did you sail across the sun, did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded, that heaven is overrated?

So, I'm moving to Bali. I will answer the FAQs that I bet you're just dying to know (ge-er, gak apa-apa kalo gak mau tau juga gak apa-apa)...

1. What are you going to do there?
I'll be an editor for a Bali-based magazine. Hint: it has nothing to do with Hello! Indonesia or any other Hello! magazines.

2. What does your mom (or parents) think of you moving? How about your boyfriend?
My mom was hesitant at first, but then she thinks this can be good for me. Boyfriend said he'd prefer I stay, but he's been supportive and he thinks it's my time to see the world (yes, by world, I mean Bali).

3. Where will you stay?
I don't know yet. When I do, I'll send postcards. My best friend lives in Denpasar, and I've asked him to look around for rooms for rent. If anything fails, I'll crash at his place if he lets me :D

4. When will you be leaving?
April 16. Or earlier, not sure. I'll start working by the 17th. So if you want to see me, if you think you'll be missing me to death, go make an appointment stat!

5. What made you agree to move miles away from the big durian?
Kapan lagi cing? I'd rather regret something I do than something I don't. if this is a mistake, then it's a mistake I have to make. I can mention many other cliches, but you get my point, right?

6. They say Bali is great for holiday, but it's such a blah if you live there.
You're not helping. Don't you think I have to find that out by myself?

Did I leave anything out? Well, there you go. Wish me luck, and please do visit!*


*I won't provide accommodation, foods, or transportation. You'll have to settle with me and my cheap ideas like coffee by the Circle K.

One decision made, big changes ahead. Clock's ticking faster, it feels like. Let's not waste time, let's get together.

sun comes up and goes away, so does graduation day

Last Saturday was Gem's graduation day. Graduation day in UI is always hot, and uncomfortable. There's no such thing as happy tears, no proud walk up to the stage, no dramatic wave to your family and friends. I know Gem thinks it was pointless--he walked out of the Balairung when he wasn't supposed to. Maybe the most important thing about the day was to take pictures wearing the cap and gown. But.

*cue dramatic music*

It was a big day for me. It was a milestone. It felt like one battle was won, and I feel like I can win more.

...It's hard to explain, but you know what I mean. Or not, doesn't matter. We've come so far and it's nice to know that there will be many adventures to come.

Feb 18, 2012

Olive juice,
-U.

a movie script ending

The great 2011 is almost over, so let's take a walk back to see what I've gone through this year.

1. Office trips
This includes Luwuk-Central Sulawesi, remote areas in Kalimantan, Palangkaraya, Makassar. Perks: seeing the rain from up in the air, getting to know Mr. Ignas Kleden.

2. Bali vacation with Nandia, Ovi, Dini, Yos
Sunrise with dolphins, swimming in underwears, beautiful beaches, the usual fun in the sun.

3. Quitting my job as researcher/consultant/slave for a writing job in HighEnd magazine. Yes, that's the name. Seriously.

4. High school reunion

5. PedNgun's wedding
Planning the hen night, looking for the gifts, sticking around through the festivity and happy tears. Best wedding of the year. True story.

6. Quick trip with Mr. Pirate
After I quit my job and just before I started the new job, I and Gem were off to Bandung for a night, and then continued to Ciwidey for another night. We went to see the Kawah Putih and... that's it. Not much to see, but still a great getaway.

7. Gigs (not in chronological order)
This year's list is interestingly varied. I watched the hipster's poster boys: Whitest Boy Alive and MGMT at Bengkel Night Park, and Tahiti 80 in Bandung. I watched classic stuff like Masataka Goto's piano recital and Twilite Youth Orchestra. I watched bands that I actually listen to like Incubus and Naif. I even watched the best of hasbeens from the 90s: Kenny G and Richard Marx.

Best gig? Naif, hands down.

