Two days ago was this year's Petang Kreatif. I came and watched (not all, but enough). It was nice, English 2006 had something to be proud of (they're the runner-up), nice performances from some departments... But one of the them was so dull, it wasn't even funny and I pity them, I realy do (A***o guys, can't you do anything right?).
Aside from the PK, I got to see some people I know. Friends, love/lust interests, annoying people and all. Nice. And I think that was my last planned-visit to campus. I may come back sometime (still waiting for the nyanset date, suril), but still can't help thinking that was the last one, the closure (ooh, there goes the word again). And god, there really is no good time for anyone to leave, is there? Hard to explain but *sigh*.
-----
On a very different note, they already put the giant christmas tree in the middle of Citos!!! Love it! Stare deep into it, pretend the raindrops outside are actually snowflakes, listen to the choir singing christmas songs (if they're not there yet, listen to the ones inside your head), then you'll get my version of Christmas at the Rockefeller Center.
However. I know it's early, but happy holiday people, hope you'll have a great christmas shopping or time with your loved ones! Cheers.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
all that we needed tonight are people who love us and life
Blah. I'm bored. But I'm too broke to go out. And I'll pretend not to hear anyone who screams "get a job", not because I won't but I just can't be rushed.
BLAAAAHH. I can't even write anything. Personal rants, fiction, poem, writing sample for my future... I feel so uninspired.
I want to go out, and waste my non-existent money, and party, and have fun, and feel good, and be mesmerized by bands playing beautiful songs, and be surrounded by my loved ones so that I could hide behind them when the big bad world is closing in, and sing my lungs out, and dance the night away, and go nuts, and see people, and ignore people, and have my inside beat so fast for something trivial and not be able to sit still because of it or maybe just because of the expensive coffee they sell on Starbucks, and see and/or feel fireworks, and feel alive, and be inspired.
Help?
Anyway. I feel so *blah* I read my old journals from 7-9 years ago although usually reading my junior-high-self made me cringe. I still cringed this time. Conclusions made from reading it: I was so naive back then but I've been building my personal electric fence since then and big massive thank god, as I've grown older, I've gained more guts, confidence, self-respect and such. Thank god for self-evolution. Oyeah, and I was so in love with the guy whom I made run recently (or was that vice versa?). I've also loved drama since back then: making a used-to-be-best-friend's life a hell, playing 'pingpong' with a best friend/love interest/admirer/enemy xD, basking in a spider web of enmity and then taking sides...
Not so naive after all, huh? But compared to now, I was stupidly green. Again, thank god I trust myself now.
Enough with my self-introspect moment. People, let's have a christmas party! I'm not supposed to celebrate it, but it's december already and with all the christmas trees and lights at the malls and such and the cold air and the butterflies inside... I can hear Chris Martin's voice inside singing, "it felt like christmas time".
So, anyone?
BLAAAAHH. I can't even write anything. Personal rants, fiction, poem, writing sample for my future... I feel so uninspired.
I want to go out, and waste my non-existent money, and party, and have fun, and feel good, and be mesmerized by bands playing beautiful songs, and be surrounded by my loved ones so that I could hide behind them when the big bad world is closing in, and sing my lungs out, and dance the night away, and go nuts, and see people, and ignore people, and have my inside beat so fast for something trivial and not be able to sit still because of it or maybe just because of the expensive coffee they sell on Starbucks, and see and/or feel fireworks, and feel alive, and be inspired.
Help?
Anyway. I feel so *blah* I read my old journals from 7-9 years ago although usually reading my junior-high-self made me cringe. I still cringed this time. Conclusions made from reading it: I was so naive back then but I've been building my personal electric fence since then and big massive thank god, as I've grown older, I've gained more guts, confidence, self-respect and such. Thank god for self-evolution. Oyeah, and I was so in love with the guy whom I made run recently (or was that vice versa?). I've also loved drama since back then: making a used-to-be-best-friend's life a hell, playing 'pingpong' with a best friend/love interest/admirer/enemy xD, basking in a spider web of enmity and then taking sides...
Not so naive after all, huh? But compared to now, I was stupidly green. Again, thank god I trust myself now.
Enough with my self-introspect moment. People, let's have a christmas party! I'm not supposed to celebrate it, but it's december already and with all the christmas trees and lights at the malls and such and the cold air and the butterflies inside... I can hear Chris Martin's voice inside singing, "it felt like christmas time".
So, anyone?
Open to everything happy and sad
Seeing the good when it's all going bad
Seeing the sun when I can't really see
Hoping the sun will at least look at me
Focus on everything better today
All that I needed I never could say
Hold on to people they're slipping away
Hold on to this while it's slipping away
[moby]
Thursday, November 16, 2006
the growing pains dissolve in lemonade
I turned 22 last saturday. I had a joint party along with Ped's and Bangun's birthdays celebration at this seafood restaurant in Ancol, Bandar Djakarta. Aside from the house band singing "happy birthday" and the kelapa ulangtaun with sparklers on it, it was more like an intimate dinner rather than a "party". But my loved ones were all there. I didn't have to choose, I could have my cake and eat it too. The girls were there, and the guys were also there. Ingga and Ebonk even drove all the way from Bandung to Jakarta and back to Bandung afterwards for this. Touching.
And what's a night out with a bunch of best friends without hitting the karaoke lounge? Yesss, we sang our lungs out @ Nav as always. Too bad we forgot to sing 22nd birthday theme song, "Ratu Oke".
All in all, despite some unspoken tension in the air, it was comfortable. Aw, big giant pile of fluffy pillows! And I notice, when I'm happy, I'm lacking the ability to compile words and make some decent entry about it. So maybe pictures will describe it better.
There it goes, the end of birthday season for 2006. I hope the festivity will last the whole year round.
And what's a night out with a bunch of best friends without hitting the karaoke lounge? Yesss, we sang our lungs out @ Nav as always. Too bad we forgot to sing 22nd birthday theme song, "Ratu Oke".
All in all, despite some unspoken tension in the air, it was comfortable. Aw, big giant pile of fluffy pillows! And I notice, when I'm happy, I'm lacking the ability to compile words and make some decent entry about it. So maybe pictures will describe it better.
this year's birthday sparks
ladies and gentlemen, your hosts for tonight
my most prized treasure
the girls and some Modjo Jojo-like apparition of Ancol
There it goes, the end of birthday season for 2006. I hope the festivity will last the whole year round.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
wait, don't go so fast. i'm missing the moments as they passed
Graduation.
The highlight of me lately.
It was on Saturday the 2nd at Balairung UI. Slightly touching but that was it. I didn't cry for the obvious reason. I did cry, however, after I refused to be stuck in a stupid traffic jam inside my campus area, ditched my parents in the car, took a long walk to FIB through the forest, under the blazing sun, in high-heels. Aside from that, it was okay. Both mom and dad came, my kebaya and hairdo came out how I wanted them to be, I got to see my friends and take pictures and all.
Nice.
Cherry on top, in the evening I invited few close friends to my house to have dinner and... just hang. I was so nervous-slash-anxious at first... You know, the pressure of entertaining =p However, it was great. My "orang-orang terkasihi" were all there. The girls, Ngong, Ingga, Ocha... Even Oho turned up after he said he couldn't. There was even this guy whom I've adored from time to time. Tee-hee. The get-together was super-super nice, it kept my inside beating.
Another highlight, teeny weeny one: I have a driver lisence now. And yesterday, I drove myself to work! With my driver right next to me of course. But still.
Speaking of work, I'm resigning. By the end of this month, to be exact. What's next for me, I often ask myself, I don't know. I'll figure it out. Soon, I hope. But right now I really want to travel, be with my friends, be in love, do stupid things mindlessly, feel like my inside is squeezed because it beats so fast, soak in the word "holiday" so much I'd tan myself... I don't know. It's one of those "ingin mematung" moments.
Haw. It's always harder to explain my nocturne thoughts.
The highlight of me lately.
