instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know you realize that life goes fast...

I thought I couldn't run from my days in college any more faster. Godknows (and maybe so does everyone else) I kept a safe distance from people in my campus. By not getting too attached, I've saved myself from missing anyone when we graduate. I've missed high school longer than high school itself, I don't want any similar case to occur again. And I did a good job, I'm sure.

When Nissa had her "oo, jadi kita temenan cuma 4 taun nih, cuma sampe lulus" issue, I was thinking, hello, with all the drama, thank god kita cuma temenan 4 taun. And just about two weeks ago, when Bune said that she just got hit by a realization that she'd miss the campus and everything, I didn't empathize. I said that I didn't think I'd miss it that much, I said that it wouldn't be long before it's over and I couldn't wait until we all get out of here.

Then tonight, out of boredom and solitariness, I read Sindro's old blog entries from about a year ago. I can still say I want to get over this ASAP, but maybe there are few things I'll miss. Here goes.

1. My friends. Yes, I don't loathe you that much, only on hot days =p You know who you are, suril, gerwani, lunchies plusplus, and some others.

2. Kansas. The most tolerable icky place that I've ever known. I'll miss all those times I stayed way until magrib there, just because I didn't have anywhere better to go. I'll miss the way I took the long way to buy drinks just to check someone out on the other side of the caf. I'll miss that time when Nand suddenly whispered to me as we were walking by meja ijo area, "Run, all eyes on you" (okay, I think the last one is ego-talking =p).

3. Of course surreal times with the easygoing geng suril (aka gampangan, ke sini hayok, ke sana hayok). Waiting for magrib to come with you three, smoking our allowance out, asking what the real quintessence of smoking is, and just hanging out when everyone else was nowhere to be found are the best.

4. Weird and quirky qualities in anak-anak sastra that made me feel comfortable in asking stupid and weird questions. Out of the Qs, interesting convos often followed. Questions about deepest fears or about things in general. I'm surely going to miss that. The best companions for the questions are of course Sind, Nil, Nand, but the others are always a nice addition.

5. Being this (sok) idealist college student, dreaming about publishing a book filled with absurd short stories and poems, while trying to finish Penpop assignment on time. Soon, I'll have no time for being that anymore. I actually have to make it happen. I can't suck anymore. I have to get the equivalent of Mr.Ismail's three dots in the real life! Oh my.

6. Going to campus wearing ripped jeans, the laid back classes, the laid back system, the music events, the plays, the bazaar, the used-book bazaar, and things like those. Maybe some of us look like the crazy/hippie/poet type for people out there, but I don't care. I had never been in a such... creative environment before FIB UI.

7. Having crushes on mediocre (and sometimes below) guys just because they were the best ones around. Seriously, sastra guys establish the saying 'love is blind'. Haha. No offense. That, and regretting it sometime later.

8. Seeing Bune 5 days a week more or less. And dragging her away from her friends everytime I needed her.

I guess I'll miss more than what I planned to miss. And maybe there are more, but those are the only ones that come across my mind right now.

Well.
"...it's hard to make the good things last."

let's waste time. chasing cars around our heads.

Random things:

Besides cancer, war and racism, there are few things I'd really like to make disappear. Lessee.

When I'm shopping @ Citos' wednesday Bazaar:
1. Annoying little kids running around.
2. Fat ladies who won't budge even after I practically scream "permisi" on their ears.
3. Ibu-ibu sok muda yang memonopoli space di depan rak baju karena mereka takut keabisan barang-barang yang bagus. Hello, don't they believe in "aging gracefully"? Um, I believe the older section is somewhere around here, right inside my ass!

When I'm learning to drive (and hopefully, when I'm driving, period):
1. Jaywalkers who take such a sweet time crossing the road. On my driving lesson today, I was seriously thinking of running over one of those. How cruel am I?
2. Motorcycles.
3.Angkot and Metro Mini. Enough said.

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Currently in love with Gary Lightbody from Snow Patrol. Listen to "Chasing Cars", it's heart-wrenching. And at the same time, in lust with him everytime I listen to the band's version of Beyonce's "Crazy in Love". Hahaha. A weird turn-on.

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Only two weeks (and a few days) left to graduation. Sigh.

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I need a new pair of shoes. Or more. There are days when I need at least one of my besties, there are days when I need to cry without any reason, there are days when I need to "diam dan mematung". Well. These are the days when I have a massive urge to buy shoes.

and I can tell you my love for you will still be strong after the boys of summer have gone

Be still.
For one flutter,
I'd expect and hope.
My suicide rope.

Ssh, be still.
For just one flap,
It'd all fall apart.
My heart.

