how come it's just around the bend?

Last day of 2012.

This December has been fun. Nilam and Arris were here last week. And Gema is still here. I wish they all could stay as long as I'm here. Sindro is in the capital right now. I wish I could go to the capital right now. Ped has gone back to Balikpapan. I wish I could gather them all in one place and just stay there. Among the familiar ones.

December 31 has always been emotional for me, and I can't pinpoint exactly why. Butterflies are restless. But anyway, here's to tomorrow that even Mayans couldn't predict, and to the next time I see you all again :)

exactly!

random musing #2

A friend once said that I like to point out the bad in people. That, or something in the line of that. Well in my opinion,

1. Somebody needs to point out the bad in people, just so they know when they're being mind-numbingly maudlin or anything else that's worth criticizing.
2. Believe it or not, I filter myself. The censorship council in this head is still working. And believe you me when I say, not only can I find a bad trait in everyone, I can make a long list of bad traits in each of that everyone... if I want to.

And,

Fuck it. You, you can't make up your mind to save your life. You, you are forever in denial and not fooling anyone. You, you pretend to listen when actually, you're playing with your phone. You, you're the biggest nyinyir mouth I've ever met. And the list goes on and on.

Now, point out the bad in me, and see if I haven't heard it before.

random musing #1

I think I'm in the age group where the inhabitants are too old to start making friends that will amount to anything more than fair-weather acquaintances. 

That's okay. The feeling's mutual and besides, I've secured a pack of the unconditional ones.

it's a long road to wisdom, but it's a short one to being ignored

The perks of living alone:

- I don't have to tidy up when I don't feel like it. Although most of the time I can be more anal than Monica Geller.

- All the crying--from watching sad movies or crappy TV series, or from stupid arguments with boyfriend, or when I just feel like to--I can do without anyone here to judge me. Or pull a Tommy Page and give a shoulder to cry on, for that matter. So I lose some too.

- I can walk around this 3.5x4.5 casa indecently-clothed.


Life's good.

a crumb of comfort cookie

"Shit, I'm a nutcase, aren't I?" she said, while wiping the drying tears on her face. It was one of the melodramatic episodes on one of their many date nights.

"Pretty much, yeah," he shrugged.

"Do you think this will get worse? My demons?"

"Yeah, I'm afraid so."

She let out a little genuine laugh, but at the same time she was afraid. It seemed far fetched--and she had been using these "demons" as an excuse for a while now--but what if she really was out of her mind, and what if she wasn't getting any better?

"So what are you going to do about it?" she asked, hoping to lighten the mood. They could think about serious matters on another day.

"We can get a doctor or something to help me help you."

"Will you wait for me while they're putting me through therapies or whatever experiments that they do to nutcases?"

"Definitely. I'm not going anywhere."

i'd buy you rogaine when you start losing all your hair

Earlier this year, I went crazy when Christopher Plummer won Oscar for Best Supporting Actor and I heard his acceptance speech. I always go crazy over elderly love, and the one Plummer has for his wife is a tearjerker. This is the end part of his speech:

"...And lastly, my long-suffering wife, Elaine, who deserves the noble peace prize for coming to my rescue everyday of my life."

Watch this (5.15), and tell me you're not holding back tears, I dare you.

Well anyway, I have just come across his acceptance speech when he won Golden Globe for the same category, also this year. And this is his how Plummer saluted his wife:

"...And lastly, a fair lady called Elaine, my wife of 43 years, whose bravery and beauty haunts me still."

Can I get an aww aww? 

What? You're not crying yet? Here, have some Sherman Pore from 2007 American Idol audition.

Or this best wordless poignancy ever:

Of course there's the--not as tearjerking, but touching--grumpy old couple from New York, I Love You and many more. I could make a book from compiling all the sweet elderly romances. I guess what I'm saying is, let's love and grow old together.

"For years the network have tried to re-create the success of Friends by making pilot after pilot about beautiful twenty-somethings living together in New York. Beautiful twenty-somethings living in Los Angeles. Beautiful twenty-somethings investigating sexy child murders in Miami. 

This template never works, because executives refuse to realize that Friends was the exception, not the rule."

- Tina Fey, Bossypants.

How I Met Your Mother is pretty good, but some say they lack in consistencies when it comes to quality all through the seasons. New Girl is decent, but I still think they made a mistake by letting Damon Wayans Jr. go after one episode. I watched some episodes of Friends With Benefits, and it's hard to love the--I think, annoying--characters. But after watching some episodes of Whitney, and had to struggle to even giggle, I thought, man, Liz Lemon, you're right.

Maybe you can't have it all--you can't be funny and beautiful. Unless, of course, you're Sofia Vergara.

I like these four videos for one reason.