It was on Saturday the 2nd at Balairung UI. Slightly touching but that was it. I didn't cry for the obvious reason. I did cry, however, after I refused to be stuck in a stupid traffic jam inside my campus area, ditched my parents in the car, took a long walk to FIB through the forest, under the blazing sun, in high-heels. Aside from that, it was okay. Both mom and dad came, my kebaya and hairdo came out how I wanted them to be, I got to see my friends and take pictures and all.
Nice.
Cherry on top, in the evening I invited few close friends to my house to have dinner and... just hang. I was so nervous-slash-anxious at first... You know, the pressure of entertaining =p However, it was great. My "orang-orang terkasihi" were all there. The girls, Ngong, Ingga, Ocha... Even Oho turned up after he said he couldn't. There was even this guy whom I've adored from time to time. Tee-hee. The get-together was super-super nice, it kept my inside beating.
Another highlight, teeny weeny one: I have a driver lisence now. And yesterday, I drove myself to work! With my driver right next to me of course. But still.
Speaking of work, I'm resigning. By the end of this month, to be exact. What's next for me, I often ask myself, I don't know. I'll figure it out. Soon, I hope. But right now I really want to travel, be with my friends, be in love, do stupid things mindlessly, feel like my inside is squeezed because it beats so fast, soak in the word "holiday" so much I'd tan myself... I don't know. It's one of those "ingin mematung" moments.
Haw. It's always harder to explain my nocturne thoughts.
Wish we'll stay like this
And we will reminisce
Our vanished nights
Our mockery fights
Because soon is the dawn
And promises will be gone
Before we all say goodbye
Here's iloveyou to get by
Friday, August 18, 2006
instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know you realize that life goes fast...
I thought I couldn't run from my days in college any more faster. Godknows (and maybe so does everyone else) I kept a safe distance from people in my campus. By not getting too attached, I've saved myself from missing anyone when we graduate. I've missed high school longer than high school itself, I don't want any similar case to occur again. And I did a good job, I'm sure.
When Nissa had her "oo, jadi kita temenan cuma 4 taun nih, cuma sampe lulus" issue, I was thinking, hello, with all the drama, thank god kita cuma temenan 4 taun. And just about two weeks ago, when Bune said that she just got hit by a realization that she'd miss the campus and everything, I didn't empathize. I said that I didn't think I'd miss it that much, I said that it wouldn't be long before it's over and I couldn't wait until we all get out of here.
Then tonight, out of boredom and solitariness, I read Sindro's old blog entries from about a year ago. I can still say I want to get over this ASAP, but maybe there are few things I'll miss. Here goes.
1. My friends. Yes, I don't loathe you that much, only on hot days =p You know who you are, suril, gerwani, lunchies plusplus, and some others.
2. Kansas. The most tolerable icky place that I've ever known. I'll miss all those times I stayed way until magrib there, just because I didn't have anywhere better to go. I'll miss the way I took the long way to buy drinks just to check someone out on the other side of the caf. I'll miss that time when Nand suddenly whispered to me as we were walking by meja ijo area, "Run, all eyes on you" (okay, I think the last one is ego-talking =p).
3. Of course surreal times with the easygoing geng suril (aka gampangan, ke sini hayok, ke sana hayok). Waiting for magrib to come with you three, smoking our allowance out, asking what the real quintessence of smoking is, and just hanging out when everyone else was nowhere to be found are the best.
4. Weird and quirky qualities in anak-anak sastra that made me feel comfortable in asking stupid and weird questions. Out of the Qs, interesting convos often followed. Questions about deepest fears or about things in general. I'm surely going to miss that. The best companions for the questions are of course Sind, Nil, Nand, but the others are always a nice addition.
5. Being this (sok) idealist college student, dreaming about publishing a book filled with absurd short stories and poems, while trying to finish Penpop assignment on time. Soon, I'll have no time for being that anymore. I actually have to make it happen. I can't suck anymore. I have to get the equivalent of Mr.Ismail's three dots in the real life! Oh my.
6. Going to campus wearing ripped jeans, the laid back classes, the laid back system, the music events, the plays, the bazaar, the used-book bazaar, and things like those. Maybe some of us look like the crazy/hippie/poet type for people out there, but I don't care. I had never been in a such... creative environment before FIB UI.
7. Having crushes on mediocre (and sometimes below) guys just because they were the best ones around. Seriously, sastra guys establish the saying 'love is blind'. Haha. No offense. That, and regretting it sometime later.
8. Seeing Bune 5 days a week more or less. And dragging her away from her friends everytime I needed her.
I guess I'll miss more than what I planned to miss. And maybe there are more, but those are the only ones that come across my mind right now.
Well.
"...it's hard to make the good things last."
When Nissa had her "oo, jadi kita temenan cuma 4 taun nih, cuma sampe lulus" issue, I was thinking, hello, with all the drama, thank god kita cuma temenan 4 taun. And just about two weeks ago, when Bune said that she just got hit by a realization that she'd miss the campus and everything, I didn't empathize. I said that I didn't think I'd miss it that much, I said that it wouldn't be long before it's over and I couldn't wait until we all get out of here.
Then tonight, out of boredom and solitariness, I read Sindro's old blog entries from about a year ago. I can still say I want to get over this ASAP, but maybe there are few things I'll miss. Here goes.
1. My friends. Yes, I don't loathe you that much, only on hot days =p You know who you are, suril, gerwani, lunchies plusplus, and some others.
2. Kansas. The most tolerable icky place that I've ever known. I'll miss all those times I stayed way until magrib there, just because I didn't have anywhere better to go. I'll miss the way I took the long way to buy drinks just to check someone out on the other side of the caf. I'll miss that time when Nand suddenly whispered to me as we were walking by meja ijo area, "Run, all eyes on you" (okay, I think the last one is ego-talking =p).
3. Of course surreal times with the easygoing geng suril (aka gampangan, ke sini hayok, ke sana hayok). Waiting for magrib to come with you three, smoking our allowance out, asking what the real quintessence of smoking is, and just hanging out when everyone else was nowhere to be found are the best.
4. Weird and quirky qualities in anak-anak sastra that made me feel comfortable in asking stupid and weird questions. Out of the Qs, interesting convos often followed. Questions about deepest fears or about things in general. I'm surely going to miss that. The best companions for the questions are of course Sind, Nil, Nand, but the others are always a nice addition.
5. Being this (sok) idealist college student, dreaming about publishing a book filled with absurd short stories and poems, while trying to finish Penpop assignment on time. Soon, I'll have no time for being that anymore. I actually have to make it happen. I can't suck anymore. I have to get the equivalent of Mr.Ismail's three dots in the real life! Oh my.
6. Going to campus wearing ripped jeans, the laid back classes, the laid back system, the music events, the plays, the bazaar, the used-book bazaar, and things like those. Maybe some of us look like the crazy/hippie/poet type for people out there, but I don't care. I had never been in a such... creative environment before FIB UI.
7. Having crushes on mediocre (and sometimes below) guys just because they were the best ones around. Seriously, sastra guys establish the saying 'love is blind'. Haha. No offense. That, and regretting it sometime later.
8. Seeing Bune 5 days a week more or less. And dragging her away from her friends everytime I needed her.
I guess I'll miss more than what I planned to miss. And maybe there are more, but those are the only ones that come across my mind right now.
Well.
"...it's hard to make the good things last."
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
let's waste time. chasing cars around our heads.
Random things:
Besides cancer, war and racism, there are few things I'd really like to make disappear. Lessee.
When I'm shopping @ Citos' wednesday Bazaar:
1. Annoying little kids running around.
2. Fat ladies who won't budge even after I practically scream "permisi" on their ears.
3. Ibu-ibu sok muda yang memonopoli space di depan rak baju karena mereka takut keabisan barang-barang yang bagus. Hello, don't they believe in "aging gracefully"? Um, I believe the older section is somewhere around here, right inside my ass!
When I'm learning to drive (and hopefully, when I'm driving, period):
1. Jaywalkers who take such a sweet time crossing the road. On my driving lesson today, I was seriously thinking of running over one of those. How cruel am I?
2. Motorcycles.
3.Angkot and Metro Mini. Enough said.
----------
Currently in love with Gary Lightbody from Snow Patrol. Listen to "Chasing Cars", it's heart-wrenching. And at the same time, in lust with him everytime I listen to the band's version of Beyonce's "Crazy in Love". Hahaha. A weird turn-on.
