I've spent years of my younger phase thinking that I wanted to be a writer. I like to read, I like to write, and I intend to keep doing both for the rest of my life. There were times when I also wanted to be a journalist, because writing fictions seemed too... naive. Then came a day when I realized that I wasn't cut out to be a journalist, I'm just not that... driven. So I settled on writing fictions, and compilation of pretty words people call poems, but I don't think mine are sophisticated enough to be called as "poems".
Anyway! Back to writing fictions, one day, my friends and I decided to compile our short stories and publish them as a book. We registered for ISBN, we had talks with the distributor, we had our book launching brouhaha... And, now I have an "author profile" on my Goodreads.com page instead of the regular profile. A small gesture of acknowledgment that is kind of a big deal for me.
However, since then, I haven't written much anymore. In fact, I wrote tens of unfinished stories, and only finished about... one. Then Twitter spoiled me rotten. I wrote pieces that I call twitteratures. Literature in 140 characters or less. Big time cheat. These days, I don't even write those anymore, until today. I squeezed my brain out, and only managed to write three twitteratures. Neat.
Okay. So I intended to keep writing, but I'm a little behind on it. What about reading? Well, basically the same thing. I still read books, but less than what I expected. Meanwhile, my friend can finish 20-30ish books in a year (*cough*Ayu*cough*). Another never let a day go by without reading a book (*cough*Nilam*cough).
Then it hit me. I don't deserve the author profile page on Goodreads. Because I don't write anymore. Hell, maybe I don't even deserve a regular profile on Goodreads, because I don't even read anymore.
In the end, it's not that I stop trying altogether. I still read whenever I can, and I still try to write. It just makes me wonder, am I just not cut out for writing in general? Or is it just that I'm not trying enough?
