...when i'm with you i feel like i could die and that would be alright

Boo hoo. My Twitter is suspended (I hope temporarily). And I had been so hooked up on it, I've been like this --> =| ever since. So, since I can't write several irrelevant sentences in several tweets, back to blogger.com it is.

I just had a supernice weekend. It started on Saturday, the day of Sindro's welcome hoopla. I started the day quite early--though I still arrived late, by picking Sindro's up and meeting Bhumi for the first time. Bhumi is a real-life flubber. Aaa aum! I have the urge to take a bite out of those cheeks.

Anyway. Sind and I went to the campus to meet Imel, Nandia, Nissa, Sophan and Yasmin. We had a picnic at one of the mozaic spots near the lake. Not so much a picnic as it was a sit-around-drinking-boxed/bottled-drinks.

After a while, we headed to Loca! for the hoopla. The guests turned out to be less than I expected, but that's okay (is it, Sind?). By the by, boo you who did not come (Ayu, Ovi, Nilam, Andrei) and double boo you who could not even be contacted (ahem, Monikk).

There were the anak-anak Inggris, Sind's Al-Izhar friends, Nisaa Belanda and Gema. We all had to wear fake moustaches that Sind made. Coolness. After some snacks and drinks and games (big, big, massive thank you Nandia & Imel to come up with the games), off we went to Nav Karaoke at D'best, naturally. Then the last destination was Nasi Uduk Mang Dikun (?) at Fatmawati.

It was always fun hanging out with them, and I hope I've lived up to my Project Officer title that Sind appointed me with =D

Moving on to Sunday, there was the Java Rockin' Land festival at Ancol. I had my heart set for Mew and Third Eye Blind. Mew was cool, but I only knew like 1/3 out of the playlist. So. But the visuals on their backdrop were awesome though. And of course, the reason why I like Mew in the first place, Comforting Sound. Beautiful. Pity they didn't perform She Came Home For Christmas and Symmetry. I like the songs, especially the first one.

Then after about an hour, along came Third Eye Blind. My oh my. My love for them had just been rekindled. I must say, they were more my thing than Mew, since I used to play and rewind the first sides of two of their cassettes over and over until the sound was nothing more than a hum. Yes, they performed the charmed Semi Charmed Life, How's It Going To Be, Never Let You Go, Graduate, Jumper... What else? Some new songs, some old songs that I didn't recognize (must be on the side of the cassette that I fastforwarded), and The Jackson Five's I Want You Back. Uber coolness. Boo for not performing 10 Days Late, Deep Inside of You, 1000 Julys, and I Want You. But what do you expect from a one-hour-fifteen time slot. Stephen Jenkins was still the love of the youth inside of me--as old and chubby as he became.

Cherry on top, near the end of their performance, there were fireworks shooting above our heads and confettis being catapulted all over the audience. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. That was also the first time I watched a concert with Gema, so it was nice.

A good trip back to 90s, indeed. Speaking of the era, I also caught The Flowers' performance. Unfamiliar? The Flowers was 90s rock band with their hit Tolong Bu Dokter contributed to the local alternative scene back in the days. Hahahaa. Although I was only familiar with one of their songs, it was still cool watching them. Old hasbeens rocking the stage after 10 years of absence.

To sum up, thumbs up for the event. Thank you whoever that was who suggested, "hey, let's bring in Third Eye Blind". I hope the next Java Rockin' Land will be even better with even cooler performers.



Now I'm back at the office, and I'm more depressed than ever. I've had enough of policemen giving statements, I've had enough of health NGOs, I've had enough of any pricing regulation, I've had enough of anything political, I've had enough of newspapers, I've had enough of the sight and the sound of my boss. I've had enough of this place.

...blech.


Grateful & depressed,
-R.

i believe in the sand beneath my toes
the beach gives a feeling, an earthy feeling
i believe in the faith that grows
and the four right chords can make me cry...

here i am with all the pleasures of the first world laid out before me who am i to breakdown?

Okay, so after some mental pushing and shoving, I'm going to write some updates. Thing is, as I get older, I am reluctant to write good things that I hope for, because I don't want to jinx it. And writing bad things is so 2003. Anyway. I'll give it a try!