----------
Only two weeks (and a few days) left to graduation. Sigh.
----------
I need a new pair of shoes. Or more. There are days when I need at least one of my besties, there are days when I need to cry without any reason, there are days when I need to "diam dan mematung". Well. These are the days when I have a massive urge to buy shoes.
Besides cancer, war and racism, there are few things I'd really like to make disappear. Lessee.
When I'm shopping @ Citos' wednesday Bazaar:
1. Annoying little kids running around.
2. Fat ladies who won't budge even after I practically scream "permisi" on their ears.
3. Ibu-ibu sok muda yang memonopoli space di depan rak baju karena mereka takut keabisan barang-barang yang bagus. Hello, don't they believe in "aging gracefully"? Um, I believe the older section is somewhere around here, right inside my ass!
When I'm learning to drive (and hopefully, when I'm driving, period):
1. Jaywalkers who take such a sweet time crossing the road. On my driving lesson today, I was seriously thinking of running over one of those. How cruel am I?
2. Motorcycles.
3.Angkot and Metro Mini. Enough said.
----------
Currently in love with Gary Lightbody from Snow Patrol. Listen to "Chasing Cars", it's heart-wrenching. And at the same time, in lust with him everytime I listen to the band's version of Beyonce's "Crazy in Love". Hahaha. A weird turn-on.
----------
Only two weeks (and a few days) left to graduation. Sigh.
----------
I need a new pair of shoes. Or more. There are days when I need at least one of my besties, there are days when I need to cry without any reason, there are days when I need to "diam dan mematung". Well. These are the days when I have a massive urge to buy shoes.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
and I can tell you my love for you will still be strong after the boys of summer have gone
Be still.
For one flutter,
I'd expect and hope.
My suicide rope.
Ssh, be still.
For just one flap,
It'd all fall apart.
My heart.
----------
Recaps on lately:
[Jul 27th]
Thursday. I had an unpredictable, almost 2-month-long awaited rapatgeng. At first PedNgun asked me to go to Gaikindo Motor Show or some sort with them. Being easy as always, I agreed. I asked Bune to come although I knew it'd be the last thing on her things-I'm-interested-in list. She had this stupid reason of "males keramas", but I made her wash her hair and come anyway. Long story made short, we were too late for Gaikindo and we managed to drag Rozelle out of her castle, and voila, we were off to Cafe Shisha or whatever it's called. Later on, Oho joined us. So there it was, rapatgeng plus two.
Maybe you just can't plan this thing anymore, you just have to wait and stumble upon it. The element of surprise intensifies the fun anyway, so that's okie *senyum simpul*. Besides, Oho came and brought stories and gossips that weren't that big of a deal except for the way he delivered them. Incomprehensibly not in order and his usage of words like "ngesek" or "ojosan". Hilarious. That and his stories after watching Coldplay in Singapore. Ugh, sour subject. Moving on.
----------
[Jul 28th]
Friday, went night-karaokeing with Pedhe, Bangun, Ocha and Oho. We got in at about 11.15 pm and it was 45 minutes to Oho's turning 22. In a way, it was a karaoke birthday party for Oho. At midnight he sang "Ratu Oke", please note the first two lines: "namaku si Ratu Oke, umurku dua-dua". Then we all sang "Happy Birthday" to him. Singing the conventional Happy Birtday song in a karaoke lounge, how extravagant were we? It was always fun karaokeing with Oho because it always involved dancing, and well, actually standing up. And with him, you can't just belt out the tunes, you have to sing the songs with emotions, body language and all as if deep in your soul you really meant it. Teehee. Exhaustingly fun, despite Ocha's choice of an old Ebiet G. Ade's song.
----------
[Jul 29th]
Saturday night, strolled around Makro. How old-housewives could I get? Anyway, PedNgun convinced me to go there, buy lounging chairs and create some kind of patio on the garden next to my room. So I bought four of these chairs, grabbed unused cracked coffee table in my gazebo, voila, my very own secret garden. Ocha came by later on bringing cheap wine. A little patio-launching party.
----------
[Jul 30th]
Sunday. Oho invited me and else to a birthday brunch @ Dixie Rasuna. Of course, remembering he invited "anak-anak Batalyon", brunch was at 4 pm. There were only about 15-16 people of us, but it was nice. Foods and drinks and laughter kept rolling in for about five hours.
Kesan dan pesan? Chances are, I fall, fell, whatever, for someone so boring I don't think he ordered any food at his friend's birthday party--which was practically an all-you-can-eat one--and I think he only ordered ice lemon tea when the rest of us were ordering drinks with exotic names and funny colors. Tsk, tsk, I had my butterflies set on someone whom reality shows' judges might call "too safe".
----------
[Jul 31st]
Monday. Missed a deadline, and altogether missed a chance to be the next 5 Takes TJ (hosting job for this Discovery Travel and Living channel's show). I know life's too short to miss an opportunity like that, but life's also too short for any regret. Besides, it was too hazy to think about deadlines.
----------
[Aug 2nd]
Wednesday, had a little taste of the vain-but-oh-so-fabulous world of fashion. Bune and I got a one-time job as ushers for Biyan's fashion show. Fancy, huh? It was practically a MAGABU kind of job. Decent amount of money for telling famous people where to sit and watching my first fashion show. Mahvelous, dahling, mahvelous.
Newest ambition: to be one of those VVIPs whose names are written on the front row seats.
----------
[Aug 4th]
Friday, as in yesterday. Went to Bandung with this Jakarta-Bandung shuttle called XTRANS. Alone. Wee-hee. I got giddily proud of being able to go to Bandung alone for the first time. Geng ngong picked me up when I got there, and then we went shopping at Gedebage. Also my first time. I had my doubts at first since Ped's first review about the place wasn't too convincing (if not, at all), and whose review is better to believe than your own mirror image, right? Well, turned out, I was still a pro-shopper, judging from all the dresses that I bought. That, or I was so gelap mata, judging from the oversized man's sweater that I bought.
Anyway. It was fun. Meeting my almost-forgotten friend (guess who), and shopping. Despite I did it in a crowded and humid "PASAR", shopping was still therapeutic. Quoting from I-can't-remember-who,
"whoever says money can't buy happiness simply doesn't know where to shop."
----------
So. Holiday butterflies paid off. Not quite with what (/who?) I had in mind, but who can complain, right?
Pictures may come later.
"A little voice Inside my head said,
'Don't look back. You can never look back.'
I thought I knew what love was
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but--"
[Don Henley/The Ataris]
Monday, July 31, 2006
it gets the better of me sometimes when you and i collide
Let's take a little walk back to the 90's music scene and raise your voice if you know this one.
I feel like posting that song here, since I've heard it twice within the last 24 hours.
Updates about lately may come sometime later.
SWAY
(Bic Runga)
Don't stray, don't ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes, when you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time
Don't let me drown, let me down
I say it's all because of you
And here I go, losing my control
I'm practising your name so I can say it to your face
It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed it's time to tell you why
I say it's infintely true
Say you'll stay,
Don't come and go, like you do
Sway my way,
Yeah I need to know all about you
And there's no cure, and no way to be sure
Why everything's turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired - I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon
It's all because of you
It's all because of you
----------
I feel like posting that song here, since I've heard it twice within the last 24 hours.
Updates about lately may come sometime later.
I hear the melodious beat somewhere
that I secretly hope you could hear,
and while you're standing there--oblivious,
I have butterflies coming out of my bellybutton one by one.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
it's time i got back to the good life
I've always said that my prized possessions are my best friends and money. Now I have one more: my health. No one could ever know how much I'm grateful for it. Seriously.
What brought this on?
