you had your chance so say goodbye

Hey, I knew you once
Don't you miss me?
We had so much fun
Don't you agree?

-----
I'm not good handling the slightest bit of attention. It makes me soft and weak. A few "hi"s and smiles could easily take me down to the memory lane, and that's not good. God knows I find it difficult to tell nostalgia apart from infatuation. Just take a mental note, that should never happen again. Amen.

only slightly mental

I'm over my crush with Mr.Berryman. Heheh. Or my fiery lust for Mr.Bonjang for that matter.

----------

Can you sing Flowers for me?
That is my rescue, it has to be

I hate to complain but sometimes you just can't help doing so, innit? So here goes... I'm bored (kalo kata celebritis indonesia yang harusnya make duitnya buat les bahasa inggris instead of nose jobs, "gue boring"). Not bored as in there's-nothing-good-on-TV bored, or I-have-nothing-to-do-today bored. It's I-wanna-be-anywhere-but-here bored. Omygod, I could go crazy anytime soon. Seriously. It's like my brain's going to explode any moment, when really it's because of the void in it. I can't explain exactly what I'm feeling lately, but it's driving me insane. Insane. Insane. Afterdark isn't better. I have the urge to rant on my journal but I don't know why nor for what and the words are just stumbling over one another they don't come out. I usually ended up doodling meaninglessly on it.

It's not like I'm sad nor upset, it's just that I'm on the verge of going nuts. Nuts. Nuts. Completely nuts. When something nice comes up, I'm totally okay. Like last thursday, when there were these good bands playing at the campus. That was fun. Or when I have my friends--best friends, hang-out friends, cousins, whatever--around, I'm okay. But when I'm left alone with nothing to do or at least when my mind is left alone with nothing to think about, there's this empty chaos inside. There's nothing to do, to think about, to dread about, but I feel so...jumbled.

See, I can't even write properly about it.

ARGH. Antara pengen kabur atau mematung.

Maybe it's just a phase, like always. But when it happens frequently--rarely, but frequently, could you really call it "a phase"? And I know when this is all over, I'll laugh at this and wonder, what was I thinking. Do I feel insane because I think I am insane? Someone I know once said something about what you feel is what your mind tells you to do, or something like that. You know, a suggestion or some sort.

You know what, I don't know.

Phew. It's tiring to even write about it. Um, help, please? A vacation, Prozac, a slap to bring back some senses, anything will do.

ooh, get me away from here, i'm dying
sing me a song to set me free
nobody writes them like they used to
so it may as well be me
[belle & sebastian]

obsessions in my head, don't connect with my intellect

Ahem. This is the 2nd part of my Guy-obsession entry below.

Turns out, he does in fact like dogs. Because he owns one named Sid (from Sid Vicious)...with his wife! Waaaahhhhh *sobs* I so envy a girl named Joanna Briston right now. Sob sob sob.

Haw. Goodbye the chance of living happily ever after with a man who's worth 10 million pounds and drives Land Rover Discovery 3.

Yeah, I think I'm obsessed. But I'm too broken-hearted to admit that.

everyone of us is here, how about you?

This week has been fun! See, on Thursday there was this Saka New Year for the hindus, so it was obviously a day off for everyone. While on Friday...I don't know what it was with that day, but it was also a day off for me and some people. I know every Tuesday I've a day off this semester. Therefore, I only go to my dreary campus twice this week. Hm. So this is what it's like to be you, Ped =p

Let's start with Wednesday. After on-again-and-off-again rapat geng plan, Bune said that her family's "pembubaran panitia kawinan" is on Thursday and Rozelle decided to bail from her family's "rapat kawinan", so it was finally on. Off we went, to where else but NAV karaoke lounge. This time the usual singing session ended up in a way that I didn't think could ever occur with the girls. It was curcol-inducing. Hahahah. So okay, we thought, it would be a good time to have some coffee time. Off we went to Citos. And for the 1st time in history, we were rejected here and there because almost all of the restaurants & cafes had already placed the last order. The only places that would accept us were Gloria Jean's Coffee and Liquid Room. Naturally we chose Gloria Jean's despite the "blah" foods and drinks. Tapi karena kelamaan nyari tempat, sesi curhat yang tadi udah terpicu jadi tersendat lagi. Ya tak apalah, gak apa-apa mati gaya yang penting gak mati ya, geng?

