surrealm

This episode, on Days of My Life: Someone I know decides to move on, people in my house are moving out, I decide I don't want to deal with who-used-to-be the most dealable (shut up, that's a new word, I created it) person in my campus, I had a...well, nice dream about him last night and there's still that "nothing" that I keep dreading about. Here goes...

First one, someone I know is moving on (for this person, I wish you all the luck, hon). Then last friday (what was supposed to be Bat's birthday), no one gathered around in our old high school anymore. Point is, maybe everything about my oh-so-precious past is just merely...old high school memories. They're in the past now. I just have to deal with the fact that everything won't ever be the same again like the old time. They have to change, and maybe I have to try to...well, go out and explore the rest of the world more. Can't live in memories and dreams forever, right? Yea, anyway, that's just a brief thought.

Next, Tante Rika was getting married again last week and she moves out to her new house with his husband. Fine by me. But Khesia and Archie have to go with her too. Well, they haven't moved out yet, but they have to soon. My sister is getting married in 2 days and soon she'll be out of the house too. And then Tante Danti is moving out to her new apartment sometime after Lebaran. Let's discuss the predicted aftermath. No more Khesia and Archie means no more switching-swapping-lending-and-borrowing clothes. It also means no more people to talk to, to joke around with, to diss parents with, and plainly no more good distraction. Next one, without my sister around, that means it's up to me to take care of Brownie. And as much as I love dogs, as I love mine, I don't do good in taking care of pets for a long-term. I can always ask mbak Iim for help, but I can't bear Brownie's sad eyes when no one is around to play with him. Lastly, with tante Danti out, then no more single woman staying at home accompanying another single woman--my mom. Mom would probably make it hard for me to go out often when the house is practically empty. Damn. Wasn't I the one who want to get out from here since the elementary school? Now I'm the one who's still here. ...Damn.

About that person whom I fought with not too long ago. I know she said sorry, and she claimed her outburst was just a temporary-insanity thingy, and all. But I don't wanna handle any situation like that anymore. I'm not the forgive-and-forget type of person. Hate you once, and I'll feel weird with you forever. I happen to know that she feels lonely, and I happen to know all about being lonely. But I guess she just has to deal with it, bcos I can't deal with her anymore. Could you be more unforgiving, Run?

Finally, about the guy. One of you may already know that I feel nothing the last time I saw him (how you can guess, I still don't know). I'm still curious about this "nothing". Is it really nothing? Will it last? Is it good or not? Should I be glad? Bcos it's really a drastic change in just what, a few weeks? What used to be the head-over-heels giddy, now is just a-lil-giddy-that's-over-once-I-don't-see-him giddy. What used to be a blind rage of jealousy, now is just plainly "ow, lucky her" brief state of mind. Isn't that weird? All these months, tears, smiles, and all for nothing? Pedhe said I should wait til the next time I see him. And I thought I would (see him, that is) sometime on the 24th of September; but no, I didn't. Curious, curious, curious. What does this mean?!

Speaking of the guy, I had a dream about him last night. It was interesting and nice all the way...I mean, altogether. Heheh. Yep, suddenly when I'm swarming with nothing, bang, he popped up. Well, that's just a tad newsflash bcos let me tell you, this dream is fuckin' interesting! Hell yeah. The nothing is still nothing, but there's a brand new sense of lust here xp

There you go...a bit of the everything-and-nothing of me lately.

"Guess I'm stuck in a dream
Surrounded by colored leaves on the ground
As I stare at the trees I see one fall down in my hand
As I start to explore I can't ignore a man
He turns his head around
His face was all worn by the sun

I'm going out for a while
So I can get high with my friends, I will
I'm going out for a while
Don't wait up cause I won't be home
Today...

Drifting down a road
Losing myself in a dream
Feel my hands getting cold
Sat in a boat on a lake

Climbing up trying my best
As I sink
Climbing up trying my best
As I sink again

Lying back on the floor
Reaching up high into space
See myself in a glass
I'm counting the lines on my face
Again
I'm counting the lines on my face
Again..."
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