Thirty hours of high fever, plus another thirty-nine hours of...ahem, bowel problems, and the total of more or less three days being a tired, sluggish, helpless gag-prone. Oyeah, don't forget BORED from all the laying down and not being able to go out. I lost sleeps because I kept waking up from the illness; that led to me begging Andrei to get me some Prozac. I lost my appetite and at the same time I knew I had to eat in order to take medicine and get well. Yet, everytime I ate something, my tummy churned and seriously, the food wouldn't stay in that long. I knew I should've seen a doctor but for all I know that'd be a fate worse than death for me. I felt like dying ='(
Anyway. I've been feeling well for nine hours and it's a MAJOR progress. I finished my meal at dinner time, and the food stays in. I don't mind eating some more. So I really do hope it'll last *crossing fingers and hope to God*
How did I get better? I don't know, maybe God showed some mercy for me. That, or one of these things I did when getting better: listening to songs from Weezer's old albums in a row (this might be it), reading old journals (or this? hmm), or aksi ngambek sama Bune (no this can't be it).
Well, now I have my health *crossing fingers again and hope to God*, my holiday-mood is back! I really have to see more people. That's what holiday is all about, right? Ocha, check. Yoyok, check. Anybody else who's been hiding under a rock, come out, come out. We'll play.
By the by, boo hoo, Mr.Bora's leaving for somewhere in Europe tomorrow.
What brought this on?
Thirty hours of high fever, plus another thirty-nine hours of...ahem, bowel problems, and the total of more or less three days being a tired, sluggish, helpless gag-prone. Oyeah, don't forget BORED from all the laying down and not being able to go out. I lost sleeps because I kept waking up from the illness; that led to me begging Andrei to get me some Prozac. I lost my appetite and at the same time I knew I had to eat in order to take medicine and get well. Yet, everytime I ate something, my tummy churned and seriously, the food wouldn't stay in that long. I knew I should've seen a doctor but for all I know that'd be a fate worse than death for me. I felt like dying ='(
Anyway. I've been feeling well for nine hours and it's a MAJOR progress. I finished my meal at dinner time, and the food stays in. I don't mind eating some more. So I really do hope it'll last *crossing fingers and hope to God*
How did I get better? I don't know, maybe God showed some mercy for me. That, or one of these things I did when getting better: listening to songs from Weezer's old albums in a row (this might be it), reading old journals (or this? hmm), or aksi ngambek sama Bune (no this can't be it).
Well, now I have my health *crossing fingers again and hope to God*, my holiday-mood is back! I really have to see more people. That's what holiday is all about, right? Ocha, check. Yoyok, check. Anybody else who's been hiding under a rock, come out, come out. We'll play.
By the by, boo hoo, Mr.Bora's leaving for somewhere in Europe tomorrow.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
something ignites in my vein and i pray it never fades
Just a few days ago I was sulking for idontknowwhat, and then I went re-reading some old testimonials in order to feel better and companioned, only to question, where are these people now in the end.
Then, TADA! The afternoon after, Ocha called me and asked the "geng begundal" to get together with him. He's interning in some law firm in town. I easily agreed like usual, so did Ped, but Roz and Bune had their reasons as always. However, Ocha managed to talk Rozelle into it, so she was in.
Seeing Ocha was nice. I almost forgot how nice it was to spend a QT with him; it was comforting. I felt like we were all his little sisters (ahem, no pun intended) with him asking about our lives, giving advices and all. Hahah. Of course the low point of the night was his disappointed expression after seeing me smoking.
All in all, it was great catching up with him. Then, the next morning, I mean afternoon, I learned that Yoyok's here! Well, in Bandung actually. But still. And he's supposed to go back to Jakarta today...
Ahh! People seem to pop out of the thin air. It's like an answer to my question when I re-read the testimonials a few nights ago. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get to see more of them. Anyone. Again, even Bune would be nice.
Holiday butterflies are up.
Then, TADA! The afternoon after, Ocha called me and asked the "geng begundal" to get together with him. He's interning in some law firm in town. I easily agreed like usual, so did Ped, but Roz and Bune had their reasons as always. However, Ocha managed to talk Rozelle into it, so she was in.
Seeing Ocha was nice. I almost forgot how nice it was to spend a QT with him; it was comforting. I felt like we were all his little sisters (ahem, no pun intended) with him asking about our lives, giving advices and all. Hahah. Of course the low point of the night was his disappointed expression after seeing me smoking.
All in all, it was great catching up with him. Then, the next morning, I mean afternoon, I learned that Yoyok's here! Well, in Bandung actually. But still. And he's supposed to go back to Jakarta today...
Ahh! People seem to pop out of the thin air. It's like an answer to my question when I re-read the testimonials a few nights ago. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get to see more of them. Anyone. Again, even Bune would be nice.
Holiday butterflies are up.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
it's the curse of being a girl, tonight you can hardly make a change
Taken from Ayu's
1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Ask Rian, my classmate back in high school senior year. Actually it's gone now, but it's the only scar for which I could keep blaming Rian for about 3 years.
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Pinkman, letters of the alphabet, what-supposed-to-be cannabis leaves that looks like Adidas old school logo, Purple Doraemon with green face reminding me to eat, a turtle, a guy with freakish crapping dog or some sort, a sabda from a cat head known as the Ratu Kucing... Painted by of me, my cousins, and my best friends.
3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
Nokia 6600. All chipped off but I love it anyway.
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
Wrist-slitting tunes? More painful the better. But besides that, I have a lot of guilty pleasures lurking behind my interest.
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
11 pm. And the cool thing is, I was also born on the eleventh of November.
6.WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
To have about Rp.25.000.000,- grow on one of the trees in my front yard. So I can pay Bune to ditch her work, buy three round tickets to Singapore, buy four Coldplay tickets, meet Roz in Singapore, splurge a bit at the Singapore Great Sale, and have the long-awaited liburanbersamageng while watching Chris Martin and his bandmates belting out their magic.
7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Being a teenager. Please keep in mind that although I feel young, there is no "teen" in twentyone. And maybe soon, I'll miss having the word "student" on my Friendster's profile's occupation section.
8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
What can bring happiness. My best friends. And money.
9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
Food. Coffee. My room after my friends came and smoked in there. My perfumes.
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Yes, sometimes.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Rarely.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Secret Fantasy by Anna Sui and Stella (Mc.Cartney).
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Yang biasa aja. Tousled is nice when it's not purposely so.
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
Tiffany's? Just like Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama.
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Coffee.
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Cheese, assorted meats and sausages, and mushrooms. But cheese and mushroom would do.
18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I can't eat anything right now, I feel bloated. But otherwise, I'll have sushi or kambing guling.
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
I can't remember.
20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
Yes.
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)?
I can't quite remember. Either an over-sized tee or a teddy bear.
WAIT HANG ON A MINUTE WHAT HAPPENED TO 22-27?
How should I know. And seriously, I demand my 6 missing questions!
28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
That would be stupid. But that's the whole point of falling in love, innit? Anyway, I'd like to say I wouldn't, but with me, stupidity happens all the time.
29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
I don't know. You tell me.
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
99.
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
On who? For guys I prefer brunette.
32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
My mom's.
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Little things thought at night time.
33. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF [your country]?
Yeah, once. When I crap money, I'd definitely do it more and take my friends along with me.
35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
I let small things get through me.
37. FIRST JOB?
A part-time teacher. Wait, come to think of it, the first time I earned money was when I was wearing a short purple-red skirt and waving my pom-poms. Yeah, I was a cheerleader.
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Hahah. Sure. One of the best things of being young and stupid.
39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
Watching Rockstar Supernova.
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A bit of lipo and breast implant. Hello, the new ANTM. Hahahah.
41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
To practice answering questions for my magazine-interview-filled future. That, and I don't have anything to do.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
Being me. How cocky is that?
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Buy a whole lot of them before they become illegal and keep a lifetime supply in a secret bunker.
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A kiss from Guy Berryman.
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
One or two. Three at the most.
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My cousin.
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
No. I wish on everything.
48. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE FINGER?
Index finger. Not really, I don't know. I mean, on what base do you tell which your fave finger is?
49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Really cry? A few weeks ago, when I decided--for a brief moment in time--not to graduate this year.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Sometimes.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Every meat.
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Procastinating.
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
All-4-One from back when I was still in 6th grade.
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Definitely.
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Yes.
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Call someone. Or cry. But the best way is shopping.
58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
For this time being, I'm practically homeless, second-home-wise.
59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
No.