Thursday came and I wasn't too keen on this day because I had to do group projects (yes, plural) @ Monik's house. I had to wake up quite early, and staying up late the night before didn't minimalize my urge to bite people's heads off. But it turned out okay. I mean, it wasn't like we actually did some work. With the Film & Sastra group, I practically just read 2 chapters of Harry Potter #4, watched parts of the film and ngemeng to compare them. With Pengkajian Budaya group, I practically just cut some indie music-related articles from Laila's mags. That's that. The rest of the day was actually okay, despite my heavy eyelids. We talked/gossiped about things and for the first time I watched a porn movie. Heheh.

Next, the plan for Friday was to go to Passer Baroe. Bune, Pedhe and I had made this plan since about 2 weeks before. Despite the almost-off plan, we finally went with Bangun who kindly drove us there. Bla bla bla, I don't need to write details about the shopping, all I can tell is shopping is always fun. Always. Afterwards, we grabbed some meal @ nasi goreng cabe rawit di jalan...Daksa? Not wanting to go home, we called Ingga and asked his whereabouts. Anyway, long story made short, we joined him, Davis, Adri, and Idontknowwho @ Paprika, watching Leli sang. Paprika was this classy restaurant/lounge, I think, and there I was wearing short and tee and sandal jepit looking like a sweating babu. But whatever. Seeing Ingga was nice.

Saturday night arrived and Ingga was supposed to meet Pedngun and I at this Cafe Shisha. But he two-timed and bailed on us in the end. However the long-lost Ebonk was available, so there we were, the Telerabies' reunion. We were on our way to Cafe Shisha when the guys brought up the Duck King issue (I lost a bet about a year ago and I was supposed to pay for our dinner @ Cinoa, but the guys insisted that it was Duck King I had promised them). I knew I wouldn't hear the end of it for the rest of the night, so I finally agreed to go to the Duck King and pay for dinner. It was nice to shut their mouth for once. Heheh. Afterwards we headed straight to Cafe Shisha only to find that the belly dancing show was over. That's okay, I got to go with...more or less my 2nd geng after a long, long hiatus.

Well, there went the lazy days. The calm before the storm. Now here I am, on Sunday afternoon, trying to get some tasks done. Boo. I don't even want to rant about what kind of "storm" I'm facing. Ugh. Ugh. Like Ped once said, gue cuma mau mematung.

Everyone of us is high,
Everyone of us is low,
Everyone of us is here,
How about you?
[Coldplay]

my song is love unknown & i've got to get that message home

On a whole different note, once again I'll ask, inikah yang dinamakan cinta? Yes, this time I'm sure that it is. And who's the object of my undying overwhelming desire this time? Drumroll please...

Mr.Guy Berryman, of course.

See, he's already a musician and a good looking one too. That counts for unlimited points. I just browsed Coldplay.com and saw this picture of him playing footie. Ding-ding, more and more points. If only I knew if he liked dogs or not...

But that doesn't matter that much.

He's most likely not a moslem. But when he belongs to the world's greatest band, I don't think my mom would mind...

Omaygad. I think this is THE ONE.

See, I don't mind "makan cinta" kalo udah sama dia sih. But I don't think that'd be necessary. I mean he has the fortune, for sure. Maybe he's taken. Well, I swear, I don't mind living as his mistress-slash-love slave or such.

So, Mr.Guy, if you ever come across this blog, send me a ticket to wherever you are, let the sparks between us show and drive off to the sunset together.

what is there to know? all this is what it is

I had been waiting, disappointed, and back to waiting again...

Aaaand finally I watched Kings of Convenience on Sunday. Uh-huh, uh-huh, that's right. I watched it and it was beyond great! Come to think of it, not getting tickets for the KoC show in Jakarta might just be the best thing. Because if I had watched the Jakarta show, I wouldn't have gone to Bandung. If I hadn't gone to watch KoC in Bandung, I wouldn't have had supper at C'mar (this apparently a famous warung in Bandung). And if I hadn't had supper at C'mar, I wouldn't have met Erlend Oye from KoC himself...

Uh-huh, uh-huh, I met him and had a piture taken with him! Wee-hoo! And unlike my friends, I can't tell the long and fantastic details about last weekend here. Kayak ketemu gebetan, it feels fabulous but somewhat undescribable and yet you want to spread the story and joy to everyone you know although you know they're dead bored with it.

