Wednesday, April 26, 2006

you had your chance so say goodbye

Hey, I knew you once
Don't you miss me?
We had so much fun
Don't you agree?

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I'm not good handling the slightest bit of attention. It makes me soft and weak. A few "hi"s and smiles could easily take me down to the memory lane, and that's not good. God knows I find it difficult to tell nostalgia apart from infatuation. Just take a mental note, that should never happen again. Amen.

Monday, April 17, 2006

only slightly mental

I'm over my crush with Mr.Berryman. Heheh. Or my fiery lust for Mr.Bonjang for that matter.

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Can you sing Flowers for me?
That is my rescue, it has to be


I hate to complain but sometimes you just can't help doing so, innit? So here goes... I'm bored (kalo kata celebritis indonesia yang harusnya make duitnya buat les bahasa inggris instead of nose jobs, "gue boring"). Not bored as in there's-nothing-good-on-TV bored, or I-have-nothing-to-do-today bored. It's I-wanna-be-anywhere-but-here bored. Omygod, I could go crazy anytime soon. Seriously. It's like my brain's going to explode any moment, when really it's because of the void in it. I can't explain exactly what I'm feeling lately, but it's driving me insane. Insane. Insane. Afterdark isn't better. I have the urge to rant on my journal but I don't know why nor for what and the words are just stumbling over one another they don't come out. I usually ended up doodling meaninglessly on it.

It's not like I'm sad nor upset, it's just that I'm on the verge of going nuts. Nuts. Nuts. Completely nuts. When something nice comes up, I'm totally okay. Like last thursday, when there were these good bands playing at the campus. That was fun. Or when I have my friends--best friends, hang-out friends, cousins, whatever--around, I'm okay. But when I'm left alone with nothing to do or at least when my mind is left alone with nothing to think about, there's this empty chaos inside. There's nothing to do, to think about, to dread about, but I feel so...jumbled.

See, I can't even write properly about it.

ARGH. Antara pengen kabur atau mematung.

Maybe it's just a phase, like always. But when it happens frequently--rarely, but frequently, could you really call it "a phase"? And I know when this is all over, I'll laugh at this and wonder, what was I thinking. Do I feel insane because I think I am insane? Someone I know once said something about what you feel is what your mind tells you to do, or something like that. You know, a suggestion or some sort.

You know what, I don't know.

Phew. It's tiring to even write about it. Um, help, please? A vacation, Prozac, a slap to bring back some senses, anything will do.

ooh, get me away from here, i'm dying
sing me a song to set me free
nobody writes them like they used to
so it may as well be me

[belle & sebastian]

Sunday, April 02, 2006

obsessions in my head, don't connect with my intellect

Ahem. This is the 2nd part of my Guy-obsession entry below.

Turns out, he does in fact like dogs. Because he owns one named Sid (from Sid Vicious)...with his wife! Waaaahhhhh *sobs* I so envy a girl named Joanna Briston right now. Sob sob sob.

Haw. Goodbye the chance of living happily ever after with a man who's worth 10 million pounds and drives Land Rover Discovery 3.

Yeah, I think I'm obsessed. But I'm too broken-hearted to admit that.

everyone of us is here, how about you?

This week has been fun! See, on Thursday there was this Saka New Year for the hindus, so it was obviously a day off for everyone. While on Friday...I don't know what it was with that day, but it was also a day off for me and some people. I know every Tuesday I've a day off this semester. Therefore, I only go to my dreary campus twice this week. Hm. So this is what it's like to be you, Ped =p

Let's start with Wednesday. After on-again-and-off-again rapat geng plan, Bune said that her family's "pembubaran panitia kawinan" is on Thursday and Rozelle decided to bail from her family's "rapat kawinan", so it was finally on. Off we went, to where else but NAV karaoke lounge. This time the usual singing session ended up in a way that I didn't think could ever occur with the girls. It was curcol-inducing. Hahahah. So okay, we thought, it would be a good time to have some coffee time. Off we went to Citos. And for the 1st time in history, we were rejected here and there because almost all of the restaurants & cafes had already placed the last order. The only places that would accept us were Gloria Jean's Coffee and Liquid Room. Naturally we chose Gloria Jean's despite the "blah" foods and drinks. Tapi karena kelamaan nyari tempat, sesi curhat yang tadi udah terpicu jadi tersendat lagi. Ya tak apalah, gak apa-apa mati gaya yang penting gak mati ya, geng?

