and all there's left is the confetti on my hair

Yesterday I turned 21 and the best part is, it was a nice day. 'Okay' days, I've had lots of those. But 'nice' day, is the one that whatever happens, I still feel comfortable inside. The one when I go neurotic, but I still don't want to die OD on the Prozacs.

There was a band audition for the Culturaholic @kansas yesterday. And this kind of thing always meet some obstacles no matter how well you've planned the event.

1. The forgetful boss forgot to bring the guitar and the keyboard.

2. Pak Cecep, the dean, wanted to cut this thing short because we didn't have any legal permission to hold the event.

3. We didn't have the permission letter to hold the event.

4. The lack of time to let all 31 bands + Rinda perform and finish before 6 pm.

5. The rain.

But turned out, things were okay. Although it was 2 hours late, the event still started and Pak Cecep can hide behind his tacky name because Bu Ida (I don't know who she is) allowed us to continue the audition. And thanks to Indro, the time management was back to perfectly fine.

O yeah. The rain. It caused no problem at all. The bands were still playing, and the audience were still listening. Overall the audition went well. The band committee got money from the DUDU and the polling. You can say that it was a success. Thank god. And thank these committee--Sinro, Nilam, Bune, Aiya, Dhista, Heidi, Inro, and Dion. Oyeah, and Sami for being my slave for about 15 minutes. Tunggulah traktiranku minggu depan ;)

Wee! Senangnyaaa...

With all the hecticness, I still managed to go home, take a shower, and go on a birthday dinner with the girls, Bangun and Angga @ Tartine Citos. It'd be better if Ingga, Ebonk and Gibond could join us, but they all got their reasons. Anyways. Tartine was tasty, Bangun and Angga were funny, and the gank was comfy as always.

Aside from the above, these are little things that made my day:

- I turned 21. And I thank god I've changed from the girl who hates her own birthday into a normal person who loves it so much.

- Sinds and some of my classmates decorated the table that I was in with balloons and colorful crepe papers.

- Nils gave me a penguin plush, Sinds gave me a mug and even better, bando yang ada toeng2annya and *ahem* big balls on it xD

- People saying happy birthday.

- Meeting Bapet, whom I rarely see.

- The band audition. Because of it, I could enjoy non-stop music @kansas, be it the good ones or the nauseating j-rock ones. And also, because of it, my campus finally smelled like testosterone with all those guys from the bands. I like it ;9

- Again, the band audition. Who knew, I like working my ass off like yesterday until I forgot to eat and didn't even feel hungry. Also, the trust that people gave to me to handle some things? Liking it!

- People ambushed me with confetti sprays while singing happy birthday.

- Meeting the girls.

- The purple and gold pom-poms that Bangun and Pedhe gave for my birthday.

...Erm, what else. Point is, yesterday's giddiness was all about little things and the unknown x factor. What was it? I don't know, maybe it was just the fact that I was having my birthday. All is sugar and spice and everything nice.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

However. Today. I had to tell Bangun that his band didn't make it. DARN. Breaking the news to him wasn't supposed to be this hard if only Gibond didn't shower him with exaggerated false hopes before. Ughhh! I dropped the bomb just a minute ago, and Bangun sounded okay. But I can't help feeling guilty (for idontknowwhat) and wanting to cry blood *nangis darah maksudnya, don't take it literally*, and I’m blaming Gibond for it.

"kiss me now that i'm older
i won't try to control ya
friday nights have been lonely
take it slow but don't warn me"
[the strokes]

gimme 1 or 2 or more

If you're wondering what present you should give for my birthday, for christmas, or just to say that you care, take a look at this scrumptious wishlist below:


5. John Mayer. Definitely. A man with puppydog eyes, fine lips, and a guitar; what more could I ask? But I want the pre-chubby, pre-dodgy hair him.


4. Gael Garcia Bernal. I have a whole new respect for che Guevara, wondering if he was as goodlooking as the hot and latino Mr.Bernal. Anyway. Aku suka gigi calingnya.


3. Tom Meighan *the one in the middle*. Frontman of Kasabian, one of the hottest bands ever. He and the way he sings? Epitome of 'sexy'.


2. Tyron Leitso. B class actor, but I became a fan of a cancelled TV show, Wonderfalls, after seeing him in it.


1. Guy Berryman. I have a thing for a man in a band. This one can play bass and looks very very good while doing it.

There you go. Happy hunting!

aku memesan batu di tengah sungai terjal dan deras

During my self-torture aka working on my mid-term paper, I stumbled upon this part of a poem from apparently a famous poet. I just think it's nice & I want to post it here.

Kau entah memesan apa
Tapi kita berdua saja, duduk
Aku memesan rasa sakit yang tak putus
dan nyaring lengkingnya
memesan rasa lapar yang asing itu...
[Sapardi Djoko Damono]

----------

And here's another one from the same poet. A complete one titled Hujan Bulan Juni

Tak ada yang lebih tabah
Dari hujan bulan Juni
Dirahasiakan rintik rindunya
Kepada pohon berbunga itu

Tak ada yang lebih bijak
Dari hujan bulan Juni
Dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
Yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

Tak ada yang lebih arif
Dari hujan bulan Juni
Dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
Diserap akar pohon bunga itu

Ah, this must be the time when dangdutism is inevitable. Maklumlah, anak sastra...

short pieces

I've reached the peak of my gonggo'ism, because tonight--and that is saturday night, I am here doing my mid-term paper. And sadly, I have no clue what to do with it.

----------

Festbud is coming in less than 3 weeks. And I think everyone in it is about to fall apart any moment. Not me, not now. On the last band meeting, I finally knew what my exact task is. And I'll be having my own...crew. Yeah! Time to boss around! Enaknya jadi senior...

----------

Ramadhan is almost over and there's still no buka puasa angkatan. Owell, I should've agreed to organize it if I want it so bad. Buka puasa genk hasn't happened either, but I think we had enough "get-together" for this month. And as Roz said, "yang penting kebersamaan". So that's ok, I guess.

----------

My birthday is near. I still don't have any idea on how I'll be celebrating it. Supposedly, Festbud band audition will be held on the 11th. But nooo, they...well, we cancelled it because it'll be better if it's on the 10th. Padahal kalo tanggal 11, I was going to make Bapet (his band will be playing) say, "yang ini untuk Runi yang ulangtaun". I was even thinking about making all the band say that. Saaahh! Too bad, too bad.

----------

Teriakan hati teranyar: Aku rindu kepincut. Huh. Tacky but true.

love's an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt
do you like to hurt?
i do, i do
then hurt me
then hurt me
then hurt me
[Bright Eyes]

Help!

I've managed to get out of work today, saying that I got an extra class this afternoon. When the truth is, I had another Festbud meeting (this time it was only for the, *sing*, "anak baaand"), plus there was this puter film thing called Sinestra 2. And yes, today I chose to deal with stupid adults rather than smart-ass toddlers. For a while, I felt guilty. But heck, I was so relieved that for one friday, I didn't have to run around, separating wrestling little kids.

The meeting went easily well. That's a shocker, no pun intended. Sinestra also went quite well. I felt so tired and couldn't wait til I got home. I'd take a hot bath, lay comfortably on my bed, and surf all the 50-60ish channels on my cable. However, when I got home and stood in front of my bedroom door, guess what I saw. Four of my underaged cousins. Two of them were playing playstation, and the rest were actually wrestling and screaming. One of them is actually around 12, so he's too big to ignore. And I think they're going to spend the night here. S...i...g...h!

Is this some kind of karma for ditching the kids in Chrysolit (the place I work)?

Geek Mode

Ugh. Assignments are piling before my very eyes. And here I am, on friday night--aside from blogging--typing this paper for my film tematis class, while thinking about where I can get sources for my MKI assignment. Blah. World-class geek. And not too long ago Chici called and reported to me that, right now as I write this, she's actually at the buka puasa boxing 70, enjoying the view of the so-called "most handsome" guy in my year.

Darn.

I wish I was her right now.

something strangely familiar

The last quarter of the year is here. The sky looks so gray and cloudy, you think it's going to rain heavily any moment. But sometimes it's not, the clouds just stay up there. The weather is at its strangest state right now. Yeah, here I am, babbling about the weather. My point is...Nothing, I guess. It's just that, this time of the year, I always feel something strangely familiar. Like I know what will happen for the next 2 months--puasa, lebaran, liburan, the girls' birthday, my birthday, new year--when really, not everything can stay the same like before. Things change. Again, my point is...? I lost track somewhere. So I don't know.

Pardon me being weird.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Out from the surrealism, back to reality. Rozelle turned 21 yesterday. She celebrated it @ this Manado restaurant called Cakalang and afterwards we went to Tamani for the cake. It was nice seeing the girls again. Supposedly, we'll see each other again this saturday. Soo, can't wait.

From campus. Nissa's silent treatment is still on. Well, as long as we don't get on each other's nerves, that's okay. Everything else is okay, i think. Oyeah, did I mention that I really, really want to quit this Festbud thingy? But I can't just do that, can I?

Lastly, note-for-self, don't fish for even the least bit of attention if you can't handle it.

and the road travels on
but i'm still near you
in my life, like a song,
i will still hear you
still...

[eskobar, heather nova]

Hey! You, my guiding stars.

Here's an addition to the in-fashion sins list I made about a week ago:
5. Mengharapkan konflik

And that's what I'm doing these days. See, my life lately is just as interesting as root canal. Painfully uninteresting. The conflicts I predicted? Not happening. My intention on snatching someone's boyf? Not feeling like it anymore. Campus life is getting old. O my god, time to recollect my soul. And girls, I need you all to do that! It's been more than a month since our last get-together. Plus, fyi, today is the 16th, the official date for our rapat genk, innit? Thankgod birthdays are coming!

So I hope all of these names,
Putri Prameshwari
Rozelle Ajengsari
Tribuana Puteri,
will show up on at least one of these upcoming dates: 18, 22, 05, 11. Seriously. Rozelle asked me yesterday, "Run, genk kita pecah ya?". And although I'm a sucker for sins, I don't do the in-fashion #5 sin with you girls. Sa'elah...