Ah cukup dikenang dalam hati saja, considering I'm lacking of non-retarded words right now and not to mention, I lost the tickets at the venue (I usually kept my tickets safely: movies, concerts, and else). But hey, who needs words and tickets when you have a picture; and being predictably cliche, I'll say a picture says a thousand words.

you're just like me, you're sipping a cup of dreams

I had a five-year-old-ish but wonderful dream last night. In my dream, it was a beautiful afternoon and I was at my frontyard; but it was more beautiful, with colorful flowers and butterflies. *Here goes the 5-year-old-ish part* There were Tinkerbell, Peter Pan, Wendy and her brothers. We were all holding hands, and hocus pocus, I was lifted off the ground to the air. I was flying with them! Ahahaha. I remember thinking flying is fun! Seriously! It was an indescribable sensation to be able to fly. Aaand, there was music playing (I don't know from where); it was La Vie En Rose. I know Disney's movie and french song don't mix. But I still think it was wonderful and magical.

Hm. Come to think of it, I had one 5-year-old-ish dream before, when I was still in the elementary school. In this dream, I saw colorful hippos flying around in the night sky filled with colorful stars. Not only hippos, there were also cows. But they weren't colorful, just the regular black and white. Wonderful.

Ridiculous as those dreams were, they were better than the one in which I wanted so much to see my grandpa before too late; so much I cried hard in my dream. When in reality, my grandpa's passed away.

Anyhoo. What am doing, babbling about dreams here? Well, who knows, one day my children can read the story about how their mom used to fly around with Peter Pan and the whole bunch, and watch colorful hippos floating in the sky from her window.

we always said it's forever in this beautiful life

Yesterday's rapat geng was nice. We went to PIM2 and tried this new place called Cafe Cartel (which inevitably, constantly reminds me of a 90s gadget called Kartu Telepon). Once more, we were planning to catch a movie last night, but we lost track of time and ended up missing the movie. All night we just sat there, munching on calamaris and pizza, drowning ourselves in caffeine and convos (from unpleasant rumours and suspicions about Gibond to Rosel's something's psycho ex). By the way, Rosel's something--Arif--joined us. But it was better this time, I think we've grown past the memeras-otak-sampai-bengong-mikirin-mau-basa-basi-apa phase. He was very nice, and I think he passed our perploncoan-anggota-baru test with flying colours.

Anyway, since we missed the movie, we were thinking about karaoke-ing instead. But then Bune suddenly said that it was her mom's birthday so she couldn't get home too late. Okay, I admit it, I was upset, but hey what could I do about it? Deciding a date for another time of karaoke or movie was not easy. So I kept wondering--and actually dreading about--how could it become harder and harder to gather the girls together. I guess this whiny part of me will always be there to stay... But...

*ALERT: cheesy thanksgiving moment ahead*

See, for the last 1-2 weeks, I had dug a hole to the past and let myself get carried away with the bittersweet longing of all in the past known to be nostalgia. Started with reading a few high-school-related stories, listening (and singing) to old songs, allowing myself to mentally change my surroundings with things from--more or less--4 years ago (wooden desks and chairs, a fan above my head, blue Puma shoes on my feet, colorful binders, colorful scrap door, Tigger plush with extra hand-made stripes, and well, people). I could actually remember how things felt back then. When you couldn't feel anymore cooler wearing that high-school uniform (since you were definitely more mature than those ABG-ish anak-anak SMP, but you weren't as old and boring as those mbak-mbak college students). When the life-altering decision that you had to make was what to wear to the prom. When everyone was around, you saw them 6 days a week, they were as normal as a zit on your nose. When your friends were still in the same town; let it be close friends or the platonic ones.

To put cherry on top, yesterday @ Ped's, she, Bune and I watched the "VCD Batalyon". Hmmh. Surely and like always, changes could be felt; I could taste it like sugar and coffee in my mouth. People've changed from anak-kampung thin to flabby tummies and vice versa. The closest packs have grown further. Crushes change (or not?). Opinions towards people have changed (from love-sick drools to "ih, kayak anak kampung!" or from loathing Gibond to death to worrying sick about him). Even I've changed, in some ways. At some point, friends stopped being around. And I'm not talking about the platonic ones who were never really ever there at all, but close friends. I don't hang out with the same people, it constantly changes from time to time: Kacank, Angga and his Geng Infinite Sadness, Geng Angkuh and the whole Aksi bunch, Geng Pengajian, Geng Ngong and else. Paling berasa adalah kalo inget Ocha dan nasihat-nasihat sok bijaksananya. All I can think is--quoting from Graduation song--"I guess I thought that this would never end". Where is he now? Where are his advices when I need one? Where are all those people now? You get my point, don't you? I've done this wallowing-in-the-past so many times, it just becomes me.