8. My birthday
Which was on the best--but overshared--date of the year: 11.11.11. Two days prior, I flew to Thailand for work. Well, that is if you can call driving around Chiang Rai in all-new Ford Ranger work. Lucky me, I was in Thailand during the Loi Krathong week. The night before the 11th, I was at this outdoor dinner hosted by the Ford people. And I could see floating lanterns all over, it looked like moving stars. At one point, two other journalists and I sneaked out from the dinner party and tried to find the spot from which most lanterns came. We did. Downtown Chiang Rai, instant amusement park, stalls which sold everything from weird snacks to tacky clothing to fish to be released in the river, and people. People playing with sparklers, people lighting fireworks, people floating lanterns, people floating Loi Krathong flowery rafts, people! It was fun! For a moment, I was feeling a bit blue, because everyone I love was miles away. But hey, if you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with. So I told the two others that I was about to turn 27, and they--in a way--cheered and asked me to float a lantern with them. Took the infamous tuktuk back to the hotel. All's good.

During breakfast the next morning, I was chatting with few other journalists when the restaurant guys suddenly showed up bringing a slice of cake, singing happy birthday. People stood up and joined the fanfare. Birthday surprise from strangers. Aw fest!

Still on the 11th, we left Chiang Rai and Bangkok to head back to Jakarta. Gema picked me up at the airport, and we went home to my family who were planning a surprise party (but failed, but still funny), and had late dinner.

All in all it was good. What's even better is, for dear boyfriend, my birthday lasted all the way until Christmas. So I still received wishes, birthday kisses, and gifts even after the 11th. Tee-hee.

9. Bits and pieces
There were also random trivial 1st times, such as riding on the back of a Harley, going to Ayer island, trying out the banana boat, meeting Joe Jackson (as in the father of the late Michael Jackson), picnicking at Taman Mini, interviewing four ambassadors (and counting, I hope), aaaand... Did I leave anything out?




See you in 2012!

obsessions in my head don't connect with my intellect

This may seem far-fetched, but humor me. Fangirl alter ego is back.

So it was only a couple days ago I suddenly missed playing with a film camera. But I don't have a non-toy film camera. That was when I decided to browse around for the real thing. No I don't plan to buy one anytime soon, I can't afford it, but I can dream. And my dream is Leica M7.

Today, I stumbled upon an old interview of Coldplay's Guy Berryman. Here's the excerpt:

What sort of camera do you use?
A Leica M7. It's a film camera.

Old school!
Absolutely. You can't beat it.

Do you wait until you get home to process the films?
Yeah, I generally shoot all the way through the tour, then when we get back I'll drop all the films at the lab.

Must be quite exciting when you pick up a batch.
It is! It's like Christmas morning.

Why have you stuck with film and not moved over to digital?
Just because I believe that with digital photography you take too many shit pictures that you put no thought or effort into taking. Plus, everyone takes pictures on digital these days, so it's hard to take pictures which stand out as being different.

Am I crazy to think that we're totally made for each other? I mean, come on! I'm speechless, I just want to say "+1,000,000!"

Here's a bit more of the interview:

Will you have time for a look around?
Well, we're leaving at 2 o'clock tomorrow afternoon to go to Vienna, so I'm going to have the morning to hit some antique shops and some book shops and pick up as much clutter as I possibly can.

Is that your standard plan when you're on tour?
It is. I bought a gramophone in Prague earlier today, as well as some photograph books by some Czech photographers. I like to try and find things that you can't get in England.

Gramophone, antique shops, film camera, books. He likes rustic things! That's.. That's just... *passes out*




On another note, will I ever have US$ 4,995 to buy that Leica?

she was tired of sleeping

I think Fight Club (the movie) is brilliant, and yes I recently bought Invisible Monsters, but I never really read a Palahniuk before. However, thanks to Twitter and its quote-happy inhabitants, I found a good quote from Palahniuk's Haunted:

“What matters,” Sister Vigilante says, “is, people need a monster they can believe in.”
A true and horrible enemy. A demon to define themselves against. Otherwise, it’s just us versus us.

So it is okay to have demons in my head. Because otherwise, I'd just be battling myself :)

a maze of thousand rainy days

My best friend, the Topan to my Lesus, the Beavis to my Butthead, the Disco Superfly to my Disco Lemonade, Pedhe, is getting married. As the Mate of Honor, I believe I have done most of my tasks. Choosing the brocade color, check. Designing the invitation, check (with the help of Sindro and Hilman). Hen night, in progress. And other tiny details, in progress. Playing a pre-marital shrink for the Bridezilla, CHECK like you've never checked before :D

Anyway. I have to give a standing ovation for her. Being her friend for the last ten years, I know her like the back of my hand. Just like me, she wants many things and she usually gets it. But she's not kicking and screaming to get it, she works for it. I admire her toughness and perseverance. And with the whole wedding brouhaha thing (or Wouhaha, as I like to call it), I also see how persistent she can be, standing up for her principles. Just like most girls, she has her dream wedding sketched up already, and she's breaking bones to achieve it. Standing applause, everyone.