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Recaps on lately:

[Jul 27th]
Thursday. I had an unpredictable, almost 2-month-long awaited rapatgeng. At first PedNgun asked me to go to Gaikindo Motor Show or some sort with them. Being easy as always, I agreed. I asked Bune to come although I knew it'd be the last thing on her things-I'm-interested-in list. She had this stupid reason of "males keramas", but I made her wash her hair and come anyway. Long story made short, we were too late for Gaikindo and we managed to drag Rozelle out of her castle, and voila, we were off to Cafe Shisha or whatever it's called. Later on, Oho joined us. So there it was, rapatgeng plus two.

Maybe you just can't plan this thing anymore, you just have to wait and stumble upon it. The element of surprise intensifies the fun anyway, so that's okie *senyum simpul*. Besides, Oho came and brought stories and gossips that weren't that big of a deal except for the way he delivered them. Incomprehensibly not in order and his usage of words like "ngesek" or "ojosan". Hilarious. That and his stories after watching Coldplay in Singapore. Ugh, sour subject. Moving on.

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[Jul 28th]
Friday, went night-karaokeing with Pedhe, Bangun, Ocha and Oho. We got in at about 11.15 pm and it was 45 minutes to Oho's turning 22. In a way, it was a karaoke birthday party for Oho. At midnight he sang "Ratu Oke", please note the first two lines: "namaku si Ratu Oke, umurku dua-dua". Then we all sang "Happy Birthday" to him. Singing the conventional Happy Birtday song in a karaoke lounge, how extravagant were we? It was always fun karaokeing with Oho because it always involved dancing, and well, actually standing up. And with him, you can't just belt out the tunes, you have to sing the songs with emotions, body language and all as if deep in your soul you really meant it. Teehee. Exhaustingly fun, despite Ocha's choice of an old Ebiet G. Ade's song.

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[Jul 29th]
Saturday night, strolled around Makro. How old-housewives could I get? Anyway, PedNgun convinced me to go there, buy lounging chairs and create some kind of patio on the garden next to my room. So I bought four of these chairs, grabbed unused cracked coffee table in my gazebo, voila, my very own secret garden. Ocha came by later on bringing cheap wine. A little patio-launching party.

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[Jul 30th]
Sunday. Oho invited me and else to a birthday brunch @ Dixie Rasuna. Of course, remembering he invited "anak-anak Batalyon", brunch was at 4 pm. There were only about 15-16 people of us, but it was nice. Foods and drinks and laughter kept rolling in for about five hours.

Kesan dan pesan? Chances are, I fall, fell, whatever, for someone so boring I don't think he ordered any food at his friend's birthday party--which was practically an all-you-can-eat one--and I think he only ordered ice lemon tea when the rest of us were ordering drinks with exotic names and funny colors. Tsk, tsk, I had my butterflies set on someone whom reality shows' judges might call "too safe".

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[Jul 31st]
Monday. Missed a deadline, and altogether missed a chance to be the next 5 Takes TJ (hosting job for this Discovery Travel and Living channel's show). I know life's too short to miss an opportunity like that, but life's also too short for any regret. Besides, it was too hazy to think about deadlines.

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[Aug 2nd]
Wednesday, had a little taste of the vain-but-oh-so-fabulous world of fashion. Bune and I got a one-time job as ushers for Biyan's fashion show. Fancy, huh? It was practically a MAGABU kind of job. Decent amount of money for telling famous people where to sit and watching my first fashion show. Mahvelous, dahling, mahvelous.

Newest ambition: to be one of those VVIPs whose names are written on the front row seats.

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[Aug 4th]
Friday, as in yesterday. Went to Bandung with this Jakarta-Bandung shuttle called XTRANS. Alone. Wee-hee. I got giddily proud of being able to go to Bandung alone for the first time. Geng ngong picked me up when I got there, and then we went shopping at Gedebage. Also my first time. I had my doubts at first since Ped's first review about the place wasn't too convincing (if not, at all), and whose review is better to believe than your own mirror image, right? Well, turned out, I was still a pro-shopper, judging from all the dresses that I bought. That, or I was so gelap mata, judging from the oversized man's sweater that I bought.

Anyway. It was fun. Meeting my almost-forgotten friend (guess who), and shopping. Despite I did it in a crowded and humid "PASAR", shopping was still therapeutic. Quoting from I-can't-remember-who,

"whoever says money can't buy happiness simply doesn't know where to shop."

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So. Holiday butterflies paid off. Not quite with what (/who?) I had in mind, but who can complain, right?

Pictures may come later.

"A little voice Inside my head said,
'Don't look back. You can never look back.'
I thought I knew what love was
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but--"
[Don Henley/The Ataris]