Okie, for those whose names are written above, see you soon!

when everything you own is lost
and every friendship has its cost
your rolling stone has gathered moss

and all your clouds cover the sun
and all your karma has undone
remember you're my number one.
[teenage fanclub]

my new favorite on cartoon network

"What are you doing? Trying to scare me to me?"
-Grim Reaper to Billy when he came out of nowhere and made Grim jump off his seat.

Runi, Ratu D...Drama.

These are four current biggest sins according to moi. Not deadly, but they're definitely in fashion:
1. Su'uzon
2. Mengumbar harapan
3. Mencari kesalahan orang
4. Mencari alasan

I did number three. I've been the queen of cranky since this morning. It was even hard to fake smiles, and I couldn't even stop my facial expression from showing total annoyance. I look for faults in people and yet, I tried my ass off not to snap at people. And then, about 10-15 minutes before I left that hell hole called UI, someone triggered me into a total outburst. Supposedly, the ones who saw me breaking down were just Nilam, Pani, and Bune. And the only one who heard me yelling the most horrific things was Bune. But then words were quickly carried around by the hot summer wind. Sind knows, Nand texted me to say sorry, and the latest is, Imel also apologized. When really, none of them is actually the object of my uncontrollable rage. Hahah. I caused quite a stir there, huh? Was that it? The conflict I've been hoping to happen? Masih kurang aksi sih.

All of this kinda scares me. I'm scared the evil, bite-people's-head-off-with-words me is back =s

Put me down and call it fate.

With my teaching job, I've to work my ass off to manage my schedule. I still go to the campus (although I don't necessarily go to the classes), I still go out and play with my friends, I still share a few gossips with people in kansas, I still watch my favorite TV shows, I still talk to my mom and play with Chichi; so I figured something's gotta give. And that something is my beauty rituals. I've overgrown my bangs, pimples start to show up, my skin has gotten darker over the past 1 month when I actually prefer my lobster-red shade, and my eyebrows take a journey back in time when Brooke Shield was the fashion guru. I guess that explains why I've never seen any teacher turning into a supermodel.

Anyway. Tomorrow's the 1st day of Ramadhan. But I'm somehow sensing tensions all around (well, in my campus actually). Conflicts are definitely lurking in the shadow. Well, good. More drama to watch. Tee-hee.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Something weird just occured. See, I was chatting nonchalantly with Sindro, when suddenly she casually mentioned his name in a casual sentence. For a splitsecond my inside skipped a beat, and the other half of the second, it started to beat so fast. In my case, that's normal. But the weird thing is, my eyes went glassy. I didn't even feel like crying. I wasn't sad. I'm still not. But there I was, with glassy eyes and so many tummy butterflies I couldn't sit still. Weird.

Run, run like the wind
Don't wait for a thing
There is nothing here for you
But if you stay
Well then let me say
I'll go out of my way for you
[s.fretwell]

Thought of the Day

Would I be so wrong if I want to snatch someone else's boyfriend, make him leave his girlfriend, and then maybe ditch him cold? It's not that I will do those--I don't know how, but I just want to. I really really want to. That's like, #1 on my want-to-do list.

-------------------------------------

Okay, now here's a rundown on lately:

+ This week there was this Festbud pre-event called Culturaholic or Sinestra or whatever those indecisive committee wanted it to be. Unlike always, I worked quite hard. I think. Yeah. And so the ones who got the job done were the ones from english dept, twothousandandtwo. Keluarlah keahlian anak inggris yang paling top, bitchin. Lalu datanglah panitia-panitia danus--yang kayaknya kerjaannya cuma pacaran bukannya nyebar proposal, swallowing their own pride and apologizing to us. Ha ha! *Nelson Muntz' style* Ah segar rasanya berada di atas angin.

+ One of my friend, Nisa, got mad at me over practically nothing earlier today. After she left my table angrily, Nilam and I talked to Monik and came clean with our feeling towards Nisa. We haven't met again since then. Ah! Drama, drama, drama. Me love it!

+ You know what, there are other thoughts here inside this small head of mine, but the words just won't come out. So see you later.

Click and Clack

to visit any country in the world:
// Amerika dong! *norak*

to buy any car:
// Mini Cooper olweys.

to eat any cake:
// I really want to try Harvest's Rainbow Cheesecake.

to go to any amusement park in the world:
// Disneyland, standarlah.

to sing any song on a stage with
thousands people
watching you:
// Inside and Out.

to pick any guy/girl to be your
boy/girlfriend:
// Guy Berryman.

to meet any one in the world:
// Guy Berryman.

to build any house in the world:
// Rumah cinta di hatimu. Hohoho noraknyaa.

to kick any one:
// Beberapa panitia Festbud.

to kiss any one:
// Right now? Kau yg kalo ngomong suka deket2.

to kill any one:
// None.

to hate any one:
// None. It's way too tiring.

to say "I love you" to any one:
// Ntar aja ya bilangnya, 5 secs before I die.

to say "mianhae" (sorry) to any one:
// Bahasa apaan tuh?? No one.

to treat any one:
// No money no dong, no one.

to marry any one:
// Maybe later, gue mau kerja di deplu dulu.

to live anywhere in the world:
// NYC

to buy any thing:
// Jaket Zara 1.250.000 yg SUWER akan kupakai tiap hari kalau kupunya.

to work in a company:
// Yang menjamin dan menyenangkan.

to do anything challenging:
// Nothing major. Mau ngganggu iman seseorang aja. Or maybe ruin something...

Take something else.

Last night, I had a dream. In this dream, I dreamed that he--Mr.Namal--wanted to cut my feet or legs (I'm not sure, pokoknya "kaki") off and take them with him. Weird.

What do you need my feet/legs for, huh?

Say, I'll give you my feet/legs, if you give me your head first.

Ooh, creepy *gothic mode: ON*

So Hard To Think

The so-called Batalyon Reunion went pretty good. More people than the usual get-together. My hectic hours paid off. Details later, maybe.

Funny how time can practically stop at one point, and fly by so fast like there's no tomorrow at another.

"It's so hard to think, It ends sometime
And this could be the last
I should really hear you sing again "
[The Cure]

So long, long days.

Today is *finally* the last day of my short semester. I'll be back studying english lit on the 29th this month, sooo...Hello, 2 weeks hols? Not really, next week I'll be inevitably pulling my teeth out and stressing over the administration thing. Mading's deadline next week, and oh yeah, I still have to act like I care about Festbud.

Actually, come to think of it, that's ok. Yeah, come to think of it, I can't wait for time to pass by. The sooner tomorrow comes, the better. Bune will be home the day after tomorrow. That's a good thing. And, maybe going back to my hectic campus won't be so bad. I know by then I'll be pulling (this time it's my) hair out and stressing over my piling homework; but, eh, at least I'll have something to do. And when I stay longer in campus, I'll see some faces--those familiar strangers--rather than just vacant spaces.

So, it's been nice, but hey, it's almost time to pack up, mr.Holiday.

1 in 2, and growing

Yesterday, I spent 2 hours watching every infotainment on every local channel. I don't normally do this, but lately I've been following the news about Tamara Blezynski and her nearly-crumbling marriage. I know I am so pembantu-slash-ibu rumah tangga for getting so carried away in this local celebrity gossip. But I'm just curious, when you have a spouse as beautiful as Tamara or as scrumptiously handsome as her husband--Rafli, what kind of problem that is too big to be solved that can make you decide to give up on your marriage? I mean, the beauty isn't only skin deep here. I don't know those guys but from what I've seen, they're good people, they cherish their family so much, and they have a strong faith towards their religion. Plus, they say they still love each other, so what could possibly be the problem here? It's not a third-person case either. I mean, you should've seen it yourself, you'll know what I mean. I'm just curious here.

With this kind of issue around, am I wrong to have less and less faith in a big mumbo-jumbo called marital institution?

I tried to kill the time, but it has nine lives.

This is how jobless I am these days. I once posted this entry not too long ago [feb 7th], and *tada* here I am, posting it again. Okie, here goes.

Step 1: Open your Winamp or other MP3 player.
Step 2: Put all of your music on random.
Step 3: Write down the first 25 songs it plays, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 4: Wait for complaints about the esoteric nature of your mp3s.

1. Saybia - The Day After Tomorrow
Simple, sad, a bit nyenye. It's one of my personal favorite though. Once there was a time when the lyrics couldn't be more true.

2. Marcy Playground - Comin' Up From Behind
One of those keren songs. And one of those songs that make me assume the frontman is sexy without having to see his face.

3. Badly Drawn Boy - Silent Sigh
An all-time favorite. Whenever I hear it again after a long time, it always reminds me of my senior year. And that's not a bad thing. "Come see what we all talk about/People moving to the moon/Stop baby don't go stop here/Never stop living here"

4. Shawn Mullins - Lullaby
A bit country-ish. With the artist telling a story instead of singing it. But it's nice. And sometime, stupidly, it can be my assurance that everything's gonna be alright.

5. Unwritten Law - Seeing Red
Mediocre, a bit unknown rock band? Wait, what happens here? Is my playlist swarmed with songs from my senior year? Think so. I give it a "so-so" rate. "Now it's time to make a choice/And all I wanna hear is your voice."

6. Evan & Jaron - The Distance
Eeek, yes, they're the guys who sang for Dawson's Creek soundtrack. A little corny, but sweet. "I can't take the time until the next time I see you smile."

7. Goo Goo Dolls - Slide
Also an all-time favorite. One of those catchy rock songs. And it has the sweetest lyrics ever! "I wanna wake up where you are/I won't say anything at all" and "What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful." Aww, isn't it?

8. Maroon 5 - Must Get Out
One of the nice songs from those dandy guys. "This city's made us crazy and we must get out." Yes, indeed.

9. Slank - Jakarta Pagi Ini
One of a few touching songs from Slank. It has a calming tunes, but depressing lyrics. "Aku di sini/Oh sepi/Tempatku bukan di sini/Jakarta pagi ini" Yeah, right on!