Now let's move on to me. Do I have a dream wedding sketched up already? Hazily. The dream changes from year to year. From the most unrealistic ones (disposable cameras for guests, and butterflies-releasing ceremony), to the slightly realistic ones (in a building, with hundreds of people you don't know). I said 'slightly' because although it's the default template for most people in Jakarta, I don't know if I will ever be able to afford it. Mahal ya bok, nikah. I'd rather save the money for after the wedding.

But beyond it all, I do want to go home everyday to someone who feels like a missing puzzle piece, I do want to grow old together but stay young inside forever, I want to be Carl and Ellie, I want millions of fights and double for the make-up make-out sessions, I do not want what my mom and my dad had.

So where am I right now? I'm in the phase where I'm working to earn and save to get what I want. Maybe I'm not working hard enough, but hey, those few pennies will get the piggy-bank-for-dreams project started. I believe the significant other is in the same, but harder, phase, since he has to juggle more things. And yeah.

Now, above all the things I want, I hope our busy-ness will not wear us out. I hope neither of us will get so caught up in the battle that we forget what the war is for.



And in time, I will probably go "what the--" on this melodramatic post, and probably blame the "that time of the month". But hey, it's a post. It's a tad better than nothing.


Toodles pretty people,
-R

I've heard about work places banning its browsers from opening certain websites before. But I never had that problem in the past, because I worked for a spy agent (public affair consultant, same difference), and I had to be able to access every dark corner there was in the internet.

Now, I work for a magazine, where we need to be on top of the latest everything. But it's here in this office that I experience websites banning. And not just Facebook, Twitter, or the likes, but also travel websites, and other informative sites that I actually need for my articles.

Of course thanks to a dear friend of mine, I know that all I have to do is add 's' to the 'http' and all is well. But it's still nerve-racking! Don't they know that even with the whole internet banned, we can still find many ways to magabut?


Okay. End rant. Thank you.

Ow shoot, I skipped July.

So what is up is that I have a new job now. I am now a writer (some debate that I'm a Senior Writer--which feels weird considering I've only been here for a month or so) for a high-end magazine in Jakarta. The name of the magazine? Hint: I've mentioned it already.

So far, it's been nice. Meaning, it's waaaaay more laid back than my previous gig as a spy. The money is slightly below my previous salary, but it's relatively big for this kind of job. Perks? Free meals at fancy restaurants for the culinary-related articles, free passes to see a piano recital, a youth orchestra, and best of all, Incubus :D

What I like most about this new job is probably the fact that I get to write again. Even better, in English! English! No more dreadful, obligatory teenage lingo in Bahasa such as "gokil, sob" like what I had to write weekly on my first job. It's a monthly magazine, so deadlines are a bit friendly here.

When I get the hang of the job, I think I'll do some side jobs like translation works, or freelance writing. You know where I can get one of those?

...My God, this post is boring. And I don't know why I bore you with this. 

I'll be back. Consider this an obligatory post after I missed July.

that movie kiss

Today, I rediscovered Her Space Holiday's song, Tech Romance. Sindro introduced me to the song back in college days. While it is a sad song, and my sad days are over, the second part of the song is actually sweet (if you cut it short on all the right places). Here goes.

"You can show up at my house
Completely unannounced
We'll have that movie kiss we talked about
Where there are no words
Just a soft and gentle score
Our ears will ring from all the strings

We'll let the screen go black
And watch the credits run
And see the names of everyone
Who we ever met
And who we ever missed
Each one had a role in this"

And here is the complete (and sad) version of the song:

i'm sure you've been misled before, how ones you trusted slammed the door

There was once a little girl who didn't know what a father was. Because she spent her early days learning about her mother, her sister, her grandmother, her grandfather, her uncles, her aunties, but she didn't know what a father was.