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Um, the usual. Lego, Barbie, Play Doh...
63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
A lot. And really, I don't mean anything bad by it.
64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
Define mosh pit. If it involves people violently banging their heads, crashing to one another, then no.
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
I don't know. I'll know it when I find it.
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Runi, Mony, Rong, Rone.
68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
No.
70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Ben and Jerry's half-baked brownies and chocolate chip cookie dough.
72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
Rainbow.
73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
What's a wisdom teeth?
74. WHO DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
Some people I haven't seen in a while. Even Bune.
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Everyone who? But yeah, that'd be nice.
76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Silences. I'm using mom's speaker-less PC.
77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
Trattoria's Creme Brulee.
78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Pedhe.
79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Could be anything.
80. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Jakarta.
81. SCARIEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
I don't know.
82. FAVORITE DRINK?
Cold ones.
83. FAVORITE JOKE?
I don't know. Sometimes jokes are seriously like disposable panties. Once you wear them, you should never see (or hear) them again.
84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
Mall-hopping.
85. HAIR COLOR?
Black.
86. EYE COLOR?
Somewhere between black or really, really dark brown.
87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
Only when I stay in. And only at nights.
88. SIBLINGS?
An older sister and a younger step sister.
89. FAVORITE MONTH?
November for the obvious reason.
90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Yes.
91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
Rockstar Supernova.
92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
My birthday.
93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Maybe. Not as much shy as tengsin though.
94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer. No winter around here.
95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Both?
96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE-NIGHT STANDS
Ask again later.
97. WHO DO YOU SECRETLY LOVE?
Secretly? If I wrote it here, it wouldn't be a secret, huh?
98. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU MACKED IT WITH IN THE PAST YEAR?
What's "macked it with"?
99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
Ped's Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar.
100. WHERE DO YOU WORK?
Serpong, this place called Chrysolit.
1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Ask Rian, my classmate back in high school senior year. Actually it's gone now, but it's the only scar for which I could keep blaming Rian for about 3 years.
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Pinkman, letters of the alphabet, what-supposed-to-be cannabis leaves that looks like Adidas old school logo, Purple Doraemon with green face reminding me to eat, a turtle, a guy with freakish crapping dog or some sort, a sabda from a cat head known as the Ratu Kucing... Painted by of me, my cousins, and my best friends.
3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
Nokia 6600. All chipped off but I love it anyway.
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
Wrist-slitting tunes? More painful the better. But besides that, I have a lot of guilty pleasures lurking behind my interest.
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
11 pm. And the cool thing is, I was also born on the eleventh of November.
6.WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
To have about Rp.25.000.000,- grow on one of the trees in my front yard. So I can pay Bune to ditch her work, buy three round tickets to Singapore, buy four Coldplay tickets, meet Roz in Singapore, splurge a bit at the Singapore Great Sale, and have the long-awaited liburanbersamageng while watching Chris Martin and his bandmates belting out their magic.
7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Being a teenager. Please keep in mind that although I feel young, there is no "teen" in twentyone. And maybe soon, I'll miss having the word "student" on my Friendster's profile's occupation section.
8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
What can bring happiness. My best friends. And money.
9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
Food. Coffee. My room after my friends came and smoked in there. My perfumes.
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Yes, sometimes.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Rarely.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Secret Fantasy by Anna Sui and Stella (Mc.Cartney).
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Yang biasa aja. Tousled is nice when it's not purposely so.
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
Tiffany's? Just like Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama.
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Coffee.
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Cheese, assorted meats and sausages, and mushrooms. But cheese and mushroom would do.
18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I can't eat anything right now, I feel bloated. But otherwise, I'll have sushi or kambing guling.
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
I can't remember.
20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
Yes.
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)?
I can't quite remember. Either an over-sized tee or a teddy bear.
WAIT HANG ON A MINUTE WHAT HAPPENED TO 22-27?
How should I know. And seriously, I demand my 6 missing questions!
28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
That would be stupid. But that's the whole point of falling in love, innit? Anyway, I'd like to say I wouldn't, but with me, stupidity happens all the time.
29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
I don't know. You tell me.
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
99.
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
On who? For guys I prefer brunette.
32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
My mom's.
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Little things thought at night time.
33. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF [your country]?
Yeah, once. When I crap money, I'd definitely do it more and take my friends along with me.
35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
I let small things get through me.
37. FIRST JOB?
A part-time teacher. Wait, come to think of it, the first time I earned money was when I was wearing a short purple-red skirt and waving my pom-poms. Yeah, I was a cheerleader.
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Hahah. Sure. One of the best things of being young and stupid.
39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
Watching Rockstar Supernova.
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A bit of lipo and breast implant. Hello, the new ANTM. Hahahah.
41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
To practice answering questions for my magazine-interview-filled future. That, and I don't have anything to do.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
Being me. How cocky is that?
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Buy a whole lot of them before they become illegal and keep a lifetime supply in a secret bunker.
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A kiss from Guy Berryman.
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
One or two. Three at the most.
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My cousin.
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
No. I wish on everything.
48. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE FINGER?
Index finger. Not really, I don't know. I mean, on what base do you tell which your fave finger is?
49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Really cry? A few weeks ago, when I decided--for a brief moment in time--not to graduate this year.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Sometimes.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Every meat.
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Procastinating.
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
All-4-One from back when I was still in 6th grade.
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Definitely.
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Yes.
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Call someone. Or cry. But the best way is shopping.
58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
For this time being, I'm practically homeless, second-home-wise.
59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
No.
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Um, the usual. Lego, Barbie, Play Doh...
63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
A lot. And really, I don't mean anything bad by it.
64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
Define mosh pit. If it involves people violently banging their heads, crashing to one another, then no.
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
I don't know. I'll know it when I find it.
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Runi, Mony, Rong, Rone.
68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
No.
70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Ben and Jerry's half-baked brownies and chocolate chip cookie dough.
72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
Rainbow.
73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
What's a wisdom teeth?
74. WHO DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
Some people I haven't seen in a while. Even Bune.
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Everyone who? But yeah, that'd be nice.
76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Silences. I'm using mom's speaker-less PC.
77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
Trattoria's Creme Brulee.
78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Pedhe.
79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Could be anything.
80. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Jakarta.
81. SCARIEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
I don't know.
82. FAVORITE DRINK?
Cold ones.
83. FAVORITE JOKE?
I don't know. Sometimes jokes are seriously like disposable panties. Once you wear them, you should never see (or hear) them again.
84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
Mall-hopping.
85. HAIR COLOR?
Black.
86. EYE COLOR?
Somewhere between black or really, really dark brown.
87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
Only when I stay in. And only at nights.
88. SIBLINGS?
An older sister and a younger step sister.
89. FAVORITE MONTH?
November for the obvious reason.
90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Yes.
91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
Rockstar Supernova.
92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
My birthday.
93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Maybe. Not as much shy as tengsin though.
94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer. No winter around here.
95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Both?
96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE-NIGHT STANDS
Ask again later.
97. WHO DO YOU SECRETLY LOVE?
Secretly? If I wrote it here, it wouldn't be a secret, huh?
98. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU MACKED IT WITH IN THE PAST YEAR?
What's "macked it with"?
99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
Ped's Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar.
100. WHERE DO YOU WORK?
Serpong, this place called Chrysolit.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
the highs would make you fly, and the lows make you want to die
I had my first period about 9 years ago, and still, the sight of blood dripping out of me always sends me to a certain nauseating dizziness and a near-passing-out experience. Not to mention since I got out of high school and stopped exercising weekly, I constantly have this gut-wrenching pain in my tummy everytime I have my so-called "little friend". URGH. Why do we females have to put up with this thing?
And I'd really like to destroy the belief that females have bad tantrums when they have their period. I managed to do that earlier today. Went to campus, got my Multiculturalism final paper (marked A-), saw my friends again, saw Mr.Bora the Sexplorer (haha, pardon the icky nick name), went to PIM a while... Everything was a-OK.