10. Damien Rice - Lonelily
Beautiful tunes, soothing. I still haven't figured out what it's about though.

11. Duncan Sheik - Wishful Thinking
Another all-timer. I like the lyrics. Hit too close. "Will it ever be anything more than wishful thinking"

12. Hometown Heroes - Eighteen
Another senior year song. Another so-so, but still...

13. Aqualung - Strange & Beautiful
It's beautifully killing. The tunes, the lyrics...Kill, kill, kill!

14. Eve 6 - Here's To The Night
I used to think this song was a, well, cheap song. Not anymore. It's sad. "Don't let me let you go" *sob*

15. Ant & Dec - Falling
Ahahahah, I know. But I like those guys. And I particularly like this song, although it screams "corny" from every angle.

16. Victor Malloy - Boys Don't Cry
Yes, it's The Cure cover. But unlike the original version, this one isn't upbeat. In fact, it's so mellow, it'd be a bit hard not to cry.

17. Aqualung - Brighter Than Sunshine
After Strange and Beautiful, finally this guy gets his share of happiness. Simple but very, very sweet words! "Give me your hand and you will see/Your heart is keeping time with me"

18. Turin Brakes - Painkiller
Nice. Nothing significant, though.

19. David Gray - This Year's Love
Sweet lyrics, killing tunes. Good for those cold nights.

20. Beach Boys - Don't Worry Baby
Happy-go-lucky, retro, typical Beach Boys. But really, it can make you stop worrying about something. "Don't worry, baby/Everything will turn out alright"

21. Modest Mouse - Float On
Another calming and yet, keren song.

22. John Mayer - Gone
N*Sync cover. Supposed to be cool, but it's like, 95% of John babbling, and the singing is only 5%. Someone has to stop his mouth one day. Talking of which, have you seen him lately? His hair grows longer. Not good. Pity, he used to look so good.

23. Feist - Inside And Out
An old Beegees' song. I like Feist' voice better though. This is my current I-can't-stop-singing-it song.

24. Natasha Bedingfield - These Words
Ah ini baru aib! But I like it, it's one happy song. Besides, it reminds me of the time when I realized I was still capable of liking someone else other than...someone.

25. Alpha - Sometime Later
Sad. Sad. Sad. If I'm not mistaken, this is the soundtrack of My Life Without Me that I watched a few days ago. Don't know what it's about, point is, it's hidup segan mati tak mau kind of song.

I'm no expert in art, but I know I love Shan Michael Evan's. I hope he doesn't mind me putting one of his artwork and link here. I think this one is called, Confusion is a sad thing.

Ma Vie Sans Moi

I just watched this movie called My Life Without Me. Seriously, that is the saddest movie ever! A truly tearjerker. It tells a story about a woman who conceals her terminal illness to make the most of her dying days. This is embarassing, but there I was, crying my eyes out like a housewife who cries during those hallmark movies. Actually the movie is beautiful for those who like drama. Plus, I love Mark Ruffalo and of course Scott Speedman is always good to look at. However, trust me, when the sun is hiding behind the gray clouds and you're home alone without anything to do, I don't recommend this movie; especially if you're looking for something entertaining.

Anyway, after watching it, I came across this one question. No it's not the pitiful question of "Would anyone miss me when I die?", but,

What my life would be without me?

Would anything change? By "change" here, I meant something big. Not just my-room-would-be-vacant-without-me kind of change. Yeah, would anything change? Would anyone change? Like, would mom keep on staying in this house although it'd be too big for just a few people. Or would Nilam stay all day long at kansas without me to accompany her idle afternoon when her boyf is out gambling. And if I could know about my death beforehand, what would I do? What would I say to people? You know, death is one scary thing to face but it's an interesting issue to wonder about. It'd be so interesting to be able to look down on your life when you're not in it, huh? Not that I'm asking for it. I was going to write down the Things to do before I die list, but see, I already missed The Simpsons today and Picture Perfect is coming up on TV in about 15 minutes. I don't want to miss anymore good show on TV.

Hahah, listen to me, one couch potato slash TV addict. I hope I'm not dying soon.

Let's take a little walk back

Today in the History

2001 I got jealous from seeing Jefta's SMS for Palupi which had him asking if she wanted to be his girlfriend.

2004 I was busy thinking about the difference between love and obsession.

Blah. I don't actually have anything significant to post, that's why I went to my old journals for an entry (or some) to post. By the way, isn't it funny when you read something that happened years ago, like above. Jefta. Ahahah. The one who constantly made my day back then. Little did I know, he was the king of gombalisme.

Enough reminiscing, let's recap.

Friday to Saturday I stayed at Nandia's place in Sentul with some of my classmates. It supposed to be fun, but I was sick the 1st day I got there. I had this throbbing headache and there was no Panadol merah. Didit wasn't helping when he forgot to buy one at the mini market. So I gulped Neozep instead and it didn't help. So there I was, laying around all day with my eyes glued to the TV screen because I couldn't move my head without killing it slowly. By the time the drug kicked in, everyone was ready to go to sleep (some of them were already asleep!). Boo. The next day, very very early in the morning, everyone was ready to go home. Darn headache.

Yesterday I was supposed to call Ebonk to have my computer fixed. But I somehow forgot to call. Smart. Besides, I told him I'd be free saturday and he didn't call, so I assumed he had other thing to do. Speaking of him, he offered me and Pedhe to go to this beach--I can't remember what it's called, so that I wouldn't get upset about this Bali-is-off thing. I kind of turned down the offer, saying I'm not upset. Besides Bali was the beach I had in mind, not some other. But anyway, that was so nice of him, don't you think? Maybe it seems like nothing, but I think it was a supernice gesture and is worth-writing.

Chichi stayed over last night. Uw, I like having her around. Yesterday I helped her making pom-poms. Yes, it brought back the memory of aching fingers from cutting all those crepe papers. And earlier today she had this cheerleading competition to celebrate the oh-so-important event, Ulang Tahun Makro that is. Oh, I was so proud that she has grown to become a pompom-waving girl like I did xD I woke up early this morning to watch her perform. Then out of the blue mom said she had this important business to do first. Voila, I was late. Anyway, I miss my cheerleading days. Hahah. Back from Makro, Chichi and I secretly took pictures of ourselves wearing our cheerleader uniforms just for fun. Omaygad, it was awful. The red-purple combination? I can't believe I used to jump around in those colours. Plus, the skirt wouldn't fit me anymore! Conclusion made, I've made a new, flabby friend over the years called FAT.

Yawn. Me wanna watch TV. So, wait for more updates about my holiday which doesn't feel too much like one.

Summer rain, drifting down your face again,
Summer rain praying someone feels the same,
Take the painkiller, cycle on your bicycle
Leave all this misery behind
[Turin Brakes]

missing

I had lunch with Myra and Dhiska yesterday. They were my best friends back in elementary and junior high school. At first I was so reluctant to go because the meeting time was so early; plus, It's been a while, I was afraid we wouldn't have anything to talk about. But I went anyway, and it wasn't bad at all. It was very nice seeing them. We were catching up about everything and everyone we know. Seeing them made me want to see my other friends. Yeah, all in all I was glad I went to see them. If only Bune could come.

This afternoon, I went grocery shopping with Mom @ Hero PIM. Guess whom I ran into. Dad, with darling wife and Riri of course. We didn't have a decent hello-plus-mwahmwah. I & mom were on our way upstairs, they were on their way downstairs. So we just exchanged surprised looks, smiles, and waving hands. Of course, everyone was to proud to go after the other to say hi. Ugh, weird. Honestly, seeing them, I was a bit jealous and thinking, that should've been me. And mom. I haven't seen dad in a while, then *bam* there he was and I didn't even get a kiss from him. Darn.

Well, I guess sometimes you never realize how much you miss someone until you see them again.

Quick note

Lookie, new layout. Quite bright, huh? I think it'll be a nice change from my usual pitch black. I was thinking about making this blog public, but then I realized there are some things that are better kept to myself and maybe a reader or two.

Anyway.
The government make a new regulation, all TV broadcast should go off air at 1 am. Great. What should a nocturnal girl like me do in the wee hours then? Darn. Thank god tonight Cici stays over. I'm a bit jumpy these days, and Cici just told me a spooky story. Well, I have to go back to my convo with her. We have to talk some more to drown the ghost story. Dammit.

Today's irrelevant meaningful message:
Kuliahlah yang benar dan lancar!

Yeah.

Final Exam Week Syndrome

I have flu, that explains my runny nose and my nasal voice. My lips are all dry and chapped. The skin on my face is all peeled due to dr.titi's creams and it hurts so much my face is burning. I'm having my dear period. I sweat a lot but I feel cold. Eugh. Those among other things.

It's one of those days when I wish I had stayed in bed.

..my suicide rope..

=)

That's for the last few days that have been so pleasant.

=) =)

Those are for the fact that mr.dogol drove me home yesterday.

x) x) x)

Those are for the way mr.dogol waved bye to me this afternoon. Unsignificant and unimportant, but sweet.

I've wrote the whole, long story about lately earlier. But blogger.com messed up and lost a big part of my entry. So...For today, that's about it.

li'l note

For Ped and Roz, if you read this...
Thanks for the evening! I was missing you guys so much lately, sosomuchyoudontknowhowmuch, it hurt. Ahahah, noraknya gua memang. But that just the way it is. Senangnyaaaa gua jumpa dengan kaliaan!!! Lovya mwah-mwah deh!!!

Oya, Bun, I love you too! x)

Voodoo Girl

Her skin is white cloth
and she's all sewn apart
and she has many colored pins
sticking out of her heart.

She has a set
of hypno-disk eyes
the ones that she uses
to hypnotize guys.

She has many different zombies
who are deeply in her trance.
She even has a zombie
who was originally from France.



But she knows she has a curse on her,
a curse she cannot win.
For if someone gets
too close to her,

the pins stick farther in.



