i was happy to fall

Not too long ago, I couldn't turn on my monitor. I know my computer has been quite fucked up lately, but a monitor that couldn't be switched on??? Wtf. After panicking a bit and sweating like pig, ternyata kabelnya copot dari colokan. Ahahaha, Dono.

Anyway. Here are some pieces of these days.

If mom wasn't around to mock me, I almost cried watching tonight's Desperate Housewives. Tacky, I know. What's even tackier, I did cry my eyes out reading one of the Harry Potter series. And, last week, if Indra and Chichi weren't there to mock me, I definitely would cry watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Such crybaby, I know. But... I'm glad because these days, my reasons to cry are merely movies, books and tv series and not something abstract that usually attacks afterdark.

----------

My teaching days are over... for this year anyway. I've about two weeks off teaching little brats. I should be jumping up and down with glee, but nooo, I also have my assignment piling up. Papers, 5-8 pages, 10 pages, idontknowhowmany pages... Ugh. It's been quite a while since the last time these things bothered me.

----------

Yoyok's back in town! I haven't seen him again, but hearing his sok cool voice on the phone is the reason why I think life's wonderful... besides some shopping I did a few days ago. Heheh.

----------

Trivial note: today last year, was Nilam's surprise party. She had her birthday a day before. As for me, I had butterflies that day. Wasn't that fun? Please3x, someone get me subtitute butterflies, if you know what I mean.

----------

...I can't think of anything to write. See, life, lately, is somewhere between blue skies and colorful flowers and also, nyeh. I don't have anything to do, that's worth writing, I mean. Maybe I'll write a review on 2005 sometime later.

girl, interrupted

You know, on the All-American Rejects' video--dirty little secret--they show these postcards containing people's secrets. And one of them says something like this, I fear I have an undiagnosed mental disease.

And sometimes--just sometimes, bcos the other times I forget what makes me feel this way--I fear the same thing.

so pay me money and take a shot
lead fill the hole in me
i could burst a million bubbles,
all surrogate
--and bulletproof
[radiohead]

single javanese female looking for 24/7 male slave

Here's some updates.

Hm. Lessee, last saturday night I went to my cousin's wedding reception. She's two years older than me. That led to people telling me that in 2 years, it's going to be my turn. Uh-oh. Plus, kalo generasi ketiga dari keluarga Djarot (that'd be mine) diurut-urut dari tua ke muda, after this newly-wed cousin of mine, I'm next! People kept asking, kapan nyusul?

My lord.

So, dear readers (the only two, as a matter of fact), can you find me a back-up plan to fall into when it's time for my wedding bell to ring? I had two back-up plans. First, it's my pact with Yoyok 19 years from now. Second, it's with Adit 9 years from now. Ugh. I prefer Yoyok. Duh, bodohnya pembicaraan ini.

Anyway. If you do decide to get me someone, here are some requirement:
- Can play guitar. Other musical instrument would be a plus point.
- Enjoy playing soccer.
- Can drive.
- Preferably likes dogs, or at least doesn't mind them.
- Cakep/menarik.
- Islam ya insyaAllah.
- He should (choose 1): (a) give his undying love infinitely only for me, or (b) give his unlimited fortune infinitely for me.

----------

Did I tell you that I have a crush on my high-school friend right after I saw him in Ped's NYE'o5 video? Of course I did. If I keep doing this, I'll have a crush on every guy in my year. Tsk tsk.

----------

Anyhoo. My last entry, the one about the one who stood too close? Well, he's practically MIA these days. And when I did find him, it was only a split-second before he was back joined at the hips with ditzy girlfriend. So, no more fun times with him. That's ok. I'm getting tired of telling Pani that he's not that bad everytime she trashed him to death.

----------

New year's coming up. Time to get busy planning?

----------

That's the only update I can think of, Ped. I'll try to write as often as possible deh, biar kau ada bacaan kalo lagi makan gaji buta. Piss v(x_0)v

love is just a game
broken all the same
and i will get over you
love is just a lie
happens all the time
swear i know this much is true
[the magic numbers]

i got the hunger and i can't seem to get full

Omaygad. It's true what Bangun said. I am Monica Geller. For the past 1-2 weeks, I've became a punctuality sucker, a walking organizing machine, and a total control freak for this Festbud thing. Funny thing I don't mind at all. I love doing this. Maybe this is my thing. Maybe I should choose a career path in something to do with events organizing... (but then again, I change my future career option as often as I change my gebetan).

