aku memesan batu di tengah sungai terjal dan deras

During my self-torture aka working on my mid-term paper, I stumbled upon this part of a poem from apparently a famous poet. I just think it's nice & I want to post it here.

Kau entah memesan apa
Tapi kita berdua saja, duduk
Aku memesan rasa sakit yang tak putus
dan nyaring lengkingnya
memesan rasa lapar yang asing itu...
[Sapardi Djoko Damono]

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And here's another one from the same poet. A complete one titled Hujan Bulan Juni

Tak ada yang lebih tabah
Dari hujan bulan Juni
Dirahasiakan rintik rindunya
Kepada pohon berbunga itu

Tak ada yang lebih bijak
Dari hujan bulan Juni
Dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
Yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

Tak ada yang lebih arif
Dari hujan bulan Juni
Dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
Diserap akar pohon bunga itu

Ah, this must be the time when dangdutism is inevitable. Maklumlah, anak sastra...

short pieces

I've reached the peak of my gonggo'ism, because tonight--and that is saturday night, I am here doing my mid-term paper. And sadly, I have no clue what to do with it.

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Festbud is coming in less than 3 weeks. And I think everyone in it is about to fall apart any moment. Not me, not now. On the last band meeting, I finally knew what my exact task is. And I'll be having my own...crew. Yeah! Time to boss around! Enaknya jadi senior...

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Ramadhan is almost over and there's still no buka puasa angkatan. Owell, I should've agreed to organize it if I want it so bad. Buka puasa genk hasn't happened either, but I think we had enough "get-together" for this month. And as Roz said, "yang penting kebersamaan". So that's ok, I guess.

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My birthday is near. I still don't have any idea on how I'll be celebrating it. Supposedly, Festbud band audition will be held on the 11th. But nooo, they...well, we cancelled it because it'll be better if it's on the 10th. Padahal kalo tanggal 11, I was going to make Bapet (his band will be playing) say, "yang ini untuk Runi yang ulangtaun". I was even thinking about making all the band say that. Saaahh! Too bad, too bad.

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Teriakan hati teranyar: Aku rindu kepincut. Huh. Tacky but true.

love's an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt
do you like to hurt?
i do, i do
then hurt me
then hurt me
then hurt me
[Bright Eyes]

Help!

I've managed to get out of work today, saying that I got an extra class this afternoon. When the truth is, I had another Festbud meeting (this time it was only for the, *sing*, "anak baaand"), plus there was this puter film thing called Sinestra 2. And yes, today I chose to deal with stupid adults rather than smart-ass toddlers. For a while, I felt guilty. But heck, I was so relieved that for one friday, I didn't have to run around, separating wrestling little kids.

The meeting went easily well. That's a shocker, no pun intended. Sinestra also went quite well. I felt so tired and couldn't wait til I got home. I'd take a hot bath, lay comfortably on my bed, and surf all the 50-60ish channels on my cable. However, when I got home and stood in front of my bedroom door, guess what I saw. Four of my underaged cousins. Two of them were playing playstation, and the rest were actually wrestling and screaming. One of them is actually around 12, so he's too big to ignore. And I think they're going to spend the night here. S...i...g...h!

Is this some kind of karma for ditching the kids in Chrysolit (the place I work)?

Geek Mode

Ugh. Assignments are piling before my very eyes. And here I am, on friday night--aside from blogging--typing this paper for my film tematis class, while thinking about where I can get sources for my MKI assignment. Blah. World-class geek. And not too long ago Chici called and reported to me that, right now as I write this, she's actually at the buka puasa boxing 70, enjoying the view of the so-called "most handsome" guy in my year.

Darn.

I wish I was her right now.

something strangely familiar

The last quarter of the year is here. The sky looks so gray and cloudy, you think it's going to rain heavily any moment. But sometimes it's not, the clouds just stay up there. The weather is at its strangest state right now. Yeah, here I am, babbling about the weather. My point is...Nothing, I guess. It's just that, this time of the year, I always feel something strangely familiar. Like I know what will happen for the next 2 months--puasa, lebaran, liburan, the girls' birthday, my birthday, new year--when really, not everything can stay the same like before. Things change. Again, my point is...? I lost track somewhere. So I don't know.

Pardon me being weird.