[taken from The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and other stories by Tim Burton]

But I'm feeling the pain of all these bags in the way
And I'm thinking you're just gonna run away
And I can't catch you
Oh, I want to catch you
[sixpence none the richer]

nagging and a bit narcissistic Q of the day

Why do you want the moon when you can get the brightest star around?

a rushed rush

let's fly
hit the sky line
of swirls and curls
of grass and wine

of beads, daisies, smokes,
of alcohol and jokes
of butterflies, your smile, my frown
whichever--stay, don't let me drown.

step 1 in stupidity

Infatuated.

Just because of one smile.

Stupid.

when you have nothing better to do

Step 1: Open your Winamp or other MP3 player.
Step 2: Put all of your music on random.
Step 3: Write down the first 25 songs it plays, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 4: Wait for complaints about the esoteric nature of your mp3s.

1. Slank - Terlalu Manis
One of Slank's best ones. Can't help thinking about a friend and her one moment in time ;p I personally don't have any sweet memory whatsoever nor anything more to say about this song. I just think it's that good for a local song.

2. Weezer - Keep Fishin' (demo)
Supernice. Just like other Weezer's songs. I love the video even more, with Kermit and Ms.Piggy and the rest of the gang. It's just the thought of you in love with someone else...

3. Coldplay - Moses
There are better days for these guys. But I do have one favorite line: "like moses had power over sea. so you've got a power over me."

4. The Cure - Cut Here (acoustic)
Good song, dunno what it's about. I also don't know the lyric. I just know the repetitive "I miss you" somewhere near the end, and the haw-inducing "if only is a wish too late". Interesting fact: Cut Here is an anagram for The Cure.

5. Travis - Writing to Reach You
I just listened to this song recently (I got these mp3 songs from Ebonk). Nice. Yeah, so-so. The common nature of Travis.

6. James Iha - No One's Gonna Hurt You
Also discovered this song just recently, but already, I love it. Sure, there might be a little lacking of creativity in the lyric dept, but it's nice to listen to it in the wee hours, when it's raining outside. My favorite.

7. Smashing Pumpkins - Today
Today is the greatest day I've ever known. Can't live for tomorrow, tomorrow's much too long. Dunno why it still reminds me of one of my unimportant "greatest days".

8. Pearl Jam - Better Man
One of the so-so good songs. However I loved this song so much back in elementary school...Or was it junior high?

9. Smashing Pumpkins - Farewell and Goodbye
I don't know this song. But it's slow and good enough for those merenung times. The title somehow intrigues me...So, I like it.

10. The Cure - Killing an Arab
I don't get the song and I don't like it either. And I know it's kinda racist, but the title cracks me up xD

11. Sixpence None the Richer - I Need Love
Time for guilty-pleasures-confession: I like some of their songs. Including this one. I even bought the soundtrack of the crappy Here on Earth to get this song.

12. Dewa 19 - Aku di Sini Untukmu
Like it. If you watch the video now, it'll definitely look crappy and cheap. But back in the days when I adored these guys, I enjoy watching the video. Tamara Blezinski looked great as always in it.

13. Radiohead - Let Down
A good song to listen to when I snuggle by myself beneath my blanket.

14. Weezer - o Girlfriend
It's okay. Reminds me of senior year and Oho. Random fact: I just found out that Weezer has a song called O Lisa? I definitely will make a song called O Slowdown ;D

15. Ben Folds Five - Bricks
I'm a sucker for this kind of song! The song that can make you go bengong and want to hug the pillow as tight as you can.

16. Third Eye Blind - Palm Reader
Although I claimed to be 3rd Eye Blind's fan, this is my 1st time listening to this song. Too upbeat-y. Don't like it.

17. Placebo - Ask for Answers
First time also. Not bad.

18. Counting Crows - Sullivan Street
Another 1st time. Nice. Liking the piano sound, and of course the voice of the vocalist (what his name, what his name?? Adam something..?). Really nice, seriously.

19. Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight, Tonight (reprise)
Did you see those lips playing the guitar at the prom? xD Hahah, sorry, can't help it. The song itself is beautiful and magical. However this version is less magical, but still..beautiful.

20. Muse - Muscle Museum
Pedhe introduced me to this song. I used to think that Muse is short for MUscle muSEum. Hahah. I love the intro so much and the "I don't want you to adore me, don't want you to ignore me".

21. Incubus - Are You In
I love this song. I love the video. I love Brandon Boyd in the video. And I love the "tsk tsk, ahh" part so much.

22. Oasis - Sunday Morning Call
I almost forgot about this song. Typical Oasis for me. I can like it so much sometimes, and I can get so bored with it some other times.

23. Dave Matthews Band - Space Between
Like I said, sucker for this kind of song! Better served with some rain outside.

24. Foo Fighters - Walking After You
Mellow. Just like I like it. Things just won't do without you, matter of fact.

25. Dewa - Kosong
I love and hate this song. I think it's been on my list of personal favorites for a tad too long.

-------------

Turns out, nothing that embarassing, huh? Thanks to Ebonk who supplied me with decently good songs.

you remain, turned away. turning further everyday.

The World Has Turned and Left Me Here

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place, an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face

I just made love with your sweet memory
One thousand times in my head
You said you loved it more than ever
You said

You remain, turned away
Turning further every day

I talked for hours to your wallet photograph
And you just listened
You laughed enchanted by my intellect
Or maybe you didn't

You remain, turned away
Turning further every day

Do you believe what I sing now?
[weezer]

I need my hair just like Samson did.

Helloo. Thought I'd write something here. Lessee...

I and Pedhe finally went to Bandung by train last thursday! By train! We survived. Hahaha. We got excited and got very norak on the train. Then there was Bandung. It was fun! Bangun, Ebonk, Ingga, boozeweedmushroom, karaoke lounge, bowling alley, stars, and city lights. It was all good. Too bad, the inevergohometojakarta lanky guy was indeed going back to Jakarta the day we arrived. Blaah. Anyway, we went back to Jakarta on saturday and we headed straight to Rosel's. Bune was already there, and we were having a sleepover. Days surrounded by loved ones. How nice.

Aside from above, I guess no more worth-telling stuff. Heck, worth-telling or not, I'm still gonna write it down.

I so miss my long hair!

I want my long hair back. I know back then it often looked like a mess and I ended up putting it in a ponytail, but...I miss having something falling on my shoulder. I miss having something flowy and girly. Ack. It'll be a long, long waiting to do.

Here, take a look.


See, something flowy..



Even these look girl-like



I didn't mind cutting it short



But how did it turn into these??!

I know when my hair does grow back, I'll have the urge to cut it short. But right now, I want my long hairrr!!! *whiny*

People...They always want what they don't have.

.the best days you can get.

*ahem* Don't mind that boozehead below.

I don't have the energy to recap the NYE. So I'll keep it nice and short. I tried to smoke a cigarette right when the year turned. I was singing with some people to Mugho's guitar-playing. I remember wearing a pair of really dark sunglasses around the house so I didn't have to deal with sunlight. Then there was the morning ice cream. I remeber feeling okay and having fun.

I remember NOT wanting to sleep, bcos I'll never know if in a year or two from now I'll still have the friends and fun I have right now. Really, you'll never know. So I tried to stay awake as long as I can, and I'm glad that I did.

I had fun. Time for new year's speech...PedBunRos, love you bcos you're always there from time to time. From one NYE to another. I know you probably had someplace else to go (Bun: Syarif's friend's party, Rosel:..er, home?); and I know I was acting selfish by whining so that I could have the 4 of us together by the big countdown. But hey, you'll never know. Better get together as often as we can while we still can.

For the rest of last night's guests, thanks for still coming. Thanks for being the most pleasant and lovely bunch of jokers a girl could have. Love you all! And that would be Ebonk, Bangun, Jaya, Mugho, Eblack, Syarif, Maria, Wahyu...Did I leave out someone? All in all, happy newy people!

-------------

"Dan aku .. ingin selalu kau sentuh
Karna kamu
Yang bisa menyelamatkanku
Cuma kamu
Yang mampu mengendalikan aku"
[slank] xD

..despite everything..

theres always someone there

but overall im happy, and gratful...ive survived, here's 2005. and everythings gonna be ok. they all say that. evrythings gonna be ok. believe in that. love you all. happy new year. i am okay! x)

2oo5~

here i am, NYE'05...in peds house with a spliff in my hand...hahaha...everyone is sleeping. the loves f my life is sleeping. bunepdross. my god. even syarif is too. maria and jaya doing whatever they do. dammit i cant think right now. shit. ive smoked like tons of spliffs, but i cant sleepp. dammit. cant stop smpoking,,,i hv to do something. anythinggg. everyoen cant sleeppp, i dont want them to. but i cant wake anyone. dmmitt, help me pleasee. pls save me. fuck you. fuckin save me! im tireddd.. it's 5 oclock and im stupid.

wait,ebonk bghn eblek and ...who2....ooo mugho are still awake. theyre playing cardss. damitt

you were here fuck you. you were fun. i wanna sleep but i cnt. happy new year bytheway people. love you all. ive been love you all since forver..time to go out.

plaYed cards just then. pls dont go people, no more.

let dowwn..thanks mr york for singing it.

..throwing useless memorabilia away..

I should be doing my assignment right now. But godknows I can only work under pressure. Since the pressure isn't high enough right now, so here I am, babbling. And oyeah, I can't open Friendster.com. That should be a good thing, but just like a car accident, you can't help checking it out everytime you can.

Anywayss...New year's eve is coming up. I (and the others) still haven't got the slightest fuck where we will be spending the evening. I guess it's just not the same when I (or my party planner partners) aren't directly involved. I miss the decision making, the last-minute preparation, and the ego-satisfying feeling knowing you & your posse own the party. But somehow I'm not in the mood for making efforts anymore.

...I had no idea the few weeks before NYE could be so boring.

I guess things are changing. That's another issue for me lately. Things are changing, some people aren't around anymore, and...yeah, those stuff. Damn people and their "own" lives. I can't think of any right now, but there are many reasons why I'm feeling like this. Like getting these hints to move on (from whatever that is), to let go and stop dreaming (of whatever that is). Damn, I can't believe now I'm trying to write my nagging thoughts down, my head goes blank. Maybe I'll be back when I have my thoughts sorted out. All I know is, things are just not as "lucu" as they used to.