But, there are some that stay. Drumroll please...For four years and counting, it's the girls. While others, smiles and tears, guys, parties and conflicts frequently come and go, the girls came to stay. What ironic is, four years ago, I'd put all three Bune, Pedhe and Rosel in the "come and go" box.

Girls, *here goes* I won't say any thanks or sorry here, because I really don't know what to say nor how to show you that I'm very grateful for you all. Really, no word can tell. I just want to hope that years and years from now, you three will still differentiate yourselves from everything else from the past, because you stay. Saaahh. Olive juice, girls.

i just want every boy i see, to walk away with part of me

What have I been feeling lately?

To quote one of my best friends: "Inikah yang dinamakan cinta? Rasanya hati ini berdegup kencang kalo liat doski."

'Doski' here is a new mister on the blog, Mr.Bonjang. And, no, it's not 'cinta', it's more like 'napsu'. Ahahah... Pure physical attraction, seriously. And earlier today, he just looked good in a black tee and his army-green jacket. Ahh, membayangkannya saja sudah lemas! Yeah, yeah, he's mighty fine *lagi bayangin* Best part is, as meaningless as it is, it's great to know there's a possibility of giddiness when I go to the campus.

Or maybe this could be my temporary hormonal rage talking. See yesterday, another old mister was wearing his striped shirt (my absolute favorite), and inside skipped a beat. Also yesterday, another not-quite-a mister said some kind of 'hi' through a friend, via text message! And yet, all of the sudden, I was missing him so much. Well, those two cases are definitely temporary, for today I don't feel anything skipping its beat nor me missing anyone.

But Bonjang? Ahh, best thing about lately besides my karaoke sessions with ibu-ibu Inggris yesterday and my rapat geng plan for tomorrow x)

you missed when time and life shook hands and said goodbye

I've just spent the whole afternoon looking for a topic for my penpop assignment, developing it and typing it while doing so. When I was just few sentences away from finishing the assignment, Nilam reminded me that we weren't supposed to find our own topic, but to develope the Pak Ismail-given topic. Waaahh, how could I forget? Ugh. Anyway, now I've lost my mood to do any thinking, so here I am, trying to pour my brain out.

I've finally reached the 8th and--hopefully--the last semester of my days as a uni student. When I arranged my classes at the beginning of this semester, I thought everything was settled and well-planned. Turns out, nothing is that easy. I'm now faced with a few probs: kurangnya SKS mata kuliah pilihan dan kelas-kelas yang bentrok, meanwhile I really, really have to finish everything this semester. I can't afford any extra semester, really.

About my teaching job, I tried to resign a few days ago. But I only managed to reduce my working hour from 4 hours a week to 3... until I find my substitute, that is. Well at least now I can have a preschooler-free friday afternoon.

Moving on to a whole different subject...

Last night I had one of our "rapat geng"s with the girls. The last time we had one of those was December 3rd 2005. It took 2 months and a week to get together again! Owmaygad. I mean, how hard can it be, right, to gather 4 people together at the same time and place? Well, actually, very hard.

We were planning to watch a local movie (it was either Jomblo or Realita Cinta dan Rock and Roll), but Ped and I thought it would be such a waste to spend our time together watching some movie when we could actually talk and do some catching up about each other. Besides, we were late for the movie anyway. So we headed to Citos for some drinks. Bune and I were with Peds, while Rosel was with Arif (her friend or ahem, something). Turned out, there was this Ajang Boyband event @ Citos that caused a major traffic jam. Citos was so full, they stopped letting cars enter the parking lot; including Ped's car. Therefore we went to Kemang instead and looked for an interesting place to have a drink or two. Didn't find it. Sooo, after waiting and hoping for the traffic to ease up @ Mc.D Kemang, we headed back to Citos. Haha. We got into the parking lot this time and finally went to Tartine for the drinks (and foods).

It was nice. Well of course it was, I was with the girls. But I think last night went too fast. We spent the night 40% on the road with Rosel in the other car. There was someone new that we weren't too familar with, Arif. Not that I mind he joined us, but it was obvious that he and the geng (aside from Ros) were still in the memeras-otak-sampai-bengong-mikirin-mau-basa-basi-apa phase. Borrowing a word from Bangun, jadi kurang "lepas" lah QT semalam itu. Point is, time flew by too fast and we didn't use our time together as good as we could last night.