So, there were more bombings in Jakarta on 17 July. About 9 people died, and godknowshowmany others were injured. The Manchester United cancelled their visit to the town because of it. Blue Bird Taxi would not take any call to public places. As for me? I lost my long weekend. My saturday, my sunday and my national-holiday monday! So my boss had this brilliant idea to open a media crisis center near the ground zero, and I had to work 8 days straight (the previous 5 regular workdays not included). It might sound interesting to be involved in the issue. But not really. I still haven't seen the ground zero until this second. And I'm still coughing cats and dogs right now.

Anyway. That was an ugly memory. I have to get the hell out of this place. Which leads to me applying to this... department, having to compete with thousands others... (I'm not being too subtle, am I?). Yeah, anyway, I'm crossing fingers like I do to other things. So, let's pray together people.

Anyhoo. My highlights of the week include Sindro's coming home. As a matter of fact, I think she's on the plane as I write this. I'm planning a get-together to welcome her on Saturday. So, something to look forward to.

Another thing to look forward to. Java Rocking Land on Sunday. Third Eye Blind are scheduled to perform, and OMG! OMG! OMG! *fangirlsqueal* I'm going to meet Mr.Jenkins! Hooray!

Aside from the above, what's been filling my days lately is Kisah Hidup Paman Gober. Or known as the original title, Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck. It's.. It's.. It's brilliant! As you can tell from the title, it tells stories about Paman Gober's adventures when he was younger. In the 2nd book, he visits Indonesia! To provide cows for the "karapan sapi" at "Madoeras". Coolness or what?

Well, anyway, that's life lately. And oh yeah, begundals were reunited last Sunday. Uber coolness of silver lining or what?

Toodles!

...would do most anything to get you back by my side.

I'm a bit obsessed with memorabilias.

I have the urge to keep movie stubs. Godawful keychain an old crush gave, a pebble from the hajj simulation back in high school, a stolen toilet paper roll, an apology coupon, a pencil I used for SPMB, notes, journals, text messages, pictures, perfume bottles (yes, I keep scents too).

The list could go on and on. And I know they're more like well, junk. But, people are bound to forget, so unless someone creates a time machine or a time tv (Oh how this world would be a better place with Doraemon around), those stuff are great to remind you that the past do exist.

And just this morning I was reminded about another, um, memento--if you will, from the yesteryears. Lunchies Blog!!! See, Lunchies was one of my genggongs back on the early years of college. It was better than reading my own journals, because there are like, 8 PoVs there. Shout out to Sindro, Nilam (better known as "Unie" back then =D), Nissa, Nandia, Ima, Imel, Pani!

It was funny to see how young we all were. Arguing about friendship, who was "replaced" by who (that's me by Imel apparently--in terms of who was closer to Sind. Really? Like OMG, totally =D). Unloading about crushes, kolor ijo myth (or should I say the the myth?), ditching classes for cyber cafes...

And there was this time when everyone seemed to be having problems of their own. What problems could we possibly have? We got our youth, and more importantly we got each other for almost everyday!

*Sigh* I love stumbling over reminiscing materials. However, the thing with memorabilias is, you can only go so far.

So to sum up this post, I just want to say to "Lunchies", contrary to how I used to act around them, I heart you guys. Can't wait to see you at some lunch time.

missjudged your limits
pushed you too far
took you for granted
i thought you needed me more
now i...
[the cure]

you gotta be stronger than the stories

What? There hasn't been any post in 2009? And it's April already. Tsk tsk, shame on me. Okay. So what I'm going to do is write a brief-but-long-overdue review on 2008, aaaand... well, things I want to talk about in 2009. Here goes!