Or maybe... This is just some high talking... You know, from all the testosterones.

and all there's left is the confetti on my hair

Yesterday I turned 21 and the best part is, it was a nice day. 'Okay' days, I've had lots of those. But 'nice' day, is the one that whatever happens, I still feel comfortable inside. The one when I go neurotic, but I still don't want to die OD on the Prozacs.

There was a band audition for the Culturaholic @kansas yesterday. And this kind of thing always meet some obstacles no matter how well you've planned the event.

1. The forgetful boss forgot to bring the guitar and the keyboard.

2. Pak Cecep, the dean, wanted to cut this thing short because we didn't have any legal permission to hold the event.

3. We didn't have the permission letter to hold the event.

4. The lack of time to let all 31 bands + Rinda perform and finish before 6 pm.

5. The rain.

But turned out, things were okay. Although it was 2 hours late, the event still started and Pak Cecep can hide behind his tacky name because Bu Ida (I don't know who she is) allowed us to continue the audition. And thanks to Indro, the time management was back to perfectly fine.

O yeah. The rain. It caused no problem at all. The bands were still playing, and the audience were still listening. Overall the audition went well. The band committee got money from the DUDU and the polling. You can say that it was a success. Thank god. And thank these committee--Sinro, Nilam, Bune, Aiya, Dhista, Heidi, Inro, and Dion. Oyeah, and Sami for being my slave for about 15 minutes. Tunggulah traktiranku minggu depan ;)

Wee! Senangnyaaa...

With all the hecticness, I still managed to go home, take a shower, and go on a birthday dinner with the girls, Bangun and Angga @ Tartine Citos. It'd be better if Ingga, Ebonk and Gibond could join us, but they all got their reasons. Anyways. Tartine was tasty, Bangun and Angga were funny, and the gank was comfy as always.

Aside from the above, these are little things that made my day:

- I turned 21. And I thank god I've changed from the girl who hates her own birthday into a normal person who loves it so much.

- Sinds and some of my classmates decorated the table that I was in with balloons and colorful crepe papers.

- Nils gave me a penguin plush, Sinds gave me a mug and even better, bando yang ada toeng2annya and *ahem* big balls on it xD

- People saying happy birthday.

- Meeting Bapet, whom I rarely see.

- The band audition. Because of it, I could enjoy non-stop music @kansas, be it the good ones or the nauseating j-rock ones. And also, because of it, my campus finally smelled like testosterone with all those guys from the bands. I like it ;9

- Again, the band audition. Who knew, I like working my ass off like yesterday until I forgot to eat and didn't even feel hungry. Also, the trust that people gave to me to handle some things? Liking it!

- People ambushed me with confetti sprays while singing happy birthday.

- Meeting the girls.

- The purple and gold pom-poms that Bangun and Pedhe gave for my birthday.

...Erm, what else. Point is, yesterday's giddiness was all about little things and the unknown x factor. What was it? I don't know, maybe it was just the fact that I was having my birthday. All is sugar and spice and everything nice.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

However. Today. I had to tell Bangun that his band didn't make it. DARN. Breaking the news to him wasn't supposed to be this hard if only Gibond didn't shower him with exaggerated false hopes before. Ughhh! I dropped the bomb just a minute ago, and Bangun sounded okay. But I can't help feeling guilty (for idontknowwhat) and wanting to cry blood *nangis darah maksudnya, don't take it literally*, and I’m blaming Gibond for it.

"kiss me now that i'm older
i won't try to control ya
friday nights have been lonely
take it slow but don't warn me"
[the strokes]

gimme 1 or 2 or more

If you're wondering what present you should give for my birthday, for christmas, or just to say that you care, take a look at this scrumptious wishlist below:


5. John Mayer. Definitely. A man with puppydog eyes, fine lips, and a guitar; what more could I ask? But I want the pre-chubby, pre-dodgy hair him.


4. Gael Garcia Bernal. I have a whole new respect for che Guevara, wondering if he was as goodlooking as the hot and latino Mr.Bernal. Anyway. Aku suka gigi calingnya.


3. Tom Meighan *the one in the middle*. Frontman of Kasabian, one of the hottest bands ever. He and the way he sings? Epitome of 'sexy'.


