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Can you sing Flowers for me?
That is my rescue, it has to be
I hate to complain but sometimes you just can't help doing so, innit? So here goes... I'm bored (kalo kata celebritis indonesia yang harusnya make duitnya buat les bahasa inggris instead of nose jobs, "gue boring"). Not bored as in there's-nothing-good-on-TV bored, or I-have-nothing-to-do-today bored. It's I-wanna-be-anywhere-but-here bored. Omygod, I could go crazy anytime soon. Seriously. It's like my brain's going to explode any moment, when really it's because of the void in it. I can't explain exactly what I'm feeling lately, but it's driving me insane. Insane. Insane. Afterdark isn't better. I have the urge to rant on my journal but I don't know why nor for what and the words are just stumbling over one another they don't come out. I usually ended up doodling meaninglessly on it.
It's not like I'm sad nor upset, it's just that I'm on the verge of going nuts. Nuts. Nuts. Completely nuts. When something nice comes up, I'm totally okay. Like last thursday, when there were these good bands playing at the campus. That was fun. Or when I have my friends--best friends, hang-out friends, cousins, whatever--around, I'm okay. But when I'm left alone with nothing to do or at least when my mind is left alone with nothing to think about, there's this empty chaos inside. There's nothing to do, to think about, to dread about, but I feel so...jumbled.
See, I can't even write properly about it.
ARGH. Antara pengen kabur atau mematung.
Maybe it's just a phase, like always. But when it happens frequently--rarely, but frequently, could you really call it "a phase"? And I know when this is all over, I'll laugh at this and wonder, what was I thinking. Do I feel insane because I think I am insane? Someone I know once said something about what you feel is what your mind tells you to do, or something like that. You know, a suggestion or some sort.
You know what, I don't know.
Phew. It's tiring to even write about it. Um, help, please? A vacation, Prozac, a slap to bring back some senses, anything will do.
ooh, get me away from here, i'm dying
sing me a song to set me free
nobody writes them like they used to
so it may as well be me
[belle & sebastian]
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