Highs and lows in 2008
1. Taman Safari trip with 2A kids. That was fun.
2. Incubus concert. It was short, but Mr. Boyd was still fuckalicious.
3. Dreading about Sindro's leaving town.
4. Plan to publish a book. With Surils.
5. Batu Karas with Bangun, Ebonk, Pedhe. Had the best 'shrooms delusion ever.
6. First kiss at the wee hours beneath the city lights.
7. Papua trip
8. Bloodspot in my eye, that made me go geeky with that goggle I call glasses for about a week.
9. The long awaited ajakan kabur. Which I refused.
10. Got promoted. Nice paycheck, not so nice tasks.
11. Kalimantan trip. Which includes first time chopper ride.
12. Diagnosed with lung-infecting disease. Which leads to me:
13. Smoking no more.
14. And home-officed (is there an actual term for working from home?) for about 2 months. Yaaay. Those good times...
15. Penggambar Mimpi. All printed out and published! Independently. But still. Something to tell my grandkids someday.
16. One and (I think) only bgundal meeting at Bune's.
17. 24th birthday. A nice dinner with my family and Gema, and a half-baked karaoke session a few days later.
18. Nilam and Memmy (separately) getting hitched.
19. Second Batu Karas trip of the year.
20. New year's eve.


There you go. 2008. Like a wine expert, I'll say that it's a good year. Then came 2009. And here are the highlights:

1. Got very excited and made about 80 paper storks and a hula skirt for a CANCELLED baby shower. Yes, I'm still bitter about it. I don't care. Because I want to make "stop caring" as my belated 2009 resolution. Anyone can have the hula skirt, but I'm going to keep these storks as if they're my own babies. I wrote this point as the first one in the list because I think it's an achievement. Yes I do. Yes it is.

2. Ditched work for a day to go with Imel, Nandia, Pani, Nissa, Ima and Sophan to Kota Tua. It was fuuuuun. We picked up Andrei later on, went to Gadis' office to see Nilam and Tisam, and visited Kansas to do a little reminiscing.

3. Be a concert whore for the last two months. First, Jason Mraz at the Java Jazz Festival. Third, Jamiroquai at Sentul. And in between, there was the oh-so-perfect Coldplay concert, which I watched. LIVE. IN HONG. KONG. As a result, I've gotten myself two first-times for 2009 already. Watch Coldplay and go to Hongkong.

4. Nilam's having a healthy and (people said) very cute baby boy. Congratulation, darling. All my best wishes for you and Eijaz. Really.

Okay, so that's 2009 so far. I'm planning to make my very own Bucket List. I'll make the long term one--where "go to the hot-air balloon festival in France" will go. And the short-term one, to put all the things I want to do before 2009 ends. So far, I've only had the confidence to put "go to Jogja" in it, and "make/buy a pinhole camera". I do hope the list will get longer, and I will have bigger guts to do everything in it. Because I really, really want to be a Yes Man--but maybe not Jim Carrey extreme.

To sum up, a note for myself.

Stop caring so much about the nitbits and just

LIVE.


Yoi! How you doing?

don't you think we should've learned somehow

I know what John meant.

This is not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.


I think, dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room.

love's an excuse to get hurt and to hurt

As I was browsing through some mailing list, I found these adorable takes on love, by little kids. I only copied the ones I like best though.

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."

Karen - age 7

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8

And I really love this one,

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4

So. You adults, who probably can't even remember your own real take on love, tell me, what do you think love is?

it's my party and i cry if i want to

Been 24 for 5 days now. Yes, yours truly turned 24 on the 11th. It was great, just like most of my birthdays before. You know, the day when I really count even the littlest of my blessings. The text messages, the messages on my wall (oh, do you even remember life before Facebook, people?), the call from dad, the wishes from my best friends (Nilam, you are so grounded for the 1-day tardiness), the gifts. Made my day. And the little get-together with my family and Gema was a great cherry on top too.

Can birthday charm stay forever?

Things kinda rolled downhill from there. My work, my mood, and... That's it actually. My work has been getting out of hand. And I don't even have the will and the urge to do it decently. And my mood has been... Peachy. Maybe it's because of the work load (come on, at least I don't blame hormonal cycle like every female of the species this time), or maybe it's something else. But, hey, what can anyone do about it?

The bright silver lining would be the birthday karaoke session last night. Beer? Check. Boyfriend? Check. Besties? 90% check. Or was it more like 45% check with all the AWOLness? But still, grateful for the efforts made.

So these are my birthday wishes, not necessarily in order,

+ Sindro to come home.
+ Dreams to not be forgotten (write some more rookie books, travel, travel, travel, carpe diem!)
+ Someone to get a move on his ass and get his life in shape.
+ Someone to get some senses in her head and to friggin' understand that I need her, and, and... I don't know. Just be here now. Not just in concept, because concepts are CRAP unless you make them come true. @#&*@(&#@*(&*(!#*(@&#!!!
+ Everyone to get along for everyone's happiness, no more hunger, no more racism, no more religious conflict, and world peace.

