eating satay padang (i could eat two portions at once)), or at Blok M Plaza (watching some movie at the cinema, or getting out pics taken). We'd go back to the school when the classes were dismissed. We'd sit on the green bench or the pink bars on the field, watching people passed by, or the guys playing soccer, or just the guys, period. ;p

When it got darker and the school was almost empty, I'd go home with whoever that could take me home that day. I'd write about that day on my journal, how fun it was, how fine-looking someone was, how dreading it was when I did something stupid in front of that someone. And I don't remember it clearly, but I definitely remember how I could sleep tight at night knowing the next morning I would go back to my high-school and the day would turn out to be another happiness-filled day with my friends. Awwwwwwwww!

I could go on and on and on about how great it all was...but no use, huh? I miss my high-school, I'm practically stuck in the shadow of my high-school life; but still, nothing can change the fact that I'm no longer in it. I've passed high-school and it's been too far gone. Two years...tsk tsk. I'm old.

I MISS THOSE OLD DAYS!! *said that already, haven't I?*
And I wish I could go back to that time when everything was that simple.

"sun comes up then go away
so does graduation day
you did your walk of fame and that was it"
[dropline]

 

Black Coffee

Day dreaming
Chain smoking
Always laughing
Always joking
I remain the same,
Did I tell you that I love you?

Feel like singing, in case you're wondering. I know, I know, All Saints?? But still, I think they are the most decent girlband among the others. Heheh.

I got this from random person's blog title. I hope it's okay to put it here, to remind me (or anyone) just in case...

Smile, because you never know when you will sob again

And here's another reminder from iforgetwhere,

Smile, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

Kriztal Reunion

I just got home from IPS1 reunion that I mentioned yesterday. It went great. Not everyone could make it, but that's okay. I went to Citos with the girls and Mira. When we arrived, Agay, Ocha & Icha were already there. But Icha only stayed for like, 5 minutes or so (she had to go to Puncak). I still appreciate her for showing up though. Then there were Rian, Bhe, Tondi, Dinar, Isya, Nisye, and Ingga. Some of them protested bcos we were running a bit late, namely Ocha. Heheh, we were bickering just like the old times. He even pulled Rosel's hair, and then Rosel chased him around like little kids xD

First, we gathered around @ Starbucks. But then due to the lack of seat and not-quite-comfortable atmosphere, we moved to Coffee Bean. Later on, Kacank came with Moron, then Ebonk with Bangun, and lastly Oho came (very very late). O yeah, Bebek & Sani were also there. And o yeah, Angga.

At first, few people were scattering around (Agay, Rian, Bhe, Tondi went to grab some meal @ A&W, then later on Ingga and *I forget who* did the same, then Agay went with Sani and Bebek to godknowswhere). And then people chatted in groups; yknow, I still sat next to the girls, Bhe-Tondi-Agay were on the separated table, Isya and Rian were involved in their own computer-related talks...

However, as time went by, things got much easier. What's a gathering without picture-taking, right? So we took some great pictures. No, scratch that, we took TONS of pictures. Then I finally managed to get my lazy ass to stand up and chatted with each one of my ex-classmates. Oh how I missed them so much. Isya was still hilarious, Ingga was still a dear, Rian was as nerve-racking as always, Nisye-Mira-Dinar were still the only few girls that I could stand, Ocha was still..well, Ocha, and the rest...they were still pleasant to be around.

I took a picture of me & Ocha, and people were teasing us about being brother & sister, and about our chins. Later on, I fought with Rian (bcos: 1st, he almost spilled coffee to my lap, 2nd, he put an old newspaper into my bag without me knowing it, and other unimportant reasons), and some people were joking about making bets of who'd be the winner. Seriously, just like the old times! They're still the same, most lovable set of classmates that I've ever known. Yup, some good things just don't change, except maybe now we see each other once in a blue moon.

Wee-hoo, seriously, the reunion had been fun. Love 'em all, they're the best and comforting. Okay2, I think I've gone overboard with all of this class-praising. But who cares, Kriztal rocks! IPS1 (2001-2002) rules, and pity on you who wasn't included in it! xP