Of course, we can have another QT soon, but there was Bune and her--what I think as unreasonable--excuses. In the end, I can't help feeling kebat-kebit--or restless you may call--thinking about when our next get-together will be. It really is that hard to gather four best friends together at the same place and same time. Haw. Segini masih kuliah dan masih di kota yang sama.

Let's just hope Bune's "liat ntar" brings some "ayok aja" in the end.

Here's something to reminisce our youth years from now when our rapat geng become less frequent (Naudzubillahminzalik...)

"The ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?
In your head, in your mouth, in your soul.
The more we move ahead the more we're stuck in rewind.
Well I don't mind. I don't mind. How the hell could I mind?"
[Modest Mouse]

Ahem, in this warm saturday afternoon, I'd like to welcome the 3rd and newest reader of this blog,

Bangun Suryoputro

Congratulation for easily finding this blog. Remember, keep it hush-hush until further notice.

get up and see the sarcasm in my eyes

Seven things that scare me:
1. Death, definitely.
2. Losing friends to anything.
3. Bankruptcy.
4. Losing my mom (aku anak mami).
5. Completely losing my sanity.
6. The process of giving birth.
7. Getting old and superfat.

Seven random facts about me:
1. I hate and am terribly scared of anything related to hospitals. Old ambulance (you know, yang putih dan udah agak butut), needles, blood tests, doctors, and the hospital itself.
2. I'm known for saying 'terserah' when given two choices or more. Not because I cannot decide anything, but because I don't mind any of the options.
3. I'm a curiousity-driven person.
4. I talked to my mom's potted plants when I was a little. If you know a plant called sufflir, and you know a young part of it which shaped like swirls, well I called them "tuan ulat".
5. I love attention but not the unwanted ones.
6. I don't believe in happy endings, happy marriage, loyalty, honesty and other muluk-muluk things; but am willing and dying to be proven wrong.
7. I still sleep with my mom even though I have my own room now.

Seven things I hope to do before I die:
1. Go to NYC, better yet, live there.
2. Take my cousins to Disneyland.
3. Skinny-dip or dance naked under the rain. However, as I grow older, i'm having a second thought...
4. Get filthy rich.
5. Bang Guy Berryman... (ini mah muluk-muluk).
6. Get married and have children, maybe. Deep down, I'm still an old-fashioned girl.
7. Cukup beribadah, biar dosanya keapus.

Seven things I can do:
1. I can make people pour out their deepest feelings, stories or secrets; sometimes, without even asking them to.
2. Despise people without any reasonable excuse.
3. Remember dates and events like a walking diary. I know that is nothing, but trust me, when you know people like Bune and Rozelle, it'll count as a special talent.
4. I can make reasonable excuses for everything.
5. Fall easily for anyone one day and loathe them the next.
6. Cut my own hair and still look fabulous.
7. Be a total drama queen.

Seven people who should fill this out:
1. Pedhe
2. I'd like to say Sindro, but she's done it already. I got this from her.
3. I don't have many friends.
4. I don't have many friends who know about this blog.
5. Er...
6. Um,...
7. Well...

we never change, do we? we never learn, do we?

Who has the best cousins ever?

I'd like to say Rozelle for she has one that is very...er, goodlooking. But humor aside, it's me. I have Khesia and Archie, or Kakak and Chichi as I usually call. See, I used to live with them until their mother remarried, then they're out of the house. Back then, when we were all still in this house, neither of us cherished the time. But now that we live separately, I treasure every time I've spent with them.

Just yesterday they came by because Khesia needs tutoring for her english. It was fun teaching her because we always slipped in stupid, retard-ish jokes and talks. Dinner time was the best, everyone was around, including keluarga "rumah depan". As usual, it was us--the youngest girls in the house--who dominated the conversation. We talked about people, made fun of some, and laughed about some others. And oh how I miss the time when that happened every night. And after that, we made water balloons which we called "silikon kampung utan" from these balon tiup kampung thingy just like when we were younger.

Seriously, they're the perfect mix of: Beavis, Butthead, Ren, Stimpy, The Plastics from Mean Girls, sugar and spice and everything nice. And aside from the girls, they're the closest thing I got to having sisters. Sure, I've sisters of my own, but you know...

----------

Moving on. Holiday has been a snooze fest so far. I haven't found anything to do, that is interesting, exactly. Of course there's my teaching job, and another assignment *gasp*. In case anyone's wondering how come I still have assignment to deal with during holiday, let's just say I have to thank my forgetfulness for it. Ugh. However, I enjoy having days off. I can stay up late, wake up in the middle of the day, and watch TV like there's no tomorrow.