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Out from the surrealism, back to reality. Rozelle turned 21 yesterday. She celebrated it @ this Manado restaurant called Cakalang and afterwards we went to Tamani for the cake. It was nice seeing the girls again. Supposedly, we'll see each other again this saturday. Soo, can't wait.

From campus. Nissa's silent treatment is still on. Well, as long as we don't get on each other's nerves, that's okay. Everything else is okay, i think. Oyeah, did I mention that I really, really want to quit this Festbud thingy? But I can't just do that, can I?

Lastly, note-for-self, don't fish for even the least bit of attention if you can't handle it.

and the road travels on
but i'm still near you
in my life, like a song,
i will still hear you
still...

[eskobar, heather nova]

Hey! You, my guiding stars.

Here's an addition to the in-fashion sins list I made about a week ago:
5. Mengharapkan konflik

And that's what I'm doing these days. See, my life lately is just as interesting as root canal. Painfully uninteresting. The conflicts I predicted? Not happening. My intention on snatching someone's boyf? Not feeling like it anymore. Campus life is getting old. O my god, time to recollect my soul. And girls, I need you all to do that! It's been more than a month since our last get-together. Plus, fyi, today is the 16th, the official date for our rapat genk, innit? Thankgod birthdays are coming!

So I hope all of these names,
Putri Prameshwari
Rozelle Ajengsari
Tribuana Puteri,
will show up on at least one of these upcoming dates: 18, 22, 05, 11. Seriously. Rozelle asked me yesterday, "Run, genk kita pecah ya?". And although I'm a sucker for sins, I don't do the in-fashion #5 sin with you girls. Sa'elah...

Okie, for those whose names are written above, see you soon!

when everything you own is lost
and every friendship has its cost
your rolling stone has gathered moss

and all your clouds cover the sun
and all your karma has undone
remember you're my number one.
[teenage fanclub]

my new favorite on cartoon network

"What are you doing? Trying to scare me to me?"
-Grim Reaper to Billy when he came out of nowhere and made Grim jump off his seat.

Runi, Ratu D...Drama.

These are four current biggest sins according to moi. Not deadly, but they're definitely in fashion:
1. Su'uzon
2. Mengumbar harapan
3. Mencari kesalahan orang
4. Mencari alasan

I did number three. I've been the queen of cranky since this morning. It was even hard to fake smiles, and I couldn't even stop my facial expression from showing total annoyance. I look for faults in people and yet, I tried my ass off not to snap at people. And then, about 10-15 minutes before I left that hell hole called UI, someone triggered me into a total outburst. Supposedly, the ones who saw me breaking down were just Nilam, Pani, and Bune. And the only one who heard me yelling the most horrific things was Bune. But then words were quickly carried around by the hot summer wind. Sind knows, Nand texted me to say sorry, and the latest is, Imel also apologized. When really, none of them is actually the object of my uncontrollable rage. Hahah. I caused quite a stir there, huh? Was that it? The conflict I've been hoping to happen? Masih kurang aksi sih.

All of this kinda scares me. I'm scared the evil, bite-people's-head-off-with-words me is back =s

Put me down and call it fate.

With my teaching job, I've to work my ass off to manage my schedule. I still go to the campus (although I don't necessarily go to the classes), I still go out and play with my friends, I still share a few gossips with people in kansas, I still watch my favorite TV shows, I still talk to my mom and play with Chichi; so I figured something's gotta give. And that something is my beauty rituals. I've overgrown my bangs, pimples start to show up, my skin has gotten darker over the past 1 month when I actually prefer my lobster-red shade, and my eyebrows take a journey back in time when Brooke Shield was the fashion guru. I guess that explains why I've never seen any teacher turning into a supermodel.

Anyway. Tomorrow's the 1st day of Ramadhan. But I'm somehow sensing tensions all around (well, in my campus actually). Conflicts are definitely lurking in the shadow. Well, good. More drama to watch. Tee-hee.

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Something weird just occured. See, I was chatting nonchalantly with Sindro, when suddenly she casually mentioned his name in a casual sentence. For a splitsecond my inside skipped a beat, and the other half of the second, it started to beat so fast. In my case, that's normal. But the weird thing is, my eyes went glassy. I didn't even feel like crying. I wasn't sad. I'm still not. But there I was, with glassy eyes and so many tummy butterflies I couldn't sit still. Weird.

Run, run like the wind
Don't wait for a thing
There is nothing here for you
But if you stay
Well then let me say
I'll go out of my way for you
[s.fretwell]