Then she grew a bit older, and she learned what a father was when hers visited her. She kind of liked this man that was her father. He was nice, he showered her with love and affection, and he taught her a thing or two about life--such as, how to clip her nails clean, how she should appreciate her napping time because when she got older she wouldn't get much napping time... And how family meetings were unimportant, it's not about the quantity, it's the quality. A father was a blast, for the whole 3-4 hours a month when she was with him.

Then the girl grew into twice as big and twice as old as she was before. 3-4 hours a month was now 3-4 hours in six months or so. She learned why the father didn't come into her life on time. She learned that he should have been on time. She learned that not all fathers were heroes to look up to like what she had learned from movies.

Now the girl was a little bit more mature. She was ready to let go of her selfish resentment over the father. Because these days, she had to learn that people changed--for the better, she had hoped. That the father had his second chance with another family. That all she could do was wish that the father would do better this time around. But then she learned that the father hadn't exactly changed. It was a little mistake, not as big as the one in the past, but it broke her heart. Because she discovered that her father still couldn't be the one to look up to.

Now all the girl can do is hope that she can love someone that loves her as much, that hearts won't get broken, and that trusts won't be taken for granted. Now she goes around loathing any kind of infidelity. She can't see why anyone would do something that can hurt the loved ones. So, if you have a straying heart and you see this girl, don't blame her if she has no respect for you.

get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute

So this is the story that I said I'd save for another time on my last post.

I'm quitting my job. I've submitted my resignation letter last week. I've signed the working contract at the new place, also last week. I'm not going to write the details here. Instead, I'm going to list things that I will actually miss from my current office:

1. Free, home-cooked lunch
Although the menu starts to repeat itself after few days and it can get really boring, free lunch is actually helpful when I'm short on dough.

2. Wednesday morning aerobic
Let's face it, without a trainer to whip me off my ass and make me exercise, I'm an invertebrate. And I can't afford a personal trainer. So yes, I will miss the Wednesday morning aerobic and yoga. I surely will miss my so-called deep pink yoga mat, which is actually pieces of foam puzzle mat put into one.

3. Working with Pak Ignas
He's this laid back VIP who--surprisingly for me--is very nice to work with.

4. Nap time during office hours
So this isn't exactly recommended, but it isn't frowned upon in my office, as long as I can manage to wake up and pretend to type and be busy in a snap when I hear my boss's footsteps.

Aaaand... that's about it. I guess.

and amidst all the to and fro, someone can say hello, here we go

So last week I had a trip back to Luwuk again, but this time I stopped by Makassar before heading back to Jakarta. This is my first time in Makassar, and I think it was pleasant. On some spots, it felt like Jakarta. And God knows I can live anywhere that feels like Jakarta :D I need lights, noises, and crowds. I stayed at the Pantai Gapura Hotel, which I think was nice, but Laila thinks it's Putri Duyung Cottage circa 80s (which is kinda true, too). Ate a whole Kerapu by myself at this place called Kayangan, and it was good. Ate grilled Konro at this place called Karebosi and was disappointed. Took a walk around Fort Rotterdam, and you know how I have soft spots for old buildings--and this one is well-taken care of.

Another thing that was new on the trip was this time I had to accompany Mr. Ignas Kleden. I used to think that he was just a colleague of my boss, but then again I'm ignorant like that. Turns out, he's pretty much a big deal. I thought he'd be this old stuck-up academician, but he was far from it. He was laid back, undoubtedly smart and open-minded, and funny. He reads poems, he speaks Latin and Germany, he plays church organ, and he had his fair share of seeing the world! Sounds like I'm having a crush, huh? Well I am, I want to be his daughter!

With Pak Ignas Kleden in front of Fort Rotterdam

I should've had around 6 more trips with Mr. Kleden, but it turns out, looks like I only have room for one more. Maybe working with him will be one of the few things I'm gonna miss from my job. ...Gasp, right? But that's another story for another time.

Another highlight from my trip with Mr. Kleden was he introduced me to the wonderful world of poetry by Rabindranath Tagore (I know, I know, where have I been. Please don't be a snob and yawn). So to wrap up my brief post, I'm going to quote several lines that have already become my favorite from Mr. Tagore,

"It is a game of giving and withholding, revealing and screening again; some smiles and some little shyness, and some sweet useless struggles.