2. Tyron Leitso. B class actor, but I became a fan of a cancelled TV show, Wonderfalls, after seeing him in it.


1. Guy Berryman. I have a thing for a man in a band. This one can play bass and looks very very good while doing it.

There you go. Happy hunting!

aku memesan batu di tengah sungai terjal dan deras

During my self-torture aka working on my mid-term paper, I stumbled upon this part of a poem from apparently a famous poet. I just think it's nice & I want to post it here.

Kau entah memesan apa
Tapi kita berdua saja, duduk
Aku memesan rasa sakit yang tak putus
dan nyaring lengkingnya
memesan rasa lapar yang asing itu...
[Sapardi Djoko Damono]

----------

And here's another one from the same poet. A complete one titled Hujan Bulan Juni

Tak ada yang lebih tabah
Dari hujan bulan Juni
Dirahasiakan rintik rindunya
Kepada pohon berbunga itu

Tak ada yang lebih bijak
Dari hujan bulan Juni
Dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
Yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

Tak ada yang lebih arif
Dari hujan bulan Juni
Dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
Diserap akar pohon bunga itu

Ah, this must be the time when dangdutism is inevitable. Maklumlah, anak sastra...

short pieces

I've reached the peak of my gonggo'ism, because tonight--and that is saturday night, I am here doing my mid-term paper. And sadly, I have no clue what to do with it.

----------

Festbud is coming in less than 3 weeks. And I think everyone in it is about to fall apart any moment. Not me, not now. On the last band meeting, I finally knew what my exact task is. And I'll be having my own...crew. Yeah! Time to boss around! Enaknya jadi senior...

----------

Ramadhan is almost over and there's still no buka puasa angkatan. Owell, I should've agreed to organize it if I want it so bad. Buka puasa genk hasn't happened either, but I think we had enough "get-together" for this month. And as Roz said, "yang penting kebersamaan". So that's ok, I guess.

----------

My birthday is near. I still don't have any idea on how I'll be celebrating it. Supposedly, Festbud band audition will be held on the 11th. But nooo, they...well, we cancelled it because it'll be better if it's on the 10th. Padahal kalo tanggal 11, I was going to make Bapet (his band will be playing) say, "yang ini untuk Runi yang ulangtaun". I was even thinking about making all the band say that. Saaahh! Too bad, too bad.

----------

Teriakan hati teranyar: Aku rindu kepincut. Huh. Tacky but true.

love's an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt
do you like to hurt?
i do, i do
then hurt me
then hurt me
then hurt me
[Bright Eyes]

Help!

I've managed to get out of work today, saying that I got an extra class this afternoon. When the truth is, I had another Festbud meeting (this time it was only for the, *sing*, "anak baaand"), plus there was this puter film thing called Sinestra 2. And yes, today I chose to deal with stupid adults rather than smart-ass toddlers. For a while, I felt guilty. But heck, I was so relieved that for one friday, I didn't have to run around, separating wrestling little kids.

The meeting went easily well. That's a shocker, no pun intended. Sinestra also went quite well. I felt so tired and couldn't wait til I got home. I'd take a hot bath, lay comfortably on my bed, and surf all the 50-60ish channels on my cable. However, when I got home and stood in front of my bedroom door, guess what I saw. Four of my underaged cousins. Two of them were playing playstation, and the rest were actually wrestling and screaming. One of them is actually around 12, so he's too big to ignore. And I think they're going to spend the night here. S...i...g...h!

Is this some kind of karma for ditching the kids in Chrysolit (the place I work)?

Geek Mode

Ugh. Assignments are piling before my very eyes. And here I am, on friday night--aside from blogging--typing this paper for my film tematis class, while thinking about where I can get sources for my MKI assignment. Blah. World-class geek. And not too long ago Chici called and reported to me that, right now as I write this, she's actually at the buka puasa boxing 70, enjoying the view of the so-called "most handsome" guy in my year.

Darn.

I wish I was her right now.

something strangely familiar

The last quarter of the year is here. The sky looks so gray and cloudy, you think it's going to rain heavily any moment. But sometimes it's not, the clouds just stay up there. The weather is at its strangest state right now. Yeah, here I am, babbling about the weather. My point is...Nothing, I guess. It's just that, this time of the year, I always feel something strangely familiar. Like I know what will happen for the next 2 months--puasa, lebaran, liburan, the girls' birthday, my birthday, new year--when really, not everything can stay the same like before. Things change. Again, my point is...? I lost track somewhere. So I don't know.