Smooches.

i somehow see what's beautiful in things that are ephemeral

What?! A whole September passed by without me posting anything? Crazy. I guess I have to spit some current nitbits here. Here goes.

- I've been going out with Mr. Poet for a few months now.

...I guess now that he's officially my boyf, I should start writing his name, huh? So, it's been a few months with Gema. And what started as a not-so-conventional rollercoaster ride, has lived up to its initial trigger. Ups and downs. If it's not one thing, it must be the other. But in a nutshell, I'm having fun. So. Be. It.

- Since Almost Famous, I've been in love with Zooey Deschanel. She's one of the prettiest girls, with the prettiest eyes, with the quirkiest style (in a good way), and the coolest name ever. Too bad, her following movies aren't worth-watching. However, now that Sind introduced me to She & Him, I'm kepincut all over again. The music is old-fashioned but I love it. And puh-leezzeee, to all of you yesterday kids, Zooey is not a Katy Perry's lookalike. Really, Katy has nothing on her.

- After quite a hiatus, Bgundal reunited last Saturday night. We didn't go out looking fabulous for the world too see, we were just hanging around and snorting over stupid things. But that's got to be the best two hours for me this year.

- Friends on their way to getting hitched. All I can say is, I had a good time brocade-shopping for the kebaya.

- I think I haven't been carpe dieming for a while. Uh-oh. Any suggestion what to seize next before the year of the rat is over?

...

Holy bananas. I don't think I have anything else to write here. Ped's right. When you're in love, your writing ability is out of the window. Aaaakyukuwwww. Can I use that excuse for every writer's block I have?

"come down now", but we'll stay

Okay, here's my take on updates.

After trotting the East side of Indonesia, a couple weeks ago I got another chance to test myself in another barbarous area. Well, not barbarous. But any place that doesn't have a five stars hotel, or a mall, or a TV that has more than 4 channels available, is definitely barbarous in my dictionary.

Yea, so I had to go to the island of Borneo 2 weeks ago. First, I flew to Balikpapan. And I had always known that Balikpapan is nice. The place has Nav Karaoke Lounge, for god's sake! That's what I call a civilized city. I also got to stay at the Novotel, which was not too shabby at all.

A day after my arrival in Balikpapan, I had to go to this slightly remote area called Puruk Cahu. First, I had to fly by a chopper to a place called Muara Tuhup, and then ride a so-called speedboat to Puruk Cahu.

It was nice, actually. Because I can add "naik helikopter" to my 1st-time list this year. And to loll around on a small boat, zigzagging one of Kalimantan's rivers (I think it's called Barito. Maybe), overlooking the deep bushy forest, was actually soothing. But that's about it.

What was I doing flying (and boating) there? Well, I felt like I was in some kind of training to be "the new Emily" for my Miranda-Priestly-like boss. Yeah, that was exactly it. Except that in my office, an excellent fashion sense won't do anyone any good without a smart, robotic brain inside of your head.

Anyway.

So, after 4-5 days of the small town excitement and many delays on my flight, I finally got home to this crappy town I love so much. You think I could just throw my head back and relax?

Noooo. See, I had to go back and forth to a doctor, because I couldn't stop coughing. After 2 dreadful shots (!!!), the doctor concluded that no, I don't have malaria. But yes, I do have this lung-infecting disease. Fortunately, it can be cured. Unfortunately, I have to be on drugs for the next 9 months or so.

Anyhoo, the silver lining of it all is, when I told people at my office about me not being well, they showed some concern about my (or their?) health. Whichever, what mattered is, they sent me hoooome. I get to work from home for the next few weeks. Yeew-hooww!

More good news:

- This isn't that fresh from the oven, but Sind's in town! Wee-hoow. Please don't go back to SF, Sind, please.

- Penggambar Mimpi is out in stores. Though it might be a tad difficult to find it among other piling titles, but it's there. Haw. Another day is seized. Thank God.

- Speaking of which, book launching Sunday, August 31, 2008! Click here for infos.