This love between you and me is simple as a song."

if you're fond of sand dunes and salty air

You know what good life is? For me, this is the good life:

I was supposed to do my work this time around. But. The internet contains too many distractions! Then I remember about the heaven where there was no internet, and no work. Just endless blue skies and blue ocean.

Dear God, can I call dibs on the good life, blue skies and blue ocean?





This is not drunk blogging. This is depressed blogging.

you're going to reap just what you sow

I've done this before, and I'm going to do it again. This post is a rant-fest, so if you're not into the whole preachy biyotch thing, just skip this. This actually doesn't concern me, it's about someone I know. But I still have to let this out. Since I can never say this to his/her face, so here it is.

Dear you,
So some girl had come and somewhat ruined your family, do you really have to go out and somewhat ruin someone else's family? And don't ever, ever give me the "what you don't know won't hurt you" crap. Because if you really love someone, you won't ever do things that can hurt him/her, even though he/she will never find out. And I really think, even if the family doesn't know, you're still ruining a family. Do you want to be labeled as a homewrecker, when I know you used to hate (at least) one of those?

Remember, you're going to reap just what you sow. I hope you know better.

we should all be alive! exist all in love, in life!

Gah. I skipped February. Why is it so hard to blog these days? Okay, here's my obligatory April post.

Island Hopping
Lately I've been hopping from one island to another. It started in late January, when my boss found out that I was no longer weak from any illness and asked me to go to Luwuk with her. Luwuk? I heard you ask. Luwuk is this little coastal town in Central Sulawesi with the clear and calm sea, bright blue skies, and coconut trees here and there.. It was a nice trip, because the job wasn't too time-consuming, and mostly because Luwuk is beautiful! I didn't get around much, but I did go to the traditional market in a village nearby, and it was clean. By clean I mean gak becek--even at the fish & meat section. And there was this guy selling medicinal plants, going non-stop on the microphone "Ya Ibu-Ibu, yang teteknya suka sakit daun blabla ini hanya tinggal direbus dan diusapkan saja ya. Kalau ini untuk yang suaminya burungnya lemes..." I can tell from the housewives surrounding him, that selling medicinal plants was one lucrative business there. Entertaining.

Luwuk, Central Sulawesi

Another highlight of Luwuk was, this restaurant called "Bukit Inspirasi". I know right. But it was a nice restaurant up the hill where you can see the whole town (and sea) from above. I went there for dinner, so I couldn't really see the sea, but I did get a beautiful view of city lights :) The dish? They serve seafood dishes, and they were all delicious, I'm tellin' ya. I guess when you eat seafood in a coastal town, you're bound to get the freshest.

But that was 2 months ago, and I can't be bothered to remember the other details.

Then in early February, my boss took me along on another trip to remote areas in Kalimantan. In order to reach these places, the best way was to go by chopper from Balikpapan. So I flew there, and stayed for a night at Grand Senyiur Hotel. Fancy old hotel. Little did I know that I was heading to shady hotels with tiny bathrooms. The next day, I went on a chopper ride to Muara Tuhup. The ride was fun if it wasn't for the head-wrenching tight earmuffs.

Muara Teweh dock

Tempat orang pacaran dan mas-mas berenang di Puruk Cahu

From Muara Tuhup then off to Muara Teweh on a speedboat along the... Barito (I think) river. I got to see an eagle or two flew by. You can't get this in Jakarta. I stayed for 3 days or so in Teweh and then off again to Puruk Cahu by boat again. No details necessary. Because both towns were nyeh. However, I did get to see the rain from hundreds of meters above the ground. And I think it's cool.

rain from above

Then I went home. All geared up for some a quickie vacay! Yay!

Mid-March, along with Nandia, Ovi, Dini and Yos, I went to Bali. Yesssh. Bali. Some love it, some hate it, some think it's overrated. Me? I think I can always find something nice about Bali. Itinerary included Antonio Blanco museum, Padang Padang beach, Kecak dance in Uluwatu, Dolphins in Lovina, Beratan Lake in Bedugul, Tegal Wangi beach, Rock Bar, and Karma Kandara. Man, it was jam-packed three days, but it was fantastic.

Beratan lake, Bedugul

Quick comments on the places:

- Antonio Blanco: I have a new found respect for the artist, because he was so cheeky on erotic subjects.
- Padang Padang: Beautiful and serene (meaning no big, scary waves). Guess who swam in their underwear for the first time?