Speaking of which, nowadays I spend my wee hours watching Cartoon Network. 1am, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, 1.30 Grim Adventure of Billy and Mandy, and 2am Powerpuff Girls. Heheh. I know I've turned 21 not too long ago, but these cartoons are very entertaining. And my latest favorite is just adorable:

Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends

Anyway. I better work on my assignment.

Au revoir.

the doctor told her years ago that she was ill, the doctor told her years ago to take a pill

Erm, correction, my chocolate chip cookies turned out to be as hard as rock. Boo hoo. But they still taste good *smug smile*

Anyway. About a week ago, when I was in Bandung, Ebonk was sick. And I told him something like, "makanya pulang kenapa? kalo di jakarta kan ada yang ngurus. makanya makan yang bener," and bla bla bla.

Next, on monday, I called Bune and she said she still wasn't feeling very well. And I said something like, "ah, cupu. sakit mulu deh. makanya jaga kesehatan dong."

On the same day, I called Ingga and found out that he wasn't feeling very well either. And I said something like, "kok lo kayak orang-orang sih. giliran gue alhamdulillah sehat walafiat dan mau ngajak orang-orang jalan, kalian pada sakit. makanya jaga kesehatan dong! wuu." *note: it was usually me who was ill during holiday season. Hello, NYE 2004 =p

Still on Monday, I found out Yoyok was sick. I didn't say anything though, because it was Ped who told me about him.

Fast forward to wednesday night, I got a fever. My body was so hot, literally. And I felt sore all over. The next morning, I hadn't fully recovered but I was okay. However, that night, I had this twisting pain in my stomach. I don't know why, but I think I OD from all the vitamin C I took to cure my sariawan. Friday, no more stomachache but I had a runny nose. And now, I keep coughing like dogs on crack, and I still have a runny nose. My voice even starts to sound like banci again.

Moral lesson, hati-hati kalo sombong, kalo sok, dan kalo ngomong.

i stumbled upon pictures i tried to forget

Just a minute ago Rosel called me from one of the many weddings she attends to. Guess whom she had seen earlier? Mr.Pudding in batik shirt. Ooh, lucky Rosel. This is just like the time when Bune said she saw him riding ojek... Mereka yang ketemu, gue yang deg-degan. Hahah. Norak.

Anyhoo. Little updates.

I've finished my last final exam yesterday. No more presentation, no more papers, no more exams... Well at least for the next couple of months.

-----

So, last night, my friends from english dept. decided to get together @ Warung Baba-Kemang. 'My friends' here were, Monik, Ima, Nissa, Tisam, Nilam, Sindro, Memmy and Pani. Yep, all girls. That's what's wrong with my campus, lacking in male species. Anyway, it was fun, and I'm glad I decided to wake up from my seemed-like everlasting sleep and go.

-----

As in today, I used my free time making chocolate chip cookies. Not bad, I must say.

-----

I fall even more in love with... Guy Berryman. And also, in lust with Gael Garcia Bernal. Hahah.

Omygod. I find myself lacking in words to write. I'll come back when I'm able to write something even slightly better than what's above. Even obituary is more interesting than that.

Arrivederci.

At the final moment, I cried. I always cry at endings.