Then there was that phonecall I made to Ebonk. UGH. Long story made short: he won't come to Batu Karas. After his mockery prediction of me not going, which was so irritating, turns out he's the one who doesn't go. I was so afraid something might come up that could make me not go and make me become the butt of Ebonk's joke. I was really dreading about that. Now that I know for sure I'll go, now that I'm getting all psyched up about the trip, now that Rozelle and Ingga agree to come, he can't go! I'm not even sure I'm making a point here. But this really upsets me. Not to mention how he used "kapan gue mau lulus kalo gak SP?" reason. Wasn't he the one who made me rethink about graduating so soon so hard I almost lost my head? I know I'm definitely not making a point here, but, it's just that, I loathe how the things he said always got the best of me. Ugh.
Owell. He's still my best friend, and I can't blame him anyway.
ARGH! Darnitt!!
This must be the blood-dripping bitch talking.
*Taking a deep breath* You know what, never mind. My mood has just been lifted up again thanks to a newly-received testimonial from the mentioned Mr.Bora. Heheh. Ms.Goodmood is baaack.
And I'd really like to destroy the belief that females have bad tantrums when they have their period. I managed to do that earlier today. Went to campus, got my Multiculturalism final paper (marked A-), saw my friends again, saw Mr.Bora the Sexplorer (haha, pardon the icky nick name), went to PIM a while... Everything was a-OK.
Then there was that phonecall I made to Ebonk. UGH. Long story made short: he won't come to Batu Karas. After his mockery prediction of me not going, which was so irritating, turns out he's the one who doesn't go. I was so afraid something might come up that could make me not go and make me become the butt of Ebonk's joke. I was really dreading about that. Now that I know for sure I'll go, now that I'm getting all psyched up about the trip, now that Rozelle and Ingga agree to come, he can't go! I'm not even sure I'm making a point here. But this really upsets me. Not to mention how he used "kapan gue mau lulus kalo gak SP?" reason. Wasn't he the one who made me rethink about graduating so soon so hard I almost lost my head? I know I'm definitely not making a point here, but, it's just that, I loathe how the things he said always got the best of me. Ugh.
Owell. He's still my best friend, and I can't blame him anyway.
ARGH! Darnitt!!
This must be the blood-dripping bitch talking.
*Taking a deep breath* You know what, never mind. My mood has just been lifted up again thanks to a newly-received testimonial from the mentioned Mr.Bora. Heheh. Ms.Goodmood is baaack.
Monday, June 19, 2006
fast as you can, baby, run! free yourself of me of me fast as you can
Pieces of lately:
About a week ago a blast from the past suddenly burst out of thin air and was being a "pain in the arse" (as I quoted him calling me). It was kinda funny, actually, how stupid he was. And maybe he didn't mean anything serious by all the SMS he sent me last week, but I just had to drive him away. I admit that. It's not like when I gave lollypop to my senior and unintentionally had him kicked out from the no-food-no-drink room. No, this time I deliberately made him run. I had an outburst. A drama queen's sulking to be exact, just because he said those "nasty words" (as I quoted from me). So he said he wouldn't bother me again. Teehee.
I hope this quirk of making-people-run-before-I-do-it-myself won't be a continuing bad habit for me.
On a far-better note: Roja went official with some guy. I don't know the guy yet, so personal review may come later on. Woo-hoo for that, but boo-hoo for my plan of rematchmaking her with another best friend. But still, happy for her.
About what I've been doing lately:
First, trying to compose application letter, just in case everything goes well. Amen. Second, been writing a story for a while until I met an absolut writer's block. Haven't wrote again since. Third, submitting as many answers (to why I'm Coldplay's biggest fan and how their music changed my life) as I can, just in case Lady Fortune loves me. Double amen. And lastly, for the last two days, I've been hooked on Text Twist--this geeky game for geeks like moi. Usually I gave up easily, and only managed to get 100000-ish score at the most. But right now, I have reached 772400 and still going, hopefully *geek mode: ON*
I should really get a job or something.
Long holiday is right in front of me and...woo-hoo!!! Aside from my dreadful waiting for GPA transcript, I'm finally able to kick back and relax. Who knows, maybe there won't be any long holiday again for me this time around next year... Maybe. Plans so far: Batu Karas with geng ngong and hopefully Rozelle *crossing fingers* next week and Bali I-don't-know-when with English dept 2002. I hope everything will be a big wee-hoo before I don't know what. Seriously.
[Fiona Apple]
About a week ago a blast from the past suddenly burst out of thin air and was being a "pain in the arse" (as I quoted him calling me). It was kinda funny, actually, how stupid he was. And maybe he didn't mean anything serious by all the SMS he sent me last week, but I just had to drive him away. I admit that. It's not like when I gave lollypop to my senior and unintentionally had him kicked out from the no-food-no-drink room. No, this time I deliberately made him run. I had an outburst. A drama queen's sulking to be exact, just because he said those "nasty words" (as I quoted from me). So he said he wouldn't bother me again. Teehee.
I hope this quirk of making-people-run-before-I-do-it-myself won't be a continuing bad habit for me.
On a far-better note: Roja went official with some guy. I don't know the guy yet, so personal review may come later on. Woo-hoo for that, but boo-hoo for my plan of rematchmaking her with another best friend. But still, happy for her.
About what I've been doing lately:
First, trying to compose application letter, just in case everything goes well. Amen. Second, been writing a story for a while until I met an absolut writer's block. Haven't wrote again since. Third, submitting as many answers (to why I'm Coldplay's biggest fan and how their music changed my life) as I can, just in case Lady Fortune loves me. Double amen. And lastly, for the last two days, I've been hooked on Text Twist--this geeky game for geeks like moi. Usually I gave up easily, and only managed to get 100000-ish score at the most. But right now, I have reached 772400 and still going, hopefully *geek mode: ON*
I should really get a job or something.
Long holiday is right in front of me and...woo-hoo!!! Aside from my dreadful waiting for GPA transcript, I'm finally able to kick back and relax. Who knows, maybe there won't be any long holiday again for me this time around next year... Maybe. Plans so far: Batu Karas with geng ngong and hopefully Rozelle *crossing fingers* next week and Bali I-don't-know-when with English dept 2002. I hope everything will be a big wee-hoo before I don't know what. Seriously.
"Sometimes my mind don't shake and shift
But most of the time, it does
And I get to the place where I'm begging for a lift
Or I'll drown in the wonders and the was"
[Fiona Apple]
Saturday, June 10, 2006
we'll go, we'll go just where we want to. we won't let the others bleed us dry
I had my last exam for this semester yesterday, so now I can breathe and stop thinking for a while. In a few months I could be facing a new world of the so-called real life in front of me, or I could be vomiting from hearing and typing the words feminism, identity, multiculturalism, or naturalism all over again. Both are disturbing, but I'll still have to choose. I've thought and gone cuckoo about it, and I've decided that I won't think anymore of it for at least a week or two. I'm putting my mind in a hiatus.
Anyway. The best way to celebrate the unshackling of my brain? By going on a road trip with both my gengs. Yes, I went to Bandung yesterday with the genggong and the geng-ngong. See, Ingga invited me to come to this jazz event that he masterminded. I thought, why not. I asked the most aksi girls in the gang (ahem, B and R). Surprise, surprise, they actually agreed. Bune even sort of rescheduled her get-together with her friends. That's rare.
So, off we went in Bangun's Kijang. Me, Bune, Pedhe, Rozelle, Bangun, and Ebonk. When was the last time of that, I can't even remember. The trip was fun! I mean, with anybody else, it would be a literally pain-in-the-ass two hours ride. But I was with them and the stupid stuff (people-shuffling in the car in the middle of Bangun's speeding on the highway, formed a girlband and had an interview...), so it was all woo-hoo.
Let's say I won big on a jackpot machine for being with BunPedRozBangBonk at the same time, I won a bigger jackpot by seeing Ingga. A rendevouz with the long-missed Kacank and Ari didn't hurt either. Seriously, it was worth the jazz music my ears failed to comprehend. By the by, seeing one of my friends reuniting with her ex last night was aww-inducing. I couldn't help thinking that they belong together (I know, such a hallmark thing to say) nor could I help giving the evil eye to anyone who stood in the way. Heheh. Anywho, what's a night out without a karaoke session, right? So we visited Nav Plaza Dago or something and sang our asses off. Too bad Ingga, our #1 Batak artist, couldn't come.