...I feel like I have other things to say here, but I can't pinpoint about what. Darn. Owell, until another post! *don't hold your breath* xD

nothing is real and nothing to get hung about

Okay, so Sind did it. My turn, now.

People, here it goes, another shameless plug.


Penggambar Mimpi
E. Nandiasari, Nilam Suri, Runi Indrani, Nurkastelia A.

The book consists of 12 various short stories. They're fun, light, and hopefully relatable. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to enjoy it. A nice companion between buses, between appointments, between classes, between convos, and such. In local book stores near you, sometime around this week. So, come on, people, support your local dreamers!

More on Penggambar Mimpi click here and for updates click here.

here is the church and here is the steeple, we sure are cute for two ugly people

Lord. I've been nagging everyone to post updates, and lookie here, it's been an eternity since I last wrote.

So. What's new (or not so new) with me?

Well, for starters, as Ingga said, I'm offically the first of the gang (in this case, whichever gang) who's ever been to Papua. Yieep. I went on a 5-day trip to Mimika, Papua sometime around a month ago. All I can say is, thank god for Sheraton and this interesting souvenir shop. I really wanted to check out the infamous mining site there. But due to this and that, I couldn't. Well I actually could, but I just didn't have the time. Bummer.

I didn't try the local traditional foods either. And I didn't witness any tribal war. So. I think I have to go back there one day.

Another something new with me is.

I'm in an official something with this someone. Yep, I'm t-t-t... take... taken =p For the past two months, it's been a roller coaster ride with this guy. And I tell you, it's no ordinary roller coaster. Weird. However, I'm still figuring things out, and we'll see.

On not-so-lighter note--work-related, that is.

I just got promoted. It's nothing major, but still. I don't think I've ever been promoted before. But, Ped's moving in two days. Boo-hoo. I'll have no ally to mock people at the office with. Boo.

think of me when you close your eyes, but don't look back when you break all ties

You know how I've constantly wanted to run away? To leave things behind? Not forever, because I've always thought that no one can afford forever. You know how I've always wanted to see what's outside this bubble of mine? To add more pictures to my scrapbook. To ditch everything just to crave over coming back. 

And then along the way, I've fallen in love with Doves' Pounding. Because I still can't believe a song can fit the state I'm in that well. I even wondered along the way, if Jimi Goodwin (Doves' lead vocal) could take me away, just like in the song. Or maybe someone else would. Ask me to leave at sunrise, and live by the ocean, you know?

And I always thought, when someone did, I'd go. I'd leave in a second. I can always come back, can't I? I'm aware I have too much to leave behind. But I always thought they'd understand, because I know they know I'd come back. It's just something I have to do, to get over with.

Yeah. Running away. Running away to come back. That's like the mount Everest of my carpe-diem resolution. I should reach it when I have the chance, and that's it. I'm on top of myself. I can get it out of my system...

So, why? Why when there really was a midnight call--from someone who's getting to know me too well--asking me to run away, leave the world we know behind, and see the world ahead, I chickened out? Why?

Maybe because of my 'too much to leave behind'. I have my job, my mom, my friends. Having said that, I can find another job. Don't I hate doing this already? Reckless, but that's just me and my 'live for today' madness. My mom would have a hard time trying to understand. But come to think of it, I really think she'd understand. My friends? Ditto. Besides, with some of them (and counting) I already have a platonic fship anyway. What difference would it make?

So, why?

Hggh. Can't help feeling like the carpe diem's out of the window. Did I just miss my now-or-never moment?

And to think I might lose more than just a roadtrip by saying 'I can't'...



ps. On a positive note, here's the space I've been nagging Mr. Midnightcaller for.

"you turn around
and life's passed you by
you look to ones you love
to ask them 'why?'
you look to those you love
to justify
you turned around
and life's passed you by
passed you by, again"
[Doves]

and with heart-shaped bruises, and late-night kisses, divine

Two weeks ago, on the long weekend, I went on a trip to Batu Karas with geng ngong. That's Pedhe, Bangun, Ebonk, fyi. It started out roughly. I mean really rough. What with a dog being hurt, Ped's car being dented here and there, and the ghostly, eerie aura along the way that got us lost. We spent 12 hours from Jakarta to Batu Karas. That's... that's just wrong. The cherry on top? The hotel we were supposed to stay in, was replaced by this ruin caused by the tsunami. All the decent hotels were fully booked.