"Looking back at sunsets on the Eastside
We lost track of the time
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things sat by so carelessly"
[the killers]

..I just know I'm so lonely..

I've been waiting for you to call me, been waiting for the time of my life
I just know I'm so lonely here without you...
I've been needing the truth to enlight me, been waiting in vain or in lies?
I just know I'm so lonely here without you...

Cause I'm ready to play now, love strikes, calling me back again
I'm ready to play now...
Cause I'm ready to play now, love strikes, calling me back again
I'm ready to play now...

Now I won't be waiting for you to to call me, not waiting for the rest of my life
Now I must let go of these feelings and make it without you
Now I won't be letting the doubt in to stall me, I just have to get on with my life
And hopefully soon I won't be thinkin about you

Cause I'm ready to play now, love strikes, calling me back again
I'm ready to play now...
Cause I'm ready to play now, love strikes, calling me back again
I'm ready to play now...

Dying here without you...

Think I was looking for trouble
Think I was looking for home in a foreign land
Think I was caught in a bubble
Now I think it's time to reach the right hand

[eskobar]

..this time when flashes come..

Hello, it's been another while huh? Here I am, back again in front of some sight-wrecking monitor, writing things. Nothing new since the last I came here. I'm still under the boredom attack which feels worse now. To make things even worse, my computer broke down and its connection to the internet...godknows what happens to it. *Fyi, now I'm at my mom's office.

Ugh! I feel like getting the hell out of here! Here where? Here, my life, these routines, these days...I'M BORED! Nothing's exactly wrong, but that's it--nothing exactly happens. Shouldn't this time of the year be the time when it gets full of festivity and joy? Now I feel anything but. It's like there's this big void inside..It's like my surroundings suddenly become empty and awfully quiet. Crap, I dunno.

Dammit! I feel like spitting these words out instead of smiles, but I can't. What is happening to me?? Owell, maybe it's just my over-dramatizing alter-ego takes over myself due to my hormonal imbalance with my period and all.

Can someone give me a lifetime supply of Prozac? If not, then, excpect to hear some more.

"Never going to reach my goal
I know ’cos I have been told
Never finding happiness
Eternally in unrest
This is where the love lies
I’ve seen to the other side
It’s always been just out of reach
Yeah but always just within my sight"
[ash]

sometimes a month is too long for a start

Been quite a while, huh? Due to some demand, here I am..writing in this blog once again. It's been..what, a month...since the last I let out some ramblings.

So, here goes,

On saturday the 6th, Oho, the girls and I held this "buka puasa angkatan" at Oho's apt. Going hectic on the last minutes, draining our wallets for a short-notice reservation fee, and inviting people, of course. However, somewhat predictably, the guests were only about a half of our invitation list. Well I guess you can't expect every single person to be "asik", can you? >=p But it was still great. I don't need the whole--quote unquote--angkatan to have fun. Plus, that was one more event that can be added to our resume as the so-called party-planners xD

Next, following Rosel, now all BunePedhe & I have turned 20. The big two-oh! However, despite my fear since forever...on the day I turned 20, I looked into the mirror, and it was still a pleasant view to see. It still is xD So I guess 20hood is okay. Quick recap on my birthday: Went to Dixie Kemang for dinner with the girls, Ebonk, Bangun and Gibond. Later that night, went for a dose of Starbucks in Citos (Ped's treat) and then Ingga came by. It was always hilariously fun being with those bunch. The girls, the loveable Ingga, BangunEbonk and their neverending cheap jokes, and even Gibond was behaving nicely. Thank God.

Finally, the latest "event" I've gone to is Anyer. As a closure for the very short Lebaran holiday, I agreed to go to Anyer (or was that Carita?) with the guys. The only girls who came were me & Pedhe. The line-up: Ebonk, Bangun, Gibond, Chirul, Jikun, Rhino, Andi, Jaya, and Ebonk's friend--Ikhsan. Despite me struggling to survive for 3 whole days with the kinda-ick bathroom there, it was a great holiday...Kinda. The upsides: the road trip in one car with PedBgnBonk. There never was a dull moment. Then I was taught to gamble. Hahah, you'll never know when you're gonna need this kind of ability, right? And then there was the booze. After what seemed like years not touching those bottles, I drank again there. It was good for a while; it was like it was my 1st time again xD However, here comes the downside: I got nausea (sp?) and I had to throw up in that icky bathroom. Ugh. My head was spinning all night and all through the morning. I dare to say that I won't touch booze again for at least...dunno, until NY's eve...? xp

Okay, there goes, the stories from this past 1 month. In betweens there were Bune & Rosel's birthday dinner (+coffee), Lebaran, and some more things.

-----------------------------

I now hang out more in my campus, although it's dead boring. And I don't wanna go home bcos it's even more boring...like a tomb! So voila, boredom attack. Somebody, please, take me out of heeeere! xP

"My shadow's only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone"
[green day]

our own beautiful chords

It's been a super-duper fun saturday night! But before I go into the details, I just want to say that this thing with ms.holier-than-thou really irritates me. So I'm not that forgiving, so can't we leave it at that? I somehow still find a way to get annoyed by her. A friend of mine kept telling and waiting for me to let my anger out and actually confront ms.holier-than-thou. Dammit, how I want that very much. But I'm not even in the mood! I'm mellowing down here. Yeah, whatever. Maybe this is the last time I write something about it here, because it's just not worth it.

Whoanyway, you know (or maybe you don't) how the girls and I had been planning to go karaoke-ing since like forever, but we never found the perfect time? Well, tonight we finally did! I kinda booked them (Bune & Rozelle, I mean) from what, 2 days ago, and they kept their promises! So off we went starting the night a little earlier than usual, since both Bune & Rozelle couldn't go home late. We went to Izzy Pizza at Deha first for dinner. Two pans of pizza with different toppings, iced lemon tea that kept getting refilled, and the girls...voila, I had a great QT. We talked about this and that. Things that you could never talk with anyone else, things that so unimportant no one else would listen; you know, the nothing-and-everything package. I'm still glad they're still here--my everything when everything else seems unreliable.

As soon as we were full, we headed straight to Nav at D'best. There was no empty room at first unless we were willing to wait for an hour or so. Thankfully, there was one available room at Nav 2. You know the rest, we sang at the top of our lungs, danced like nuts, and the whole package. We started the karaoke session with Tommy Page's "a shoulder to cry on". Can you find a more perfect cheesy song to sing with your best friends?? Then we went a bit overboard with the Backstreet Boys and N*Sync. We also went for the 90s rock (Bon Jovi's "always" and Guns N Roses' "paradise city"), corny local songs and of course we danced the dance of Macarena xD Oyeah, we also sang Duran Duran's "Ordinary World", and we made jokes on dedicating the song to some band that sang this song once (not Duran Duran ;p), imitating them, and dedicating the song for ourselves. How corny could we get?? But it was still hilarious! Lesson learned from tonight: none of us can sing. Our voice, it's either too high-pitched and squeaky OR throaty and flat xp

Apparently 2 hours fly that fast when you're karaokeing. I was tempted to ask for another hour, but of course there was Bune and her curfew. So we ended our night; not before taking some seriously cute pictures, surely!! Here, indulge yourself...


better work on that singing, girls!


karaoke queens

And when you need a shoulder to cry on
When you need a friend to rely on
When the whole world is gone
You won't be alone
I'll be there, I'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be there, I'll be your friend to rely on
When the whole world's gone
You won't be alone, 'cause I'll be there

brief note about brief period of fun

Went to GK this afternoon with the girls. Well, I went with Pedhe, and Bune was with Rosel. But still, we got together as soon as we got there. High school still felt kinda...homey this afternoon. Some people I know were there. Angga, Oho, Bapet, Bangun, Ebonk, Gibon, Maria, Tesar and his 2 angels, and some more. Still, the people weren't as many as they were last year. Even the dissing-target girls weren't as much. Shucks, there was only that self-promoted "ledom" to diss about. All in all, it was still great to be in that basketball court sitting and joking stupidly with your best friends. And looking at someone's hot...asset wasn't a bad thing either ;p

Afterwards the girls and I went to Tomodachi for dinner; with Ito and Maria joined us later on. I loved it when I was with the girls, sitting in some place nice, and talked about nothing and everything. Especially on a school night like this, meeting them is just priceless. I'll never get tired of saying this, girls, I love you and every time spent with you!! x) I wish I could just hold them and beg them NOT to go home and just run away to some place. Impossible, innit...? Oh well.

Um...Do I have more updates for today? Creo que no. So, see you when there's something worth-writing here; when something worth-writing does happen.

longing

My sister got married yesterday. It was interesting, tiring, in some way tacky, and I'm glad it's over. The girls came and we took pictures of us in kebaya. The last time we wore kebaya altogether was about 2 years ago, graduation day. We looked cute and all back then, and damn we looked beyond beautiful in yesterday's pics x)

Dad and Riri were there although my witchy-bitchy stepmom wasn't--which is good. I wouldn't normally do this, but my stepsister and I, we were kinda bonding. Well, I mean we talked about everything and we hung out together. I don't know if it'll last, but it was kinda fun. It was definitely something new. Anyway, before the reception started, when everyone was stressed over nothing, mom snapped at me for replying her bitching. And I was so upset I was on the verge of crying. Then suddenly my dad showed up in front of me, and when he saw me lips all trembling with glassy eyes, he gave me that soothing and calming look. And right then, I missed him so much! I mean, wouldn't it be great if he was around? I'd have someone else to turn to, mom wouldn't be alone, and lots of other possibilities. Oh well.