Finally, at 3 am in the night... morning... wee hours... whatever, we all went home. Safe and sound. And very tired. I didn't want the night to end, it was like a gigantic fluffy pillow. Comfortable. But well, yeah, it did.
Well, that's about it for my feel-good report, until next time.
Anyway. The best way to celebrate the unshackling of my brain? By going on a road trip with both my gengs. Yes, I went to Bandung yesterday with the genggong and the geng-ngong. See, Ingga invited me to come to this jazz event that he masterminded. I thought, why not. I asked the most aksi girls in the gang (ahem, B and R). Surprise, surprise, they actually agreed. Bune even sort of rescheduled her get-together with her friends. That's rare.
So, off we went in Bangun's Kijang. Me, Bune, Pedhe, Rozelle, Bangun, and Ebonk. When was the last time of that, I can't even remember. The trip was fun! I mean, with anybody else, it would be a literally pain-in-the-ass two hours ride. But I was with them and the stupid stuff (people-shuffling in the car in the middle of Bangun's speeding on the highway, formed a girlband and had an interview...), so it was all woo-hoo.
Let's say I won big on a jackpot machine for being with BunPedRozBangBonk at the same time, I won a bigger jackpot by seeing Ingga. A rendevouz with the long-missed Kacank and Ari didn't hurt either. Seriously, it was worth the jazz music my ears failed to comprehend. By the by, seeing one of my friends reuniting with her ex last night was aww-inducing. I couldn't help thinking that they belong together (I know, such a hallmark thing to say) nor could I help giving the evil eye to anyone who stood in the way. Heheh. Anywho, what's a night out without a karaoke session, right? So we visited Nav Plaza Dago or something and sang our asses off. Too bad Ingga, our #1 Batak artist, couldn't come.
Finally, at 3 am in the night... morning... wee hours... whatever, we all went home. Safe and sound. And very tired. I didn't want the night to end, it was like a gigantic fluffy pillow. Comfortable. But well, yeah, it did.
Well, that's about it for my feel-good report, until next time.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
blah.
I feel like pulling a Chandler Bing right now.
Could this last week of college be any longer?
There. Now if I could only go mati suri until next week...
Could this last week of college be any longer?
There. Now if I could only go mati suri until next week...
Friday, May 19, 2006
train this chaos turn it into
light, i've gotta see you one
last night
Been 24-25 days since the last post and nothing has changed that much. However, between then and now there have been Brontok virus attack, my all-cleaned-from-Brontok PC, a brief dilemma about graduating this year, mournful visit to Rosel's, 3 novels with Estha, Dean Moriarty and Mr.Darcy in them, me almost going cuckoo juggling them, a presentation on Shakespeare's As You Like It, a big pile of Penpop assignment thanks to my procastinating habit, a dream about being back to where I can never go back to, a dream about Chris Martin, daydreams, balloons blown and popped, new words from Text Twist, infatuation with Snow Patrol's frontman (still nothing compared to Mr.Berryman), a brief crush on some younger guys (Bune's and Baralig's juniors with the same initial), gossips, lack of sleeps, dark halos under my eyes, mood swings, business meetings with Gerwani @Kansas mostly, Campina's banana split from my campus' koperasi pegawai, 5000perak bag and some old dresses from Passer Baroe this afternoon, sweet and sour crabs from Balikpapan, a full moon, and another tons of nothings.
Those are pretty much my pieces of puzzle. Put them together and all you'll see is a chaotic void. Thank god tomorrow I'll arrange my other pieces of puzzle with more beautiful result, the girls.
Ahahahay.
---------
Those are pretty much my pieces of puzzle. Put them together and all you'll see is a chaotic void. Thank god tomorrow I'll arrange my other pieces of puzzle with more beautiful result, the girls.
Ahahahay.
---------
Inevitably counting in silent, secretly
The sixth moon's might as well an eternity
Keep going til the twelfth, what I ask for
And hopefully, maybe, I'll count no more
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
you had your chance so say goodbye
Hey, I knew you once
Don't you miss me?
We had so much fun
Don't you agree?
-----
I'm not good handling the slightest bit of attention. It makes me soft and weak. A few "hi"s and smiles could easily take me down to the memory lane, and that's not good. God knows I find it difficult to tell nostalgia apart from infatuation. Just take a mental note, that should never happen again. Amen.
Monday, April 17, 2006
only slightly mental
I'm over my crush with Mr.Berryman. Heheh. Or my fiery lust for Mr.Bonjang for that matter.
----------
I hate to complain but sometimes you just can't help doing so, innit? So here goes... I'm bored (kalo kata celebritis indonesia yang harusnya make duitnya buat les bahasa inggris instead of nose jobs, "gue boring"). Not bored as in there's-nothing-good-on-TV bored, or I-have-nothing-to-do-today bored. It's I-wanna-be-anywhere-but-here bored. Omygod, I could go crazy anytime soon. Seriously. It's like my brain's going to explode any moment, when really it's because of the void in it. I can't explain exactly what I'm feeling lately, but it's driving me insane. Insane. Insane. Afterdark isn't better. I have the urge to rant on my journal but I don't know why nor for what and the words are just stumbling over one another they don't come out. I usually ended up doodling meaninglessly on it.
It's not like I'm sad nor upset, it's just that I'm on the verge of going nuts. Nuts. Nuts. Completely nuts. When something nice comes up, I'm totally okay. Like last thursday, when there were these good bands playing at the campus. That was fun. Or when I have my friends--best friends, hang-out friends, cousins, whatever--around, I'm okay. But when I'm left alone with nothing to do or at least when my mind is left alone with nothing to think about, there's this empty chaos inside. There's nothing to do, to think about, to dread about, but I feel so...jumbled.
See, I can't even write properly about it.
ARGH. Antara pengen kabur atau mematung.
Maybe it's just a phase, like always. But when it happens frequently--rarely, but frequently, could you really call it "a phase"? And I know when this is all over, I'll laugh at this and wonder, what was I thinking. Do I feel insane because I think I am insane? Someone I know once said something about what you feel is what your mind tells you to do, or something like that. You know, a suggestion or some sort.
You know what, I don't know.
Phew. It's tiring to even write about it. Um, help, please? A vacation, Prozac, a slap to bring back some senses, anything will do.
----------
Can you sing Flowers for me?
That is my rescue, it has to be
I hate to complain but sometimes you just can't help doing so, innit? So here goes... I'm bored (kalo kata celebritis indonesia yang harusnya make duitnya buat les bahasa inggris instead of nose jobs, "gue boring"). Not bored as in there's-nothing-good-on-TV bored, or I-have-nothing-to-do-today bored. It's I-wanna-be-anywhere-but-here bored. Omygod, I could go crazy anytime soon. Seriously. It's like my brain's going to explode any moment, when really it's because of the void in it. I can't explain exactly what I'm feeling lately, but it's driving me insane. Insane. Insane. Afterdark isn't better. I have the urge to rant on my journal but I don't know why nor for what and the words are just stumbling over one another they don't come out. I usually ended up doodling meaninglessly on it.
It's not like I'm sad nor upset, it's just that I'm on the verge of going nuts. Nuts. Nuts. Completely nuts. When something nice comes up, I'm totally okay. Like last thursday, when there were these good bands playing at the campus. That was fun. Or when I have my friends--best friends, hang-out friends, cousins, whatever--around, I'm okay. But when I'm left alone with nothing to do or at least when my mind is left alone with nothing to think about, there's this empty chaos inside. There's nothing to do, to think about, to dread about, but I feel so...jumbled.
See, I can't even write properly about it.
ARGH. Antara pengen kabur atau mematung.
Maybe it's just a phase, like always. But when it happens frequently--rarely, but frequently, could you really call it "a phase"? And I know when this is all over, I'll laugh at this and wonder, what was I thinking. Do I feel insane because I think I am insane? Someone I know once said something about what you feel is what your mind tells you to do, or something like that. You know, a suggestion or some sort.
You know what, I don't know.
