..throwing useless memorabilia away..

I should be doing my assignment right now. But godknows I can only work under pressure. Since the pressure isn't high enough right now, so here I am, babbling. And oyeah, I can't open Friendster.com. That should be a good thing, but just like a car accident, you can't help checking it out everytime you can.

Anywayss...New year's eve is coming up. I (and the others) still haven't got the slightest fuck where we will be spending the evening. I guess it's just not the same when I (or my party planner partners) aren't directly involved. I miss the decision making, the last-minute preparation, and the ego-satisfying feeling knowing you & your posse own the party. But somehow I'm not in the mood for making efforts anymore.

...I had no idea the few weeks before NYE could be so boring.

I guess things are changing. That's another issue for me lately. Things are changing, some people aren't around anymore, and...yeah, those stuff. Damn people and their "own" lives. I can't think of any right now, but there are many reasons why I'm feeling like this. Like getting these hints to move on (from whatever that is), to let go and stop dreaming (of whatever that is). Damn, I can't believe now I'm trying to write my nagging thoughts down, my head goes blank. Maybe I'll be back when I have my thoughts sorted out. All I know is, things are just not as "lucu" as they used to.

"Looking back at sunsets on the Eastside
We lost track of the time
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things sat by so carelessly"
[the killers]

..I just know I'm so lonely..

I've been waiting for you to call me, been waiting for the time of my life
I just know I'm so lonely here without you...
I've been needing the truth to enlight me, been waiting in vain or in lies?
I just know I'm so lonely here without you...

Cause I'm ready to play now, love strikes, calling me back again
I'm ready to play now...
Cause I'm ready to play now, love strikes, calling me back again
I'm ready to play now...

Now I won't be waiting for you to to call me, not waiting for the rest of my life
Now I must let go of these feelings and make it without you
Now I won't be letting the doubt in to stall me, I just have to get on with my life
And hopefully soon I won't be thinkin about you

Cause I'm ready to play now, love strikes, calling me back again
I'm ready to play now...
Cause I'm ready to play now, love strikes, calling me back again
I'm ready to play now...

Dying here without you...

Think I was looking for trouble
Think I was looking for home in a foreign land
Think I was caught in a bubble
Now I think it's time to reach the right hand

[eskobar]

..this time when flashes come..

Hello, it's been another while huh? Here I am, back again in front of some sight-wrecking monitor, writing things. Nothing new since the last I came here. I'm still under the boredom attack which feels worse now. To make things even worse, my computer broke down and its connection to the internet...godknows what happens to it. *Fyi, now I'm at my mom's office.

Ugh! I feel like getting the hell out of here! Here where? Here, my life, these routines, these days...I'M BORED! Nothing's exactly wrong, but that's it--nothing exactly happens. Shouldn't this time of the year be the time when it gets full of festivity and joy? Now I feel anything but. It's like there's this big void inside..It's like my surroundings suddenly become empty and awfully quiet. Crap, I dunno.

Dammit! I feel like spitting these words out instead of smiles, but I can't. What is happening to me?? Owell, maybe it's just my over-dramatizing alter-ego takes over myself due to my hormonal imbalance with my period and all.

Can someone give me a lifetime supply of Prozac? If not, then, excpect to hear some more.

"Never going to reach my goal
I know ’cos I have been told
Never finding happiness
Eternally in unrest
This is where the love lies
I’ve seen to the other side
It’s always been just out of reach
Yeah but always just within my sight"
[ash]