However, as time went by, things started to look up again. We got a better hotel, with the nicest service (hello, Mbak Itaa! *never mind the intern joke, here*). We had the time of our lives, just lazing and lounging around here and there. The best part for me had to be the mushroom trip. CRAZY. It was a lovechild of Alice's wonderland with Tinkerbell and her pixie dusts on kaleidoscope. I got more than what I bargained for. Yaiyalah ya, what I bargained for was a cheap crap. Hahah.

-----

About 12 hours after I got back from Batu Karas, I noticed that there's something in my right eye. A red spot. It looked like when you have a piece of chili stuck on your teeth. I tried to brush it off, but nothing happened. So then I realized, it wasn't a piece of chili at all obviously. It was blood. IN my eye.

I felt like fainting right there and then.

Anyway, I had it checked. And the doctor said it was nothing fatal. It was actually pretty common... for someone who just did bungee jumping, just delivered a baby, has a chronic non-stop coughing, or has constipation. None of those fit me at that moment. Weird.

For a while, I couldn't wear my contact lenses. So, tadaaa, I had to walk around with these big, thick glasses. Here's what I looked like:





I made looking dorky work, didn't I? =D

-----

On to lately. I have a terrible, yet exciting secret. You know how people always want to make their dreams come true? Well, now let me ask you, how do you make your dream stay... well, a dream? What would you do if it starts to crawl out of your head and into your skin, and feels too real to handle?

Hahah. Visualizing Freddy Krueger, aren't you?

Well, this is more like, Peter Pan. Sneaking out in the middle of the night, going "second to the right and straight on til morning", and on to Neverland. Nice, but still... If Wendy has to go home, I have to wake up.

But anyway. On the bright side, I've beaten Ms. Jossie G. by a year or so! Yeah!!! Shout out to fellow geeks everywhere! Dorks rock! xD

-----

I've been reckless, aren't I? Mushroom-tripping, Peter Pan toying... Well, apparently my boss doesn't think so. Because she chose me to do this spy job. Hahaha. "Spy job", I made that sound cooler than it really is. Point is, I think it's pretty important. Sure beats my current job at the Stationery Station (again, never mind the intern joke).

Anyway. I'm dead scared, because I will be sent to a place where people still carry traditional weaponry, and tribal wars and alcohol-induced crimes are prime-time TV. But I'm also excited about this. So, please, please, please, pray for my safety sometime around next month, okay? Good.

oh i'll be the one who'll break my heart

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

As some of you know, my job as a secret agent requires me to read gazillions newspapers every single day. Sounds like a party, right? However, I have my silver lining against the cloudy inky printing of the papers. At first, it was only the Garfield comic strip on Jakarta Post. However as time went by, I'm falling for the Dilbert strip on Kompas. It's about some disfunctional office and it has the quirky, sometime-out-of-the-world dry humour quality to it. If you like The Office (Steve Carrell?) with a cat named Catbert as the Human Resource guy, then you'll like this.

Anyway, I was browsing its website when I found this e-cards section. Then I stumbled upon one that--in my opinion--fits me the best. Click here to see it. Of course I don't do my job in the bathroom. But still, I'm beyond ecstatic to know that Wally (one of the characters)--just like me--understands that it pays to read.






When you relate to a cartoon character, and it makes you ecstatic, is it time to mingle with real people?

seize the time, cause it's now or never, baby.

I've realized, I've always been a big complainer. However, in the process I'd like to call "growing up", I also realized that I had to eliminate that bad habit. And I find it refreshing, in a way. You know, trying hard to hold back and swallow the rants and trying so hard not to whine...

But then. Did you notice something? Notice how my blog has been noticeably vacant these days?

Does that mean, when I'm not whining, I don't have anything to say?

Hahah. Just a thought.

Instead of some more rants, let's just recap on lately.

1. About my work. It's been borrrriiiiinnnggg! *So much for not whining* It's really okay actually, because I know it could've been worse. And seriously, I really can't complain. Because this job is what's been paying all my shopping sprees and my night outs. But I need to see what's out there.