Thursday came and I wasn't too keen on this day because I had to do group projects (yes, plural) @ Monik's house. I had to wake up quite early, and staying up late the night before didn't minimalize my urge to bite people's heads off. But it turned out okay. I mean, it wasn't like we actually did some work. With the Film & Sastra group, I practically just read 2 chapters of Harry Potter #4, watched parts of the film and ngemeng to compare them. With Pengkajian Budaya group, I practically just cut some indie music-related articles from Laila's mags. That's that. The rest of the day was actually okay, despite my heavy eyelids. We talked/gossiped about things and for the first time I watched a porn movie. Heheh.

Next, the plan for Friday was to go to Passer Baroe. Bune, Pedhe and I had made this plan since about 2 weeks before. Despite the almost-off plan, we finally went with Bangun who kindly drove us there. Bla bla bla, I don't need to write details about the shopping, all I can tell is shopping is always fun. Always. Afterwards, we grabbed some meal @ nasi goreng cabe rawit di jalan...Daksa? Not wanting to go home, we called Ingga and asked his whereabouts. Anyway, long story made short, we joined him, Davis, Adri, and Idontknowwho @ Paprika, watching Leli sang. Paprika was this classy restaurant/lounge, I think, and there I was wearing short and tee and sandal jepit looking like a sweating babu. But whatever. Seeing Ingga was nice.

Saturday night arrived and Ingga was supposed to meet Pedngun and I at this Cafe Shisha. But he two-timed and bailed on us in the end. However the long-lost Ebonk was available, so there we were, the Telerabies' reunion. We were on our way to Cafe Shisha when the guys brought up the Duck King issue (I lost a bet about a year ago and I was supposed to pay for our dinner @ Cinoa, but the guys insisted that it was Duck King I had promised them). I knew I wouldn't hear the end of it for the rest of the night, so I finally agreed to go to the Duck King and pay for dinner. It was nice to shut their mouth for once. Heheh. Afterwards we headed straight to Cafe Shisha only to find that the belly dancing show was over. That's okay, I got to go with...more or less my 2nd geng after a long, long hiatus.

Well, there went the lazy days. The calm before the storm. Now here I am, on Sunday afternoon, trying to get some tasks done. Boo. I don't even want to rant about what kind of "storm" I'm facing. Ugh. Ugh. Like Ped once said, gue cuma mau mematung.

Everyone of us is high,
Everyone of us is low,
Everyone of us is here,
How about you?

[Coldplay]

my song is love unknown & i've got to get that message home

On a whole different note, once again I'll ask, inikah yang dinamakan cinta? Yes, this time I'm sure that it is. And who's the object of my undying overwhelming desire this time? Drumroll please...

Mr.Guy Berryman, of course.

See, he's already a musician and a good looking one too. That counts for unlimited points. I just browsed Coldplay.com and saw this picture of him playing footie. Ding-ding, more and more points. If only I knew if he liked dogs or not...

But that doesn't matter that much.

He's most likely not a moslem. But when he belongs to the world's greatest band, I don't think my mom would mind...

Omaygad. I think this is THE ONE.

See, I don't mind "makan cinta" kalo udah sama dia sih. But I don't think that'd be necessary. I mean he has the fortune, for sure. Maybe he's taken. Well, I swear, I don't mind living as his mistress-slash-love slave or such.

So, Mr.Guy, if you ever come across this blog, send me a ticket to wherever you are, let the sparks between us show and drive off to the sunset together.