Anyhoo, here's an irrelevant side note: I just chatted with Agay on the MSN not too long ago. He said that some guys ("around 20", so I quote) were gathering in Bulungan on the 24th. When I asked who, he mentioned some names and then he forgot the rest and then he said he wanted to go offline. Shucks. No one significant was there, right? ...Right?

picture time!


need i say more?




dad and me




everyone, meet my younger sister

surrealm

This episode, on Days of My Life: Someone I know decides to move on, people in my house are moving out, I decide I don't want to deal with who-used-to-be the most dealable (shut up, that's a new word, I created it) person in my campus, I had a...well, nice dream about him last night and there's still that "nothing" that I keep dreading about. Here goes...

First one, someone I know is moving on (for this person, I wish you all the luck, hon). Then last friday (what was supposed to be Bat's birthday), no one gathered around in our old high school anymore. Point is, maybe everything about my oh-so-precious past is just merely...old high school memories. They're in the past now. I just have to deal with the fact that everything won't ever be the same again like the old time. They have to change, and maybe I have to try to...well, go out and explore the rest of the world more. Can't live in memories and dreams forever, right? Yea, anyway, that's just a brief thought.

Next, Tante Rika was getting married again last week and she moves out to her new house with his husband. Fine by me. But Khesia and Archie have to go with her too. Well, they haven't moved out yet, but they have to soon. My sister is getting married in 2 days and soon she'll be out of the house too. And then Tante Danti is moving out to her new apartment sometime after Lebaran. Let's discuss the predicted aftermath. No more Khesia and Archie means no more switching-swapping-lending-and-borrowing clothes. It also means no more people to talk to, to joke around with, to diss parents with, and plainly no more good distraction. Next one, without my sister around, that means it's up to me to take care of Brownie. And as much as I love dogs, as I love mine, I don't do good in taking care of pets for a long-term. I can always ask mbak Iim for help, but I can't bear Brownie's sad eyes when no one is around to play with him. Lastly, with tante Danti out, then no more single woman staying at home accompanying another single woman--my mom. Mom would probably make it hard for me to go out often when the house is practically empty. Damn. Wasn't I the one who want to get out from here since the elementary school? Now I'm the one who's still here. ...Damn.

About that person whom I fought with not too long ago. I know she said sorry, and she claimed her outburst was just a temporary-insanity thingy, and all. But I don't wanna handle any situation like that anymore. I'm not the forgive-and-forget type of person. Hate you once, and I'll feel weird with you forever. I happen to know that she feels lonely, and I happen to know all about being lonely. But I guess she just has to deal with it, bcos I can't deal with her anymore. Could you be more unforgiving, Run?

Finally, about the guy. One of you may already know that I feel nothing the last time I saw him (how you can guess, I still don't know). I'm still curious about this "nothing". Is it really nothing? Will it last? Is it good or not? Should I be glad? Bcos it's really a drastic change in just what, a few weeks? What used to be the head-over-heels giddy, now is just a-lil-giddy-that's-over-once-I-don't-see-him giddy. What used to be a blind rage of jealousy, now is just plainly "ow, lucky her" brief state of mind. Isn't that weird? All these months, tears, smiles, and all for nothing? Pedhe said I should wait til the next time I see him. And I thought I would (see him, that is) sometime on the 24th of September; but no, I didn't. Curious, curious, curious. What does this mean?!

Speaking of the guy, I had a dream about him last night. It was interesting and nice all the way...I mean, altogether. Heheh. Yep, suddenly when I'm swarming with nothing, bang, he popped up. Well, that's just a tad newsflash bcos let me tell you, this dream is fuckin' interesting! Hell yeah. The nothing is still nothing, but there's a brand new sense of lust here xp

There you go...a bit of the everything-and-nothing of me lately.

"Guess I'm stuck in a dream
Surrounded by colored leaves on the ground
As I stare at the trees I see one fall down in my hand
As I start to explore I can't ignore a man
He turns his head around
His face was all worn by the sun

I'm going out for a while
So I can get high with my friends, I will
I'm going out for a while
Don't wait up cause I won't be home
Today...

Drifting down a road
Losing myself in a dream
Feel my hands getting cold
Sat in a boat on a lake

Climbing up trying my best
As I sink
Climbing up trying my best
As I sink again

Lying back on the floor
Reaching up high into space
See myself in a glass
I'm counting the lines on my face
Again
I'm counting the lines on my face
Again..."
[feeder]

quick note

New address, people. Um, what people? There's only like, one person who reads this. Long story made short: Sindro went ballistic over my little confession about the last saturday night. Not wanting to deal with objected people, I changed the address. Now she's shutting down her blog too, saying sorry and stuff. Whatthehell...

Anyway, maybe there's more to write here, but not tonight. Tomorrow maybe. Or even, when this September finally ends. Au revoir!

I envy people who smoke. They have something to suck when they feel like sucking. When I suck, I just suck.

ditch my work? sounds like F-U-N!

o1. IKMI's gathering ~ check
o2. Rika's wedding ~ uncheck
o3. Riva's wedding ~ uncheck

I finally went to puncak for the gathering--or rather, initation--from friday until yesterday. I took a ride in Monik's car with Memmy and Yasmine. As soon as we got there, well, you know the story...Oblivious freshemen got yelled, usually-nice seniors went bad (hellow, Nand and Mon :p), and me? I still felt stupid trying to yell uncontrollably to those freshmen.

It wasn't that bad actually if it wasn't for this nagging, tears-inducing feeling like I didn't belong. Yep, I got homesick very, very frequently. And that was only the 1st day. I didn't get to sleep until like, 2 am, sunday morning and I had to wake up at 3 or so. It was so FUCKIN' cold, I wore 2-3 jackets at once. I had to sleep on the floor with this torn our carpet. I had people asking me to go downstairs 2 secs before I fell asleep upstairs, and when I got downstairs, this girl with her annoying voice kept telling me to sleep upstairs bcos of this and that. It was FRUSTRATING! I ended up crying myself to my barely-2-hour-long sleep. There goes my confession of the week.

By the 2nd day, Pedhe, Bangun, Bune and Syarif came by to visit. I wanted to go with them so much, I lied and ditched the initiation. I felt bad, I really did. But hey, it's over anyway, right? Well, for those of you who kept asking me where I had been saturday night, here goes...

We went to KFC near the villa, and then to Taman Safari. We took the night safari. I had been wanting to do that since forever, and we finally did! It had been ages since the last I went there, so I got very excited like a 5-year old. I think Pedhe & Bune did too. We were taking stupid pics and laughing our asses off. It was definitely fun! When we took the safari bus, we were actually psyched seeing those animals upclose. Those tigers are cute! Then, when we almost got out of the jungle, the bus driver suddenly went mad with his driving. He turned left and right due to the curvy road in a crazy speed, in the dark, with this animal-and bomb sounds playing. It was lame, but it was hilarious!

After the safari ride, we went to the theme park and tried some of the rides there. The coaster, the not-so-crazy "crazy plane", the ferris wheel. Lame, lame, lame, but it was definitely more fun than staying in the villa. Oyeah, Ped & I took a short ride on the camel. Hahah, we were so scared we looked like a couple of morons. Lastly, there were this baby tiger (2 months old, I think) and an orangutan. They were so tamed and cute, we all had our pictures taken with them. Love 'em!!! x)

As it was getting late, we were getting hungry. So up we went to one of those warungs in Puncak Pas. It was cold also, but at least I got to eat Poffertjes and drink something aside from water and hot tea (no offense people :p). Afterwards, despite Sind's texts (sorry, Sind), I agreed to go to history dept's initiation. I only knew Baralig, Gibond, and Dion there. But it was still comfy. The longer I stayed there, the more I wanted to stay. Besides the usual coffee-and-tea, they served chocolate milk! That wasn't all, there was also booze. For guests! Though I didn't touch them, inspite of me trying to cut down my dose of booze. However, there were spliffs of weed. Finally! I was hoping Bangun'd bring them (which he didn't), who knew Gibond had some with him?

However, a while after midnight, I had to go back to the english' villa. I hate the way I had to drag PedBunBangSyar along to "another planet" so Bangun called. The thing I hate most, when I came back to the villa, no one actually needed me. No one asked me to do something. I think they need me bcos they always panicked whenever they felt short-handed. Except for looking for the emergency lamp, I wasn't doing anything productive. I was practically sleeping unaffected by the noise all through the trial (don't blame me, the weeds are good). I just went here and there during the brainwash session. I just tried to hold back the freshmen when they were rebelling. And yet, the show went on succesfully, just like what everyone hoped for. Come to think of it, I should've agreed when Bune advised me to stay at the sejarah's initiation.

Well, every good thing must come to an end, right? On the bright side, I have a ride home by sunday ;)

[Few messages for people]
Pedhe, Bune, Bangun, Syarif: Super duper thanks times thousands for taking me away in an unconventional saturday night. And thanks for the company and the ride home.
English 2oo2 class: I apologize for ditching you guys, but I'm not sorry.
Yos: I hate you, bitch, bitch, bitch! I know I'm not in the place to say this, but you are useless, even more than I am. I never saw you keeping your promises or even helping me with stuff up there!

[Picture Time!!]

one of the stupid pics we took


notice Pedhe's too-tight grip to my neck?


he couldn't keep still, but he still the cutest thing alive!


macannnn! ;)

stupid, happy and numb

Here it is...Fifth semester. So far so good, and I hope it'll stay that way. Here's a bit recap;

Let's talk about academic stuff, shall we? Because of one thing and another, I can't take Spanish this term. There goes my excitement for this semester out of the window. However I take French. Despite the hard-to-pronounce words and me keep forgetting what means what, I think it'll be a fun class. I haven't learned much yet. So far it's still about bonjour, commentallez-vous, and vous appelez-vous?. Yea, wait for more mind-boggling french words here, people. I also take Romantic and Gothic Lit class this term. It's an interesting class, but it's kinda ahead of my year. So I'm afraid I'll be like, the stupid donkey in this class. Yknow, the one who don't have anything to say bcos I haven't figured out just yet what this class is all about. Enough about classes, considering I can't find another exciting one to tell.