Need. To. See. World.

But not from grainy papers that leave ink on my fingertips.

2. About my 2008 resolution. The one with me seizing the day? Carpe diem-ing? Well, I'm all set to do that. To grab the moment, or whatever there is in front of me. But I can't help feeling there's nothing up for grab.

Or maybe, maybee, it has something to do with my being lazy?

Whatever it is, I keep feeling like U-turning.

3. About social life. Or lackthereof. Nandia just had her birthday party Thursday (06) night at Kekun (not sure how it's spelled). It was super nice. Aside from me running late, me trying to drive as fast as I could while fighting the sleep out of my eyes, and that darn corrupted cop milking me for my very last Rp.20000, it was very fun. Seeing people from English dept. 2002 again. Talking, nasty-joking, and laughing with them (highlight: the very jayus Imel and sarcastic Sophan)non-stop until midnight was what I needed these days.

4. Speaking of anak-anak Inggris, Sindro is going awaaaay! Well, not now. But pretty soon. And like I said to you, Sind, I've always known that you were destined to see the world. To stay anywhere but this dreary town.

But. But now that it's happening, I feel weird. How it's going to be without you around? It means for the next more-or-less three years, no self-pirated DVDs, no one to whip my ass to do something, no hanging out in your blackhole-like room, no snacking at Megamendung 11...

Oh my god! I haven't even tried your swimming pool!!! And now I'm too big-boned to wear any kind of bathing suit.

Pesanku, Sind, oleh-oleh. And while you're there, look for some publisher that might be interested in publishing our Balloons. Therefore, don't forget to bring a copy of it (do you still have one?). Heheh, who knoooowwwss kaan?

5. I can't think of anything else now. In the meantime, anyone care to join me for a mental afternoon margaritas and dancing?

Let's leave at sunrise
Let's live by the ocean
I don't mind
If we never come home at all
Steal the morning
So set in motion
In and out of love
And institutions
Cause I know
This can't last for long
[Doves]

i thought how nice it'd be to follow the sweat down your spine

Last night I watched the Incubus concert. On a work night! Wild. =D

I know when you're 23 and practically have all the freedom in your hand, it's not exactly as exciting as going for booze and weeds on a school night. But still. I'm glad I still can be one of those people who work and go out for some music or such--on work nights!!!

Anyway. About the concert. You know how I always get smitten after watching concerts? Well, this time I was beyond smitten. Mr. Boyd. His hypnotizing moves. Barechested. Pelvic bones. And of course seeing the tsk-tsk-tsk-ahhh part of Are You In live. Tsk, the concert was a total mindfuck! Literally.

And I'm screwed real good.



photo courtesy of PM from rileks.com

i'm in love with something that i can't see

This is a bit late, but,

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!

Please note that this is the year of the rat. And I was born under the sign. A friend once said that when it's our year, we have to take every chance that we got. Because the result will most likely be good. Therefore, my sort-of new year's resolution is... to take more chance, to try more things, to live more. Wait, that's three.

Anyway. The point is, I'm going to seize the day more. Carpe diem. That's sort of thing. Although it'll be a tad difficult, considering my laziness. But I'm going to try anyway.

-----

For the new year's eve itself, I spent it in Bandung. With Ped and Ngong. We had our countdown moment in a karaoke lounge. 100% alcohol free, for the first time in... what, 5 years? Then we reviewed 2007 over martabak manis and martabak telor, made wishes for 2008, and hoped that we'll spend the next new year's eve together, and maybe with more people.

-----

Last but not least. My habit of reviewing the previous year. Let's take a walk back to 2007, shall we? I'll make it short this time.

1. The whole I-want-to-sleep-next-to-him butterflies. Hahah. It must've been the lonely air of the holiday season.
2. The whole ship-that-supposedly-can't-sink issue. Still haven't got that sorted out yet.
3. Got a job in a local tabloid, Wanita Indonesia. Got myself some great friends, who taught me a thing or two about life. Like what it's like to be old like them. Teehee.
4. My article about suicide had actually stopped some reader from doing so. Nice, eh? The most rewarding thing so far.
5. Quitted my job. Had  two months of a beautiful slacker's life. 
6. Got another job as a secret agent.