Stereophonics - Handbags And Gladrags

Kings Of Convenience - Cayman Islands

Badly Drawn Boy - Promises

Weezer - El Scorcho

sunday secrets

One of my secrets is, I relate to some Postsecret.com's postcards. And another one is, I like to think that the postcards like the one below are directed to me.

thinking of tomorrow with the sunset in your eyes

This is what happened this afternoon. Ingga, Aria and I drove to this place in--I think--Nusa Dua, called El Kabron. To reach this place we had to go through this winding road... But the view. The view was something. This is the closest I can get to describing it: trees, hill on one side and ocean on the other. I know, I'm illiterate at this wee hour. But the view... It was the lighting. You know how Bali's afternoon sun is like... Don't you? I always believe sunlight in Bali falls differently, unlike in any other place. Or is it just me?

Anyway so we were driving through the tree-lined road washed with pale orange light--which according to Aria was like somewhere in Africa--and I could feel the feeling already. I think the other two were also excited. And as we got to El Kabron, we were just in time for the sunset. We lounged on these beanbag seats, overlooking the pool, the serene ocean and of course the beautiful skies that seemed to go on forever, watching the lazy fishermen boats, and of course, airplanes. And yes, with the sand between my toes I felt the feeling.

What feeling you may ask. I can't describe it. It has something to do with being in a tropical, beachy place. It's the feeling I get when I listen to Jose Padilla's Adios Ayer, Groove Armada's At The River, or Gorillaz' Melancholy Hill. It's the feeling I get when Bali-like sunlight shines on rare Jakarta afternoons. It's the feeling I get when I watch movies that take place on some beach in Greece. I understand if you don't understand. It's this long longing feeling for some familiar tropical paradise.

And this afternoon I thought, this is it. I'm here.


:)



ps. get here soon, I'm saving you a seat!

"Because you want to see more of the world, and your great boyfriend also wants that for you" -Nilam.



At times when I ask why, a friend knows exactly what I need to hear. Thanks, Nil :)

now the sky could be blue, i don't mind, without you it's a waste of time

The skies couldn't be prettier here.

It's sunshiny blue in the afternoon--dotted with kites, it's somewhat magical with indescribable colours during sunset time, and it's bejeweled with winking stars at night.


And all I can think about is, if only you were here.

they couldn't think of something to say the day you burst

There are some things that I know already, but once in an unpredictable while, they sink in again and I'm like, wow, I can't believe it. These are two examples of it:

1. Ped's carrying a Bob inside her! I mean, this is the girl who blew cigarette smoke right to people's faces, who spent her youth in a reckless way with her equally reckless friend, who couldn't stand little kids. You did great, Boni, and you'll do even greater!

2. Me, living by myself. It's only been two months and yes, there were a few breakdowns, but here I am, making do. Aren't you proud of me? Doesn't matter, I'm proud of myself.

Well, that's today's two cents. Not much, but probably more than the updates in your blog. Yes I'm looking at you, you-too-many-to-mention-bloggers-who-leave-blogs-to-die.



Toodles,
-R.

The latest issue of Jakarta Java Kini (no, this is not a shameless plug) features an article titled "You know you're a true Jakartan when...". The last point in the article is:

A true Jakartan is darn proud to be a Jakartan
Jakarta is not an easy place to live in, what with the traffic, the heat, the escalating crime, the regular demonstrations and, of course, the annual deluge and the five-yearly mega-floods. And if all that doesn't sound challenging enough, making a living in Jakarta is not always an easy proposition. any real Jakartan worth his salt though is nevertheless proud to be a part of this complex capital. Perhaps the source of this pride comes from being able to take on everything that the city is able to throw at you every day and still come out on top. More likely though, this pride in the nation's capital comes from being a part of a city that is both fast-paced and hectic, and yet which is never lacing in subtleties. Jakarta is a city that traverses the cutting edge but which also has a human face. It is a truly challenging place and yet brims with boundless possibilities. Good luck out there folks!

And it couldn't be more true. I am proud to be a Jakartan. The capital isn't for the weak. It's evil and ruthless, but it has that certain urban magic that you don't get anywhere else. There's something oddly comforting about the uninvited rain that ruins your after-office appointment. And as you scream profanity to the motorbike rider that makes a sharp cut just an inch from your car, you feel at home.

However, later on, few months from now, can I still call myself a Jakartan? Bali has sort of grown on me and I actually like it. Will I come across the point where Jakarta ends and Bali begins? Well, whatever happens then, it's nice to know that I still have a pinch of Jakartan's perseverance... ...or cockiness, whatever, in my pocket.



Anyway, hometown, see you in a bit ;)
-R.

second floor living without a yard

It's not easy to live on a different island from your loved ones. Sure, you get in touch with them every single day. There's even Skype now, or video call, or whatever that is. But you've lost the comfort you get when knowing that your safety nets live 30 minutes of car ride away. And no matter how much fun you have, when you come home to an empty house--well, room, it pretty much sucks. Then you go to these spectacular places watching the beautiful sunset and twilight, and you can't help but thinking 'if only *insertnamehere* was here'. It's not easy, I'm telling you.