Padang Padang

- Kecak dance in Uluwatu: Watching a dance show AND the sun setting in one venue? Priceless.
- Lovina: Dolphins and sunrise. Enough said.

Sunrise at Lovina Beach, waiting for the dolphins

- Rock Bar: Expensive place where the doorman let those who look like power get in first. But yeah, the scenery and ambiance totally made up for it.
- Karma Kandara: Puji Tuhaaaan. They should put this place in the dictionary, under "Beautiful". Karma Kandara is actually the name of the resort (I think), and I don't know what the beach is called. Hm. Anyway. If you don't stay at the resort, you have to pay IDR 250,000 to get an access to the beach. So we did pay. Call me anything you want, it was totally worth it. Pretty. And again, I can't be bothered with the details. Go google it. But please don't go there and bring the trash (literally and figuratively). We don't want another Kuta, do we?

A little view of Karma Kandara

In short, it was a much needed vaycay. I also got to see the gigantic Supermoon setting, right before the sun was about to rise. Noice times three.

Last and least, I recently went to Palu, Central Sulawesi and then to Luwuk again. I don't wanna talk about it. Aside from the views, I ain't feeling the trip. So. Moving on.

3rd Kisseversary
Mr. Pirate and I have been going out for three years! And counting! Yaaay! The ride has been and will be stormy, but it'll be quite an adventure :)

Weddings
Two of my best friends are getting married soon. Well, not soon enough, but soon. Judging from the preparation stories, preparing a wedding is no picnic in the park. Well I think it should be. I've had the talk, several times. And while it's not my time yet, let's just hope that when the time has come, it will be a picnic in the park. With butterflies.




Okay. Turns out I'm too tired from all the Island Hopping section, I can't think of anything else to write. Soooo, until later!

*And Robert Smith sang "until later doesn't always come".

Toodles,
-R.

first they came

"First they came for the communists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak out for me."

-German Pastor Martin Niemoller, 1946.

cause i'm writing to reach you now but i might never reach you

One of the significant highlights early this year for me is finding my childhood collection of cutesy stationery. Makes me wonder, does anyone miss the romanticism of postal letters? I also wonder if many postmen had lost their jobs since keeping in touch became so easy.

When I was little, I used to write letters to my cousin--who is practically a stranger these days. Sometime after I graduated from junior high school, I kept in touch with one of my classmates through written letters, sealed, stamped, and delivered by mr. postman himself. And sometime during my college years, I stayed in touch with one of my best friends from junior high through letters that were distributed by her boyfriend--who coincidentally went to the same faculty as me. And who can forget all those greeting cards for Eid Mubarak day.

Don't you miss the personal touch of when you write your own notes beneath the default printed words on those cards? Don't you miss the excitement of seeing the postman handed you envelopes with your name written on them?

I understand that we have to move on with the time. Besides why would anyone waste money on stamps, and wait for 2-3 days for their messages to be delivered? We have emails now. You go online, type, and click send. Voila.

But ask yourself this, do you still write emails? Doubt it. Why write long emails describing about what you've been up to, how you're doing, how's that new job working out for you, etc, when you tweet about it every minute. You eat, tweet about it. You get a raise, tweet about it. You get into a quarrel... Tweet. About. It.

I bet many people don't even text anymore. Why waste Rp 350 out of your phone credit, when you can share mushy, sickening, or even gory details with all of your followers?

And when Eid Mubarak comes, or even your birthday, you can always post one of those tacky pictures of mosque or birthday cake on all/any of your Facebook friends' walls.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame anyone for choosing the easy way out. Just don't lose the warmth of a personal touch, of your signature, of inside jokes... The romanticism.

Me? The last time I wrote a letter was sometime last year, or two years ago to my boyfriend. Yes, I occassionally (rarely, more like it) write my boyfriend letters which I slipped in the book I gave him for birthday, or his hand (and begged him not to read it until he got home). I know right, I'm cheesy like that. And the last time I felt the excitement of receiving something from the postal service was when Ayu sent me a postcard from Thailand about a month ago. So yeah, I'm also writing this post for myself, to remind myself not to turn into an internet bot.