Nothings and everythings in 2005

1. First thing in 2005, tried smoking for the first time.
2. Went to Bandung with Pedhe by TRAIN!!! Interesting... except for the trip back to Jakarta when I got really tired and slept all through the way. Piss, Ped =p
3. Dreading and waiting for my hair to grow back.
4. Learned to play bowling for the first time.
5. Started to learn how to drive, again, just so I wouldn't lose a bet with Ped. Ended up losing it anyway.
6. Tried shopping @ Passer Baroe for the first time.
7. Joined the Mading team.
8. Bought my very own computer... yang selalu ada aja aksinya.
9. Tried mushrooms (magic ones) for the first time.
10. Naik kereta gantung setelah bertaun-taun nggak.
11. Sleepover @ Bune's for the 1st time, setelah berteman bertahun-tahun.
12. Satu lagi teman yang keluar dari Jakarta: Oho left the country for better education (or was it a better rockstar's life?) in Oz.
13. Grew closer to Syarif. Close enough for him to irritatingly read my mind.
14. Squeezed my brain dry, thinking a way to make a forgetful guy remember moi.
15. Geng Suril yang dibuat pada malam 1 suril yang sungguh... well, surreal. Hi Nil, Sind, Nand.
16. Pedhe and Bangun became official. Yaay!
17. Went to Pasar Senen for the 1st time. And last time, as a matter of fact.
18. Ditaksir suami orang.
19. Naksir pacar temen.
20. Started smoking like crazy. Daily. It lasted for a month or so.
21. Suril times with geng Suril by the lake.
22. Jadi penerima tamu buat Nusantara Symphony Orchestra. Gaji buta.
23. Trying out for Starbucks' recruitment. Interview, check. IQ test or some sort, check. But they didn't call back.
24. Olimpiade UI and me being a loyal supporter of it.
25. Piknik Jadul with some of my classmates by the lake.
26. Managed to get a certain someone to drive me home.
27. Joined the Festbud committee.
28. On-again-off-again Bali trip. In the end, it was off for me.
29. Rozelle and Ingga became official. Double yay!
30. Went to Bandung and back in just one night.
31. Ngambil semester pendek for the first time. And the last, I hope.
32. Pulang naik kereta express sama Nilam. And yeah, it was my first time.
33. The long-awaited Coldplay's album, X and Y.
34. Get together with the girls, Ingga, Yoyok, Bangun, Ebonk and Oho (for a while).
35. Went to Pekan Raya Jakarta for the 1st time, I think.
36. Jadi panitia pengawas SPMB. Another gaji buta.
37. Bune left the country for a summer course in Netherland. The longest one month in my life! Hahah.
38. Little reunion with Myra and Dhiska.
39. Kemakan omongan, and losing another bet because of it.
40. Another couple became official. This time, no yay.
41. Made an unsignificant call to a significant someone.
42. Batalyon reunion. Went well, and I was one of the masterminds. Wee-hoo!
43. Digosipin naksir Gibond.
44. I became a teacher at this place called Chrysolit. No more gaji buta.
45. Sinestra and conflicts in it.
46. Silent treatment from Nissa for a few weeks and vice versa.
47. Ingga and Rozelle broke up. Boo.
48. Roz turned 21 @ Cakalang and Tamani.
49. Bune turned 21 @ Rozelle's.
50. Cut my hair for the 1st time after Ubud. Managed to lose every bit of Ubud's on my head.
51. No buka puasa "angkatan" this year, there wasn't even a buka puasa geng. But there was a malem takbiran bersama "angkatan" yang dia-dia lagi.
52. Ped turned 21 @ Tomodachi and Molinari Cafe. Roz was absent.
53. I turned 21 on the best day of the year, which included: Culturaholic band audition, sort-of-surprise from my friends, the confetti sprays attack *my favorite part*, and dinner @ Tartine with the girls, Bangun and Angga.
54. Had a crush on someone whom I only saw 3 times this year, and godknows when I will see him again.
55. Festbud.
56. The music event of Festbud. Best and worst day of my life.
57. Kepincut lagi when I should've known better.
58. The postponed GK. It was more interesting this year. With a guy with a pudding head there, and even more interesting, a magnetic dickhead around.
59. Had a crush on an old friend after seeing him in a video from almost a year before. Interesting side-note: I found an entry in my real journal from Jan 25th 2005, and I wrote, "Although it doesn't make much difference, I always love it when he's around." And the 'he', of course, refers to that old friend.
60. Saying goodbye to the Mading team.

As for the closure of 2005, I left my very own NYC called Jakarta, to Indonesia's very own...Seattle? (abis ujan mulu) known as Bandung with Pedhe and Bangun. There were booze and weeds which I missed very much, Ebonk whom I rarely see these days, dan temen-temen kosannya Bangun yang baik hati. But sadly, after 4 NYEs together, this NYE, genk pecah because Bune and Roz couldn't make it. Take a look at what I wrote exactly a year ago:

"I know I was acting selfish by whining so that I could have the 4 of us together by the big countdown. But hey, you'll never know. Better get together as often as we can while we still can."

So, next year, I'm going to be my whiny-self again, and get the girls together no matter what. I won't accept any more excuses because I can't bear having any more annual events without all three of them around.

Anyway.
Happy New Year 2006!!!

"cos every worthless word we get more far away
and nothing's ever promised tomorrow today
and nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe,
it hurts but it may be the only way"
[Adam Levine]

i was happy to fall

Not too long ago, I couldn't turn on my monitor. I know my computer has been quite fucked up lately, but a monitor that couldn't be switched on??? Wtf. After panicking a bit and sweating like pig, ternyata kabelnya copot dari colokan. Ahahaha, Dono.