Having said that, I do have it easy here. I have one of my dearest friends here, and I get some great new ones. I just found (and moved into) a great kost. It made me realize how important comfort is when it comes to your home away from home. I have a fun job, I get to indulge in spas and salons, and experience the haute cuisine at five-star hotels. And I'm living by myself, goddammit, in Bali! How cool is that?

So yeah. I'm actually grateful for what I have. I just want a license to (most of the time, secretly) whine once in a while.

if you stay, I will stay, even though the town’s not what it used to be

Lately, she often found herself in the same situation. As a newcomer, locals--and maybe not even locals, but thought of themselves as ones--asked her the same questions, they made her compare.

It was apples and oranges. But she went on anyway.

"It's more laid back here," she said. "I could never feel comfortable wearing relatively skimpy outfits in the city. And sandals in restaurants."

Or,

"Yeah, back then it took me an hour to go to work, on a good day," she snorted. "Now it only takes ten minutes."

And as the people made remarks like,

"Nothing good is left there, you have to escape here, huh?"

Or,

"You'll love it here. Everybody knows everybody. You know how stuck up Jakartans can be?"

She laughed and nodded, but her heart was chipped a little each time. No one should talk bad about her home.

*I'll have better days, and you'll see me on my better days.

sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name

Greetings from Kuta, Bali! Yep, yep, yep, I'm here already. People keep asking for pictures and stories. Well so far I don't have much. Let's see.

Where I stay
I found a rented room that is decent enough for now. I have my eyes on others, but they're either too expensive or too far.

Workplace
It's a nice, little office with only ten people total. Including me, the driver, and the office boy. They're nice, but I need more time to decide my feelings.

Work
So far it's a bit of editing, a bit of writing, a bit of store launching party, and a rafting trip at Ayung river. The last one was great, and that was a first for me. The media circle here is pretty small, so everyone said that it won't be long before I know everyone that works for every media here. I've met some. I met Emen, a senior back in college days. He's pretty cool. The rest? They're nice, but they're so chummy in a way that irks me a bit. But I don't know, maybe it's just me. Again, I'm going to need more time to decide my feelings.

Social life
Thank God for Ingga! God knows that I've been nagging him the whole week with messages in the line of: "what are you doing?", "are you going to see me?", "grab something to eat later?", "can I crash at your place?", and many more. There are two other great companions--Choki and Aria. For the last week, all three of them have proven to be good for late dinners, munchin' on chickens by the beach and even a karaoke session.

Me
So far everything is going good for me. The only pea under my mattress is the frequent homesickness. I know, I know, I just started, and it's normal, and bla bla bla. It's just that I have just realized that I'm a dependent person, I have to have at least a foot on a familiar surface. But hey, a week here without any significant breakdown must mean something, right? I'm fine :)

But for the love of God, please do visit. Or move here, while you're at it! Bring me some of that capital's cynicism and we'll have a blast!



Come!
-R.

did you sail across the sun, did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded, that heaven is overrated?

So, I'm moving to Bali. I will answer the FAQs that I bet you're just dying to know (ge-er, gak apa-apa kalo gak mau tau juga gak apa-apa)...

1. What are you going to do there?
I'll be an editor for a Bali-based magazine. Hint: it has nothing to do with Hello! Indonesia or any other Hello! magazines.

2. What does your mom (or parents) think of you moving? How about your boyfriend?
My mom was hesitant at first, but then she thinks this can be good for me. Boyfriend said he'd prefer I stay, but he's been supportive and he thinks it's my time to see the world (yes, by world, I mean Bali).

3. Where will you stay?
I don't know yet. When I do, I'll send postcards. My best friend lives in Denpasar, and I've asked him to look around for rooms for rent. If anything fails, I'll crash at his place if he lets me :D

4. When will you be leaving?
April 16. Or earlier, not sure. I'll start working by the 17th. So if you want to see me, if you think you'll be missing me to death, go make an appointment stat!

5. What made you agree to move miles away from the big durian?
Kapan lagi cing? I'd rather regret something I do than something I don't. if this is a mistake, then it's a mistake I have to make. I can mention many other cliches, but you get my point, right?

6. They say Bali is great for holiday, but it's such a blah if you live there.
You're not helping. Don't you think I have to find that out by myself?

Did I leave anything out? Well, there you go. Wish me luck, and please do visit!*


*I won't provide accommodation, foods, or transportation. You'll have to settle with me and my cheap ideas like coffee by the Circle K.

One decision made, big changes ahead. Clock's ticking faster, it feels like. Let's not waste time, let's get together.