About life, lately

On monday I saw this guy I know. And for the next few hours, I kept thinking about him. Not that I like him or something. I just did. Ugh, I don't know, I can't explain it now bcos I cant even remember what I felt. Hahahah, sooo stupid. And for a while, I was afraid of the possibility of me liking this guy. Well, yea, there's always that possibility with me and any guy. I mean, no more liking the guy that I don't wanna like. I don't want any more "lupakan dong, itu kesalahan. knapa gua bisa suka dia dulu??" to my friends, and some sort. However, I don't need to worry about that anymore. I saw that guy again today, and I was like...what the hell was I thinking?? And no zsa zsa zsu whatsoever (not that I had zsa zsa zsu when I saw him on monday), no nothing. Okay, Run, no more coffee on the 1st day of school and right before seeing some familiar face (I'm a sucker for familiarity).

Moving on. Just when I thought I couldn't hate my campus more...Now it's overloaded with people. The number of freshmen is beyond massive. When they said "sea of people" I think they had my campus on their mind. Empty table in the caf is almost impossible, people are everywhere, standing in the way & crowding every space they can find, holy bananas, it SUCKS! So, on the lunchbreak today, Nandia had enough and asked us to go to another cafetaria with her. When I asked which one, she said Teknik. As always, there I was, torn between 'to go or 'not to'. But this time I didn't have any time to hesitate bcos Nandia, Imel and Tisam were already walking to Nand's car; so I followed them, still with no mind made up. Before I knew it, we already parked on FT's parking lot. Owkay, what do I have to lose, besides being in a place that I never feel comfy at, right?

Whoa, turned out, that caf was just as crowded as mine. We were lucky we found an empty table in the center section of the caf. We usually chose the back one, near the lake, but the tables were all taken. There I was, glancing to every direction, barely concentrating on what my friends were saying. But I didn't see him. That is, until Imel was back from the musholla and I had to slide slightly on my seat so that Imel could sit. That's when I glanced forward, and there he was. A nice, familiar face among the sea of irritating-looking strangers. He was metres away, but I could see him clearly. I couldn't get close to talk to him bcos his table was the one on the back. I had no reason to go there unless I was running some fashion show where I could walk back and forth without any clear point in doing so. That's okay tho...because as unusual as it was for me, I actually feel...content. It felt comfy this afternoon, gazing at him from that distance without any evil butterflies telling me nasty paranoia-inducing stuff. I'm glad :)

"And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you but I don't know how"
[oasis]

"..we were sure we'd never see an end to it all.."

Another new layout. I hope Kopral won't ever come across this blog and recognize his own face behind the question mark. Heheh. This blog thingy is getting fun. Just yesterday I participated in making Ped's new layout. It turned out really great!

NEWSFLASH: School in 2 days, people! Blaaaah! Sucks! Dear people, my heart is in a great pain thinking this is the end of this holiday xP I just wish this is an easy semester. Like the third one. No? Okay...

Spent this last holiday night at Rosel's with Pedhe. Too bad Bune didn't come, she wasn't feeling very well and she refused to come home later than 10.00 pm. Yeaa, rrighht. Anyhoo, we were watching the Indonesian Idol final on TV and just laying around in mas Ramon's room. I like it, I always felt comfy everytime we had that--sort of--"girl's night in". Later on, Pedhe craved the delicious mussel gratin at Dixie; so, off we went. Again, too bad Rosel couldn't come. She has to wake up in about an hour from now. For what, people? For that ospek thingy. Makes me hate my uni more and more.

So there we were, just me & Pedhe, at Dixie, kemang. I don't know where the hell everyone was. Well, I know actually. Maria, Ebonk, Tesar, and some other people I know went to see a movie at Taman Ismail Marzuki. Maria asked us surely, but the meeting time was 05.00 pm. Of course we passed up. Angga had this premiere for Utopia at his house. Bangun...I think he's already in bandung now. Yea, point is, it was kinda quiet. However, there was Oho coming into Dixie. But he brought his girl friend, so I thought there'd be only a small chat with him and he'd sat on another table. Turned out, they were joining us. Oho is always a pleasant company, but a stranger? Awkward attack xP Well, you know the rest...Ho-hum.

That's about it for my saturday night. As soon as I got home, I had another late-night-narcissistic-picture-taking; haven't done that for a while. And now I'm back in front of my computer, bcos I don't want to get some sleep. I'm trying to--in a way--postpone the arrival of the end of this holiday. Yea, I know it's impossible. I don't want sunday to come. Again, I know it's here already.

That, however, brings me to another wondering of mine: What's with sunday? I mean, I hate it. I know some people who hate it. There's just this bad aura with sundays. It's like, I don't know, it's hard to explain. Sunday just screams jaded. Why is that, people? Anyone of you feel the same? Do you know why?

That's it from moi. Good night, people. And goodbye, holiday.

"take me back to the other place
take me back when im alone
i can see all the little things that once could make me whole"
[longwave]

sunday night b i t t e r n e s s

Last night I & Pedhe went to citos to meet Angga and Oho. Turned out, there were also Ebonk, Tesar and Reno. So we all went to Brew and Co. for some drinks. Not too long afterwards, we were just getting comfy with our asses on the sofa, when suddenly the lights went off and the waiter said that we had to go bcos they were closing. Too bad. It's been a while since I sat over some drinks with people other than BangunEbonkAngga (if you ever come across this, no offense, guys! x)). And last night, Tesar and Reno were at their best selves. They actually produced some words, and one in particular even said 'hi' first--to each of us. Big progress, boys! xD However, yeah, the night didn't last long. Everyone was heading home.

Fortunately, the 'home' i was heading to is Ped's. Yep, I stayed over from friday until this afternoon. Big thanks Ped, for letting me stay over. Really, thanks. It was nice to have a company 24/7. Well, not 24/7 exactly...More like 24/3 or 24/2,5...Yea, whichever, yknow what I mean.

Yeah, and surely, like every other good thing, it ends. Here I am, alone in front of this stupid computer, writing a bunch of lonely words, hoping to get at least a little bit sleepy. Unable to explain why, I'm not feeling my best right now. If only I know who's to blame besides the quiet and cold night air. And then with school coming up in a week. It means no more waking up at o1oo pm, no more laying around all day, no more mall-hopping (yea, I'm a mall hopper, so what?)...Au contraire, it means hello dirty campus, hello nerve-breaking assignment, hello people telling me what to do, and hello annoying. Frustrating.

Well well, lookie, I thought I'd put an interesting, long entry tonight. Guess not. Things never feel right when you're left alone, right?

party/sex

Hellow, I just got home from Dinda's bash at the Little Bagdhad. It was fun seeing high school seniors in a sweet-17 party. Reminded me of those high school days. Yea, yea, yea, by now, you must be beyond bored with my fascination toward my high school times. Anyways, the fab four was in a full formation, plus there were Ebonk, Kacank, Bangun, Angga, and Oho. So, it was nice, considering usually I had to choose between the girls, or the guys. Oyeah, there was Hilman...and someone was reminded of certain someonee. Cute! Then of course I could never say no to shisha. I enjoy getting my brain turned into smoke and feeling all light-headed. Hahah. Oyeaah, there were balloons!! I and the girls brought our own balloons to the party. Hahah, we're at least 3 years older than the other kids, yet we were the only ones whose wrists had baloons tied up to them. Aaaand, of course we tried the helium trick. It's not as easy as I thought. It was like, 5 balloons for every 5 or 6 squeaky words. Surely, when we did manage to produce the chipmunk's voice, it was hilarious!! Yeah, all in all, it was nice. So girlsss, start thinking about our birthday plan! If it's not this year, well then, next year x)

[curiousity]
Not too long ago, there was 40 Days and 40 Nights on starmovies. And I watched it for like, the gazillionth time. Crappy, I know. But hey, Mr.Hartnett...Should I say more? Besides, I love the scene with the orchids. I think it's beautiful, in a way. Then it gets me thinking...When you're with this relatively "the right person" and add a little imagination, can this person gets you off without touching you and with a stem of orchids instead?? Cool. Then, there's another curiosity I get after seeing the movie. How many times a day do guys need to walk their dogs? I mean, in average. Does everyone I know do that in a daily basis? Even those guys who seem to be a holier-than-thou goody-goody virgin? Hahahah, some of you might be making weird faces right now, thinking, can't this girl find a more intellect topic to be curious about? Well, not now. Oyeah, this is irrelevant to Mr.Hartnett sex-related movie, but while we're on the subject, I'm also wondering, can people really get the big 'O' in their dreams? Heheheh.

However, people, don't bother yourself with this curiousity of mine. I just have the urge to share this with the whole world. Now, it's time to get lost in your mind...and here's a perfect song to go with it,

"two-minute hailstorm then melts into rain
sing me a rainbow it's sunny again
swallows overhead while the traffic snarls below
could I, could I keep dreaming for a little while longer

hope I'll never wake
when I'm thinking about you
so that you know - I never want to wake
cos now I'm thinking about you "
[the sundays]

Life, lately...

Urgh, my comp is getting more and more unbelievable each time. So, since only god knows when my computer is going to crash (which most likely is soon) and I may not be able to update this blog in a while, I think I'll write something here while I can.

Went to campus on wednesday and thursday for...I don't know, really. Still, I haven't liked the atmosphere of it. Thankgod for Bune; practically everyone knows that I always steal her away from her friends and her works just so that she can accompany me. Heheh. Anyhoo, the class registration thingy's coming up. So, expect some whiny rants about how hectic it will be for me next week. By the way, I think I'll take Spanish class this semester. Should be interesting, I just hope my lazy ass won't get in the way.

[today's dose of stupidity]
Have you ever had so many secrets that even your journals and your closest friends aren't enough to keep it? Let's say, that your secret is...acting beyond stupid and then dissing people with some names-mentioning. And than not being able to keep it to yourself (or your posse), you have to tape it with a DV. Yup, I've done that. Lotsa times, in fact, knowing that no one can get their hands on those tapes. Well, shit happens. Long-story-made-short: one of those filled-with-sides-of-me-that-people-don't-know-yet tapes is somewhere across the sea at this very moment. Hahahahah, I thought things like this could only happen in the movie. Not too long ago, I panicked like hell. However, a few things have been done, and if everything works well, that tape is on the way to Jakarta tomorrow. Amen. Still, I can't sit still.