So there you go. A piece of my mind. Anyone interested in writing a letter on a piece of paper that later you will neatly fold, and put in an envelope? Well you can write to me. My address? I'll DM you, or better yet, post it on your wall ;)

It's good to know that you are home for Christmas
It's good to know that you are doing well
It's good to know that you all know I'm hurting
It's good to know I'm feeling not so well
[Travis]

we are the ever-living ghost of what once was

1st post in 2011.

Yes, it's 2011 already! I wanted to do 2010 year in review, but come to think of it, there isn't actually any highlight of the year. It's been good, yes, but could've been better. I had high hopes for 2010. I started the year with the exhausting but best trip to Yogyakarta. But for the following 12 months I didn't do much traveling. Well, there was that Singapore trip, but you know, I still hold grudges because The Killers canceled out on me.

Speaking of concerts, let's list the gigs I watched in 2010:
1. Kings of Convenience
2. Imogen Heap
3. Belle and Sebastian
4. Kula Shaker and Ian Brown
5. Smashing Pumpkins, Stereophonics, The Wolfmother, and the likes at Java Rockin' Land

The best gig: Stereophonics, with Kula Shaker not far behind.

Let's go back to talking about how the year ended and began again. I spent the new year's eve at this place called Lumbung Padi to watch Gema rocking out some tunes. Turned out, it was somewhat a private get-together, so it was intimate--for him, because it was filled with his friends. Then I got emotional, maybe because I missed people that have been absent from my new year's eves for a while now. Maybe because I desperately wanted to feel so buzzed with the noise, the booze, the air just so I could forget about being emotional. Or maybe, I don't know. For other maybes, you can check Ped's blog--what she wrote is exactly how I felt. So on new year's eve, I was practically a walking, emotional wreck. Gema must have thought I was a nutcase, but well he signed up for it :D

Anyway. So I rocked the early of 2011 by... painting. On canvas. Fancy. This might be another hobby for me, so stick around.

Now I'm back at the office, with the ever-so-slow internet connection. Blah.

1st post in 2011 and I can't even compose it right.

Okay, let's talk about 2011:

Things to look forward to in 2011:
1. Bali trip *amiiiin*
2. Ped's & Bangun's wedding
3. ...er, anyone else wanna get married this year? *winkwinknudgenudge*

Things to do in 2011:
1. Get a better job!
2. Exerciseeee! (Sureeee)

Gah. I'm bored, Imma do something else. But before I go, here's to a lively, exciting, adventurous 2011! *cheers*

waste bin full of paper, clever rhymes, see you later!

I've spent years of my younger phase thinking that I wanted to be a writer. I like to read, I like to write, and I intend to keep doing both for the rest of my life. There were times when I also wanted to be a journalist, because writing fictions seemed too... naive. Then came a day when I realized that I wasn't cut out to be a journalist, I'm just not that... driven. So I settled on writing fictions, and compilation of pretty words people call poems, but I don't think mine are sophisticated enough to be called as "poems".

Anyway! Back to writing fictions, one day, my friends and I decided to compile our short stories and publish them as a book. We registered for ISBN, we had talks with the distributor, we had our book launching brouhaha... And, now I have an "author profile" on my Goodreads.com page instead of the regular profile. A small gesture of acknowledgment that is kind of a big deal for me.

However, since then, I haven't written much anymore. In fact, I wrote tens of unfinished stories, and only finished about... one. Then Twitter spoiled me rotten. I wrote pieces that I call twitteratures. Literature in 140 characters or less. Big time cheat. These days, I don't even write those anymore, until today. I squeezed my brain out, and only managed to write three twitteratures. Neat.

Okay. So I intended to keep writing, but I'm a little behind on it. What about reading? Well, basically the same thing. I still read books, but less than what I expected. Meanwhile, my friend can finish 20-30ish books in a year (*cough*Ayu*cough*). Another never let a day go by without reading a book (*cough*Nilam*cough).

Then it hit me. I don't deserve the author profile page on Goodreads. Because I don't write anymore. Hell, maybe I don't even deserve a regular profile on Goodreads, because I don't even read anymore.

In the end, it's not that I stop trying altogether. I still read whenever I can, and I still try to write. It just makes me wonder, am I just not cut out for writing in general? Or is it just that I'm not trying enough?