Anyway. Here are some pieces of these days.

If mom wasn't around to mock me, I almost cried watching tonight's Desperate Housewives. Tacky, I know. What's even tackier, I did cry my eyes out reading one of the Harry Potter series. And, last week, if Indra and Chichi weren't there to mock me, I definitely would cry watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Such crybaby, I know. But... I'm glad because these days, my reasons to cry are merely movies, books and tv series and not something abstract that usually attacks afterdark.

----------

My teaching days are over... for this year anyway. I've about two weeks off teaching little brats. I should be jumping up and down with glee, but nooo, I also have my assignment piling up. Papers, 5-8 pages, 10 pages, idontknowhowmany pages... Ugh. It's been quite a while since the last time these things bothered me.

----------

Yoyok's back in town! I haven't seen him again, but hearing his sok cool voice on the phone is the reason why I think life's wonderful... besides some shopping I did a few days ago. Heheh.

----------

Trivial note: today last year, was Nilam's surprise party. She had her birthday a day before. As for me, I had butterflies that day. Wasn't that fun? Please3x, someone get me subtitute butterflies, if you know what I mean.

----------

...I can't think of anything to write. See, life, lately, is somewhere between blue skies and colorful flowers and also, nyeh. I don't have anything to do, that's worth writing, I mean. Maybe I'll write a review on 2005 sometime later.

girl, interrupted

You know, on the All-American Rejects' video--dirty little secret--they show these postcards containing people's secrets. And one of them says something like this, I fear I have an undiagnosed mental disease.

And sometimes--just sometimes, bcos the other times I forget what makes me feel this way--I fear the same thing.

so pay me money and take a shot
lead fill the hole in me
i could burst a million bubbles,
all surrogate
--and bulletproof
[radiohead]

single javanese female looking for 24/7 male slave

Here's some updates.

Hm. Lessee, last saturday night I went to my cousin's wedding reception. She's two years older than me. That led to people telling me that in 2 years, it's going to be my turn. Uh-oh. Plus, kalo generasi ketiga dari keluarga Djarot (that'd be mine) diurut-urut dari tua ke muda, after this newly-wed cousin of mine, I'm next! People kept asking, kapan nyusul?

My lord.

So, dear readers (the only two, as a matter of fact), can you find me a back-up plan to fall into when it's time for my wedding bell to ring? I had two back-up plans. First, it's my pact with Yoyok 19 years from now. Second, it's with Adit 9 years from now. Ugh. I prefer Yoyok. Duh, bodohnya pembicaraan ini.

Anyway. If you do decide to get me someone, here are some requirement:
- Can play guitar. Other musical instrument would be a plus point.
- Enjoy playing soccer.
- Can drive.
- Preferably likes dogs, or at least doesn't mind them.
- Cakep/menarik.
- Islam ya insyaAllah.
- He should (choose 1): (a) give his undying love infinitely only for me, or (b) give his unlimited fortune infinitely for me.

----------

Did I tell you that I have a crush on my high-school friend right after I saw him in Ped's NYE'o5 video? Of course I did. If I keep doing this, I'll have a crush on every guy in my year. Tsk tsk.

----------

Anyhoo. My last entry, the one about the one who stood too close? Well, he's practically MIA these days. And when I did find him, it was only a split-second before he was back joined at the hips with ditzy girlfriend. So, no more fun times with him. That's ok. I'm getting tired of telling Pani that he's not that bad everytime she trashed him to death.

----------

New year's coming up. Time to get busy planning?

----------

That's the only update I can think of, Ped. I'll try to write as often as possible deh, biar kau ada bacaan kalo lagi makan gaji buta. Piss v(x_0)v

love is just a game
broken all the same
and i will get over you
love is just a lie
happens all the time
swear i know this much is true
[the magic numbers]

i got the hunger and i can't seem to get full

Omaygad. It's true what Bangun said. I am Monica Geller. For the past 1-2 weeks, I've became a punctuality sucker, a walking organizing machine, and a total control freak for this Festbud thing. Funny thing I don't mind at all. I love doing this. Maybe this is my thing. Maybe I should choose a career path in something to do with events organizing... (but then again, I change my future career option as often as I change my gebetan).

Or maybe... This is just some high talking... You know, from all the testosterones.