Pardon me being weird.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Out from the surrealism, back to reality. Rozelle turned 21 yesterday. She celebrated it @ this Manado restaurant called Cakalang and afterwards we went to Tamani for the cake. It was nice seeing the girls again. Supposedly, we'll see each other again this saturday. Soo, can't wait.

From campus. Nissa's silent treatment is still on. Well, as long as we don't get on each other's nerves, that's okay. Everything else is okay, i think. Oyeah, did I mention that I really, really want to quit this Festbud thingy? But I can't just do that, can I?

Lastly, note-for-self, don't fish for even the least bit of attention if you can't handle it.

and the road travels on
but i'm still near you
in my life, like a song,
i will still hear you
still...

[eskobar, heather nova]

Hey! You, my guiding stars.

Here's an addition to the in-fashion sins list I made about a week ago:
5. Mengharapkan konflik

And that's what I'm doing these days. See, my life lately is just as interesting as root canal. Painfully uninteresting. The conflicts I predicted? Not happening. My intention on snatching someone's boyf? Not feeling like it anymore. Campus life is getting old. O my god, time to recollect my soul. And girls, I need you all to do that! It's been more than a month since our last get-together. Plus, fyi, today is the 16th, the official date for our rapat genk, innit? Thankgod birthdays are coming!

So I hope all of these names,
Putri Prameshwari
Rozelle Ajengsari
Tribuana Puteri,
will show up on at least one of these upcoming dates: 18, 22, 05, 11. Seriously. Rozelle asked me yesterday, "Run, genk kita pecah ya?". And although I'm a sucker for sins, I don't do the in-fashion #5 sin with you girls. Sa'elah...

Okie, for those whose names are written above, see you soon!

when everything you own is lost
and every friendship has its cost
your rolling stone has gathered moss

and all your clouds cover the sun
and all your karma has undone
remember you're my number one.
[teenage fanclub]

my new favorite on cartoon network

"What are you doing? Trying to scare me to me?"
-Grim Reaper to Billy when he came out of nowhere and made Grim jump off his seat.

Runi, Ratu D...Drama.

These are four current biggest sins according to moi. Not deadly, but they're definitely in fashion:
1. Su'uzon
2. Mengumbar harapan
3. Mencari kesalahan orang
4. Mencari alasan

I did number three. I've been the queen of cranky since this morning. It was even hard to fake smiles, and I couldn't even stop my facial expression from showing total annoyance. I look for faults in people and yet, I tried my ass off not to snap at people. And then, about 10-15 minutes before I left that hell hole called UI, someone triggered me into a total outburst. Supposedly, the ones who saw me breaking down were just Nilam, Pani, and Bune. And the only one who heard me yelling the most horrific things was Bune. But then words were quickly carried around by the hot summer wind. Sind knows, Nand texted me to say sorry, and the latest is, Imel also apologized. When really, none of them is actually the object of my uncontrollable rage. Hahah. I caused quite a stir there, huh? Was that it? The conflict I've been hoping to happen? Masih kurang aksi sih.

All of this kinda scares me. I'm scared the evil, bite-people's-head-off-with-words me is back =s

Put me down and call it fate.

With my teaching job, I've to work my ass off to manage my schedule. I still go to the campus (although I don't necessarily go to the classes), I still go out and play with my friends, I still share a few gossips with people in kansas, I still watch my favorite TV shows, I still talk to my mom and play with Chichi; so I figured something's gotta give. And that something is my beauty rituals. I've overgrown my bangs, pimples start to show up, my skin has gotten darker over the past 1 month when I actually prefer my lobster-red shade, and my eyebrows take a journey back in time when Brooke Shield was the fashion guru. I guess that explains why I've never seen any teacher turning into a supermodel.

Anyway. Tomorrow's the 1st day of Ramadhan. But I'm somehow sensing tensions all around (well, in my campus actually). Conflicts are definitely lurking in the shadow. Well, good. More drama to watch. Tee-hee.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Something weird just occured. See, I was chatting nonchalantly with Sindro, when suddenly she casually mentioned his name in a casual sentence. For a splitsecond my inside skipped a beat, and the other half of the second, it started to beat so fast. In my case, that's normal. But the weird thing is, my eyes went glassy. I didn't even feel like crying. I wasn't sad. I'm still not. But there I was, with glassy eyes and so many tummy butterflies I couldn't sit still. Weird.