Quiet year, huh? Well, here's to a more exciting 366 days of 2008. Cheers!

the wheel is reeling
but such a waste
for i keep u-turning.

she'll let you deep inside, but there's a secret garden she hides

=========================================================

The Rules:
1. Each blogger must post these rules
2. Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves
3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight
things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose
eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and
to read ur blog.

==========================================================
Here goes. Eight secret (or not) doors opened.

1. I hate people easily. I fall for people easily. And I fall out of love easily too. Generally. So, If you're afraid that I might hate you, don't fret. And if you know that I have a crush on you or some sort, don't be flattered just yet. I do that to everybody else.

2. I have an eternal inner 5-year-old in me. I still watch cartoons, create imaginary friends, adore santa, and go crazy over balloons. I try my best to be mature when needed, but I don't think anyone should let their inner child disappear.

3. I'm a big dreamer/daydreamer. I often take my dreams seriously. And I sometimes can't tell the dreams apart from reality.

4. However, I find it hard to believe in things like happily ever after, marriage, honesty, loyalty, and all the muluk-muluk things. But, I'm willing (if not, dying) to be proven wrong.

5. I believe that we have our options. And I always think that, kalo bisa gampang kenapa mesti dibuat susah. So, I always try my best to avoid difficult, uncomfortable, inconvenient situation. For example, I refuse to take a bus, if I have enough money to pay a cab instead. People often take me for some kind of spoiled brat.  Well maybe I am. But I think I'm just living out my options.

6. I don't like people that much. I think some of them are just bad to the bone, and the rest are plainly disappointing. However, I've made some limited exception. There are people I actually care about, no matter what they do.

7. I LOATHE icky bathrooms.

8. I love ice cream. Especially Ben and Jerry's Half Baked Brownies and Cookie Dough!

The next victims are......

1. Pedhe
2. Andrei
3. ...
4. ...
5. ...
6. ...
7. ...
8. ... Told you, I don't like people that much. Whoever want to try this thing, knock yourself out!

take a seat, take your life, plot it out in black and white

It's friday night! Rah-rah!

And yet, I'm not out living the life of gadis metropolitan. This moment is too precious to NOT spend it resting at home. Yes, I'm very much an anti-social slave nowadays. I have no social life whatsoever. And of course, when I have no time for living, I have no time for primping.

So, as I constantly read articles about how three morning star flags were found at Abepura's prison on my Everest-like newspaper pile, I have my very own three morning stars on my forehead known as zits.

Bleurgh.

Well, at least I get paid good. And when I finally have an Everest-like moolah pile instead, I'll buy myself some social life and flawless skin.

On a lighter note, christmas is coming up.

you hate us 'cos we're beautiful, well we don't like you either, we're cheerleaders!

You know, in a typical teen flick, there's always this stereotype towards cheerleaders? That they're popular--on the upside. But on the downside, they're stupid, fake, slutty, shallow... What else, you mention.

See, I myself joined the cheerleader squad back in high school. And generally, the above mentioned assumption wouldn't upset me. Because I know better. What sets cheerleaders apart from... people, is they dance. They do awesome acrobatic maneuvers (not me, though I wish I could).

Generally.

But of course, there are exceptional moments. Like now, when I've just watched a few episodes of Popular, and make myself wonder, why Sam "Spam" McPherson and her pathetic group of friends (excluding Carmen) can be so mean towards the idea of cheerleading--for (sometimes) very irrelevant reasons.

But no perverted act of typecasting has upset me more than what my friend did. See, there was this girl I knew back in college days. She's smart, witty, and unique. Well, at least, she always spoke her--supposedly--unique mind. Of course, to me, she's as unique as someone who tries to be--which is everyone.

Anyvaaaay. Quite many months ago, this girl posted one of those questionnaires in a public posting site. When asked which she would prefer to do, marching band or cheerleading, she answered the first one. Why? Because, she won't have "to act like some slutty idiotic bunnies".

I wish she had said that to my face, just so I could shove her smart-ass brain into her mouth.

Tsk. It furiates me so much to see how a supposedly smart person can be so narrow-minded and rude. Let me ask you all, do you have anything against cheerleaders? If yes, why? Please, take your time in thinking over the answer, before submitting it to ms. Crankypants here.