Mmm, okay, what else...what else..
Oyeah, I'm going to someone's sweet 17 party tomorrow. Should be fun, since I can never go back to mine. Heheh.

Owkay, that's about it. No more materials for the updating. Sooo, see yaa! x)


"listen to the waves..
everything communicates..
will it ever be anything more than
wishful thinking"
[duncan sheik]

Perrrfect

Last night, Pedhe & Bune came over and rescued me from a boring family event. And then we went to Rosel's.

My point is...I met him yesterday. And at night, I met all PedBunRoz. Thankyouuuuu God!! What a fine way to spend a saturday....May there be more days like yesterday x)

The not-yet-5th-semester breakdown

I woke up at 6 today, after sleeping for like 3 hours or less. And I went to campus for the english gathering thingy. Like I predicted, it took a long time to get started and even with a longer lunch break. Being there felt like an eternity in hell! Then I was chosen to be one of the PJs as in 'Penanggung Jawab' for one of the events. And people told me that it was just a piece of cake, but still, don't they know that me and responsible don't go well together. Good idea in choosing me, guys!! x6 And people know I hate responsibility. I hate that pressure you know, okay Run, you're a blahblahblah, and your job is blahblahblah. Creeping me out!! Not to mention tomorrow I've to wake up as early as today, and then go all the way to depok again to hear people debating one another and talking the same stuff over and over and over again.

However, things weren't that bad today. I mean I got to see some friends (a very few, yeah people, force me to come, while yourself manage to find reasons not to come). But still, I got that I-wanna-go-home feeling. I wasn't feeling comfortable staying that long in campus and talking to people. My gooood, I could just breakdown and scream or cry or whatever right there! No offense people, I still feel like I don't belong. And I don't feel like going back to campus right now..

Huhuh, I know I'm complaining here...And god knows I hate myself when complaining. But I just need to get this crap out. That's okay, right?

Here's a taste of an amateur blogger.

New layout, people. Spent so many wee hours to find a skin that won't clash with the fuckin ad-banner. Found one, and I changed the image into my own personal (I know it's just a bunch of words, but still..give me a li'l credit here). And I know it's getting harder to read my entries; yknow, with the itsy-bitsy font size and blurry words on the background, not to mention the 'get high. dream. fuck' ones that aren't blurry. But you readers (a very few of you), stay loyal! I'll change the layout as soon as I find a better one. Remember, comments are always appreciated... ;)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna sleep and make up for these past few days.

Li'l lesson from Mr.Mayer

"When you first meet somebody, you find out they like you first of all. A friend of a friend of theirs says he/she really really likes you and it floors you, kills you, sends you to the ground. You gotta pick yourself up off the ground and then you get their phone number and you call them up right and you say, "Yeah that was a great conversation, can I see you sometime?" And then they say this, they say, "I'd like that" And "I'd like that" makes you fall on the floor again. Your heart is about to stop because of "I'd like that". Nothing feels better than "I'd like that". So now,your blood pressure's goin'. You're six feet off the ground. You can't sleep because of "I'd like that". So then you hang out for a while and you call and you talk on the phone all the time and then you drop the bomb or what feels like the bomb.You say, "You know what? I've been thinkin about you a lot". And she goes "Haaaaugh!" And you go "What happened?" and she goes "I'm sorry. I just. I just. I just. That's...I've been thinking about you too". BAM! Higher into the sky. But now, "I'd like that"? Done! Now you're up to "I'm thinking about you".

Then, however number of months pass, it makes you feel comfortable saying it, you say "I gotta tell you something". They go "What?". You go, "I'm in love with you". And nothing in the world sounds better than "I'm in love with you". And then maybe she starts crying or maybe she goes "Huuuugh!" And then all of a sudden you're like, "I'm in". But now, what doesn't work? "I'd like that" and "I've been thinking about you". Now we're at "I'm in love with you". Then maybe someday we move up to "I love you". Fastforward, now you're like "I love you a lot. I love you more than anything in life". Now "I love you" doesn't work. It's a threshold. It keeps moving up.

Fastforward like six months, six weeks, whatever the case may be. Now you're on like, "I wanna marry you. I wanna impregnate you with my love. I wanna- I wanna just send my love to you. Damnit! Words don't work anymore!" And then you say this line and you know- you know you've used this line before. "I just wish they'd put a new word in the dictionary bigger than love, cos love just doesn't describe what I feel". And so then, now he or she starts asking "Do you love me?" And you start going, "Of course I love you". Well say it!" And then it becomes "Say it twice" and they go "Say it three times". And then, you cross a really interesting point, where all of a sudden it becomes "I hate you. I hate you". And you go "Oh my God, she hates me". And now it's "I hate you more than anything!" And then it's like "We're over!" And they're like "No, we're not!" And you go "Yes we are!"

And now the words completely do not work at all. You're left with nothing. You're throwing punches under water. You're done! You know what the moral lesson of this story is--if there is one?

Never ever, ever, ever underestimate the power of "I'd like that.""

[John. Taken from Any Given Thursday concert]

Mengejar Matahari? I already have three of them here xD

Persahabatan adalah setiap detik yang dilalui
adalah hidup...adalah berlari...
..mengejar matahari..

Hahahah. I just watch the movie with the girls. Mengejar Matahari, yknow. Yes, so I went with my 3 best friends to watch some local movie about friendship between four guys. So sue us for being corny. The movie was good! I mean, finally, a local movie with some quality. And the fact that two of the actors are good-looking gives a plus point ;) I and the girls went ga-ga over those guys. Okay, I hate to admit that I go crazy over some local stars; but Fedi Nuril is cute. And Fauzi Baadilla is just an epitome of a manly man...Heheh. We were being kinda noisy back in the cinema, gushing over the guys, and of course, crying our eyes out! xD Rosel didn't cry at all though, she already knew how the ending would be. Rosel and...wait, only Rosel who didn't cry. Hahah, do the math, people!! ;D The movie has a good story, yknow, friendship and all. You'll be surprised at how much we can relate to the movie. Some things remind me of my own friendship, right, girls? ;p Well, thank god we live a better life than those guys. I'm glad we're all still alive today and none of us is going to jail for killing someone. I still want the four of us to hang out together for a long, long time.

By the way, you know when was the last time I went to watch a movie before this with the girls? All three of them?? December 2nd 2002!! Sick. However, it was nice going to a movie with them again. Definitely should do this more often, girls! Come on, when you all have become succesful, you'll be too busy to go on our supposedly-biweekly gathering. Okay, so none of you will be stabbed by some preman and none of you will be arrested for shooting people in the head. But maybe, some of you will be busy with your book's deadline, your multi-millionaire company, or maybe, some of you will be busy walking around in Amsterdam. Sooo, why don't we see each other as often as we can now...while we can. Seriously, I love each time spent with you girls! We rule, you know xD Yeah, keep on babbling about this friendship thing, Run. No one read this except maybe for pig #2 xp

*From another note: Remember the rainbow I keep looking for (or waiting for)? Well, it's just a beautiful thing with its beautiful colours that I can't guarantee to stick around infinitely. So, all I'm saying is, thank god I already have the sun here with me...times three x)

Hahah, that friggin movie has managed to bring out the corny side of me!

..us, aug 2nd '04..

"..i would drop my life to take her place.."

Hellow, readers! Relax, no heavy stuff for tonight. Just wanna write something...

Lessee, I just bought new pair of glasses today. Everyone, say hello to the queen of geeks! 8-)
I don't know if I'll wear it in public. Maybe I will. Maybe it'll be fun to go outside the house looking like a...well, geek. Maybe these glasses can hide me from the world...apaaaa siiiih, Ruuun. Well you know, at times when you don't want to deal with anything, when you just wanna hide those eyes from being read. Or when they get teary. Or maybe when you just wanna hide them bcos no one is around to look into them anyway...Well, you know.

Yea, anyway...*I have no idea what I'm talking about*

Last night I & Pedhe went to Bangun's. There was Hilman and he was hilarious. I don't know...He has this dorky stupidity in him. It's nice when you have an amusement like him around, yknow. Bangun's wasn't as crowded as usual, though. In fact, it wasn't crowded at all...it was...quiet. Calming, peaceful, but not yet comforting. It was nice having weeds practically coming out of my ears though. Wish I could smoke weeds like, everyday and then just easily go to sleep. O yeah, speaking of which (of what, actually :p), you know what I miss? I miss being drunk and the stupidity of it...yknow, being a handful 5-year-old to people. Like the 1st time I touched booze, or when I was being an ass to my classmates in Puncak, or those NY's eves. I miss me running around, jumping around and just being overly active. Hahah, can't wait for the next NY's eve, I guess.

Anyways, tomorrow I'll catch some movie with the girls. Wee-hoo! x) Of course, after Bune's back from her course, and Rozelle from her short-semester classes, and Pedhe from her campus. Eeeek, I'm the only loser who'll still be sleeping at 12 pm tomorrow! xD Hahah, guess the hols is almost over, huh. It's obviously over if you look at my contact list on msn, there are only 2 people who are online! Lany and Dita. Yeah, like I have something to talk about with them.

Okay, I run out of craps to say. If there's some more, I'll be back!

"For when you find yourself
Pinned under her demands
I am still an option that you have

So carry me around
Like a picture in your purse
Pull me out when things are at their worst

You can show up at my house
Completely unannounced
We'll have that movie kiss we talked about

Where there are no words
Just a soft and gentle score
Our ears will ring from all the strings

We'll let the screen go black
And watch the credits run
And see the names of everyone

Who we ever met
And who we ever missed
Each one had a role in this

It's just another film that won't get made
I'm sick of seeing you cry"
[her space holiday]

Love this song. Sindrow just sent it to me tonight...Already, I love it. I didn't write all the lyrics down though. By the way, can I rephrase the last sentence into 'wanting to' instead of 'seeing you'?