Run, run like the wind
Don't wait for a thing
There is nothing here for you
But if you stay
Well then let me say
I'll go out of my way for you
[s.fretwell]

Thought of the Day

Would I be so wrong if I want to snatch someone else's boyfriend, make him leave his girlfriend, and then maybe ditch him cold? It's not that I will do those--I don't know how, but I just want to. I really really want to. That's like, #1 on my want-to-do list.

-------------------------------------

Okay, now here's a rundown on lately:

+ This week there was this Festbud pre-event called Culturaholic or Sinestra or whatever those indecisive committee wanted it to be. Unlike always, I worked quite hard. I think. Yeah. And so the ones who got the job done were the ones from english dept, twothousandandtwo. Keluarlah keahlian anak inggris yang paling top, bitchin. Lalu datanglah panitia-panitia danus--yang kayaknya kerjaannya cuma pacaran bukannya nyebar proposal, swallowing their own pride and apologizing to us. Ha ha! *Nelson Muntz' style* Ah segar rasanya berada di atas angin.

+ One of my friend, Nisa, got mad at me over practically nothing earlier today. After she left my table angrily, Nilam and I talked to Monik and came clean with our feeling towards Nisa. We haven't met again since then. Ah! Drama, drama, drama. Me love it!

+ You know what, there are other thoughts here inside this small head of mine, but the words just won't come out. So see you later.

Click and Clack

to visit any country in the world:
// Amerika dong! *norak*

to buy any car:
// Mini Cooper olweys.

to eat any cake:
// I really want to try Harvest's Rainbow Cheesecake.

to go to any amusement park in the world:
// Disneyland, standarlah.

to sing any song on a stage with
thousands people
watching you:
// Inside and Out.

to pick any guy/girl to be your
boy/girlfriend:
// Guy Berryman.

to meet any one in the world:
// Guy Berryman.

to build any house in the world:
// Rumah cinta di hatimu. Hohoho noraknyaa.

to kick any one:
// Beberapa panitia Festbud.

to kiss any one:
// Right now? Kau yg kalo ngomong suka deket2.

to kill any one:
// None.

to hate any one:
// None. It's way too tiring.

to say "I love you" to any one:
// Ntar aja ya bilangnya, 5 secs before I die.

to say "mianhae" (sorry) to any one:
// Bahasa apaan tuh?? No one.

to treat any one:
// No money no dong, no one.

to marry any one:
// Maybe later, gue mau kerja di deplu dulu.

to live anywhere in the world:
// NYC

to buy any thing:
// Jaket Zara 1.250.000 yg SUWER akan kupakai tiap hari kalau kupunya.

to work in a company:
// Yang menjamin dan menyenangkan.

to do anything challenging:
// Nothing major. Mau ngganggu iman seseorang aja. Or maybe ruin something...

Take something else.

Last night, I had a dream. In this dream, I dreamed that he--Mr.Namal--wanted to cut my feet or legs (I'm not sure, pokoknya "kaki") off and take them with him. Weird.

What do you need my feet/legs for, huh?

Say, I'll give you my feet/legs, if you give me your head first.

Ooh, creepy *gothic mode: ON*

So Hard To Think

The so-called Batalyon Reunion went pretty good. More people than the usual get-together. My hectic hours paid off. Details later, maybe.

Funny how time can practically stop at one point, and fly by so fast like there's no tomorrow at another.

"It's so hard to think, It ends sometime
And this could be the last
I should really hear you sing again "
[The Cure]

So long, long days.

Today is *finally* the last day of my short semester. I'll be back studying english lit on the 29th this month, sooo...Hello, 2 weeks hols? Not really, next week I'll be inevitably pulling my teeth out and stressing over the administration thing. Mading's deadline next week, and oh yeah, I still have to act like I care about Festbud.

Actually, come to think of it, that's ok. Yeah, come to think of it, I can't wait for time to pass by. The sooner tomorrow comes, the better. Bune will be home the day after tomorrow. That's a good thing. And, maybe going back to my hectic campus won't be so bad. I know by then I'll be pulling (this time it's my) hair out and stressing over my piling homework; but, eh, at least I'll have something to do. And when I stay longer in campus, I'll see some faces--those familiar strangers--rather than just vacant spaces.

So, it's been nice, but hey, it's almost time to pack up, mr.Holiday.