Phew. It's tiring to even write about it. Um, help, please? A vacation, Prozac, a slap to bring back some senses, anything will do.
ooh, get me away from here, i'm dying
sing me a song to set me free
nobody writes them like they used to
so it may as well be me
[belle & sebastian]
Sunday, April 02, 2006
obsessions in my head, don't connect with my intellect
Ahem. This is the 2nd part of my Guy-obsession entry below.
Turns out, he does in fact like dogs. Because he owns one named Sid (from Sid Vicious)...with his wife! Waaaahhhhh *sobs* I so envy a girl named Joanna Briston right now. Sob sob sob.
Haw. Goodbye the chance of living happily ever after with a man who's worth 10 million pounds and drives Land Rover Discovery 3.
Yeah, I think I'm obsessed. But I'm too broken-hearted to admit that.
Turns out, he does in fact like dogs. Because he owns one named Sid (from Sid Vicious)...with his wife! Waaaahhhhh *sobs* I so envy a girl named Joanna Briston right now. Sob sob sob.
Haw. Goodbye the chance of living happily ever after with a man who's worth 10 million pounds and drives Land Rover Discovery 3.
Yeah, I think I'm obsessed. But I'm too broken-hearted to admit that.
everyone of us is here, how about you?
This week has been fun! See, on Thursday there was this Saka New Year for the hindus, so it was obviously a day off for everyone. While on Friday...I don't know what it was with that day, but it was also a day off for me and some people. I know every Tuesday I've a day off this semester. Therefore, I only go to my dreary campus twice this week. Hm. So this is what it's like to be you, Ped =p
Let's start with Wednesday. After on-again-and-off-again rapat geng plan, Bune said that her family's "pembubaran panitia kawinan" is on Thursday and Rozelle decided to bail from her family's "rapat kawinan", so it was finally on. Off we went, to where else but NAV karaoke lounge. This time the usual singing session ended up in a way that I didn't think could ever occur with the girls. It was curcol-inducing. Hahahah. So okay, we thought, it would be a good time to have some coffee time. Off we went to Citos. And for the 1st time in history, we were rejected here and there because almost all of the restaurants & cafes had already placed the last order. The only places that would accept us were Gloria Jean's Coffee and Liquid Room. Naturally we chose Gloria Jean's despite the "blah" foods and drinks. Tapi karena kelamaan nyari tempat, sesi curhat yang tadi udah terpicu jadi tersendat lagi. Ya tak apalah, gak apa-apa mati gaya yang penting gak mati ya, geng?
Thursday came and I wasn't too keen on this day because I had to do group projects (yes, plural) @ Monik's house. I had to wake up quite early, and staying up late the night before didn't minimalize my urge to bite people's heads off. But it turned out okay. I mean, it wasn't like we actually did some work. With the Film & Sastra group, I practically just read 2 chapters of Harry Potter #4, watched parts of the film and ngemeng to compare them. With Pengkajian Budaya group, I practically just cut some indie music-related articles from Laila's mags. That's that. The rest of the day was actually okay, despite my heavy eyelids. We talked/gossiped about things and for the first time I watched a porn movie. Heheh.
Next, the plan for Friday was to go to Passer Baroe. Bune, Pedhe and I had made this plan since about 2 weeks before. Despite the almost-off plan, we finally went with Bangun who kindly drove us there. Bla bla bla, I don't need to write details about the shopping, all I can tell is shopping is always fun. Always. Afterwards, we grabbed some meal @ nasi goreng cabe rawit di jalan...Daksa? Not wanting to go home, we called Ingga and asked his whereabouts. Anyway, long story made short, we joined him, Davis, Adri, and Idontknowwho @ Paprika, watching Leli sang. Paprika was this classy restaurant/lounge, I think, and there I was wearing short and tee and sandal jepit looking like a sweating babu. But whatever. Seeing Ingga was nice.
Saturday night arrived and Ingga was supposed to meet Pedngun and I at this Cafe Shisha. But he two-timed and bailed on us in the end. However the long-lost Ebonk was available, so there we were, the Telerabies' reunion. We were on our way to Cafe Shisha when the guys brought up the Duck King issue (I lost a bet about a year ago and I was supposed to pay for our dinner @ Cinoa, but the guys insisted that it was Duck King I had promised them). I knew I wouldn't hear the end of it for the rest of the night, so I finally agreed to go to the Duck King and pay for dinner. It was nice to shut their mouth for once. Heheh. Afterwards we headed straight to Cafe Shisha only to find that the belly dancing show was over. That's okay, I got to go with...more or less my 2nd geng after a long, long hiatus.
Well, there went the lazy days. The calm before the storm. Now here I am, on Sunday afternoon, trying to get some tasks done. Boo. I don't even want to rant about what kind of "storm" I'm facing. Ugh. Ugh. Like Ped once said, gue cuma mau mematung.
Let's start with Wednesday. After on-again-and-off-again rapat geng plan, Bune said that her family's "pembubaran panitia kawinan" is on Thursday and Rozelle decided to bail from her family's "rapat kawinan", so it was finally on. Off we went, to where else but NAV karaoke lounge. This time the usual singing session ended up in a way that I didn't think could ever occur with the girls. It was curcol-inducing. Hahahah. So okay, we thought, it would be a good time to have some coffee time. Off we went to Citos. And for the 1st time in history, we were rejected here and there because almost all of the restaurants & cafes had already placed the last order. The only places that would accept us were Gloria Jean's Coffee and Liquid Room. Naturally we chose Gloria Jean's despite the "blah" foods and drinks. Tapi karena kelamaan nyari tempat, sesi curhat yang tadi udah terpicu jadi tersendat lagi. Ya tak apalah, gak apa-apa mati gaya yang penting gak mati ya, geng?
Thursday came and I wasn't too keen on this day because I had to do group projects (yes, plural) @ Monik's house. I had to wake up quite early, and staying up late the night before didn't minimalize my urge to bite people's heads off. But it turned out okay. I mean, it wasn't like we actually did some work. With the Film & Sastra group, I practically just read 2 chapters of Harry Potter #4, watched parts of the film and ngemeng to compare them. With Pengkajian Budaya group, I practically just cut some indie music-related articles from Laila's mags. That's that. The rest of the day was actually okay, despite my heavy eyelids. We talked/gossiped about things and for the first time I watched a porn movie. Heheh.
Next, the plan for Friday was to go to Passer Baroe. Bune, Pedhe and I had made this plan since about 2 weeks before. Despite the almost-off plan, we finally went with Bangun who kindly drove us there. Bla bla bla, I don't need to write details about the shopping, all I can tell is shopping is always fun. Always. Afterwards, we grabbed some meal @ nasi goreng cabe rawit di jalan...Daksa? Not wanting to go home, we called Ingga and asked his whereabouts. Anyway, long story made short, we joined him, Davis, Adri, and Idontknowwho @ Paprika, watching Leli sang. Paprika was this classy restaurant/lounge, I think, and there I was wearing short and tee and sandal jepit looking like a sweating babu. But whatever. Seeing Ingga was nice.
Saturday night arrived and Ingga was supposed to meet Pedngun and I at this Cafe Shisha. But he two-timed and bailed on us in the end. However the long-lost Ebonk was available, so there we were, the Telerabies' reunion. We were on our way to Cafe Shisha when the guys brought up the Duck King issue (I lost a bet about a year ago and I was supposed to pay for our dinner @ Cinoa, but the guys insisted that it was Duck King I had promised them). I knew I wouldn't hear the end of it for the rest of the night, so I finally agreed to go to the Duck King and pay for dinner. It was nice to shut their mouth for once. Heheh. Afterwards we headed straight to Cafe Shisha only to find that the belly dancing show was over. That's okay, I got to go with...more or less my 2nd geng after a long, long hiatus.
Well, there went the lazy days. The calm before the storm. Now here I am, on Sunday afternoon, trying to get some tasks done. Boo. I don't even want to rant about what kind of "storm" I'm facing. Ugh. Ugh. Like Ped once said, gue cuma mau mematung.
Everyone of us is high,
Everyone of us is low,
Everyone of us is here,
How about you?
[Coldplay]
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